“Tryor—have you relieved all the officers of their weapons?”
“Aye, I have.” The fat, balding pirate that I had at first dismissed as a nobody smiled. He and several of his accomplices held up an armful of weapons. While Robin and I had distracted the lawmen, Tryor, Beula and the girls had slipped the police-issued laser pistols from their holsters. Very clever.
“I owe you, Beula,” I choked out. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome, Brandi. Consider us even. But if you ever need any help in the future…you know where to look us up.”
Beula turned to Robin’s men, who were admiring their new firearms as they sauntered toward the exit. “And thanks again, fellas, for the good time. We’ll see you all next time you’re in port.”
“Of course.” Willie grinned as Sal helped him to step into his tights and boots. “Thanks, sweetheart. You sure you don’t want to come with us?”
Sal shook her head. “Nah. If I went with you, who would let you in on the doings of the corrupt cops around here?”
“You’re so right. Until next time, darling.” They passionately kissed good-bye.
“Let’s get the hell out of this dump,” Robin commanded, dragging me away at knifepoint from the only home I had known for the past ten years.
“Bring her back this instant!” Cruilla raged, rushing from the back with Bak Azzwards and his flunkies close behind. “This is not part of the deal. Officer Bribetaker—you promised me that I could sell the girl to this scum Azzwards if you captured Robin Manhood.”
The flabby cop shrugged. “Hey, unless Captain Fruit Loops here wants to fuck a stiff, I’d consider her captured by space pirates. Maybe you can write the deal off on your business taxes?”
Cruilla blinked and scratched her hairy chin. “A tax loss, you say? Hmm…”
Captured by space pirates! Despite Robin’s choking hold on my throat, I sincerely liked the sound of it. I waved good-bye to Beula and the girls and smiled. My brave new life had begun.
* * * *
An hour later, however, I was nursing some serious misgivings about joining up with a league of space pirates.
It wasn’t Robin who gave me cause for concern. Oh, no, far from it. He acted the perfect gentlemen once we cleared the red-light district of the spaceport. He loosened his hold on my throat and flung his long, flowing cloak around my scantily clad, goosepimply body so I didn’t shiver unduly in the cold. But he never let go of me entirely until we reached the space docks for some reason. It was almost as if he didn’t think I’d come along willingly with him.
The first thing that gave me grave doubts was Robin’s spaceship, The Pulsating Purple Parsnip. It was the second thing, too.
“Ah, the Parsnip. A thing of true beauty, isn’t she?”
Scarlet-clad Willie sighed with genuine emotion. He withdrew a small remote device from his boot heel and lowered the entrance plank. He and Robin marched on board to start the systems check.
Blinking in amazement, I cautiously followed the rest of the motley crew toward the tube-shaped, violet-colored spacecraft parked at space dock number sixty-nine. Its cylindrical bow jutted out proudly from twin-engine spheres in the aft. Vein-like striping of various shades of red, blue and purple decorated its hull. The bridge windows crested a flared ridge toward the front that formed sort of a mushroom-shaped cap on its nose. Somehow it wasn’t quite the vessel I imagined a band of ruthless space pirates sailing about the stars.
“Ain’t she a lovely shade of lavender?” Tryor flashed a gappy grin at me and winked. “You’re wondering how she got her name, aren’t you?”
“Well, yes, I was. It is a rather unusual name for a spaceship.”
“And the Parsnip is a rather unusual ship. She wasn’t always Robin’s ship, you see.”
“Really? Whom did she belong to first?”
Tryor paused before reaching the plank and looked both ways, checking to see if the coast was clear. When the last of the stragglers boarded, he put a finger to his lips. “Shh…I’m not supposed to say. Robin’s a bit sensitive on the issue.”
I lowered my voice to a whisper and bent my ear closer to hear his story. “It’s all right. I won’t tell him you told me. Is he sensitive about the fact that his ship is a gorgeous shade of light purple?”
“Oh, no, no… That’s not a problem at all. And the shape? He loves it! In fact that’s what attracted him to her in the first place.”
“The ship?”
