Holiday Trilogy Special Edition

by Jamie Hill

  Natalie looked at the doctor nervously. "I suppose you think I'm crazy, too. I just keep thinking about the tiny little baby inside me, and how it's not his fault! He or she is going to be a precious, beautiful little person." She glanced at Alex. "It's not like he's going to be the baby from the 'It's Alive' movie that comes out with fangs and claws."

  Dr. Martin coughed to cover her chuckle. She took Natalie's hand. "You're right, of course. The baby is going to be beautiful and innocent, completely untouched by the way he or she was conceived."

  "What if it's not?" Alex stormed. "What if something's wrong with it? What if its father had some horrible disease and he passes it on to the baby?"

  The doctor nodded. "There's always the possibility that something could be wrong with the baby. There's that possibility no matter who the child's father is. But chances are any horrible diseases the father carried would have been passed on to Natalie, and so far she doesn't show any evidence of that."

  "So far," he snorted. "That's comforting. She's pregnant, which is the biggie in my opinion." He ran his hands though his hair. "What if its father—"

  Natalie stood and faced Alex. "Stop. You could what-if from now until forever and we wouldn't be able to satisfy you. But the baby is not an 'it', and you would be his father. So think about that for a while before you demand that I get an abortion."

  Alex glared at her, and Natalie turned to the doctor. "We need some time to process this. I assume I could safely get an abortion in another couple of weeks, if that's the direction we decide to take?"

  Dr. Martin stood and nodded. "The sooner the better, of course, but you need to be sure. Take a week or two and really think it over. Discuss it with your therapist. She might give you a different insight." She looked at Alex. "You, too. Talk about this. It'll help."

  "I'm not sure anything is going to help at this point." He opened her office door and walked out.

  Natalie looked at the doctor apologetically. "Thank you."

  She nodded. "You have some big decisions ahead of you. I know it's going to be tough, but figure out what your heart is telling you and run with it. This is primarily up to you."

  Natalie smiled. "I notice you didn't say that in front of him."

  "When they stick the vacuum inside of him and suck out the baby in pieces, then I say it's up to him."

  Natalie made a face.

  The doctor shrugged. "Conversely, if you keep the baby, it's your body that's going to be affected over the next several months, and then that little butterball still has to get out of there. Neither option is particularly pretty, but each has its merits. You make the call."

  "Thanks." Natalie smiled again, and walked out to find Alex.

  * * * *

  Alex didn't speak to Natalie for two weeks. He started back to school, his final semester, in virtual silence. She returned to class, but her heart wasn't in it. She had no reason not to go back, though, and knew he'd have a fit if she didn't.

  Physically, she was feeling better than she had in a long time. She was occasionally sick in the morning, but it tapered off. Her energy returned, and she felt like her old self again.

  Mr. Jameson traded her Trans Am in on a new, white Chevrolet Monte Carlo. It was bigger than Natalie might have chosen, with four doors and a boxy body style. But it was nothing like the Trans Am, which was what appealed to Natalie, so she was happy with it.

  She spoke with her therapist several times in the two weeks of her decision-making process. The woman was supportive, as Dr. Martin was, and agreed that if Natalie wanted to keep the baby it was not wrong, sick or twisted, three of the words Alex had thrown at her before he stopped talking all together.

  Natalie wasn't sure why the idea of the baby didn't upset her like thinking about the rape did. The two were somehow separate in her mind, two totally different things. When she was sure she knew what she wanted, she cornered Alex one evening while he was doing his homework.

  "We need to talk."

  "I'm busy." He continued reading his textbook.

  "I'm pregnant, and I don't think the baby's going to go away if we ignore that fact."

  He looked up at her with eyes of steel. "So have you decided to take care of it, then?"

  "Yes, I have. I've decided that we're going to have the baby, and together we're going to take care of it."

  He slammed his book closed and stood to face her. "Oh you have, have you? Well screw that! What the hell makes you think I'd want the kid of that monster, anyway?" He stuck his face in hers. "Unless maybe you enjoyed having sex with him, and you want this little keepsake."

