by Kirk Zurosky
I saw Oliver, Lovely, and Don Indigo staring at me curiously. Did they know so little about assassins? “You see, my dad gave me his blood collection after my first kill, which I then added to,” I continued. “For the right price, I would let that go to the highest bidder. No telling whose evil mortal, and half-immortal, blood is still gurgling around in those Lazarus stones. So, what do you think? Real moneymaker right?”
The wine cellar had grown silent except for Garlic, who simply wagged her tail happily, not seeing what the fuss was all about. And frankly neither did I. “What?” I said. “I am an assassin, remember! It is what we do. Or shall I say—what I did.”
I was beginning to grow irritated with my friends, whom I thought were actually judging me. “Hey,” I continued, wanting to snap them out of this, and get to some delicious wine. “Those I killed were the worst of the worst—real scourges of humanity. I did the world a favor by killing them, and those vials of nasty, tainted, evil blood are a testament to the good work Dad and I did.” I folded my arms and felt incredibly self-congratulatory.
“He is even more of an imbecile than we thought, Hedley,” a familiar voice said.
I whipped my head around and saw, standing in the open vault, Maximillian Justice and Hedley Edrick, each with a glass of wine in hand. “Come now, Max,” Hedley said. “He is not an imbecile—just merely uneducated in the ways of the universe. He has no idea his little collection could be the beginning of a very world-ending Blood of the One.”
“And just how long have you two been standing there?” I reproached the two demons as I peered into the vault to stare down the dragon. “What is this blood of Juan? Juan who?”
A puff of smoke from the massive set of dragon jaws blocking the now closing vault flooded the room for a moment before being whisked away by unseen machinery. I caught a brief glimpse inside the vault and saw the dragon was not alone in his guard duties. Cerberus, in full hellhound mode, was indeed with the dragon, guarding wine bottles stored in colossal ornamented gold cabinets.
“That was Cerberus!” I exclaimed. “How is it that you have that demon dog guarding the wine?”
Hedley spoke to Justice as if I was not even in the room. “See, he is very inquisitive, so there is hope for him yet,” he said. “But how is it possible that he has not ever heard of the Blood of the One?”
“Oh, you said one, not Juan,” I said. “You both need to speak more clearly.”
“Odd indeed,” Justice sighed, also doing a very admirable job of ignoring my presence. “But I will have you know that Wisdom and Knowledge are very fond of him,” he continued. “They keep asking when he is going to get divorced again and pay them a special visit.”
“Well, it is nice to see you both, too, and you fellows do see me, right?” I asked. “I am not getting divorced again, sued for child support, or that god-awful all-my-money thing, am I?”
Justice laughed, then thought for a moment. “You haven’t gotten married since you messed it up with the delightful and enchanting queen of the merfolk, have you?”
“No,” I said. “I have not.”
“Then no, you are not getting sued. For now.”
“Great, well, nice to see you again,” I said. “But why are you here?”
“Good question,” he said, walking past me to shake hands with Don Indigo and Oliver, and to get introduced to Lovely.
I looked to Hedley for another answer. “So what is the Blood of the One you were just talking about? I am an assassin, and if it has to do with blood, you would think that I at least would have heard of it. And I most assuredly have not!”
Oliver cleared his throat nervously. “You were just making a joke at Sirius’s expense, right?”
Justice looked back to Hedley, who still remained silent. Oddly silent. “It’s nothing for any of you to be concerned about,” the Master of Masters finally said. “Highly improbable that such a thing would ever happen—could ever happen.”
“Well, you have certainly got our attention now,” I said. “What is the Blood of the One?”
Hedley and Justice stood there, silently looking at each other. “You are the Master of Masters, and you are the one that mentioned it, and I’m guessing that—like everything you say or do—it wasn’t by accident,” Justice said. “Since the proverbial cat is out of the bag, you can either skin it or let it meow.” He began rubbing his belly and lit a cigar with his forefinger. “That reminds me, I am a bit hungry for lunch. Don Indigo, do you have any cat on the menu today?”
Don Indigo shook his head quickly. “No, but I have a nice leg of lamb roasting that you can pair with one of our finest vintages.”
“That will work,” Justice said. He slapped Hedley on the shoulder. “Come on, my dear brother, I am hungry. Are you going to tell our frothing vampire and his friends here what the Blood of the One really is, or not?”
“You two are brothers?” I gasped, looking from one to the other. “Surely you are joking!”
Justice laughed. “That is what our father said after bedding two ladies on the same evening and having them both end up with child. We are actually half brothers,” he said. “And ironically our mums are still close and still spend time together with dear old Dad. Good heavens, have they invented therapy, yet? But I digress.”
“You always do,” I said.
“Is the Blood of the One really that bad?” Lovely asked.
“Only if you want one immortal having the power to rid the world of all the other immortals,” Hedley said, “and then rule over all the mortals forever unchallenged. Good thing we have fine, strong immortals populating the planet that want to do right—like all of you.”
“Yeah, because we never had champions or heroes in ancient times,” Justice added before looking down to examine his shoe like it was the most fascinating thing he had ever seen.