“No, to Marian. She used to own the ship. She was this traveling saleslady for the Pulsating Purple Parsnip Line of Personal Pleasure Devices, you see and…”
I laughed. “You’re telling me that Robin bought a promotional vehicle? Somehow I can’t imagine any space captain doing such a silly thing. Surely the craft wasn’t equipped to do smuggling and other pirate-type of activities when he bought it.”
“Shut your cakehole!” Tryor frowned. “And he didn’t buy the Triple P. He stole it from her to make up what she stole from him and then broke.”
“Oh…” This was getting really interesting now. “What did this Marian person steal from Robin and then break?”
Tryor averted his eyes and sighed. “The worst thing of all—his heart.”
An involuntary cry slipped my lips. My face paled. I felt genuinely moved. Although I had longed for and lusted after Robin Manhood from the day he saved me from the evil clutches of Henry and Bernard, I had never credited him with having a heart that could love a woman and be devastated by rejection.
So, beneath the wisecracking, tough space pirate exterior lay a sensitive, caring soul who had shared his heart with a woman unworthy of his love. No wonder it was told from one end of the galactic empire to another how Robin loved—and then promptly dumped—women in each and every spaceport from here to Old Terra.
“Poor, poor Robin.” I wiped away a tear from my cheek with the back of my hand. “If only someone could heal his broken heart.”
“Now, don’t you go growing all moody on us, lass,” Tryor gently warned. “And don’t ever let on that you know about Robin’s ‘little secret’, as we call it. We all respect his right to privacy and to grieve in the manner he sees fit. If you wish to live among us, be certain to make no mention of the former owner of this vessel—ever.”
I nodded. Following him inside the spaceship, I was pleasantly surprised that its eccentric exterior didn’t extend to its interior accommodations. The Parsnip’s gleaming white corridors were quite roomy and equipped with the latest in gravity plating. Large observation windows on each deck also added to its charm. I couldn’t imagine a more comfortable spacecraft.
I could imagine a better crew for it, however.
“Like what you see so far, Miss Brains-and-Beauty?” Robin waggled a dark eyebrow at me as I entered the bridge. “You think you’ll enjoy serving as our slave about the Parsnip?”
“My name is Brandi. Brandi Whyne. And I’m not your slave. I came aboard freely of my own accord. Remember?”
“That’s not how it looked to me,” perpetually ruddy-faced Willie interrupted. He handed Robin a e-pad list of systems data, then leered at me. “From the looks of things, I’d say you were captured by space pirates.”
“Heh, heh… Space pirates. That’s us, all right.” The giant who had served valiantly at Robin’s side earlier that day sat at a small navigator’s console, plotting in coordinates. His big fingers clumsily inputted data that I could have done with one hand tied behind my back in a tenth of the time.
Shaking my head, I approached the navigation station. “Allow me to plot your course. I’m not licensed, but I do possess an advance certificate in astrophysics and space piloting.”
Robin took a step in front of me, blocking the console. “Keep working, John Thomas,” he ordered the Goliath. “We’ll lift up as soon as you’re ready.”
Robin’s dark eyes bore holes of suspicion into me. He crossed his arms and slowly circled me, sizing me up.
“Now, tell me…why should I
allow a captive to handle sensitive equipment aboard my ship?”
He pulled the cloak’s cord loose from my neck. The flowing garment puddled on the floor at my feet. The bridge crew gawked and whistled at my matching lacy white undies and bra set. I bit my lip and held my chin high. No way I’d show weakness in front of this unsavory lot!
“I love dem feisty redheads,” muttered an alien crewmen from an unfamiliar species. He was working on what I assumed was the weapons console. “And so does Zelda. Should we call Zelda to the bridge for a bout of discipline, Robin?”
The hunchback’s beady one-eyed stare made me feel like a million Arcturan slime ants were crawling all over me. I held my breath in anxious anticipation and tried not to cringe. Discipline? Why in the goddess’s good name did anyone need to be punished for simply trying to help?
“Zelda?” Chuckling, Robin patted the cyclops on what I assumed was his shoulder. “Ah, Bigguns! That’s my man…I do like the way you think. But Zelda’s not quite called for—yet.”
