His Kiss

by Melanie Marks

  Puzzled, I glanced up and then sucked in my breath. Griffin smiled at me from across the room. He was sitting right next to Jake with a cell phone in his hands—apparently Jake’s. The Griff gestured at the phone and eased back in his seat, watching me.

  I gave him a sideways glance, then read the text since that seemed to be what he wanted. Don’t delete the picture.

  Purrrrr.

  Seeing the message gave me tingles and made me all happy and warm inside. I guess it was because I liked the picture too. I smiled, feeling toasty good that he had taken the picture and wanted to keep it.

  So, of course I didn’t delete it. Not that I would have anyway, unless I looked super ugly in it.

  Swallowing up some courage I dared to text back: Can I look at your other pictures?

  A second later Griffin answered: No.

  That was all it said. Just that one word. No.

  Seeing it made my stomach knot a little though, and I wasn’t all happy and toasty warm anymore. In fact, now I was anxious and depressed. What other kind of pictures did he have on the phone? Pictures of Hailey? And girls like Hailey? Probably. The thought depressed me. And made me want to hurry and get back together with Aiden. Stop liking Griffin who liked girls like Hailey and made me feel all out of control and hopeless.

  When class was over Griffin met me at the door to retrieve his phone—and that was probably the only reason he waited for me. Seriously, the only reason. I mean, I did all these kooky things—making him treats, leaving them in his locker, doodling his name all over my homework assignments, writing poems about him. The list went on and on. And I thought about him all the time, constantly. But it seemed he only thought of me when I was right there—in front of his face. The rest of the time it was exactly like the saying: Out of sight, out of mind. I’d already known that’s the way he was, but I was feeling it anew. When I wasn’t in his sight, I was completely out of his mind.

  And that’s why he took the picture of me, because I was right there. And why he gave me a ride home that day, because I was right there. And why he kissed me at that party, because I was right there. But he didn’t actually ever think about me when I wasn’t “right there.” Or try to get to know me. He wasn’t like that—he was a “love the one you’re with” kind of guy. And that sucked. Because I wanted him to like me. Really like me. Me, me, me. Not just any girl that was around. And not just to be a tease.

  Ugh.

  I wanted him to really like me. And it wasn’t fair. Because I knew he didn’t. Even though he had said he did the other night—and no matter how hard I longed to believe him I knew I shouldn’t. Because I knew he didn’t. Not really and truly.

  “Why’d you take the picture of me?” I asked as I handed him his phone. I asked it all defiant and challenging since I was feeling—well, defiant and challenging. Seriously. I was all wound up and ready to throw things.

  Griffin grinned, talking all husky as he headed to his next class, walking backwards so he could face me. “I told you. I like you, Heaven.”

  Hah!

  He was so full of it. A smooth-talker, all seductive and heart-melting. Grr! It was a game to him, though—I knew that—a total game. But still, my heart throbbed and yearned anyway. Totally purred.

  I probably turned a thousand shades of pink, probably, because Griffin’s lips twitched with amusement as he continued to walk backwards watching me with his eyes trained on mine. But once he finally turned around, I snapped out of my hormone-induced daze, daring to call after him, “You don’t even know me.”

  Griffin turned back to me and grinned. “Don’t I?”

  Then he disappeared into the crowd of student traffic and I was left wondering what he meant by that. The way he said it, he seemed so—I don’t know—humored? Mischievous? Something. Like he knew me better than I thought. Okay, probably he was just doing his usual—messing around. But I spent the whole next class period—the whole hour—hoping I was wrong earlier. That maybe Griffin did think about me sometimes. And maybe he knew me … sort of.

  It didn’t seem possible. But I wanted it to be.

  ***

  By lunch time I was doing my best to forget about Griffin again. He was all wrong for me. He was a “bad boy.” And a tease. And that’s all he was doing with my heart—teasing it. I saw him on my way to the cafeteria, though he didn’t see me. He was leaving campus with Hailey and a bunch of Hailey wanna-bees. And Jake. Big, mean Jake.

