Dogs of S.T.E.A.M.

by Ralph E. Vaughan

  “That may not be his goal,” Levi said.

  “What do you mean?” Quigley asked.

  Levi turned to Gearhead. “Did I not overhear you say at some point that the dog you call Lord Cerberus could use the machine we saw in the church to change the world he was in?”

  “It is a possibility,” Gearhead admitted.

  “Yes, I also recall you saying something of the sort before the fight in the chapel,” Quigley said. “I admit I did not pay as much attention to it as perhaps I should have.” He paused. “I cut you off, did I not?”

  Gearhead nodded. “I didn’t take any…”

  “For that I apologize,” Quigley said. “In what way could Lord Cerberus use the machine to change our world, other than by traveling back through time?”

  “He could release an energy discharge, causing our timeline to fold in on itself, so to speak, aligning us with a different past without actually traveling to that past,” Gearhead explained. “My late Companion spoke of such an effect before our final journey into the future and our contact with the Morlocks, but never planned on developing the concept because of its inherent danger. The effect of the wave would be to change everything within the affected area, wiping many things from existence, bringing others into being.”

  “Affected area?” Quigley questioned. “It would not affect the entire world?”

  “Local effects only because the machine does not have enough energy to send a distortion wave very far,” Gearhead said. “London only, but that would surely be enough—no S.T.E.A.M., no Scotland Yard, nothing to stand in his way to rule here; then he could expand his influence outward. He would want to do it from a high elevation, perhaps a tower, to have the best effect.”

  “Yes, that is very helpful,” Quigley said. “We will take that into consideration in formulating our tactics.”

  Gearhead looked very pleased.

  “As I said, Sergeant Beefsteak will be with attached to S.T.E.A.M. for the duration of the present emergency,” Quigley continued. “Additionally, the Three Dog Detective Agency and their…uh…” He glanced at the cats. “…their associates will assist with our efforts. Please accord them all hospitality, and you may follow Levi’s instructions as you would my own.”

  “No,” Levi said.

  “I beg your pardon,” Quigley said. “I thought we agreed…”

  “That the Three Dog Detective Agency would do everything in its power to help you, and we will,” Levi said. “But your pack is yours, and it is unfair to ask your pack to split their loyalties, even in a good cause. This is your world, your time, your pack…I submit to your authority.”

  Quigley shook his head in amazement and admiration. He had never known a stronger alpha to submit to a weaker one, and he was enough of a realist to know who was the most authoritative figure between them. By making such a sacrifice, Levi had increased Quigley’s status while losing none of his own.

  “So, when do I get goggles and a jet pack?” Yoda quipped.

  “The goggles, maybe, if you can get the bloody things to work worth a whit,” Chauncey said as laughter rose and tension bled away. “But that aerial steam conveyor you saw Snitch using is the kind of Companion-created technology we deny ourselves.”

  “Yes, it’s bad enough we are given gadgets meant to enhance our senses…” Spyro started to say.

  “And bloody useless they are most of the time,” Chauncey said.

  “…without making us as dependent upon the things as the Companions have become,” the Bull Terrier finished. “And, yes, as Chauncey said, they rarely work as well as promised.”

  “We’d break our fool necks,” Penelope said. “Companions are well-intentioned but overall rather dim.”

  “Some things don’t change,” Sunny sighed. “But the hats, the bowties, and…” She tilted her head in confusion. “I don’t get it.”

  “We may not always be enamored with the Companion’s silly gadgets,” Penelope said, “but that doesn’t mean we don’t possess a keen fashion sense.”

  “Hey!” Yoda snapped, whipping around. “You in the fez. You said something about Morlocks, didn’t you?”

  “Well, yes, my late Companion invented a Time Machine and we journeyed into the far…” Gearhead replied.

  “They ain’t real!” Yoda protested.

  “You mean, they aren’t real, and they most certainly are,” Gearhead said. “I saw the loathsome Morlocks myself, fought them within the Winged Sphinx that was the symbol of…”

  “Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about,” Yoda insisted. “All that is in a book called The Time Machine. It’s a great story, but it’s all made up. It’s fiction. The Time Traveler never existed.”

