And in Time...

by Jettie Woodruff

  Alexis—It’s too soon to be excited.

  Bernie—That’s a copout. You’re always trying to set yourself up for the disappointment instead of permitting the happiness. You’re having a baby!!!!

  Alexis—Forget it. You don’t understand.

  Bernie—I do, Lex. I was there. I do understand. It happened, it wasn’t your fault, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Be happy for this baby. Be happy with Cory.

  Alexis—Where are you?

  Bernie—Stop circumventing your happiness. I’m at the County Line, but don’t worry, Mom. Travis is with me. I’m not driving.

  Alexis—I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Be safe.

  Bernie—Send me pics! But not on your phone. Use Cory’s. Yours sucks.

  Bernie—Oh, Lex.

  Alexis—???

  Bernie—You should probably change your ringtone, especially if you’re going to be around Cory’s family.

  Alexis—I hate you. <3

  Alexis pulled the blanket tighter around her arms and audibly sighed. Looking down the street of city buildings was like being in space. She was so far out of her realm, she didn’t know which way to look. She sighed again, sliding her hand to her baby belly.

  “I’m sorry, little baby. I’m trying, I really am.”

  “Lex?”

  Alexis’s head jerked to the side and she wondered why she felt like she’d just got caught doing something wrong. “Cory!”

  “You okay?”

  “Yes, I’m fine. I couldn’t sleep. You should put some clothes on.”

  Cory laughed and walked toward her, wearing nothing but his boxer-briefs. “Share your blanket.” He slid into the chase lounge with her, and she snuggled in his arms.

  Alexis wrapped her bare leg around his waist. “We can go to bed.”

  “Talk to me.”

  “I don’t want to.”

  “Please. What did you mean? What you said?”

  “I’m trying to be happy for us, Cory. I swear I am.”

  “I know. Is it because of your miscarriage?”

  Alexis took the same audible breath that had become a permanent part of her life lately. “I don’t feel like it was a miscarriage. It was more than that.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  “It’s not a pretty story.”

  “You puked in my hand. I can handle it.”

  Alexis blew out a puff of air and kissed his bare chest. “That was your fault.”

  “Not really, I just said give me the gum. What are you afraid of, Lex?”

  Alexis moved, positioning herself to see the magical lights and bared all. “I’m afraid of losing it.”

  “You’re almost out of the woods, baby. Second trimester is right around the corner.”

  “That’s not true. You can lose a baby in your second trimester.”

  “Yes, but it’s not likely. How far along were you?”

  “Fifteen weeks.”

  “Tell me what happened.”

  “I was at the studio with Bernie. Before it was a studio. We were working, cleaning up, and singing to Eminem, going on like any other day. I was on cloud nine, happy as I could possibly be. The whole world was at my fingertips. I had a wedding to plan. Mitch was coming home in a couple of days, and I was working on my very own studio. I was on top of the world.

  “Nothing was going on, everything was fine and then it wasn’t. You’ve never met her, but one of our friends from school is also a doctor. She’s a midwife in Bradford. It wasn’t even my idea. Jess had just gotten this sonic thing that she could listen to the heartbeat and she wanted to try it out on me. Of course, I said yes. Hearing his little heartbeat was the most beautiful sound in the world to me. Only she couldn’t hear it. She said he was probably burrowed deep, taking a nap. Her and Bernie both told me I was being silly and I needed to chill out. I’d just seen him bouncing around on a monitor a couple of days before that. I didn’t have any pain, no blood, nothing, but I still worried.

  “When I called Jess again the next day to come and try again she did, and again, nothing. For twenty-five minutes, Jess tried to find a heartbeat. She blamed it on a faulty Doppler and assured me she was getting her money back. I had no other signs and she tried to assure me to relax. I couldn’t do it. I was worried to death. People who say that it’s not a baby, and it’s not a life are crazy. I loved him so much.”

  Even though Cory knew she had started crying, he didn’t make a sound, nor did he move. He held her securely in his arms and let her talk, hoping this would help her move forward.

