by Lane Hart
This was worse than I had expected. I started gently stroking his arm that was lying limply on his thigh, trying to get some sort of response from him, or at least remind him I was still here.
“Are you sure?” he asked suddenly, making me jump at his unusually gruff tone.
Did he think I was an idiot or that I was lying to him about something as serious as this?
“Well, um, I realized on my way home from work that I’m six days late so I stopped at the store and bought a pregnancy test. It says ‘Pregnant’ so yeah, I’m pretty sure." I paused a moment and when there was no response I added in a huff, "Do you want me to show you the test?”
He seemed to think it over and then with a pinched look on his face finally answered, “Um, yeah sure,” like he was afraid that seeing it would mean it was actually true.
I pulled myself up off the couch and went to get the test where it was still sitting on the bathroom counter. Maybe I was an idiot and I just had imagined the word “Pregnant” I thought as I made my way through our bedroom. Nope, still there. Damn.
I picked up the stick, and holding it gingerly by the blue plastic end, headed back into the living room to show my oh-so-thrilled husband. I couldn’t believe I was now trying to convince him that I wasn’t going crazy or lying about this instead of hearing him tell me he was happy and, although it was unexpected, that he thought we’d be great parents.
“Here,” I said handing it to him, “Maybe it’s one of those false positive. I can get another one if you want.”
He gently took the test from me with the tips of two fingers as if it were a snake that might bite him. He glanced down and then asked venomously, “You only took one?”
“Well, yeah," I told him, affronted. "Those things aren’t cheap! I was hoping I could just get one and it would say, ‘Not Pregnant’ and I wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore.” Stupid me, why didn’t I get the two pack?
Ben’s movements were quick as he suddenly shot up off the couch and said, “I’ll be right back.”
What the hell? I moved in front of him with my arms crossed over my chest as if to stop him from leaving, despite the fact that he was easily a foot taller and at least a hundred and twenty pounds heavier than me. It was hard to pull off angry or intimidating when you’re only 5’1 and a hundred pounds soaking wet - unless you’re my mom.
"I’m sorry, but did you just say you are leaving five minutes after I told you I think your child is growing inside me?”
He cringed and closed his eyes at the “your child” part of my question, but finally answered. “I want to get more of those tests. This has to be a mistake. You take your pill every day right?”
Oh yeah, why hadn't I thought of that? I’ve never missed even one single pill in all the years I’d been taking them. I was forgetful, but so obsessive that I even had an alarm on my phone that reminded me to take it every morning at eight a.m., and then goes off every hour after that until I dismiss it. So what the heck was up with that?
“Yes, you know I take it every morning!” I told him indignantly. “Maybe it’s just a false positive.” I’d already made that argument but I was upset and not thinking clearly. “Those damn pills are supposed to be 99.9% effective, and I will sue the shit out of those bastards if they gave me a bad batch!” I yelled, going breathless as I thought about how that little box of pills had pulled a fast one on us.
“I know you take them," Ben said as he reached out and lightly rubbed the top of my shoulders trying to calm me down. It was clear that this was as close to a hug as I was going to get from him, which made me feel even worse.
He seemed to relax a little more as he continued. "They usually are very effective, so I’m going to get a few more tests. I’m sure this was just a defective one. I’ll be right back.”
And without even a kiss goodbye he walked past me and out the door.
Chapter Three
Okay, so Ben’s in denial and I’m still I shock, with an unhealthy dose of heartbreak. Maybe he’s right that it’s an invalid test, but ever since I saw the word “Pregnant” I’ve had a strange feeling of attachment (or was it protectiveness?) growing underneath the shock and worry. The idea that we could be able to hold a part of both of us in our arms in a few months was starting to develop into something I couldn’t even describe.
As I eased back down on the couch, part of me was actually anxious about taking another test and the results changing, but I couldn't let go of Ben’s reaction. I knew he'd be shocked, yes, surprised, yes, but adamantly denying it could be possible, no. Why wouldn’t he want to have children with me? I was starting to think we should have revisited the children discussion way before now.
I must have sat there with the tidal wave of questions crashing through my mind for longer than I thought, because the next thing I knew the garage door was opening again. Ben’s steps were loud and quick up the stairs. He appeared before the electronic garage door could shut, holding a clear plastic bag full of boxes in his hand. What did he do, buy every test they had?
He dumped them into a pile on the couch beside me and asked if I was ready to try a few more.
“Sure, but don’t you think you went a little overboard? Two or three probably would have been plenty. I’m not sure I’ve had enough to drink to do all of these tonight,” I said trying to lighten his mood.
“I want to be sure before … I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t just a fluke test,” he said defensively with his hands on his hips and his jaw clenched.
“Okay, I’ll be right back.”
I grabbed a handful of boxes and started once again toward the bathroom. With each step I became angrier and angrier. What was his freaking problem? Why he was acting like this was such a disaster was beyond me.
I opened up four boxes of tests and did what had to be done, feeling like an expert at these things now, as I started the two minute wait again.
About that time is when I remembered that approximately three weeks earlier I had come down with a bad case of walking pneumonia. My doctor had prescribed me a double dose of penicillin to make sure it was good and knocked out. Wasn’t there some sort of warning on my birth control pills about taking antibiotics? Too late now.