  So …. no. No, no, no. He just wasn’t my type, not at all.

  I had to get that through to my head once and for all. Though really, my head got it. It did. It was my heart that was having trouble. It was all mushy and hot for Griffin.

  I want Aiden, I want Aiden, I want Aiden! That’s what I kept trying to tell myself all through lunch as I listened to Jazz gush about the school dance this Friday. She was going with Conner and totally psyched about it—which was strange because Jazz loathed school dances, hated them. Obviously she really, really liked Conner to get so excited about the dance.

  While she talked, I kept thinking: Maybe I’ll go to the dance with Aiden.

  The idea made me happy. I loved school dances and Aiden and I had always gone together. They were fun and I was on the dance committee. Until today I’d been dreading Friday’s dance, knowing I’d have to help with the preparations but probably wouldn’t be going to the dance itself. The thought was depressing. But going to the dance with Aiden—I knew it would be fun, like old times. Suddenly, I was all perky and happy.

  Until Destiny woke me out of my Aiden plans. She asked almost certain-like, “You’re going to the dance with Milo, right?”

  “Huh? Oh.” I cleared my throat.

  I hadn’t told her or Jazz that I had plans to meet with Aiden after school. I got the feeling they wouldn’t approve. Actually, I knew they wouldn’t. They thought Aiden and I should call it quits for good and move on. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that Aiden seemed to have actually moved on. But whatever. They didn’t know how Aiden looked at me sometimes—like he really, really wanted me back. And they didn’t know about some of his texts. They knew about most, but not about all.

  “Um, no,” I said. “I’m not going to the dance with Milo. He didn’t ask me.”

  “You mean not yet,” Destiny said. “I have him in my history class. He’s so sweet and he has it for you bad, Ally. And you used to act like you liked him. He’s still hoping you do.” She shook her head, like the situation was sad and she felt sorry for him. “He’s going to ask you, Ally. I guarantee it—he’ll ask you to the dance.”

  I groaned. “I hope he doesn’t.”

  She tilted her head at me, like I was an alien creature from another planet. “He’s really cute, Ally. And so is Griffin—what’s your problem?”

  I blinked. “Griffin? What does he have to do with this?”

  Destiny made a huffing sound and got up from the table. “I’m done eating,” she said all snippety. “I’m going to go make-up a test.”

  I watched her march off, totally baffled. She seemed mad. “What’s up with her?”

  Jazz sighed. “I told her about Griffin asking you out the other day.”

  My stomach knotted. “He didn’t ask me out. He just asked me to hang out. There’s a total difference. Griffin’s not interested in me—he’s just playing around.”

  Jazz shrugged. “Well, Destiny wants him to play with her.”

  I texted Destiny. I’m sorry, I wrote. Really. But Griffin doesn’t like me. Not for real.

  She didn’t text me back until lunch was over. But then she texted this big, long essay thing saying she was sorry that she was jealous of me, and that she wanted me to be happy, and that she thought I should go for Griffin.

  I read the message like three hundred times, then read it again.

  She was jealous of me? I’d had no idea. As far as I knew, no one had ever been jealous of me before in my life. Well, except maybe Fiona. She had been jealous that I had Aiden. But then �
� she got him. So, I didn’t really like thinking that someone was jealous of me, especially not one of my very best friends.

  It had my stomach in knots.

  I didn’t know how to explain to her that she didn’t have to worry about Griffin. That he wasn’t right for either of us. That we were both better off to stay clear of him. I didn’t bother to lecture her about that, because well … what could I say? I was having trouble listening to the words myself—I wasn’t going to go spouting them.

  I waited for Destiny after her Spanish class. “You don’t need to be jealous of me,” I told her. “I’m such a mess.”

  I explained to her that I was trying not to like Griffin, then confessed I was planning to get back together with Aiden—maybe.

  Destiny shook her head. “Don’t go back to Aiden,” she said. “You guys used to be a cute couple—but really, it seems like you’ve both moved on. Really, Ally.”