  “Bernie was living above the Laundromat by herself then. She talked me into coming home with her to keep from worrying all weekend. It didn’t matter how much she assured me that the baby was fine. Monday was too long to wait, and my worries wouldn’t appease for an entire weekend. She finally gave up around seven and went all the way to Bradford with me. I didn’t trust Canterville. Pffft, I should have went to Canterville.” Cory rested his lips on her warm forehead. “After an ultrasound, the doctor finally brought the devastating news. My little guy wasn’t moving and he had no heartbeat. He said he measured at fourteen weeks and two days, not fifteen weeks. No preparation in the world could have saved me from what came next.

  “The doctor just let me go. He said since I had no signs of a miscarriage, no infection, or pain, I was free to go. Follow up with my obstetrician on Monday, that’s what he said. That was my only instructions. I just left. I didn’t know what questions to ask. I didn’t know what was happening.”

  Cory had to know. “Where was Mitch, Lex?”

  Alexis chuckled. “At a frat party. Some chick answered his phone.”

  “Did you go home?”

  “No, I went back to Bernie’s. I needed to get the tears out before I went home. I didn’t want my parents to see that. It was bad. They just kept coming and coming. My baby had been dead inside of me for days and I didn’t even know it. The only thing I could think about was them ripping him to pieces, limb by limb to get him out. I saw his little legs move, his arms flail, and his heartbeat. I didn’t want them to do that. He was a baby. He was my baby and he deserved more respect than that.

  “I was lying awake while Bernie slept beside me in her bed early the next morning. By four in the morning, I was out of tears, emotionally distraught, and sad. I sat up and felt the first pain and as soon as I stood I felt the warm substance between my legs. The pain was quickly unbearable, like menstrual cramps, but a thousand times worse. I held the bottom of my stomach, made my way to the bathroom, and pulled down my shorts. I don’t know if it was instinct or if was because I felt it, but I put my hand there and pushed. A gush of bloody liquid hit my hand and then I caught him. He was a baby, Cory. He was the most beautiful tragedy I’d ever seen.

  “I managed to call for Bernie and she freaked. I was bleeding, yeah, but not bad enough to call a squad, and as morbid as it sounds, I wanted the time with Cowen, that’s what I was going to name him. I didn’t know it until I saw the tiny genitals confirming that he was a little boy, but from that moment on, he was Cowen. Cowen is my dad’s middle name.”

  Cory couldn’t believe his ears. No wonder she was so freaked. He thought she had a miscarriage and lost the baby. He didn’t realize she’d actually held it in her hands. And she was right. At thirteen weeks gestation, he was a beautiful tragedy. There was no doubt about him resembling a baby, and there was no doubt about him looking like a little Martian, either, deformed head, webbed fingers, a bloated belly, and fuzzy. Cory was a doctor. He knew what she’d held in her hands.

  “We drove to Canterville the next time with little Cowen wrapped in a soft washcloth in my hands. Of course, I had to call my parents after that. They wanted to do a DNC.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m trying not to interrupt, but where the hell was the baby’s father?”

  “I’m not really sure. His voicemail was full. He says he was in his dorm room sick, but I doubt it.”

  “You’re parents came?”

&
nbsp; “Yes, I was actually finished with the DNC by the time they got there.”

  “Where was the baby?”

  “With me. The doctor said because of his weight and his short gestation, we didn’t have to have a death certificate. His bedside manners were way better than the one in Bradford. He cared. He said we were free to do with him what we wanted, to take him home and give him the proper burial.”

  “You had a funeral?”

  “No, not technically. We didn’t tell anyone. I just wanted to keep it private. My dad had an old cherry box with a lock and key that he used to let me play with. He sanded it all down, put a new lock on it and gave me the key. I keep it my jewelry box. He covered it in white paint with Cowen and his date of life in dark blue thin lines. My mom lined it with my foofoo, the blanket I dragged around for four years, and we buried him behind the church, right between my grandma and grandpa.”

  “Lex, I can’t even imagine what that was like for you. I get that you’re scared and I’ll back off until you’re comfortable. Even if it takes forty weeks.”

  “Thank you. I’ll be fine. I promise. You just have to give me the baby steps that I need right now. I love you and I would love to give you a little boy, but I need to process this my own way. I don’t know any other way.”

