Rough Water (Songbird #7)

by Melissa Pearl

  Mom gripped the shiny red clutch in her lap. She was chatting with my aunt in the row behind her, but the tense set of her shoulders gave away how unimpressed she was. Blake never did much to upset my parents, but being late on his wedding day? I snickered and shook my head while checking my phone again.

  Still nothing.

  I unlocked the screen and redialed my brother, but I hung up before the call went through. Something at the back of the church made my heart spasm.

  “Dad?” I rushed down the steps and ran up the aisle, ready to catch my father. He stumbled against one of the wooden pews, his eyes wild as he clutched the phone to his chest.

  I reached out my arm to steady him and he gripped my jacket, his face twisting with agony. I thought he was having a heart attack or something.

  “Dad! What is it?”

  “Blake,” he whispered, his face a mask of anguish.

  I’d never been shot before, but that look in my father’s eyes…the way he whispered my brother’s name. It killed me.

  He didn’t have to say anything else. I felt it in my soul.

  Blake was gone.

  I didn’t know how it happened. All my brain could scream in that moment was that my brother was dead.

  Chapter Five

  Sarah

  The smell of dirt was pungent, wafting up my nostrils and making me sick. But it was the only thing I could focus on. The rest of my body was numb. I didn’t want to see the coffin being lowered in the ground, or watch Jane’s face crumple as her puffy red eyes filled with even more tears. Her parents flanked her, holding her up as she watched her college sweetheart finally laid to rest.

  Justin stood beside me, so silent and still he could have been mistaken for a statue. He hadn’t spoken much since returning from the crash site. All I’d managed to get out of him was that Blake had died on impact, so at least he hadn’t suffered. I’d learned later from his father that the police thought Blake must have been driving on the wrong side of the road. As an American, he was used to driving on the right. He must have had a slight lapse in concentration and shifted into the opposite lane, easy enough to do on the winding country road. The car coming toward him had been speeding. With no helmet, Blake hadn’t stood a chance. Apparently, the woman driving the car had died at the scene. I knew nothing about her, but if she’d come from a family like Blake’s, her death would have caused multiple heartache.

  I scanned the crowd surrounding Blake’s plot. Everyone wore black. It felt weird, because Blake was such a colorful guy. It seemed right that we should be in bright yellows and flashy reds, but this funeral echoed a deep mourning rather than a celebration of life. Blake was taken too soon, his sudden death tragic and debilitating. I had no idea how Jane would go on with her life. To lose her fiancé on their wedding day. It was a sick joke.

  Shuffling closer to Justin, I looked up at his blank expression, my heart squeezing with fear. How was he going to continue? Blake had always been his rock, his best friend. They were only a year apart in age, practically twins. Justin hadn’t said as much, but surely he must have felt like half of him was missing.

  Jane’s sob cut through the gray skies. Covering her mouth, she bent over while her father clutched her to his side, trying to support her weight. Tendrils of red hair framed her pale face, her green eyes haunting as the minister finished his prayer. Clutching the yellow rose to her chest, she stumbled forward, her body quaking as she kissed the petals then dropped it into the hole.

  Tears flooded my eyes. I sucked in a shaky breath then let it out on a whimper as we were encouraged to follow suit. Painful minutes ticked by as we each shuffled forward and dropped our roses—yellow memories of a guy who had touched and blessed us all in different ways.

  Justin’s limbs acted like wood. He gripped the rose stem, unable to let go until I gently pried his fingers loose. He stared down at me, his grief-stricken gaze working like a torment. What was going through his mind? Would he ever talk to me again?

  Had Jane and I both lost our husbands on her wedding day?

  *****

  I rubbed the moisturizer into my hands while I stared at Justin in the mirror. He was lying on the bed, gazing up at the ceiling with the concrete expression he’d had in place all day.