Robin bent to scoop his cloak off the deck, threw it over his shoulder and turned to face me. “Enlighten us…why should we trust you? You’re not one of us.”
He came closer and lowered his voice to a sexy whisper. “How do I know where your loyalties lie, Brandi Whyne?”
I frowned. Trust me? Why, there was no good reason for me to trust him!
But I held my caustic remarks in check, remembering that I was a guest on Robin’s ship. I was an outsider. I realized that I had a huge task ahead of me…I had to earn each and every crewmember’s respect—up to and including the captain’s.
I smiled and spoke calmly. “I understand. I must show myself worthy of your confidence and regard. But as I told you before, I had nothing to live for working at the Black Whole. I’ve been studying on my own for years, skimping and saving to earn enough to buy passage on a ship off this crappy planet. I promise, if you will allow me to assist you in your activities, I will prove myself a loyal and worthy colleague.”
My speech was greeted with assorted cheers and claps. “Well said, well said!” So much for convincing the crew. If only Robin would act persuaded.
“I like the way she talks,” mumbled a slumped figure sitting with his back turned in the science officer’s chair. “And I like her ass, too. Give her a chance, Robin. We could do worse.”
Robin glared at the greasy black-haired man with sallow skin and narrow eyes. “Yes, we could do worse—we’ve done so in the past. Haven’t we, Dr. Kwak?”
Kwak grinned crookedly. “Hey, who else but a doctor on the run from a medical malpractice case would agree to sign on as ship’s physician aboard a pirate vessel?”
“Medical malpractice?” Willie rolled his eyes. “You bloody well nearly killed off the entire population of that colony by giving them rat poison instead of radiation pills.”
“Hey, I explained that to you guys already.” Kwak’s flustered face contorted. “It was an accident. The packages looked so damn similar.”
My heart plummeted. Oh, well, Dr. Kwak couldn’t be any worse a medic than the ones who practiced at the Women’s Free Clinic next door to the Shrine of the Goddess of Fertility, Fun and Family Planning. But I still jumped as he slapped a small bio-scanner device onto my breast.
“Sorry. I know it’s a bit icy, but they work better that way, and I like the way your tits peak when they’re cold…”
He scanned the data on his bio-med screen, arching a thin black eyebrow. “Hmm. Ah-ha. Umm. She’s in good shape, Robin. And I mean more than just her curves.”
Robin quickly glanced at the data about my personal health then turned back to the navigation console. “Just give her all the necessary shots, Kwak—minus the rat poison this time.”
“Sure, no problemo, mi capitano.”
Kwak reached into a black leather bag standing beside his console and retrieved a hypo-spray.
“This dope is to regulate your fertility cycles and to protect you from all those nasty space pirate sexually transmitted diseases—among other things.” He quickly gave me the shot, then lowered his voice. “Should I tell Robin the news, or will you?”
I blushed. “Tell him what?”
“You know and I know… But he really should know, considering he captured you and all. He’ll want first crack at you.”
I lifted my chin defiantly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
But I did know what he was talking about—I just didn’t think it any of his business. Dr. Kwak may have been a first class fuck-up as a doctor, but he wasn’t altogether stupid. The bio scan had revealed that I was still a virgin. This information I needed to keep to myself until I told Robin of my vow to the goddess.
“Whatever you say, toots. It’s your hymen.”
I walked away from the wacky pill-pusher and settled myself into a console chair. I assumed we were about to take off, as the rush of activity and voices over the ship’s comm system shouting out power levels increased. Ignored by the crew, at last I had some time to observe and discover more about them.
I accessed a keypad and computer terminal and typed in several of the names of my fellow crewmates I was now familiar with, curious to see what all would turn up. I slapped a hand over my mouth to quiet my shock-filled gasps. A short list of their crimes read:
Tryor Fuq: Wanted for thievery, public intoxication, and for seducing and abandoning an entire order of Old Terran religious nuns.
John Thomas Little: Wanted for crushing a man to death by jumping into the victim’s lap after being scared by a small white rodent native to Old Terra. Considered armed, dangerous and extremely stupid.