  When I didn’t say anything, she bit her lip, then went on, hesitantly. “Look, okay? You’re telling me Griffin is all wrong for you—so I don’t want to give you bad advise, but if I were you, I’d totally, totally go for Griffin.”

  I bit the inside of my cheek, already knowing that. She didn’t need to be me; she had gone after Griffin—she’d sat in his lap, and played with his hair, and sniffed his neck.

  Destiny paused, turning a little pink as she went on with the rest of her spiel. “That night at Jake’s party Griffin kept talking about you.” She was beet red now. “I remember being all drunk and he pulled me away from—from some guy that was macking on me. He said, ‘That’s Ally Grange’s little friend, leave her alone.’ He said that! And then he like, baby-sat me the rest of the night … until you came.”

  I bit the inside of my cheek harder, not knowing what to say to that. I was touched beyond words that Griffin did that. It was sweet and had me feeling all gooey inside.

  “I didn’t know that,” I finally managed to choke out.

  Destiny was still so red. She rolled her eyes. “I know. I was too embarrassed to tell you—and hurt. It was embarrassing!” She looked down at the ground and then into my eyes. “That night was so humiliating! I didn’t want to talk about it—I wanted to forget it ever happened.”

  She gave me a wan smile. “Well, I better get to class. Good luck with whatever guy you go with.”

  She said the last part over her shoulder as she was walking away and she said it like she was still jealous of me. Like I should be glad I was having all these guy problems, like it was a big party she wished she could be invited to.

  She had no clue. But she was my good friend, so her words and wistfulness tugged at my heart.

  “Destiny!” I chased after her and gave her a hug.

  ***

  In cooking class we made pumpkin cookies with chocolate chips and I ended up putting mine into two separate baggies. One bag for Aiden … the other for Griffin.

  I had promised myself all through class I would give them all to Aiden. Swore I’d be strong and swear off Griffin for good. But then, all through class, I kept thinking about Griffin’s text message in study hall, Don’t delete the picture, and his adorable grin when he had said, “I like you, Heaven.”

  Purrrrrr.

  My heart melted into a puddle.

  Still, at the last moment, I reconsidered and gave each of the guys one less cookie, so I could fill up a third baggie—for Destiny. I mean, she was jealous of me.

  Then: in between fifth and sixth period, I was almost to Griffin’s locker, cookie in hand, when I saw him standing a tiny ways off with Hailey. He was watching me with an intrigued grin playing on his lips.

  Busted!

  Grr!

  I turned around and was going to walk the other direction, like he misunderstood. Like, silly him, thinking I was going to his locker with a pumpkin cookie when really I was just walking aimlessly through the school halls.

  But then I heard Griffin’s rough voice call out, “Heaven!”

  I stopped, frozen. But I didn’t turn around. I just stood there, not moving, holding my breath. Griffin sauntered over to me, his smile not full of intrigue anymore—it was totally amused now, highly entertained. He leaned against the nearest row of lockers, his eyes dancing. “Is the cookie for me?”

  “Cookie?”

  I said it like what are you talking about? Which was, you know, stupid, since I was holding a cookie. But I smiled when I said it, ‘cause he was smiling so big and I couldn’t help it—I smiled back.

  I let out a breath of resignation. “Yes, the cookie’s for you.”

  I handed it to him feeling sort of brave. I mean, he already knew I was a weird stalker fan-girl. Why try to hide it? “Is it totally dumb that I give you cookies?” Then, before he could answer, I added, “I just—have a weird crush on you.”

  His smile grew. “So, the cookies do mean you like me.”

  I nodded, unable to say anything.

  He stroked his chin, still smiling. “You know, there’s other ways to show me you like me.”

  I stepped away from him, unnerved and unhinged and every other “un” word I could think of.

  He laughed a little. “I mean, don’t run away from me.” His lips twitched. “That would be a start.”

  He watched my eyes, his glistening as he studied my reaction, then he leaned in close to me again. “A bunch of us are going to hang out at Jake’s tonight,” he said. “His parents are gone. We’re going to have a party.” Griffin raised his eyebrows. “You want to come?”

