Love Rebuilt

by Delancey Stewart

  John tilted his head to the side, looked embarrassed. “I was going to suggest that you should bring a coat. It’s gotten pretty cold.”

  “Oh.” I went back inside and fished my down jacket from the closet by the bed. “Thanks,” I said as I locked the door again.

  When I reappeared, John said, “I know you’ll be okay, Maddie. But everyone needs a hand now and then. Don’t let your pride get in the way of that.” John was kind, and he was also right.

  “Thanks.”

  I climbed into his truck after picking my way through the scattered branches of the fallen tree. I was lucky in some ways. For instance, the tree didn’t fall on my new car. Or on the trailer. I should head to Vegas with that kind of luck.

  As John’s truck clattered down the hill and around the bend toward his cabin, I stared out at the quiet village. Mist hung low over the meadow and the dampness lingering from the rain subdued everything, leaving a thick muffling layer over the normal hum of activity. It was peaceful. And the steady puffs of wood smoke drifting from the top of the Trench’s chimney lit a little ember of hope inside me.

  “Maddie!” Louise Trench threw the cabin door open. “I’m so glad you’re all right,” she said, pulling me inside. I glanced out behind me as I went in, just in time to see a white Land Rover pull up the lane beyond. Heading for my place. Connor.

  “I’m making some soup,” Louise said, her eyes sparkling. She hadn’t noticed my sudden attention to the road beyond John’s truck, and kept chattering. “I’m so glad you’re visiting. I want to hear all about your family while you’re here.” I turned and followed her inside. Louise and John had been friends with my parents when we’d spent our summers here camping. They exchanged Christmas cards for a while, and I wondered how long it had been since they’d spoken to my dad or my brother.

  I smiled at Louise as she waved me into a big chair by a blazing fire. My mind replayed the sight of Connor’s car driving up the hill to my house. What could he want?

  *

  Louise and I spent the day playing cards and eating soup next to the fire while John puttered around outside. I’m not sure exactly what it was he was doing, but for a retired guy, he sure stayed busy out there. Maybe my lack of industriousness was part of the reason I was still living in a trailer. John probably would have built the house himself by now.

  “What do your folks think about you living up here, honey?” Louise’s dark eyes were sweet, searching my face.

  “You haven’t talked to my parents in a while, I guess?”

  She looked stricken. “No, I’m afraid we’ve lost touch.”

  “Oh, that’s not your fault,” I said quickly. “Mom died a while ago, three years now, I guess. And Dad isn’t quite himself these days.”

  “Oh dear, I’m so sorry about your mother.” Louise looked stricken, her hands clasping in front of her chest and her mouth dropping open. “And your dad, is he…?”

  “He’s fine really. I mean, he’s not really the same, but he’s happy for the most part. He lives down in a care facility in Sacramento.” I looked into the dancing flames, trying to figure out how to explain to Louise that everything was fine when the words I’d just said made it all sound so dire. “He kind of thinks he’s on an extended vacation.”

  “That must be so hard for you and your brother. How is Cameron doing?”

  I cringed. How could I tell this sweet woman that my brother wouldn’t speak to me; that we hadn’t talked since Mom died? “He’s good,” I said, channeling my last conversation with Jess. “He got married about a year ago to a great girl named Jess. They got married in Hawaii.”

  “Oh, I bet that was beautiful.”

  I bet it was, too.

  “Maddie,” Louise’s face was serious, and she fixed me with a no-nonsense stare. “If you ever need help, you can come to us. I know things have been hard.”

  Warmth pooled in my chest. How long had it been since I’d felt like someone really cared about me? I smiled at Louise’s motherly tone. “I’m fine, Louise! You and John are so sweet to let me stay here while the power is out. I hope it won’t be long. I hate to be a burden.”

  “I’d love for you to stay longer, if you want. John keeps busy up here, but it gets lonely. And you’re up there alone on that hill…”

  John came through the door then, slapping his hands together, his cheeks ruddy from the cold. “It’s definitely hinting of winter out there!” He smiled at me. “I’m glad you’re not up there in that little motorhome, Maddie,” he said. “Though it looks like you’ve been thinking about getting it ready for winter, huh?”

  I thought about the giant winterization kit sitting next to the trailer in the mud. He must’ve noticed it when he’d been up this morning.

  “Yeah, I need to get back up there and get some of that stuff installed, I guess.”

  “I went up to take a crack at it,” he said, looking half guilty and half pleased with himself.

  I stood. “Seriously? You did?” Though my pride wanted me to be hurt that he would assume I needed that kind of help, reality had set in.

  I needed that kind of help.

  “I did.” John glanced at me and I gave what I hoped was a reassuring smile. “I hope you don’t mind. Got all the skirting installed around the bottom and think it’s shored up pretty good. I had some help, actually.” He looked uncertain, and eyed me sideways as he moved toward the kitchen and began pulling a bowl and spoon from the counter. “Connor Charles was up there when I went back up. He was clearing branches and even had an axe working on that tree across the road.”