  Gearhead bared his teeth and growled.

  “Chill it, conehead!” Yoda snapped.

  Unable to take a dog in a fez seriously, Yoda was unmoved by Gearhead’s sudden aggression, but those who well knew the little Corgi-mix were taken aback. Usually he was the most amiable of dogs, so this display was absolutely shocking, even if thoroughly justified by Yoda’s provocative assertion.

  “Here now!” Quigley moved between the two dogs. “These dogs are our guests, Gearhead.”

  “But he said my dear Companion was…”

  Levi said: “Yoda, you owe Gearhead an apology. These dogs are our hosts and deserve our respect.”

  “But you know it’s all fictional,” Yoda protested. “You read the book to us yourself that Halloween night.”

  “To you, it is just a novel,” Levi explained. “To Gearhead, it’s an actual experience. You are both correct.”

  Excited barking and protestations broke out from both sides. Utter silence fell at a great shout from Quigley. The Bearded Collie peered at Levi intently.

  “Earlier, you made a similar comment regarding Toby and the Eminent Companion of Baker Street,” Quigley said. “I think you should explain yourself.”

  “To your knowledge, has a Companion ever managed to make himself invisible?” Levi asked.

  “Yes, Griffin, and his dog as well,” Quigley replied. “A very sad affair, that, as it did not end well for either of them.”

  “What about a Companion who tried to transform animals into Companions?” Levi continued.

  The dogs cringed at the recollection.

  “Moreau the Terrible,” Spyro muttered in disgust. “The island where he conducted those experiments is still quarantined. No one can decide what to do about those poor souls, so everyone just lets them alone.”

  “As for Moreau,” Quigley added, “his subjects saw to that”

  “Has a Companion ever used a submersible vehicle to journey twenty thousand leagues beneath the sea and destroy ships of war in a maniacal quest for peace?” Levi asked.

  Quigley and the others nodded, frowns of confusion spreading. Sunny and Yoda were as confused as their hosts, but for entirely different reasons. Neither side could understand where Levi was going with his questions.

  “A journey to the center of the Earth?” Levi continued. “A food that can make dogs the size of elephants? A lost world in South America where dinosaurs still roam? A trip to the Moon via a giant cannon in Florida?”

  “In the Bahamas,” Gearhead corrected. “Florida is part of the Spanish Empire, and the other American Colonies were deemed to be at too high a latitude.”

  “And a mistake it was, going to the Moon,” Chauncey added. “Nearly started a war with the Selenites who live inside the Moon, didn’t it?”

  “For a dog from an alternate timeline, you seem well informed about events in ours,” Quigley said evenly. “Contrary to the Official Secrets Act, I must add.”

  “All the scenarios I asked about are from novels published in our past, more than a century ago,” Levi said. “To us, they are fiction, classic adventure stories written by Companions, but to you they are actual events.”

  “I’ve never much liked fiction,” Chauncey muttered.

  “Too much like lying,” Penelope added. “And, here,
dogs do not lie, at least not those who follow the basic precepts.”

  “The same in our timeline, where First Dog and Anubis are as honored—or ignored—as they are in yours,” Levi said. “But fiction does have the power to lift us out of our everyday existences and let us live our dreams.” He glanced at Artemus Gordon, who had done his best to keep out of everyone’s way. “And where would any of us be without dreams and hopes to keep us going when the path ahead becomes an uphill battle?”

  They all nodded, even Chauncey who occasionally lost himself in the lurid pages of a penny dreadful, especially those about White Fang the Indomitable, or Nicodemus Legend and his dog Rex.

  “What I’ve always wondered is where the stories come from,” Levi continued. “The stories seem so real, is there a place where they are real. Judging by your answers, this is that place, or at least one of them. If dogs can travel from world to world—and we are all living proof of that—then how much easier for thoughts and dreams to pass through the barriers, like echoes from afar off.”

  “You advance a convincing argument, Levi,” Quigley admitted.

  “Cor, that means that any of us could be characters in a book somewhere,” Chauncey gasped.