“Actually, history is replete with stories of heroic actors,” Oliver said. “Immortals and mortals alike. So what exactly are you saying, Hedley? I have heard of the Blood of the One, and I remember as a young child hearing that it was actually created centuries ago.”
“No one has ever drunk the Blood of the One,” Hedley said.
“But, Hedley,” I said. “What does my collection have to do with immortal blood? Most of those my dad and I killed were half-breed mortals, and the most wretchedly evil humans in history to boot.”
“That is just it,” Hedley replied. “Some say that mixing the blood of immortals with that of mortals taints the Blood of the One so that the drinker becomes horribly demented and evil. The more evil the mortal, the worse the effect. So that is the difference with the collection safely stored in Harvis’s vault. The men that you and Ernesto assassinated were the worst of the worst, and all immortal at least in part. And that is what makes your collection so potentially dangerous. Because if you assemble the Blood of the One with all immortal blood, well, the power is fleeting, but if you do it with the mixed immortal and mortal blood of those evil souls in the blood collection, it might just give the drinker permanent power!”
“Fine. When I get back to Harvis’s farm, I am going to destroy the collection so this Blood of the One thing can never happen,” I said.
Hedley looked at me carefully. “No, you don’t need to do that. Like I said, you can make the Blood of the One with all immortal blood too. The collection of yours has other intrinsic value to our cause.”
“What?” I asked. But before Hedley could respond, Oliver interrupted with a question of his own.
“What if the blood is from all evil immortals?” Oliver asked. “Then same effect?”
“That is a question that hasn’t been answered yet,” Hedley said. “I guess that is why the possessors of the Seven Sacred Relics are selected from the best of the best of us immortals. Because it is not just the blood that is needed to create the Blood of One. You have to get all the Relics in one place
.”
“But even assuming someone could get the blood and make this elixir,” Oliver said, “won’t the rightful possessors of the Relics be there to stop them?”
“Theoretically,” Justice said. “But we can’t forget that immortals are still people.”
“Why are you telling us all of this?” I asked.
“It is my business to teach, inform, and sometimes warn,” Hedley said. “Evil knows no bounds, follows no rules, and stops at nothing to achieve its aims and desires.”
“You are such a pontificating blowhard,” Justice said to Hedley. “Don Indigo, I am going to need some more bottles to replace the warmth that Hedley just ruined. It is not like one of the rightful possessors will get a nasty divorce and lose his or her Relic in an inequitable distribution, and the next thing you know, the attorney representing the winning spouse takes the Relic as an attorney’s fee, and promptly sells it to the highest unknown bidder. That is absolutely ridiculous!”
“Feminera or Sir Gareth would do that.” I spat angrily. “I am sure of it!”
“Well of course those unethical cretins would do that,” Justice said. “That red-topped menace to rightful possession, and that fop of fops would do anything for gold! Good thing they will never have the chance with ole Hedley on the watch!”
“So I guess the world needs to make sure that those who are rightful possessors of the Relics stay happily married and out of Immortal Divorce Court?” Lovely asked.
“Good question, young man,” said Hedley. “But there is no way to do that. All the rightful possessors, though upstanding members of polite immortal society, are not infallible. Even I am not infallible. Well . . . actually I am for the most part.”
“What about the Blade of Truth?” I said. “That was in my possession. So what happened to it, and do you know who has rightful possession of it now?”
“You are still technically the rightful possessor of that fine Relic,” Hedley said. He took a big gulp of his wine and was silent for a moment. “Of course it could appear anytime to someone in need, then they would have the onus on them, and you would no longer be in rightful possession.” He looked up in the direction of the cosmos. “Anytime, mind you,” he said. “Really now. Anytime!”
“So, Sirius, I guess Hedley is trying to tell you not to get married again until the Blade of Truth makes an appearance in the hands of anyone but you!” Justice exclaimed. He burst into laughter, but Hedley was not laughing. Hedley looked very, very concerned. But he need not be worried since the absolute last thing I was ever going to do was get married again.
“Does this mean I don’t have to go to your school?” I asked Hedley. “And I need to be spirited away with my blood collection for the good of all mankind?”
“That would work, would it not, dear brother?” Justice spouted. “Let us hide this wayward vampire for all eternity.”
“But then you would be missing a legal fee, or three, dear brother,” Hedley said, laughing almost too hard.
“Come, dear brother, let us forget this Blood of the One nonsense,” Justice said. “I sense our leg of lamb is growing cold. Let us eat, drink, and share our beds with a few of Indigo’s delightful and eager serving girls, right, Sirius?”
I grimaced. “You two are not really brothers, are you?” I still did not see any resemblance other than their continuous intruding into my life.
“Yes,” Hedley sighed. “We are.”
Justice looped his arm around Hedley’s. “Hey, come on,” he said. “When you have suckled at teats right next to each other, what else can you be?”
“You, my dear brother, have serious issues,” Hedley said.
“Maybe,” Justice replied. “But it is your job to make sure the world does not have Sirius issues. And now we must go and eat our promised leg of lamb, gentlemen.”