  I sat back down, surprise trickling through me. I was sorry I’d missed the sight of Connor hefting an axe. Lumberjack fantasies floated unbidden through my mind before I remembered that I was not entertaining any more thoughts of Connor. But I also hadn’t expected him to come hack at fallen trees on my property, that was for sure.

  “Oh, um…” I tried to sound unimpressed.

  “He says you two are friends?”

  I remembered that Miranda had told me a story about Connor screaming at John up on the ridge trail. I didn’t imagine that he was much of a fan. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

  “Oh.” Louise made a little noise of alarm.

  “Well.” John sat down across from us with his soup. “He was helpful enough this morning.” He spooned some of the soup into his mouth, his big hands making the spoon look dainty. “But I can’t say I trust the guy.”

  I nodded. “I heard something about you bumping into him hiking?”

  Louise looked even more stricken.

  John nodded. “I don’t like to spread rumors. And I don’t like to entertain malice if it isn’t warranted.” He put his soup down on the table. “But I will tell you what I know because we’ve known you all your life, Maddie. And I’d hate to see anything happen to you.”

  “Well that’s a bit dark,” I said.

  Louise nodded, sinking into the chair next to John and prodding him on.

  “Connor is mostly a stranger up here. He moved in, built that fancy house over there, and then disappeared for a while. When he came back up, he had a woman with him. For a while, it seemed like he was gonna stay, put some roots down here, and get to be a part of things. He even talked about having spent some time up here as a kid, but no one around here remembers him. Not that it matters, really. But then, he…” John glanced at Louise, as if looking to her for approval to continue. “Well, the woman who lived with him disappeared. No one saw her for a while, and he’d come down to town alone, looking pretty bad.”

  “Bad how?” How Connor could ever look bad, I had no idea.

  “Like maybe he’d gone off the edge. He’s a writer, you know. Writes some pretty dark stuff, I guess, though I’ve never read it.”

  “I started one book,” Louise said. “But it was too horrible for me.” She stood and began sorting through a bookshelf. “Here.” She carried over a paperback with a dark blade glimmering on the front. The title was Twi
sted Knife. I ran my fingers over the name Connor Charles in silver at the bottom.

  “Looks fairly dark,” I agreed.

  “Anyway, folks figured he might have been struggling with something. A couple people took him some food, tried to visit. He mostly didn’t answer the door, and when he did, he told them to leave him alone. Someone asked about the woman, and he didn’t give many answers there either, just said she was gone and slammed the door.”

  John was silent for a minute, staring into the fire.

  I waited for him to continue, trying to imagine what could have driven Connor through such a dramatic change. Had the woman been his wife?

  “I don’t like to make things up, but I’ll tell you what I think, Maddie. I think he killed that woman.”

  Shock roared through me. Miranda had said it, but John Trench was a different story. “What? Why would you say that?”

  “When I hiked up to the top of the tree line along Ridgeline Trail, I heard something way off the trail. I like to go up there and explore sometimes, shore up the trails and help the rangers.” He smiled, a modest blush crossing his cheeks. “Anyway, I heard something up there, something that got me curious. Sounded like a bear scratching the bark off a tree trunk. I followed the sound.”

  I tried to imagine myself purposely following a bear and determined that I was either a complete wimp or that John was potentially suicidal. “It wasn’t a bear, I guess?”

  “No. It was Connor. He was digging. He was digging pretty deep, because he was standing in the hole and I could only see the top half of him.”

  “Why would he be up there digging?”

  “Well, that’s what I don’t know. But like I said, he was way off the trail. I doubt he thought anyone would stumble over him there. So I surprised him, I guess, when I said hello. And he didn’t look happy for the company. Yelled at me to get away, to leave him alone. And he looked mad enough that I wasn’t going to stay around to argue or ask questions.” He shook his head. “I think he was burying something.”

  “Or someone,” Louise added, her voice sad.

  “Holy shit.”

  They both looked at me, shocked at my profanity.

  “Sorry.” I covered my mouth with a hand. “I just…Connor doesn’t seem like he’d be capable…” the words were out before I considered that he was presently accused of a crime. And that his supposed victim had just gone missing. Maybe he was capable. A chill ran through my blood. I had nothing else to say, but questions swarmed my mind and conflicting emotions filled my gut.

  “Anyway,” John brushed his legs as if brushing away the dark atmosphere that his story had brought about. “He was friendly enough this morning. Seemed worried about you, Mads. He asked if I knew where you were, but I didn’t tell him you were staying with us. Wasn’t sure you’d want me to. Got your placed fixed up a bit, though. You’ll need to install the window film and vent protectors inside, too.”

  I nodded. I had no idea how to apply the stuff, and it certainly showed on my face.

  “Want me to take a crack at that?”

  “You’ve already done so much, John.”

  “I like to keep busy.”

  “Let him do it. Nothing’s worse than when he’s bored,” Louise said, patting her husband’s shoulder.

  “Okay,” I said. “Thank you.”

  “Sure,” John said. “Bout ready to head back out anyway. Can I take the key?”

  I handed him my keys and smiled as he trudged back out the door.

  “Thank you,” I said again. I felt like I should go thank Connor now, too, but if I was honest with myself, I was finally afraid.

