by Taylor Dean
There’s no such oblivion waiting for me. My body gives out before my mind does and won’t let me run anymore. Still I walk, having no idea where I’m going, I just know I want to walk far away from here. Away from Stony. Away from Mia. Away from their unbreakable bond.
I have my purse with me. I have a working debit card and money in my checking account. I have cash and yes, it’s a hidden hundred. I have a credit card and a cell phone. I’m no longer helpless. It feels so good.
I have options. I could get an Uber. I could rent a car and drive myself wherever I want to go. I could go to a hotel for a few days and nurse my broken heart. The point is, I don’t have to depend on anyone to save me. I can save myself and get the heck out of this situation.
I am free. I am free to escape this place that has held me captive.
All at once, I see a taxi slowly driving through the residential area. I rarely see a taxi on the roads these days and it takes me by surprise. This isn’t the kind of town where you can wave down a taxi, but I take a chance and wave at it anyway.
Before I know it, the taxi is pulled over right in front of me as if my fairy godmother called for a carriage. It’s my ticket out of here and I won’t argue with the coincidence. Maybe fate is trying to let me know it’s time to leave. I wipe at my tears and put on a brave face.
I open the door and see that he already has a fare, a sweet little old lady.
“Come in, dear. The driver is about to drop me off and the taxi is all yours.”
“Thank you so much.”
“Are you okay? You look a little upset,” she asks shrewdly.
It’s so obvious I’ve been crying. I know my face must be red and splotchy. My voice quivers as I say, “I . . . need to get home right away. I just had some bad news.”
“I’m so sorry.”
We’re at her house in less than two minutes. The driver carries in her grocery bags. She pats my hand and says, “Take care, dear. And don’t be too hard on him. Love is worth holding onto. I promise you won’t regret it.”
She exits and the car door closes. I watch her leave with wide eyes. How did she know it was a matter of the heart? She possesses the wisdom of age and I have no idea how I am so transparent.
I tell the driver Stony’s address.
“That outside of Roby?” he asks.
“Yes,” I say. I have no idea what this will cost me and I don’t care. I just want to escape. Immediately. The driver takes off and before I know it, we are speeding toward Roby as the landscape flies past.
I was only meant to pass through this area. One hour of time and it would have all been behind me. I never would’ve entered Stony’s life. Instead I overstayed my time in the Roby-Sweetwater-Abilene triangle and it has turned into a nightmare of Bermuda Triangle proportions. It’s finally over. I’m calling it. I’m outta here and I’m never coming back. This place has held me hostage long enough. I’m done.
I stare out the window at the land I once labeled desolate zombie country. I notice how green everything has turned after all the rain and I actually find it beautiful. I notice the pesky prairie dogs poking up out of their holes. I notice the bunnies hiding in the bushes. I even catch a glimpse of pronghorn antelope lazily grazing in a field. I see a roadrunner dash across the road. I notice the wide open space that almost mimics the expanse of the sky above—and I appreciate it. I appreciate every little nuance of this strange little spot on the earth. The thought leaves an empty pit in my stomach.
Once outside the gates of Stony’s motorhome, the driver idles his car as I pay him. I have plans to throw all my stuff in my suitcase and leave right away. “Can you wait for me?” I ask the taxi driver.
“I have another fare.”
“Can you send another taxi for me?”
“Sure. I’ll call it in.”
“How long will it take?”
“Thirty minutes or so.”
I want to be out of here now. I want to scurry the heck out of Roby, Texas and never scurry back. But I’m not leaving my things behind. I want absolutely no ties to Stony and no reason for him to need to contact me. I will not be available for second chances.
It’s over. Mia’s back and it’s time for me to leave. I worried about this very thing happening. I should have known better than to put myself in this situation.
Stony tends to leave the gates unlocked now, almost as if he’s sending the message that he’s now open to human contact. Whatever the reason, I’m glad for it. I push open the large gate that allows cars to enter Stony’s inner sanctum and I leave it open. I want to hear the taxi when it arrives.
Once inside the motorhome, I make my way to Stony’s room and collapse onto his bed. It smells like his aftershave and makes me feel close to him. It’ll probably be the last time I ever feel close to him. I burst into tears and I cry my eyes out, sobbing so hard I think I will die.
Stony’s smile—that huge, gorgeous smile—is reserved for Mia and it kills me, it tears me apart inside and leaves me in shreds. I cry until I’m sure I can’t possibly produce one more tear, then I sit up and wipe my eyes. I need to pack before the taxi gets here.
I pause and take in my surroundings. I will miss my quiet life with Stony. I feel like we have a secret, one that is only between us and no one will ever know or understand it because it’s only ours. Love is the best kept secret between two people. I know Stony loves me, but I believe his love for Mia has a pull on him he can’t resist.
It’s then I hear the loud rumble of an engine. I hear the squeal of tires and the hard lock of the brakes as the truck comes to a screeching halt.
It’s Stony.
I don’t want to face him. I should’ve left without my belongings. I should’ve told the taxi driver I’d pay him handsomely to take me all the way to Lubbock without stopping. And if he noticed a truck following us, I’d pay him extra for ditching it.