  Spyro gulped nervously. “Me? Fictional?”

  “Maybe…wherever!” Penelope said. “But not here!”

  “I wouldn’t mind being in a book, it would be cool,” Yoda said. Then he smirked: “I bet the author wouldn’t be able to capture my scintillating personality…”

  “Not to mention snarky,” Sunny muttered.

  “…or the luxuriousness of my perfectly coifed…”

  “It’s all very interesting, and perhaps answers some of the old philosophical questions raised by the dogs of ancient Greece, but it is not something we need dwell on.” Quigley glanced to Levi. “Lest you know of a story about a giant hound like no other.”

  “The Hound of the Basker…” Yoda started to say.

  “No, but it does give us a clue as to where Lord Cerberus came from in the first place,” Levi said. “From my observations of him at the church, it’s clear that he is not of this world.”

  Chauncey guffawed. “You mean like Mars? or maybe Sirius, the Dog Star?”

  “No, I mean…” Levi began.

  “But you ought to keep an eye on Mars,” Yoda interjected.

  “…that he comes from one of the myriad other timelines,” Levi continued. “A world where not only history took a left turn, but the evolution of dogs itself, a place where dogs developed a bifurcated prehensile tail, and perhaps even rule the Indian Subcontinent.”

  “Rule India, part of the Empire?” Penelope gasped. “Never!”

  “Why do you conjecture India?” Quigley asked.

  “From what you told me, he named himself, including his title, is that right?” Levi said.

  “Correct, long before we actually encountered him.”

  “His markings, his name and his insistence on being addressed as ‘Lord’ all point to India,” Levi explained.

  “Cerberus may be a name from India in your timeline, but we got it from the Greeks,” Gearhead insisted, still a little miffed at his Companion being relegated to a work of fiction, sending occasional glares Yoda’s way.

  “It was a legend that found its way to Greece from India, where the story of the six-eyed dog had long been used to frighten pups,” Levi replied.

  “But he has three…”

  “Originally, Cerberus had one head with three eyes on each side,” Levi continued. “Those markings of his above and below his eyes make it appear as if he has six eyes. It may be an hereditary trait, but were I able to take a closer look I would not be surprised to find a little cosmetic tinkering to enhance the illusion, perhaps even the addition of phosphorus or some other luminous substance to make his faux-eyes flash like real ones. In India, ‘lord’ is a common title of address for regional rulers or warlords.”

  Yoda frowned as he thought about what Levi had told them, back in Chula Vista when they first began their investigation. How could he have known then? He cocked his ears, listening for the faint scratching of a giant pen or the softly persistent clacking of typewriter keys, then decided he did not want to know. He turned his attention back to Levi.

  “When the Greeks picked up the myth, they usually gave the Hound of Hades three heads with two eyes each, as we mostly know him now” Levi said. “Sometimes, however, they kept the original single head, but gave him three bodies.”

  “That sounds bloody inconvenient,” Chauncey quipped.

  “Talk about not knowing which way to go,” Yoda added.

  “All right, quiet down,” Quigley said, though allowing himself a chuckle at the dogs’ remarks. “If Lord Cerberus is indeed from an analogue of India, that could be helpful. Many dogs have served in India, and we should probably ask some of the old buffers for help in searching out his new lair.”

  “He probably will not return to the gasworks,” Beefsteak said, “but I’ll ask the Special Branch dogs to watch it.”

  “Very good,” Quigley noted. “Gearhead, you said he needs to use the machine at a height?”

  “To get the widest dispersion of the energy wave,” Gearhead confirmed. “The higher the better.”

  “What’s the tallest building in London?” Yoda asked.

  “Saint Paul’s Cathedral in the City of London,” Gearhead said. “At three-hundred sixty-five feet, it would give Lord Cerberus the altitude he needs to encompass most of the city in an energy wave.”

  “But doesn’t that have a dome?” Yoda asked. “Like they show it in Mary Poppins?”

  “In Mary-what?” Gearhead thought: Colonials! He said: “Yes, it has a dome, its most conspicuous feature. What of it?”