Chapter 5
I have to admit, Don Indigo made the finest leg of lamb I have ever had, and I washed it down with one of his best vintages, and felt full indeed. After our noontime feast, Garlic and I took to the grounds of the vineyard, wandering through rows upon rows of arbors that in the summer would be bursting with grapes. Hours later we found ourselves out by a forest and sat down on the edge of a rock outcropping for a drink of water.
My fingers found an oddly smooth crevice in the rock, and I looked closer to see what it was that I had felt. It was not a crevice but upside down writing in Spanish, carved into the face of the rock. Curious, I came around to the other side of the rock, which ended in a point that had been carved as well. I looked at Garlic and shrugged, then started clearing leaves, brush, and dead branches off of the rock. When I was done, I gasped in surprise for the rock I sat on had not been created by nature but rather by man. Out of a single piece of marble someone had carved a heart-shaped gravestone, and the words carved on the stone were “Corazón de Indigo”—the heart of Indigo. I had found the final resting place of my old friend. Indeed the heart of Indigo was a fitting tribute to the original Don Indigo for he was truly the lifeblood of this magnificent estate. I looked closer at the marble and saw what looked to be drops of ancient blood on it. Did his ancestors take lifeblood all too literally? Had Indigo’s ancient blood truly consecrated this land? I would never know and found myself wishing that I had a bit of Indigo’s best wine to toast in his honor. We made our way back to the House of Indigo, where I found Hedley Edrick sitting in a wooden chair on the vast stone patio, waiting for me.
“We need to talk,” he said. “Yes, you can read and write. Well, except for legal documents, apparently. But before you can enter my school, we are going to expand your mind by teaching you all the world’s knowledge that we can. The earth is in a great period of intellectual and cultural renaissance, and you must become—a polymath.”
“I already am, Hedley,” I said. “I have had so many Pollys, I can’t do the math.”
“Nice try,” he said. “A polymath is a person with wide-ranging knowledge and learning, you know like da Vinci.”
“We both know I am not like da Vinci,” I said.
“Yes, but I am going to make a multipotentialite out of you yet,” the Master of Masters responded. “And, no more funny quips. It’s finally time to cut out the bullshit.”
“Fine,” I said. “What do I have to do?”
“Your first trip shall be to the Laurentian Library in Florence where you shall be taught everything I want you to know.”
“I want to see my werepires first,” I said.
“Hear me out,” Hedley said. “You will see them right after you go to Florence. I promise.”
“I guess it’s finally time to put books over brassieres, and pens over panties,” I said with a wink. “You know I had to say something, right?”
“Indeed, I was expecting it,” Hedley said. “Leave in the morning and enter the great vestibule of the Laurentian and ask for a lawyer by the name of Giuseppe Bandini. He will take you where you need to go.”
“How much is this schooling going to cost me?”
Hedley shook his head. “How is your goblin stash of gold coming along? Did the Queen of the merfolk get all of it in your divorce?”
“How much of the goblin bounty are you asking me for, Hedley?”
“Oh, all of it, I am sure,” Hedley replied. “Education is not cheap, especially when you consider it will bear you fruit for an immortal lifetime.”
“As far as I know, my gold is safe and sound,” I said. “Contessa and her sisters are studying with my father. They will surely be ready for your school very soon. How can I pay for them?”
Hedley laughed, seeing my great consternation with the thought of having to pay for my girls to be educated. “Actually you do not have to worry about paying their tuition,” he said with a grin. “Angus Blackheart has paid your father to make them into the best warriors they can be, and he has reserved four spots in my school for them. And can you beli
eve that skinflint sent me the gold already? Appearances are everything to that clan.”
“That is true,” I agreed. “But what then of Maria? She is going to come to you early, you said. How much will I owe you for her tuition?”
“Nothing,” Hedley said. “She will be on my own private scholarship.”
“Scholarship?” I asked. “And why?”
“All the why you need to know is scholarship means free to you,” he said. “Because Maria is . . .”
“Is what?” I said.
“I honestly don’t know,” Hedley said. “I just know we need her on our side.”
“Against whom?”
Hedley sighed. “Against all those who wish to make the Blood of the One real and make the world as we know it a dark and evil place. They will not stop until they are dead or they achieve their goal. I have to be constantly vigilant.”
I nodded, thinking of the utter depravity of the padfeet, of Kunchen, of Murfield, of Baron Orcinus. “Aye, I guess you are the protector of our world,” I said. “And education is your power. So that is why you are the Master of Masters and the Teacher of Teachers. It is for all of us. I will leave for Florence in the morning. I will do what you say.”
“Good,” he said. “And remember, by the time you come to my school, your werepires should be there to meet you!”
“That is indeed great motivation,” I exclaimed. I missed my daughters so much. “I heard you moved the College of Immortals. Where is it now?”
Hedley chuckled. “Where else? I am an Oxford man,” he said. “You will become intimately familiar with a place affectionately referred to as the Bod. But as part of the learning process, you will take on missions all around the world. You think your little marital mishaps have sent you far and wide? You haven’t seen anything yet!”
“Just keep me out of the Underworld,” I said.