William ‘Scarlet Willie’ Dickinson: Wanted for hot-wiring and stealing several land vehicles with wide back seats belonging to His Imperial Majesty, King Ricardo the Party Pooper, in order to seduce several dozen ladies-in-waiting…some of whom are still anxiously waiting for their first child support checks.
Ding Dong Kwak, M.D.: Wanted in connection with the possible mass suicide of the Altair 7 colonists and for holding fraudulent medical credentials.
Just as I was about to type in ‘Robin Manhood’ into the ship’s crew database, the Parsnip received a launch clearance. Or at least, the ship was launched. From what I could tell, Robin didn’t bother asking permission to take off from anyone in the spaceport. The force of acceleration pushed me back into my seat and away from the console.
“Punch it hard, Willie,” Robin ordered his second in command, who now sat beside the clumsy-fingered giant at the navigation console.
Robin looked oh-so tall, dark and devastatingly handsome commanding from his black suede leather chair situated in the center of the flight deck behind a spoked wooden wheel. My breasts tingled and my crotch grew damp at the mere sight of him.
“Harder, Will—we’ve got to get the hell off this rock before that dirty cop Bribetaker changes his mind.”
“Aye, Robin. You think our bribe was bigger than Bak Azzwards’ bribe?”
“Of course. Bak’s a cheap bastard when it comes to pay-offs. How else could he afford all those frilly dresses he likes to wear?”
I spread my legs wide to brace my body from the shuddering—yet oddly pleasant—vibrations of the ship’s increasing thrust.
Robin sprang to the wheel. “Harder! We’ve got to get to light speed before we’re out of this system.”
Every sinew, nerve, fiber and muscle of my body was vibrating now—wonderfully so. But then my eyes began pulling tricks on me. I blinked, and blinked again. Instead of one incredibly sexy Robin Manhood standing tall, dark and handsome behind the wheel, I saw two Robins, then four, then eight…
And then I passed out.
* * * *
The next thing I recall clearly is waking up in the middle of a very large bed.
Robin’s bed.
“Hello, there. I was beginning to wonder if the fix Kwak gave you was too strong—or if he’d slipped up and shot you up with the rat poison instead.”
&
nbsp; “Huh?” I groggily sat up, pulling satiny purple sheets around my form. Somewhere along the way I had managed to misplace what little clothes I had on.
“Just kidding about the rat poison. He hardly ever uses it anymore.” Robin sat opposite me in a deep violet, plush reclining chair. I couldn’t see anything below the waist very well, but he appeared to be as undressed as I was.
A twinge of concern passed quickly over his attractive smiling features. “The warp travel tonic sometimes makes a landlubber lose consciousness the first time we slip into higher than light speeds. Your body will adjust to it soon enough.”
“Oh.”
I blinked several times until the room came into focus. And what a room… the entire décor was done in various shades of violet. Wooden wall paneling and built in bookshelves harkened back to days gone by, when ships sailed the seas and not the skies. Obviously the interior decoration was a holdover from the ship’s previous tenant. Now, what was her name? Marian…Marian, the woman who broke Robin’s heart…
The sheets slipped from my shoulders. Catching sight of Robin’s straightforward leer, I pulled the covers closer.
“Oh? Oh? Is that all you can say to me?”
He rose and slowly approached the bed. I gasped. My heart beat faster. He wasn’t wearing a stitch of clothing, and, I swear by the goddess’ good name, I was mighty glad of it.
The man had the most perfect body imaginable. Tall, lean, taut of muscle and svelte of hip… Just a smattering of black chest hair covered his sculpted pecs…and below. His rock-hard abs? Flat to perfection. And his ass? Need I say more?
And his penis? Well, the best way to put it is this: If it was relaxed now, I had no idea how I could accommodate him fully aroused. The devilish glint in his golden-flecked, deep brown eyes whispered that he possessed knowledge of sensual pleasures beyond my understanding.
A pleasant tingling low in my belly caused my temperature to skyrocket. My pussy and nipples ached for his attention. Nervously, I licked my lips, desperate to find the right words to say. Instead I sputtered, “We—we haven’t done it yet, have we?”
Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures Page 4