  We were spending the night in his childhood bedroom in Albuquerque. I’d never been in the house without Blake and Jane. It seemed cold and quiet without them. Jane and her parents had returned to LA that night. For the sake of Justin’s parents, we decided to stay until the day before we were due at work. I couldn’t believe our new life was beginning so soon. It seemed ridiculous. Life had been thrown on its head, yet the world kept on turning. People kept waking up each morning and going about their day as if one of the best people on the planet hadn’t been killed.

  Soft music played from the stereo next to Justin’s pillow. I couldn’t remember putting it on, but I appreciated it. Justin’s silence was suffocating. I wished he’d let me in, but he’d always been the kind to take his time.

  Flicking off the main light, I straightened my pajama shirt before crawling into bed with my husband. His eyes were locked on the ceiling, his hands threaded on his chest.

  “Justin,” I whispered.

  But he wouldn’t look at me.

  He just muttered, “Yeah?”

  And I couldn’t think of anything to say.

  A fresh song started on the radio, “Rough Water” by Travie McCoy. Jason Mraz sang the first few lines and my soul kicked in, wrapping around the lyrics and wanting to make them mine. Reaching for Justin’s wrist, I pulled his arm wide and found my place against him.

  Normally, his arms would encircle me, dragging me as close as possible, but that night they were floppy and unresponsive.

  “Justin,” I whispered again, my voice hitching as desperation fired through me. “Please, hold me.”

  His body stiffened as I nestled my head into the crook of his neck.

  “Don’t let me go. Please, don’t let me drown. We need each other right now.”

  His muscles beneath my chin were taut and reticent, but I clutched his side and kept going.

  “I’m claiming this song for us. I’m holding you for as long as it takes. I won’t let you drown.”

  A long, slow breath oozed out of him, his body finally responding. I closed my eyes, tears scorching me as his arm wound around my back and pulled me to his side. I tucked my knee over his thigh and sniffled into his chest.

  “Promise me?” My voice trembled. “Promise you won’t let me go.”

  “Never.” His voice was hoarse and deep as he gripped me tighter. “I’ll never let you go.”

  Relieved tears trickled out the corners of my eyes, renewed hope fluttering inside me. Everything was shit right now, but we’d make it. We’d survive, as long as we kept holding on to each other.

  Chapter Six

  Justin

  The first day of work at Torrence Records, I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel. My guess was a mixture of nerves and excitement. My reality was a sick, toxic bile that swirled in my stomach. I didn’t want to be there.

  “Justin Doyle, welcome.” Everett Torrence’s smile was broad and a little tight. I didn’t miss the slight narrowing of his eyes as he assessed me. I was a short, puny man beside him. Trying not to let that show, I forced my shoulders back and looked him in the eye.

  “Th-thank you, s-sir.”

  Everett nodded then moved aside so Clay, the lawyer who’d be mentoring me, could shake my hand as well.

  “Nice to see you again,” he said with a grin.

  I had to conjure a smile. It was an effort. I hadn’t smiled much since the worst day of my life. Images of Blake’s lifeless gaze taunted me. I stiffened to counter the shudder that tore through my body every time I relived that moment. Guilt ate at me, taking out huge chunks of my insides.

  I should have been there for him. I should have been driving that narrow winding road while he sweated beside me in a car with airbags a
nd a seatbelt to protect him. Instead, I’d left him with a motorbike so I could go screw my wife on a dusty office desk. While I was coming inside her, he was bleeding out in a ditch.

  “So, this is the floor you’ll be working on.” Clay stepped out of the elevator and led me to the reception desk. A lady with dark brown curls and an open smile greeted me.

  “I’m Marcia.” She held out her hand and I shook it while a guy with scruffy hair and a playful grin approached me.

  “Marcus Chapman.” He shook my hand. His grip was firm yet friendly. “If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”

  “Thanks.” I nodded, forcing yet another smile. My face was going to hurt by the end of the day.

  As I walked down the corridor and met a hundred other people, my mind wandered to Sarah. I wondered how she was getting on with her first day. She’d been nervous and jittery as we got ready. The skirt and blouse she’d chosen made her look like a supermodel, and I’d stolen glances of her curvaceous frame as she wiggled into her outfit. She’d kept her blonde waves loose and free, and I fought the urge to run my fingers through them when I kissed her good-bye.