  “I get that now, and your wish is granted, but I wish Bernie would have just told me.”

  “Bernie wouldn’t do that. She’s a crazy bitch sometimes, but she’s always got my back. Nobody knows that story, Cory. Bernie, me, and my mom and dad, that’s it. Oh, and you.”

  “Wait. Mitch doesn’t know that you held his son in your hands?”

  “No, he finally called me on Monday to find out why I was blowing up his phone. It was the day that he made me feel like he was happy about it. A soon as he said, ‘that means we don’t have to get married now,’ I didn’t want him to know. It wouldn’t have meant the same thing to him.”

  Alexis felt sad after living the memory again, but better. She did want to be open with Cory, but it was something that she didn’t know she needed to tell him, not until that moment anyway. Of course, he wanted to talk about it, why wouldn’t he?

  She did feel like a weight had been lifted when her senses were awakened by the smell of coffee. Her hand moved to Cory, but he was little. Very little. Riki was sleeping beside her and Cory was gone.

  Alexis admired the luxurious bathroom and brushed the routine morning sickness from her teeth, and then went to meet Cory. “Good morning.”

  “Happy birthday, baby.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Baker,” she teased with a kiss.

  “How do you feel?”

  “Ugh, like I’m going to be sick again.”

  “I don’t think you’re sick.”

  “What? You think I’m faking morning sickness?” Alexis questioned over the brim of her coffee.

  “No, I don’t think you’re faking it. I think you’re afraid not to be sick.”

  “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of, and you call yourself a doctor?”

  “I’m just saying it’s okay to feel better. You don’t have to try so hard to get sick every morning. Let it pass. Besides that, how do you feel?”

  As crazy as it sounded, Cory made a good point. She did have to try a little harder to be sick now. Was she afraid to let it go? Afraid to move into the next phase?

  “Hmm, could be better.”

  “How’s that?”

  “You never took care of me. I wanted you to take care of me last night.”

  “You did?”

  “That’s a dumb question.”

  “Why is that a dumb question?”

  Alexis didn’t answer. She tilted her head to one side and frowned.

  “The car thing?”

  “Yes, the car thing.”

  “You don’t have to wait on me. You never have to wait on me. If you need to jump my bones, you jump. I’ll play along every time. Promise. Let me take care of you right now.”

  Alexis stared at him, thinking about it. She did need taken care of. Cory pulled her by the hand and led her to the kitchen.

  “I’ve heard of men having a thing for elevators, but not the kitchen. What is it with you and kitchens?”

  Cory snorted and spun her away from him. “Keep your hands right here,” he ordered as his hands glided down her body, placing both her hands flat on the bar in front of her. Her panties were pulled to her ankles and her legs were spread by Cory’s feet, kicking hers out. One moan escaped with the thrusting of two fingers. That was it. One moan.

  “Are you kidding me?” Cory cursed at the knocking door. Alexis grabbed her panties and ran to find pants.

  She returned with a wet crotch, watching Cory hug the older lady. Was that his mom? She’d never even seen a photo before.

  “Come in. I have someone I want you to meet. Alexis, this is Ellen. Ellen, this is the love of my life, Alexis.”

  Ellen went to her and Alexis held out her hand in greeting. “It’s so nice to meet you. Cory has told me so much about you.”

  Ellen didn’t take her hand. She hugged her as if she had known her all her life.

  “The pleasure is all mine, and I have heard a lot about you, too. Congratulations on the new baby. Where’s Riki? Please tell me you brought her,” Ellen begged with a pleading face, turning back to Cory, anxious to see Riki.

  Cory smiled and nodded toward the bed.

  “Can I wake her?”

  “Yes, Ellen, you can wake her.”

  Alexis and Cory followed and watched the excitement on Riki’s face. She rubbed her back and quietly spoke her name.

  “Elwen!”

  “Oh, my God. You grew five inches. Come here, you.” Riki leaped into her arms and hugged her. “Get dressed, you two. I’m taking you to breakfast.”

  “And me too?” Riki wanted to know.

  “Yes. You too. Where are your clothes? Ellen will help you get dressed while Alexis and Daddy get dressed.”