  Natalie inhaled and exhaled slowly. She knew Alex was hurt and angry and striking out at her because of that. She was determined to stay calm, but it was going to be tough. Tears welled but she refused to let them fall. "I know you're upset, so I'm going to ignore that."

  "Oh, I'm way past upset!" he yelled at her. "You told me this was the worst thing that had ever happened to you! This guy stuck a knife to your throat, and he stuck his…inside you..." Alex was livid. "…and made a baby. Now you're telling me you want to keep that baby? A baby that came from the worst thing that ever happened to you. I don't get it, Natalie, I just don't get it!"

  She touched his arm gently and forced herself to remain calm. "No, I see that you don't. Please let me try to explain it. You know how much I wanted us to have a baby."

  "Get rid of this one and we will! We'll start trying as soon as the doctor says you can."

  "No." She shook her head. "I want children. I don't want an abortion that could risk my ability to have them in the future. Abortions are dangerous, and I think they're cruel." She touched her stomach. "I have a life inside of me, Alex. I can't imagine asking someone to cut it out of me, to kill it. I really can't imagine that."

  He looked defeated. "Can you really imagine raising a baby that a rapist put inside you? Because I'm not sure I can, for myself, anyway. I'm not sure I know you anymore."

  "Of course you do." She touched his cheek. "Let me ask you something. If I was a single mother when we met, and we somehow managed to get together and fall in love, do you think you could have loved my child?"

  "Of course I could. But that's different."

  "A little." She nodded. "It wouldn't have been your child, but do you think you could have learned to love him or her?"

  He shook his head. "That is so not fair. That child wouldn't have been planted inside you by a madman."

  "Maybe he would have been! Maybe I could have been raped before we met. Or maybe I could have dated his daddy, or even married him, and he slapped me around until I left."

  "Natalie." Alex took her by the arms and looked at her. "Perhaps it's different because you wouldn't have been my wife then. But now you are my wife, and some man did this to you, and I don't know if I can live with the constant reminder of that. I wasn't there for you, Nat. I failed you."

  She sprang into his arms and hugged his neck tightly. "I have never felt that way, not ever, not for one moment. This had nothing to do with you. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time."

  "I'm sorry!" He sobbed into her neck. "I'm so sorry I didn't protect you!"

  "Shhh!" She held him. "That's just wrong. You always protect me. I feel so safe when I'm with you. I love you Alex. I love you more than anything."

  He whispered in her ear, "What if I asked you to get rid of the baby? If I really, truly can't do this, will you get rid of it?"

  Natalie hesitated for an instant before replying. "Yes. If that's what you want me to do, I'll get rid of it. Because I love you so much. I don't want this to come between us."

  He breathed in and out deeply a few times to steady himself.

  She added, "I need to tell you, though, that I want this baby. I don't see him as the product of rape. I'm not looking at him that way at all. I just know I'm carrying a little life inside me, and I want him, really, really badly. I want you to want him, and to be his daddy, and to love him unconditionally. I know that's asking
a lot, but you're the strongest and most wonderful man I know. If anyone can do it, you can."

  "I don't think I can."

  "You need to try harder. Because even though I told you I would have an abortion if you really want me to, you know that I don't want one. And if you make me have one, it's going to change our relationship forever."

  He pulled back and looked at her. "Having some other man's baby is not going to change our relationship?"

  "It's your baby, Alex. No one is going to know differently. Our families, sure, but we can handle them. No one else will know that our beautiful little baby isn't yours."

  "What if it's not beautiful? What if it's ugly or sick or another race, even?"

  "Alex." Natalie looked at him. "I know what race it's going to be. I saw the guy up close, remember? And if the baby is ugly or sick, well, too bad. Parents don't get to choose that stuff."

  "What if I can't handle it? What if I just can't learn to love it?"

  She smiled and brought his hand to her stomach. "He's not an 'it', sweetie. He or she is going to be our beautiful little baby."