  *

  I ended up spending three days with John and Louise, and Louise made me promise that when it got really cold I would consider coming down to spend the winter in their spare room. I did enjoy the down time, playing cards and drinking wine and chatting. Spending time with them also made me miss my family. They remembered things I had forgotten or had never known about my parents. Louise reminded me how my mother had liked to sing up here, to hear her voice echo across the hillside. I’d known my mother was a singer, of course, but hearing Louise remember how hauntingly her voice moved through the trees brought back the feelings I’d had as a small child listening to her. The sweet melody of her voice weaving through the mountains, wrapping around my soul, my heart.

  Their memories also made me feel connected to some of the other residents of our small village, telling me stories and sharing gossip.

  “I feel awful for the Peters,” Louise said at one point.

  My mind flashed to Ella and Austin, the kids who I had spent a decent amount of time with this summer. “I know that family a bit, nice kids.”

  “Smart, too, I guess.” Louise made a tsking noise. “Such a shame about his job.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Rourke Peters lost his job with the mining company down in the valley a month or two ago.”

  “That’s terrible.” Ella and Austin’s mother worked at the local grocery store. I hadn’t known what their dad did.

  “They were going to send Ella to some fancy school, but it’s not even a consideration now on one income. She has the test grades, according to her mother.”

  “Can’t she get a scholarship of some kind?”

  Louise nodded. “I guess they looked at that. Applying for the scholarship is as complicated as applying to college, she says. And she’s pulling double shifts at the market and he’s down in the valley looking for another job. Those kids are home alone most of the time. I guess she’s got her sister up there looking after them sometimes.”

  I felt a familiar desolation creep through me. It was unfair how money could change everything in someone’s life. Ella was smart. There was no reason she shouldn’t at least have the chance to apply for the scholarship that might change her life. “I wish I could help,” I said.

  Louise smiled and lifted a hand to pat my shoulder. “Me too, dear.”

  In some ways, the time I spent with the Trenches made it that much harder to be alone.

  I returned to my trailer and my half-built house, and was amazed at the changes that had been made in my absence. For one thing, the tree had been chopped into thin disks and hauled off the road. John had told me this, but seeing it was something else. He planned to collect the wood to stack for his fireplace, and I vowed to help him haul it down and stack it for him. I couldn’t pay him back, but I could try.

  The trailer looked completely different. Not only had John and Connor installed the thick plastic skirting around the bottom, but they’d shored it up with panels of plywood, digging it in a foot or so around the perimeter to block the snow. I would never have thought to do that, and even the first step inside told me that made a difference. The floor wasn’t as icy as it had been, and the whole place sounded a bit less flimsy as I walked through it. I felt better, like I’d been pulled back a few feet from the edge of whatever precipice my life perched above.

  The power had been restored the day before, and the trailer was a toasty sixty-seven. I celebrated by making some coffee and checking my phone, now that I could charge it again. There was one message besides the one from Adele telling me that the diner was closed until the power was back. And it was a doozy.

  “Maddie. It’s your brother. I need to talk to you. I’m coming up the hill on Friday. Just wanted to let you know. Hope I can remember how to get up there.”

  Cam. Was coming here.

  After judging and ignoring me for three years, he couldn’t just send me an email. He was coming. In less than a week. I let that idea roll back and forth in my head as I paced around a few times.

  I owed him an apology probably, but I felt like he owed me one, too. Somehow I didn’t believe that was why he was going to come all this way though. There was something else, and I doubted it was good. I wondered if Jess would be with him.

  My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of tires on the road outside. I pushed the curtain aside t
o see Connor getting out of his car, walking toward the trailer. The sun poured over his shoulders, lighting his hair and giving him that ethereal glow. The fire god was back.

  The sight of him sent my heart racing and my palms sweating. What I couldn’t figure out was whether my reaction to Connor was attraction or fear.

  Chapter 10

  I stepped out the door before Connor had a chance to knock. I wasn’t sure of anything, but it didn’t seem wise to be alone with him inside my home. If something happened in there, I figured, it’d be harder to run. I acknowledged that it was a little bit strange to be considering how to escape someone I’d been thinking about almost constantly. Despite my decision to stay away from him, Connor Charles intrigued me in ways I couldn’t quite explain.

  “Hey,” I said as I stood on the top step.

  “Maddie.” Connor stopped a few feet in front of me. The sun was low and it silhouetted his form—all broad shoulders and determination. He looked a little haggard. Lines crowded around the corners of his eyes that I didn’t remember from before.

  “Thanks for all the work you did up here.”

  “I was worried about you. The way you left the other day…” He gazed up into the treetops before finding my face again. “I worried that I’d freaked you out.”

  What was I supposed to say? Tell him that I couldn’t decide if he was really a stalker and a murderer or not? Standing out here, in the gleaming sunlight, he looked more Celtic god than hardened criminal; that much was certain. “No, it wasn’t you. It was just…”

  “The things people say.”

  I didn’t answer. I couldn’t hold his gaze.

  “About me.”

  I dared a glance up and the pain I saw in the crystalline eyes pulled at my heart. “Maybe that was part of it.” I stepped to the side and sat down at the picnic table. Connor followed, sitting down beside me.