Just as I grab my suitcase and plop it on my bunk, the door to the motorhome bangs open. Stony fills the doorway. I see him out of my peripheral vision, but I don’t acknowledge him. I unzip my suitcase and begin to toss everything inside. I wonder how he tore himself away from Mia.
“What are you doing?” he asks. He sounds upset, almost distressed.
“I’m leaving.”
“Please don’t.”
I turn on him and I know I scare him with my fierce attitude by the way he draws back ever so slightly. “Do you know I’ve never once seen you smile? Do you?” My crying bout has left me sounding as though I’m about to lose my voice. My words escape my throat in a gravelly manner, yet my tone remains eerily calm and low. It’s obvious my emotions are raging just below the surface and it’s more than obvious I’ve been crying my eyes out, but I manage to remain in control.
I don’t give him time to answer. “You’ve said things to me no one has ever said to me in my entire life, the kinds of things that most women never hear in their lifetime, the kinds of things a woman longs to hear, craves to hear, hopes beyond the tiniest shred of hope to hear just once from the lips of a man who adores her. And I soaked it all up and basked in it. And yet you’ve never once graced me with so much as the smallest of smiles. You can’t look me in the eyes and show me with your facial expressions what I mean to you. You can’t do it. Can you?”
He shakes his head with disbelief and acts like he wants to say something, but can’t.
“Do you realize what just happened today? Do you? The first time I ever see you smile, not a little smile either I might add, it’s an all-out smile that takes over your face and makes you look like a completely different person. And who is it for? Who has the power to bring you to life and make you shine?” I hesitate for a moment, then spit out, “Mia. Always Mia.” I finish my quiet tirade as my voice cracks. I return to my packing, my chest heaving with emotion. The tears that I thought were dried up start to fall again, my eyes blur, and I can’t see what I’m doing. I fall to my knees and begin to sob like a baby. I don’t want him to see me like this. I’m e
nraged and hurting and crazy with emotions I don’t understand. What is this fire in my chest? Is it jealousy? Is it rage? It hurts and I hate it. I don’t ever want to feel this way again. I want to close myself down and never feel again.
I feel his arms circle me and I want to brush them away, but I don’t. Instead he holds me while I give in to a second round of gut-wrenching tears.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m so, so sorry.” He says it over and over until my crying stops. “Please let me explain, Spencer. Please.”
“I can’t hear it, Stony. I don’t want to hear an explanation. You’ve already told me through your actions everything I need to know.”
“No, I haven’t. There’s more to the story than what you think you know. Please just hear me out.”
I pull myself together and get to my feet, untangling myself from Stony. I hate myself for letting him see my raw emotion, for letting him know that he’s broken my heart. I feel so vulnerable.
I hear a car pull in and the driver beeps his horn a few times.
“That’s my taxi. I need to go.” I run my shaking hands through my hair, wondering if I look like a crazy woman. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this. I’m going to save you the trouble of ending things between us. I don’t want to have that conversation. I release you from any obligation you have with me. You’re free to do whatever you want.”
“Spencer, please, I have so much I need to tell you. You don’t understand.”
“I understand more than you think.”
“No, you don’t. Just hear me out and if you still want to leave, I’ll drive you. Please, Spencer.”
I’ve never heard Stony plead for something. Actually, it’s only during his late night visits that I’ve heard this much emotion in his voice.
“There are things you don’t know. Things you need to know.” After a long exhale, he adds, “Things you deserve to know, things I should have told you from the beginning.” He runs his hand over his eyes as if he’s very tired. “I didn’t want to tell you. I liked the idea of starting fresh without my past hanging over us. I just wanted to pretend like it never happened.”
I’m not sure how, but I knew his past was hanging over us. That was my mistake. I should have insisted he tell me everything. He’s right. We should have discussed it and not brushed it under the carpet as if it didn’t matter.
The fact is it does matter. The past has a way of creeping up on us and affecting our future.
I give in. I can’t imagine that he can say anything to fix this. I’m emotionally drained and I don’t have it in me to fight him. “All right.” In spite of everything, I’m curious to hear what he has to say.
“I’ll tell the driver.”
While he’s talking to the taxi driver, I try to get ahold of myself. My hands are still shaking and my heart is racing. I’ve never felt so besieged by emotion. It has taken me over and overshadowed all reason. I breathe in and out deeply in an attempt to calm myself down. I can’t believe I just berated a man for a simple smile at his former fiancée. But when it comes to Stony, a man nicknamed Stony because he never smiles, it’s a big deal. Huge.
Monumental. Especially when that smile was directed at Mia.
I look in the bathroom mirror and I see the same furrow that’s always between Stony’s eyes evident on my own face. What’s happening to me? His actions are killing me.
It was just a smile. Just a simple smile. That’s all. Nothing more.
Then why am I so devastated by it?
Because it’s a rare occurrence. Like a solar eclipse. Like a blue moon that only occurs every two to three years.
Stony’s smile is akin to a miracle.