  Alex started to protest, and she cut him off.

  "I will give you one thing. If we have the baby and you try, I mean really try with all your heart and soul, to love him and you can't, then maybe we can talk about adoption. At least that way he'll be alive, and somebody out there will want him if you don't."

  "You make me sound like such a jerk," he said sadly.

  "I know you're not a jerk. I know what a wonderful man you are. That's why I can make you that offer. Because once you see our baby, you're going to fall in love."

  He gave her an irritated look. "I already fell in love once. And look what trouble it's causing me."

  She grinned and slid into his arms. She raised her face to his and kissed him tenderly. "I love you so much, Alex."

  "I love you, too, dammit," he muttered, and kissed her back hungrily.

  "My name is not dammit." She teased him as his kisses trailed down her neck. "Call me by my right name, and tell me you'll give our baby a chance, and I'll let you make love to me."

  He pulled back and glowered at her. "Are you blackmailing me?"

  "Of course not." She pressed on the back of his head so he was at her neck again. "I really want you to make love to me."

  "Are you sure?" he whispered, his mouth devouring her neck.

  "Absolutely. We'll take it nice and slow, all right?"

  "I'll try," he panted, and walked her backward to their bed.

  She smiled as he undressed her and kissed every inch of skin as he exposed it. She murmured, "I guess you don't need to bother with a condom."

  He hesitated and an unhappy look crossed his face.

  Natalie pressed up into him. "Come on, sugar," she murmured. "It's okay. I want you so bad. I know you want me, too."

  "Of course I want you," he muttered as he peeled off his clothes. "I never stopped wanting you."

  "Show me," she murmured.

  He groaned, and did as she demanded.

  She felt the tears rolling down her cheeks but couldn't stop them. When she made a sobbing sound, Alex pulled up and looked at her, concerned.

  "Do you want me to stop?"

  "God no. This is good. This is perfect." All along there'd been the nagging worry that she'd think about the rape the first time they made love. But this was beautiful and romantic and totally Alex. She felt happy and sexy and very much in love.

  "You're crying," he insisted, hesitating.

  "Happy tears." She touched his face. "This feels so good. It's you, Alex. You're the man I love and you're making love to me. It feels wonderful. It feels perfect."

  He sighed and kissed her tears away.

  Afterward, they lay wrapped around each other in comfortable silence. Natalie closed her eyes and rubbed her hand over his back lazily. "Thank you for being so patient with me," she finally said.

  He smiled up at her, his head nestled easily on her breasts. "It was worth the wait to see you so relaxed and happy."

  "I do feel happy," she agreed. "I feel wonderful."

  He rubbed a hand over her stomach lightly. "You're going to blow up like a balloon."

  "Yep," she answered nervously.

  He leaned down and kissed her stomach. "I guess that might be pretty sexy."

  "Alex?" She gazed at him hopefully.

  He brought himself on top of her and looked into her eyes. "You really want this." It was a statement, not a question.

  "I do." She nodded.

  "Then I do, too. I want what's going to make you happy, Natalie. That's all I've ever wanted."

  She threw her arms around his neck. "Oh Alex!" She kissed his mouth, then his cheeks, and all over his face. "You make me happy. You really, really do."

  "I hope you can always say that."

  She grinned, and he hesitated but gave her a small grin back. Natalie knew they were so much in love they could handle anything.

  * * * *

  Her mother and sister were shocked to find out about the baby, but were immediately supportive of Natalie's decision. Alex's parents were not only shocked, but also completely unsupportive. He couldn't blame them, in a way, for feeling much as he had initially. They talked about the baby as if it were something to be disposed of, like a speck of dirt. Natalie stopped visiting them because they continued to speak that way, and she didn't want to hear it. Alex tried to sway their opinions, but eventually he gave up and stopped going around.

  Natalie's stomach blossomed. She was happy when she had to start wearing maternity clothes, and Alex heard her talking to the baby all the time. He basically ignored it, a strategy that was getting difficult to maintain as she continued increasing in girth.