Time was finally up and lying on the counter was now a blue plus sign, two pink lines, another “Pregnant” and, was that a smiley face? How absurd.
I didn’t need the boxes or instructions to know all of these symbols meant I was absolutely, undeniably, without a shred of doubt, pregnant. Or, the pharmacy was stocked with a bunch of shitty tests. I was betting on the first explanation.
Gathering up what little courage I had left, I picked up all four tests and went back to face the man who I thought I had known so well until tonight. I was seeing a side of him that I never knew existed, and the thought that he didn't want to have this baby with me was enough to overcome the shock and make the tears start to flow.
“Well,” I said as I stormed back into the living room, “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m definitely pregnant.”
Ben looked up and his expression instantly softened when he saw the tears running down my face. He looked over the four tests in my hand to confirm the results for himself. Then his entire demeanor changed when he looked up at me again.
“I’m not disappointed,” he said softly. “I’m just, I don’t know, really shocked is all,” he finished, as he ran his hand through his already mussed up dirty blonde hair, like it wasn't the first or even the fifth time he’d made the same nervous gesture tonight.
“Then why are you acting like this is a tragedy?" I asked. "We love each other, or at least I thought you loved me, and we’re married for God’s sake! It’s not like I’m having Ned Stark’s bastard!” I shouted at him, and then felt a little bit better getting that off my chest. Maybe I could blame my outburst on all the new hormones making me overly emotional. Yeah, I was definitely going to stick with that excuse.
“I’m sorry,” he said as he held up both of his ha
nds in front of him in the universal gesture of “chill the hell out.” “Just calm down and I’ll try to explain,” he said.
Now I was the one trying to figure out what he was talking about as he began nervously pacing back and forth over my earlier tracks in the carpet. I heard him mumble, "Man, I need a cigarette," which was strange since I knew he had never been a smoker.
“You don’t even smoke!" I exclaimed, "What is your problem? Do you regret marrying me or do you just think I'll be a terrible mother?” I asked, with my arms wrapped around myself, shaking with nervousness, afraid of his response.
“God no! It's nothing like that,” he responded. “I love you more than anything, and you know I meant it when I said I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. It's just, there’s something you need to know about me,” he trailed off. “Okay, you might want to sit down,” he said as he nodded to the couch behind me.
“What are you talking about?" I asked him, “I just told you I’m pregnant. What could you possibly say after that that requires me to be sitting when you say it?” I was so confused, as I tried to use the palms of my hands to wipe away the river of tears that were running down my cheeks.
Ben took a deep breath and said, “I’m sorry I’ve never told you this before now. Will you please just listen to what I have to say and promise you won’t leave me?”
I gulped. Leave him? What would make him think I’d ever leave him?
When I didn’t respond, Ben hung his head, and with a look of defeat, said in a mumbled whisper what sounded like, “I’m a shapeshifter.”
I waited a moment for him to continue or clarify what he had just said. When he didn't say anything else or even look at me I finally asked in an exasperated tone, “A shape whater?”
He was talking complete nonsense. Maybe the shock of finding out he was about to be a father was making him mentally unstable.
Ben took another deep breath and finally looked me in the eyes.“Shapeshifter. It means I have this…I don’t know how to describe it to you, but with just a thought I can change myself into an animal. We don’t know why or how it’s even possible. I’ve done all sorts of research and still don’t have the answers. All we know is it’s genetic and," he paused for a moment as he ran his hand through his hair again. "And, if we have a boy he will be one too, but without control for the first few years. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, it’s just that I didn’t think we’d even be able to have kids, and I didn’t want to …”
"Pfffhahahah" I tried to cover my mouth but the laughter burst out of me before I could catch myself. "You got me. You got me good and a month early. What is wrong with you? April fooling me like that right after I told you I was pregnant and talking crazy nonsense about our baby?”
I grabbed a throw pillow from the couch behind me and threw it at him playfully. Then I noticed he wasn't laughing or smiling. In fact he looked rather serious.
"It's not a prank," he said, as he continued to keep his distance from me. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I thought I could keep it a secret and you would never have to know. I didn't want you to think I was strange or crazy. But now, now we might have a baby that could also be a shifter. This is why I was worried about having kids, and wasn’t sure if it would even be possible for us. But I guess it is."
I was still looking at him skeptically with my arms crossed and growing more and more concerned with his seriousness. I started wondering if he was on drugs or maybe had a mental illness I didn't know about. This was going so much worse than I could have imagined.
"Do I have to show you so you'll believe me?” he asked. “My parents are the only ones that know, since my dad is a shifter too, but I’ve never told anyone this before. It probably does sound ludicrous hearing it for the first time," he rambled to himself as he looked around.
"Show me what?” I snapped. “Why are you talking like a lunatic?" I was becoming more than a little frustrated with him. I had just found out I was pregnant and hadn’t had a chance to let that digest before he started talking like some SciFi/Animal Planet nut job.
Suddenly, in less time than I could blink, Ben completely vanished from the room. In his place, like some kind of ludicrous magic trick, was a giant-assed penguin. That’s right - a fucking penguin.