  “He couldn’t balance it on top, couldn’t really have it on the outside at all, where everyone could see it,” Yoda pointed out.

  “No, I suppose he…”

  “So, how high could he get and stay inside?”

  For the first time, Gearhead appeared doubtful. As much as he hated to admit it, this snarky Pomeranian, who looked to him like an unruly mop with a galvanic charge, had a point.

  “I am not sure,” Gearhead admitted.

  “Gearhead, prepare a list of all buildings that would be of use to Lord Cerberus,” Quigley instructed. “Take into account his need for concealment and interior heights.”

  “I’d like Yoda to help Gearhead research the list,” Levi said.

  “Yes,” Quigley agreed. “A good idea.”

  “But, Guv, I…”

  “A very good idea,” Quigley said.

  “And Artemus Gordon as well,” Levi added.

  The Gordon Setter looked up sharply. “Me?”

  “Yes, the three of you, working efficiently,” Quigley confirmed. “Gearhead, take these two in tow and show them how we do things in S.T.E.A.M. I want that list as soon as possible, prioritized.”

  Gearhead sighed. “Yes, Guv.”

  The three dogs left to begin their assigned task.

  “That was a first-class idea, putting Gearhead and your Yoda on a project together,” Quigley said. “They will either become fast friends or we shall have to transport them both to the veterinary surgery. Why the Gordon Setter? You said he is not part of your organization. In fact, he looks quite timid, not the usual sort we employ in our line of work.”

  “He is a dog in search of himself,” Levi replied. “He might just find himself, and his calling, here.”

  “Here?” Quigley looked momentarily confused. “Oh, here. Yes, I see what you mean. You’re a wonder, Levi.”

  “I’m just a dog,” Levi said.

  Sunny was assigned to Penelope and Chauncey, scouring South London for information. Spyro was paired with Sergeant Beefsteak and assigned the task of turning the East End upside-down to ferret out Lord Cerberus, a task well suited to their natures.

  “That’s all for now,” Quigley said when the dogs had departed. “Nothing to do but wait and hope for
the best.”

  “Aren’t you forgetting our other assets?” Levi asked.

  “Other assets?” Quigley looked around, confused, then frowned as his gaze settled upon the cats from the other timeline. “We do not use cats in S.T.E.A.M.”

  Smokey and Groucho gazed down languidly from their perch on a wide beam at the end of the room. Outwardly they had seemed interested in nothing more than grooming after being dunked in the River Thames, yet their eyes gleamed with interest and curiosity, and perhaps a hint of amusement.

  “The cat with Lord Cerberus…” Levi began.

  “Lilith,” Quigley supplied.

  “What is the relationship between the two?”

  “Always been a stumper,” Quigley admitted. “They appeared in London together, and one is rarely seen without the other.”

  “Lilith appeared at ease issuing orders to the dogs,” Levi noted. “When our presence was discovered in the church, Lord Cerberus made a warbling noise, much like a Basenji. Is he unable to speak?”

  “Also a stumper for us,” Quigley admitted. “He can, when he wants to, but he is certainly a dog of few words. His comments always sound prepared, like memorized phrases and responses, and his voice has an odd tone, as you might hear from a deaf dog unable to modulate his bark properly. The few times we’ve heard anything spontaneous, it’s been as you describe.”

  “Does he speak to Lilith?” Levi asked.

  Quigley looked surprised. “Now that you mention it, I don’t really think so, though they sometimes seem to. As you said, Lilith issues orders to dogs, but I don’t recall her actually receiving orders. When I encountered them in the Void, the communications between them seemed odd, to say the least.”

  “When we were in the church, it was Lord Cerberus who knew we were there, who alerted his soldiers to attack us,” Levi said. “At the time I assumed he possessed preternatural hearing, even more acute than Yoda’s, responding to hushed comments made by Yoda and Smokey. Now, I don’t think he heard them at all.”

  “Oh?”

  “We all know about the five senses, how they vary from breed to breed,” Levi explained. “Sunny’s sight is better than most dogs’, and Yoda’s hearing is second to none.”