  He completed his final semester and graduated in May with a bachelor's degree. He walked across the stage in his cap and gown with Natalie and her family waving to him from one side, and his parents watching from another section of the auditorium. Afterward, his friends and their wives and girlfriends celebrated at a party in a local restaurant. Natalie's belly was the featured attraction, and Alex watched as people clamored around her, and she practically glowed with the attention. She was beautiful, he realized, not that he hadn't always known she was beautiful. But the pregnancy brought out the best in her, and he got a warm feeling seeing how happy she appeared.

  "Alex, you are one lucky S.O.B." His friend Brian joined him and patted him on the back. "Not only did the best accounting firm in town snatch you up with an incredible starting salary, but you've got this beautiful wife and a baby on the way. How did an ugly pup like you manage to get so lucky?"

  Alex took a draw from his beer bottle. "Clean living, my friend."

  "Yeah!" Brian snorted. "Maybe once Natalie got her hooks into you. I'm not so sure about before that."

  Alex smiled at his wife, who was still chatting with a group of people. "Natalie's one of a kind, that's for sure." He got that warm feeling in his gut again, and all of a sudden, he wanted to be alone with Natalie and that big ol' stomach of hers. "Excuse me," he told Brian. He shuffled over to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "Having a nice time?"

  "Yes, I am." She nodded at him.

  He whispered in her ear. "If I could get you alone, we could be having a nicer time."

  Natalie smiled at the ladies next to her. "It was so nice to visit with you. We're taking off now." They made a beeline to the door and were in each other's arms the moment they were in her car. "What's gotten into you?" she murmured, not unhappily, as Alex ran his hands over her stomach.

  He kissed her neck and replied, "I was watching you today, and realized how beautiful you look when you're pregnant. I want to get you naked and confirm my new theory."

  She chuckled. "Well, this car is bigger than yours, I can barely fit into yours anymore, but there's still not enough room to get naked in my condition. You'd better take me home."

  "I intend to."

  * * * *

  Alex was in love. For
the second time in his life, he had fallen hopelessly, madly in love with a beautiful girl. This one had the habit of spitting on him after her mother fed her, but he didn't mind. When Gillian Renee Jameson clutched his finger with her little hand, it might as well have been his heart.

  Natalie had signed up for birthing classes and Alex was right there beside her, pillow in one hand, water bottle in the other, learning breathing techniques—hee, hee, hee, ho, ho, ho—and everything about childbirth that could be packed into one hour each week. They hoped they'd recognize true contractions from Braxton Hicks, but when her water broke one day in August, the point was moot. Natalie was in labor.

  Alex called her doctor and her mother, then drove her to the hospital. He was a nervous wreck walking the floors with her, while she seemed as calm as could be. Her contractions slowed and the doctor gave her something to get them rolling again. When they hit, they hit hard. The last part of her labor went quickly. Jane and Dean were hurried out of the room while the nurses brought in a warmer and more equipment than Alex had ever seen in his life. For a moment, he was concerned that something might be wrong, then it hit him. He hadn't vocalized it, not even to himself, but he was really concerned about the child. I want the baby.

  When the pushing started and he clasped Natalie's hand for encouragement, he prayed silently that both she and the child came through this safely. There was a final push, a triumphant yell from Natalie, and a cry from the little pink squirming infant the doctor announced was a girl.

  "You did it!" Alex kissed Natalie's forehead.

  "Is she okay?" Natalie repeated over and over until a nurse finally answered her.

  "She's perfect! See for yourself. Here you go, papa!" The nurse handed the swaddled pink bundle to him, and Alex looked down in awe. Dark hair like Natalie's peeked out from under the pink cap she wore. Her skin was soft and ruddy. She quieted down when the nurse wrapped her snugly in her blanket, and now she looked calm and peaceful.

  "Alex?" Natalie asked nervously.

  He turned to her and smiled. "She's beautiful." He handed the baby to Natalie but kept his hands on both of them. "Look Natalie. Our daughter is just beautiful."