  I wanted her so bad, but I hadn’t been able to bring myself to make love to her once since Blake’s death. Guilt had wrapped me up so tight I wasn’t sure I’d ever break free of it. She was so beautiful, so deserving…and I was just the useless man who let his best friend die.

  I didn’t know how I’d ever get back to the man she deserved. People always said time healed things. I guess I just had to rely on that.

  “And this is your office.” I stepped into the small space, my eyes trailing over the shiny black desk. A laptop stand with a new keyboard beneath it took up the right side. On the shelves behind were stacks of law books that I’d had sent over when I moved to LA. My stomach twisted into tight knots as I imagined diving into them. Studying for a law degree was the last thing I felt like doing, but my parents had been so hopeful when I graduated.

  “And the family tradition continues. You and Blake following in my footsteps couldn’t make me prouder.” Mom’s merry laughter had felt like a cheese grater on my skull at the time, but I’d smiled and nodded like the good son I was.

  I looked at Clay. “Th-this looks great. Th-thanks.”

  “No problem. I’ll let you get settled in. Tech will pop in shortly to help you set up emails, et cetera. If we could meet in an hour, I’d like to debrief you on the week and go over the jobs I’d like to get started with.”

  “S-sounds good.” My voice was distant and wooden, but Clay didn’t seem to notice.

  He bustled out of the room, his gait fast and purposeful. With a heavy sigh, I shuffled around to my new office chair. It smelled leathery and had a brand-new feel about it. The wheels slid smoothly as I pulled it out then slumped into it.

  Taking out my laptop, I placed it on my near-empty desk and looked around the office. Still no nerves or excitement…just a stormy bile that surged within, like a foul-smelling squall threatening to drown me.

  Lifting the lid, I sought solace in the only thing to ease my discomfort. Double-clicking my movie folder, I brought up a clip of Sarah. I’d given it to her the night we celebrated our year since meeting anniversary. The backing track was “I See You” by Mika. He was an artist Jane introduced me to, and that song in particular would be burned into my memory forever. It was playing when I met Sarah. I would never forget the way I felt when I glanced across Jane’s sorority house party and spotted her for the first time. Everything else around me faded—Blake drinking beer beside me, people laughing and dancing on the floor. There was only this beautiful woman. She was exquisite. A smile that could guide ships into a harbor…eyes that could stand in for the stars. She stood in the center of the room, slowly swaying to the beat. Her slender arms swished from side to side, like she was dancing in water.

  Blake snickered beside me, then I got nudged in the arm so hard the beer nearly slipped from my hand.

  “Okay, which girl are you gaping at? It better not be mine.”

  I shook my head. “Who is that?”

  Blake leaned closer to me, trying to see who I was staring at. “The blonde?”

  “The o-one with the s-sp-sp-sparkles.”

  My brother gave me a weird look. “Which one?”

  Jane appeared beside us, wrapping her arm around Blake. “Hey, sexy.”

  He grinned and pulled her closer, kissing her forehead.

  “Who are we looking at?” She rose to her tiptoes and followed my line of sight.

  “G-girl.” I was pathetic. But the girl was seriously way too beautiful for words.

  Jane giggled and looked at Blake. My brother shrugged. “Something about sparkles.”

  His girlfriend looked again then started nodding. “Oh, you mean Sarah.”

  “Sarah.” The word whispered out of my mouth, tasting sweet.

  “Yeah, she’s a freshman too. Just became a sister last week. You should go talk to her.”

  I sucked in a breath and shook my head.

  “Oh, come on.” Jane squeezed my forearm. “You’ll be great.”

  “I-I can’t t-talk to her. I-I’ll make a f-f-f…” I closed my eyes and pressed my lips together before punching out the word. “Fool of myself.”

  Jane’s smile was sympathetic, but Blake never let me get away with using my stutter as an excuse for anything.