  My heart sank.

  I shook my head. Talking with him was always such a roller coaster ride, bringing me up so high I was practically flying, then crashing me back down to reality. We couldn’t date. We couldn’t even “hang out.” We were too different. He was a party guy, a “bad boy.”

  I didn’t want a bad boy—at least I didn’t want to want one.

  I wanted a boy that would take me on dates and to dances, not parties where he’d get loaded and we’d make out in a van. (I heard people do that at Jake’s parties. The girls in my pre-calc class were always talking about them.) It didn’t sound like fun to me. That kind of stuff wasn’t what I wanted. It was exactly what I didn’t want.

  “I’m going to get back together with Aiden,” I told Griffin.

  Then I ran from him, into the mob of students rushing to get to their classes. For some stupid reason, I was almost crying.

  ***

  During sixth I got a text message from this horrible, bossy cheerleader named Bianca that I pretty much hated. Unfortunately, she was kind of my “boss” at the moment as she was head of the dance committee. She texted, “We’re decorating the gym for the dance Friday right after school. Expect to stay until six or later. Tons of work to do!”

  Ugh!

  I groaned, dreading the thought of working with her. But then I smiled, thinking about the dance itself—that I might be going with Aiden. The thought cheered me up since lately I’d been worried I might not be going to the dance at all.

  I tried to concentrate on that—the dance—to get my mind off Griffin. But it didn’t work. I couldn’t get Griffin out of my head, the way he had looked into my eyes as he said, “There’s other ways to show me you like me.”

  Ugh! Why did The Griff—a guy totally, totally wrong for me—have to be so hot? And tempting? It wasn’t fair—crushing on a bad boy. Stupid!

  There were other ways he could show he liked me too—I mean, besides flirting with me whenever I happened to come within his radar. That was the only time he even gave me a second thought—when I was right in front of his face.

  Agitated, I read Aiden’s text from this morning again—again and again—trying to get Griffin’s eyes and lips and hotness out of my head.

  Aiden is right for me, I told myself. He’s what I need right now—he soothes my heart. We should definitely get back together.

  ***

  My heart was all agitated as I waited outside the gym for Aiden after school. I was sweaty
and shivery, like maybe I was getting sick. But I knew it wasn’t really that. It was just nerves.

  I paced back and forth, back and forth, wondering how this was going to go. Would we really get back together? Could things really go back to the way they were? I wanted that. I hated the way I’d been lately—on a Griffin-induced roller coaster. I wanted off. Now. I hated feeling all topsy-turvy all the time and full of strange wantings and yearnings: longing for a boy I could never have. It was depressing and pathetic.

  I wanted to go back to feeling peaceful and content with my life—like I used to feel with Aiden. Only, I didn’t feel peaceful or content now, waiting for him. I felt cagey and restless and … sweaty. It was weird being so worked up about seeing Aiden—Aiden who I had dated for over two years.

  But I was worked up. So worked up that when the gym door flew open, I sprang to alert. But it wasn’t Aiden that came through the door. It was … Griffin. When he saw me, he did a double take.

  “Heaven,” he said with a surprised smirk, like I’d been standing here waiting for him—doing more stalking—but then he turned sort of serious. “Hey, I have something for you.”

  Oh?

  I stood frozen and breathless as he unzipped his backpack. Griffin had something for me? The thought had my heart racing because usually it was the other way around—no, scratch that—it was always the other way around. I always had stuff for him—always, always, always. Cookies, enchiladas, poems, gummy bears. But he had never, ever, ever given me anything, ever. Or gone out of his way to let me know he even thought of me—other than, yeah, when I was right in front of his face.

  What could he possibly have for me? Just that he had something for me filled my entire being with excitement. But I tried to calm myself down and be reasonable, telling myself it would probably be something silly. Something in keeping with “Macho Guy-ness.” Or “hockey humor.” Something rough and tough and totally not romantic.