I looked around for Ben again and when there was no sign of him I shouted for him. “Ben???” but there was no response.
I looked back at the penguin. It had normal looking clothes hanging haphazardly off of it. Upon closer inspection it seemed to be wearing a green polo shirt with the “Summerwood Veterinary Clinic” logo on it and a pair of khakis that seemed almost identical to the outfit Ben had been wearing today.
“Oh God, now I've lost my mind too,” I said aloud. I kept rubbing my hands over my tear damp face and eyes to see if the nicely dressed Happy Feet was just a ridiculous hallucination. Nope, the damn thing refused to go away and was just standing there staring at me and blocking my only exit from the room.
It didn’t necessarily look like a scary or mean penguin. Honestly it looked kind of cute. I’d always liked the little guys and even collected a few penguin figurines and had some penguin pajamas. I never expected to see one so close before.
This has got to be a crazy ass dream that I'll wake up from in a few minutes and laugh about. All I need to do is pinch myself or wait for my alarm clock to go off.
When the sharp dressed penguin with oversized shoes started waddling over to me, closing the distance between us. That’s when I noticed that its eyes were an eerily familiar blue. Suddenly I felt like I was falling and everything around me spun into a whirlwind of darkness.
Chapter
Four
I was sleeping really, really good until an annoying high pitched chirping woke me up. The smell of disinfectant trying to mask urine and vomit was strong and harsh in my nose and on my stomach. There was also a pinching sensation on the inside of my arm that I tried rubbing to make it stop.
I opened my eyes and didn’t recognize my surroundings which consisted only of a blue plaid curtain. My fingers on my arm stopped when I felt sort of lump. I looked down and saw that I was wearing a faded cotton hospital gown and there was an IV sticking out of the vein in my arm. When I moved the medical tape felt like it was pulling a layer of my skin off.
“Where am I?” I asked out loud to no one in particular.
“You’re in the Emergency Room. You passed out, remember?” Ben answered, as he stood over me grabbing and moving my hand to make sure I wasn’t going to jerk my IV out.
I followed his movement until he sat back down beside the bed in an uncomfortable looking plastic chair. He was holding my right hand, caressing it with his thumb and looking down right exhausted.
“I was so worried that you may have hurt yourself or the ba-… well you know, so I wanted to get you checked out,” he explained.
Oh shit! That was right! I had just taken a pregnancy test and told Ben that I was pregnant when I passed out. No, wait, there was something else. I clenched my eyes shut to try and remember what it was. The only other thing I remembered was a weird dream.
“I just had the strangest dream. You were telling me something about animals and our baby was actually a penguin wearing a diaper,” I said with a chuckle as I shook my head. “I must be really tired or losing it.”
Ben looked around and then cleared his throat before he quietly said, “Um, Emily, that wasn’t a dream.”
"Yeah I know. I'm really pregnant. I remember you making me take a bag full of tests to prove it."
God, how embarrassing. I winced as I pictured Ben carrying me in his arms like a fainted damsel in distress into the ER. I tried to hide my face with my arm but the pinching hurt so bad I laid it back down by my side.
"No, that's not what I mean," he started to say and then lowered his voice. "Maybe we should just wait until we get home to talk about all of this.”
I remembered his less than enthusiastic response to finding out he was going to be a
dad, and felt queasy again. About that time there was a squeak as the curtain was pulled around the metal rail.
"Well, good morning, or should I say good evening sleeping beauty?” a short balding man with a white coat said, as he tugged the curtain back into place. “You gave us all quite a scare, Mrs. Hunter, especially your husband. You’ve been unconscious for a long time," he added as he looked over the chart in his hand.
I assumed by his attire and the stethoscope around his neck that he was my doctor. I was a real Sherlock Holmes.
"Sorry about that,” I said with a cringe. “I guess I just got too worked up over the news, and was weak from throwing up. I'm feeling fine now, really.” I just wanted to get home and get in my bed as soon as possible.
"Well, we’ll see about that," the doctor said. He put his pen away and started poking and prodding me. When he leaned over and shined a light in my eyes I noticed his nametag said, “Dr. Alan Marks”.
"Do you have a headache or double vision?” he asked. “Your husband said you hit your head rather hard on the living room floor when you passed out."
"No. I really do feel fine. Is the baby okay?" I asked more worried about if I could have hurt him or her than myself when I took a dive.
"We did blood work to confirm the pregnancy and then did an internal ultrasound as soon as you came in. Everything checked out just fine. Congratulations! It's almost too early to see anything other than what’s called the yolk sac, so I'd say you were about 5 weeks along." The doctor smiled wide and glanced back and forth between me and Ben. After realizing there was an absence of new parent excitement, he frowned and then quickly finished up his exam.
"Okay," he said as he made notes on my chart. "I think you’re ready to be discharged, as long as you agree to come back if you get a painful headache, blurry vision, the room starts spinning or you are unable to keep any food down. You should probably go ahead and set up an appointment with your OBGYN so they can monitor you and the baby for the next few weeks." He quickly pulled back the curtain and walked away, leaving us with an awkward silence.