  “Don’t be an idiot. The chances of you blowing her away with your charm and intelligence are much higher. Go for it, man.”

  I shot him a skeptical frown, but he just grabbed the bottle from my hand and nudged me into the room. I took two steps before jerking to a stop. Sarah turned my way, her eyes landing straight on me. She assessed me for a moment before her pale pink lips rose with a smile.

  The song continued to pump through me. The words “But I see you” tugged at my hesitation, urging me forward. But it wasn’t until Jane grabbed my wrist and yanked me through the partygoers that I found myself face to face with the most beautiful creature I’d ever seen.

  “Sarah,” Jane said, “I’d like you to meet my boyfriend’s brother, Justin.”

  Her eyes sparkled and she stuck out her hand. “Hi, Justin.”

  What a voice. It was sweet and pure, like cotton candy at a country fair.

  “Hi.” I wrapped my fingers around hers and something inside me shifted. A warmth I didn’t recognize swirled through me, and a bright smile stretched my cheeks wide. “So, Jane tells me this is your first year at Stanford. Mine too.”

  “Oh, really? Isn’t it so terrifying? I mean, exciting, but also just…overwhelming.”

  I nodded, my dreamy smile no doubt looking stupid.

  She didn’t seem to notice.

  “So, what are you studying?” She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, and I answered her…and then she answered my question, and before I knew it, we were sitting in the corner of the living room immersed in a conversation so deep and enthralling the outside world became nothing more than blurry shadows.

  I didn’t kiss her that night, but I asked her if she wanted to study with me in the library. She agreed and I floated back to my dorm room at four o’clock in the morning.

  It wasn’t until my head touched the pillow that I realized something mind-blowing.

  I’d spent my night hanging out with God’s most beautiful creation…and I hadn’t stuttered once.

  I clicked on the clip and watched Sarah—her eyes, her sparkle. She grinned at the camera in a thousand different ways. My gaze grew fuzzy as I stared at the screen. The heavy bleakness I couldn’t shake surrounded me like a damp fog.

  Would I ever see her smile like that again? So unchecked and carefree?

  The last week had been filled with nothing but tears and heartache. Things that could have so easily been prevented.

  Seeing her pale face and puffy eyes morph with pain like that, I didn’t know what to do. She made me promise to hold her, and I would. But how could I keep her afloat when I felt like I
was drowning?

  Jane… my parents. Their pain felt like knives plunging into me. I’d let them all down. I’d ruined everything.

  Slapping my laptop closed, I pushed away and spun to snatch a law book off the shelf. Thumping it onto the desk, I flipped it open to the first mind-numbing chapter.

  I had to make up for my mistake.

  I had to work my ass off. Blake had always been the better man. It should have been me in that ditch, not him. Somehow, I had to rise above my pain and be the person they needed me to be.

  I’d make my parents proud. I’d win over Sarah’s father. I’d provide for her. I’d earn, I’d save, I’d work. She deserved a good life, and I had to somehow give that to her.

  I had to prove myself worthy of life.

  I would never be as amazing as Blake, but I would give everything to become the person people wanted me to be.

  Chapter Seven

  Sarah

  Eleven months later…

  “You’re killing me.” Maria laughed, slapping the table and making her cutlery dance.

  My smile was tight as I watched her eyes bulge. She was pointing to our mother and shaking her head.

  “Tell me that’s not true.” My eldest sister, Libby, leaned forward. “That’s so unfair! Daddy’s taking you to Bora Bora? It’s not even an important anniversary. It’s like, what? Thirty-three years. That’s not one of the significant numbers.”

  Mom shrugged, trying to play down her growing smile. “What can I say, your father likes to celebrate.”

  “Ugh.” Maria rolled her eyes but gave me a little wink as she raised the wine glass to her lips.

  “The last time Trent did anything romantic for me was before Brayden was born,” Libby muttered.

  Maria gasped. “That’s like ten years ago. Please tell me you guys still have sex.”

  Libby grinned. “We have three children, of course we have sex.”