Immortal Divorce Court Volume 2: A Sirius Education

by Kirk Zurosky

  She went back the way she had come, chamber pot held high, eyes cast low, leaving only the barest trace of a bit of porridge on the purple velvet as any sign she had been in the vault. Once near the outside of the castle, she reversed her cloak once again, and slipped as nothing more than a shadow back into the Mersey countryside.

  I awoke the next day, feeling like I had fought quite the battle, and groaned as I sat on the edge of the bed, noticing the matching burns on each wrist. The twins, of course, had departed long ago back to the netherworld, and I smiled to myself as I rubbed my wrists, thinking of how I had quenched the burning fires of their nether regions. But as I roused myself fully from the bed and took a few steps, my eyes went to the tub. The thoughts of the twins dimmed as I thought of the Thief. And that kiss. I shook my head in utter disbelief. How could I have had the naughtiest night with two netherworld nymphomaniacs, but I could not get that kiss from the Thief out of my mind?

  I got dressed and headed downstairs to meet the girls, but found only Oliver sitting in the tavern waiting for me. He immediately noticed the burns on my wrists. “What happened there?” he asked.

  “Oh, just caught myself on the fire pot trying to get my bathwater extra hot,” I said, not making eye contact, and unsuccessfully trying to kick Garlic, who was snorting up a commotion.

  “Odd,” Oliver said. “They look like rope burns, or chains, or something.”

  I made a big show of looking at them. “Huh, you are right, they do. Very strange,” I agreed. “So where are the girls?”

  “Well, Mary Grace heard that Maria and Lovely were returning soon, and did not want to take the chance that she would not be there when he arrived,” Oliver said. “And Contessa begrudgingly went along to keep her from running all the good subjects of King George off the road in her eagerness to get back to her betrothed. Oh yes, and she wanted me to remind you that she has always been, and still is, your most responsible and loyal daughter.”

  “Of course she did,” I said. “You know, when someone is always trying to make others look bad and themselves look good, it makes me wonder how responsible and loyal that someone really is when it comes down to it.”

  “Does that same rule apply to people that are sisters, and family in general?” Oliver pondered. “Has not that behavior been going on since the dawn of time? Need I remind you that you, dear Sirius, are an only child as I am, so sibling rivalries are a bit out of our nexus of life experience.”

  I thought for a moment and shrugged. “That very well may be the truth, but why is Mary Grace so eager to return to Oxford, as Lovely and Maria are not due back until the end of the week,” I said.

  “Young love is often impatient,” Oliver said. “Don’t you remember?”

  “I was the one who never stayed much past coitus, which probably comes—pun intended—as a great surprise to you,” I replied. “True love is also not something in my nexus of life experience.”

  “It exists—this I swear to you,” Oliver said solemnly.

  “Thank you for that bit of waxing pathetic, I mean poetic, but enough of your musings. With Contessa and Mary Grace gone down the road that still leaves two other girls of mine,” I said. “And need I point out that last we saw them, they were in the mixed company of some overly friendly werewolf brothers. So, where are they?”

  “Here, Father,” Adelaide said, walking through the inn doorway with Connor of the Wood by her side. “We got the horses saddled and are ready to go. Are you well rested? Would you like some breakfast? Some water perhaps?”

  I noticed she still had a bit of straw in her hair from a night with Connor in the barn. Connor handed me a canteen of water, which I took from him, noting he too wore straw in his hair. I reached up and pulled the straw out of Adelaide’s hair and dropped it to the floor. “I am fine, thank you,” I said. “Where is Bea?”

  Beatrice chose that moment to come in with Will. “We just ran down to the orphan’s home with some supplies we had purchased with Adams’s gold. Figured they would do the best good there of all places.”

  They did not look as if they had slept yet this day, and I don’t know what happened after Will’s bath. And I didn’t want to know, so I merely motioned for us all to get saddled up, and paid the innkeeper. The girls were happy to stop talking, and it became apparent that the Wood brothers would be joining us on our journey to Oxford.

  I looked to Oliver. “Are you returning to the House of Indigo?”

  “Not yet,” he said. “I have not seen my son in far too long, so I am coming with you. I miss, my boy. Is that odd?”

  “Perfectly normal,” I said. “Perfectly normal. I cannot wait to get Maria into my arms. And perhaps hear if the Queen has graced us with some news from the kingdom below the sea.”

  To our great surprise, Hedley was waiting outside the college when we arrived, and he looked a little distressed. Actually, he looked positively agitated, with his bald head fairly glistening with the sweat of his pacing as he had waited on us. Was he that hungry for goat sausage? I couldn’t wait to tell him about our adventures, that the Moon of Madrid was safe once again, and yes, that I had remembered the goat sausage. All would soon be well with the Master of Masters.

  “Sirius, Oliver!” he cried out, his eyes fairly bugging out of his head. “I have just received the most terrible news from Castle Blackheart. The Moon of Madrid has been stolen!”

  Acknowledgments

  I would like to thank my iridescent wife Susie for her unparalleled patience, understanding, and love as I created the Immortal Divorce Court universe. Writing a book is an incredibly personal experience as you are literally sharing yourself with the world. So, I want to thank Susie for allowing me to share some of the most intimate and inspirational parts of our relationship, because when you write about relationships you are not only sharing yourself, but the person you are in a relationship with. Susie is my island in the stream, my soft place to land, and she is always by my side wielding her own assassin’s sword, fighting my fight. Yes, our relationship is really that damn good.

  I am extremely grateful to my Maltese, Daisy for serving as the model for one of the most legendary characters ever created—Garlic, the Vampire Maltese. Sure, I may grumble as I take her outside to do her business in the snow, rain, or in the dead of night, but there is no other dog I would want barking incessantly at me because I am too slow to get her a treat. Simply put, Daisy is one of my favorite people on the planet.

  Finally, I would like to express my gratitude not only to my friends and family, but also to my detractors, enemies, and haters. You all know which of these categories you fall into.

  About the Author

  For the last twenty-plus years, Kirk Zurosky has practiced plaintiffs’ personal injury and workers’ compensation law with his firm, Tippens & Zurosky.

  He started writing about the adventures of Sirius Sinister as a means of personal therapy to cope with a contentious divorce that felt endless, having no idea at first that it would turn into the seven-book Immortal Divorce Court series. Incorporating his own legal experiences into the books, Kirk puts a playful and racy spin on the worst-case scenarios that can possibly crop up in divorce court.

  Kirk lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, with his wife, Susie, and their wannabe-vampire Maltese, Daisy.