CHAPTER
Twenty
I HEAR STONY enter the motorhome and I exit the bathroom. He simply stares at me. It’s a little unnerving, so I stare right back at him. I don’t hide the angst in my expression. He needs to know that his actions have devastated me. It may be silent in the room, but so many things are being said right now. He’s hesitant and cautious. I’m wary and guarded. I’m not sure we can recover from this. How can I ever trust him? How can I continue seeing him? After witnessing the bond between them, I’ll always wonder if he’s really pining after Mia. It’s not lost on me that she didn’t run to her mother upon returning home from jail. No, she ran straight to Stony. If ever an action was telling, that was one of them.
“Please sit,” he says, motioning toward the dining table.
I do, and he sits across from me.
“I need to tell you something that I should’ve told you from the very beginning. I’ve always felt like I was hurting you by not speaking about it.”
I nod. “I wondered why you never spoke of it. It has felt like a wedge between us.”
“I’m sorry. I really am. That’s not what I intended. I just wanted a fresh start.”
His fresh start just backfired on him. It’s always best to let the truth be known from the get-go when it comes to relationships. Too bad I let that piece of wisdom escape me. It seems blaringly obvious right about now.
Stony tells me, “I know how this must look to you, but you couldn’t be more wrong.”
I doubt that very much. However, I’m willing to hear what he has to say. I owe it to myself to give us every chance. I know I’ll regret it if I don’t.
When I don’t respond, he goes on. “I’d like to tell you a story, the story of Mia and I.”
Great. Just what I wanted to hear. I jump to my feet and I know my eyes are a little wild as I glare at him. “Do I really need to hear this?”
He stands also. He doesn’t break eye contact with me and he remains calm. “In the end, you’ll be glad you listened. I promise.” Then he says, “Please, Spencer.”
Why do I still see so much love in his eyes? Is he in love with two women and he’s struggling to make a choice? I refuse to endure that type of situation. If that’s the case, I’m out. Over and done.
“I owe you an explanation. Please, Spencer. Things are not what they seem.”
Aren’t they? I think to myself. I’m so sure I know what’s going on that I can’t see straight.
I take several more deep breaths. Okay. After his explanation, I’ll make my decision; an informed decision. I don’t want to end our relationship because of miscommunication and misunderstandings. “Okay,” I say reluctantly. I throw my shoulders back and look him in the eyes. I’m steeling myself for his story, positive that it will change nothing. Slowly, I sit down once again. He does the same.
“I’m not telling you this to hurt you. I’m telling you this because you need to know, because it’s the only way you’ll understand what just happened.” Stony pauses, his eyes unwavering. “When the Faraday’s moved in across the street from us, I guess you could say it changed both my life and Shay’s life. Mia and I were the same age, both in the seventh grade. We became instant friends. She was a bit of a tomboy and loved doing whatever the boys were doing. Whether we were riding bikes, climbing trees, or skateboarding, she’d always join in. Shay was just a little thing back then, but Mia’s brother, Jace, was only a few years older than Shay. As they got older, they had a thing for each other as well. I still don’t know why they didn’t make it. They should have.”
I blink heavily. I don’t want to know about Shay and Jace, but I say nothing. Knowing that in this delicate moment Stony is thinking about his sister makes me love him more—and I don’t want to love him more. I think I’m about to lose him, the one man in my life whose touch I love. Not just his touch, I love everything about this man. I love his quiet lifestyle, his dry humor, and even his serious nature. Everything about him appeals to me. A few tears drip down my face and Stony reaches out and wipes them away. I allow it and don’t turn from him. It may be the last time he touches me.
“Please don’t cry,” he whispers.
I nod, unable to comply. He continues, “It wasn’t until high school that we started looking upon each other differently. Up until then we behaved
more like brother and sister than anything else. Mia doesn’t open up easily to men. Her father abandoned his family and they’ve never heard from him since.
“At any rate, I suppose it was inevitable that we became romantically involved. We were best friends and one thing led to another. Our relationship lasted and at eighteen we went off to college together. Nothing changed between us. Everything stayed the way it always had. In many ways, I think we became a habit to each other. We’d spent so much of our childhood together, we didn’t know how to end it. Because we spent so much time together, neither one of us had other friends. Acquaintances, yes, but we really didn’t have close friends besides each other. Looking back, I think it’s a dangerous position to put yourself in. I think we stayed together by default. We just accepted that we would always be a part of each other’s lives. We didn’t date other people and our families assumed we would marry. So did we. I never even considered another plan for my life. I asked her to marry me and she said yes. And I’m not going to lie, we were happy together, just as we always were. We didn’t know anything different and it’s hard to let go of something when it has become your comfort zone. To be honest, if life hadn’t thrown in a few curve balls, we’d probably be married right now. Story over.”
I don’t want to hear this. They’re so perfect for each other, it makes me sick—and I feel like an intruder.
“I know you won’t ask this, but I’m sure you’re wondering. In your position, I’d be wondering too. The answer is no. No, we didn’t live together. And no, we were never intimate. We were waiting for marriage. It always felt as though our wedding was just around the corner. Not far away at all and not long to wait. In reality, it wasn’t even within our grasp. We just didn’t know it.”