  Alexis retrieved Riki’s bag for her and left with Cory to dress in their bathroom, right beside Ellen and Riki.

  “Cory, stop it,” Alexis scolded.

  “Just a quickie. I swear.”

  “No, we will later. Get dressed.”

  “It’s a good thing it’s your birthday,” Cory complained with a grumble, retreating with the clothes Alexis shoved in his chest.

  It was no wonder Riki loved Ellen, Alexis loved Ellen, Cory loved Ellen, even the waitress loved Ellen. She was that infectious. Ellen was the type of woman people respected, fun and rambunctious, yet very well put together. And she loved Riki.

  Ellen insisted on kidnapping Riki for the day and Cory took Alexis to explore the city. First stop, Wrigley Field, and then on a ferry where they cruised a canyon, and enjoyed the architecture of the Chicago buildings. Alexis was mesmerized and in love. She wasn’t thinking about anything but the now, having the time of her life, and letting the world know Cory was her man. Maybe it was the magical city, maybe it was the weight lifted from her shoulders, maybe it was just Cory; whatever it was, Alexis was on a high.

  “You’re very public today,” Cory accused when Alexis shoved her tongue halfway down his throat in the cab.

  “I love you, and besides, none of these people know me. They can’t tell my dad.”

  “Oh, I’m not complaining. I love it. I won’t tell him, either.”

  After the best pizza Alexis had ever tasted in her life, Cory took her to the Willis Tower.

  “I am not going out there,” Alexis guaranteed. No way. She didn’t care how much weight the glass held. One hundred and three stories off the ground was too high to be standing on glass.

  “Alexis, get out here. You cannot come to Chicago and not experience the Skydeck.”

  “What if the glass breaks?”

  “It can hold five tons. I think you’re safe.” Cory reached for her hand and pulled her to the ledge with him.

  Alexis cautiously walked out to the glass ledge with her arms out
for balance. “Oh my God! This is crazy.”

  “Look down.”

  “No, I’m good. I see it.”

  “Look down.”

  “Whoa, holy hell. You have to take our picture for Bernie.”

  Cory took a few photos of Alexis, Alexis took a few of Cory, and then a stranger offered to take a couple of them both. Her day couldn’t have gotten any better. Best birthday ever. Cory wanted to get their car before going to his parents’. He said he wanted to be able to escape, that wasn’t so far from the truth. Alexis just didn’t know the impact of those words yet.

  “You’re joking. This is your house?” Alexis was in awe once again.

  Cory rolled down the window and typed in a code, opening gate. “Nope, it’s my parents’ house. I live in a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere.”

  “You grew up here? Wow. You’re like really far out of my league.”

  Cory laughed and pulled the car in a circle drive, stopping in front of white steps. Like steps that you would see inside a palace. The sun beamed off their shine.

  “Yeah, this is like crazy. I can’t go in there.”

  “You have been driving me crazy to see where I grew up. Get your ass out of this car.”

  “Are they here? I can’t go in there wearing a Brady County Dragon’s hoodie.”

  “No. I doubt it. I’m sure they’re at work. Come on. I want to show you around.”

  “Hi, we just had lunch. Are you hungry?” Ellen questioned from the door.

  “Ellen’s always trying to shove food down your throat. She’s the reason I was a fat kid,” Cory explained with a grin, waving an open hand for Alexis to enter. “We just ate, Ellen.”

  “He wasn’t a fat kid. He was healthy. Come to the kitchen when you’re done. Riki’s decorating the cake for tomorrow’s dinner. I better get back, she keeps licking the frosting off the top.”

  Alexis couldn’t quit smiling, not until her mouth dropped at the staircase. Merry Christmas, she was in a fortress. Losing count after the seventh room, Cory led her upstairs to his old room.

  “This is my room,” Cory announced while closing the door behind him. The grin on his face and the sound of the lock was a dead giveaway for his intentions.

  “Absolutely not, Cory,” Alexis warned with a straight finger to his chest. “This room is crazy.” Alexis diverted his grasp and darted around the bed. The room was crazy, but not comforting crazy, more like the condo they were staying at. His house didn’t look lived in and his room looked like it fell out of a magazine.