Eight Steps to Alpha: A Nerdy by Nature Novel

by Taylor Sullivan

“Nah,” he whispered. “But you looked like you could use a smile.”

  Glancing down to her feet, she nodded. That was something Elliot would do. Something Elliot would say.

  “Where’s Elliot?” Colton asked then, causing a new wave of nausea to roll in her stomach.

  “Launch party.”

  “Oh yeah? Is that where you were too? Is that why you look so pretty?”

  She met his eyes. “Yes.”

  “You left him?”

  She nodded.

  “Alone?”

  “With Mary.” She swallowed.

  “Ahh…”

  Twisting her fingers, she watched his reaction, and waited for more question, but nothing came. He just stood there, watching her, making her want to run away. To flee, to buy a ticket to a deserted island and live there for eternity. “Why don’t you take a shower,” he said, walking toward her and taking her fingers in his. “Wash off all that makeup.” He nodded. “Then come out here and watch a movie with me?”

  She could feel her chin wobbling and knew she was close to tears. “What movie?”

  “Jurassic World. Have you seen it?”

  “No.” She shook her head.

  He squeezed her hands one last time, grabbed hold of her shoulders, then pointed her in the direction of the bathroom. “Good.” But he didn’t say anything more. He didn’t need to. He just gave her a little shove forward, and she did exactly what he said.

  Chapter 36

  Playing with the folded-up napkin in one hand, Elliot spread it open on his lap, and glanced down to Mary’s handwriting. It was her phone number, along with her address for tomorrow night. Everything had gone exactly as planned, exactly how Fe wanted it to, because by the end of the night, he didn’t even have to ask for her number. She gave it to him right after asking about his plans for the weekend.

  Four weeks ago, he would have been ecstatic after tonight, because Mary was the woman of his dreams. But that was before he really slept. Before being with Fe rocked him off of his axes, before he let himself imagine something different. He closed his eyes, letting his head fall back on the headrest, and tried to be happy. But all he could think about was the way Fe looked when she’d pushed at his chest and told him to go back to Mary.

  What the fuck was he supposed to do now? She was telling him to go away, had told him point blank that their time together was a mistake, but everything within him yelled something different. He wanted her. Wanted her in a way he’d never wanted a woman before. All of her body, all of her breathes, every single part of her.

  But she didn’t want him.

  No, she was forcing him into the arms of another woman.

  When his Uber pulled up to the front of their apartment, he thanked his driver, then climbed out of cab. Immediately, he noticed the lights in the second story window. A faint flicker, but his stomach instantly twisted, and he ran up the steps. When he pushed open the door to the apartment his whole body tightened. Fe, dressed in her pajama’s, was curled up on the couch, asleep in his brother’s lap. “What are you doing?” he asked Colton.

  Colton covered his mouth with one finger, “Shhh…” But in one easy motion, he slid from beneath her head, and rested it again on a pillow. His clothes were disheveled, his eyelids heavy as though he’d just woken up himself. “I should ask you the same question.” He yawned.

  Elliot clenched his jaw and took of his jacket, throwing it to the corner of the room “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Nothin’.”

  He couldn’t help but look back at Fe, whose hair was damp and stuck to her face. “Did you touch her?”

  “I don’t see how any of that is your business—”

  Elliot stepped forward, clutching Colton shirt in his firsts. “Did you touch her?”

  Colton stared into his brother, as though seeing right into his soul “I didn’t touch her.”

  Elliot’s hands loosened, he took a breath, but the soft sound of Fe’s hiccups filled his ears in that moment. “Was she upset.”

  “She says she wasn’t.”

  His heart thudded. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You tell me,” Colton yanked out of Elliot’s grasp and turned to the kitchen, pulling out a jug of orange juice from the fridge as he spoke. “Where do you go from here?” Colton asked him, pursing his lips. “I’m curious?”

  “What are you takin’ about?”

  He pointed to the list on the refrigerator, now partially covered with a pizza coupon. “Your plan. What happens next? Have you thought about that?”

  Elliot followed his line of vision, then came into the kitchen and leaned against the counter. “Why do you care?”

  “Because I’m your brother.”

  Elliot crossed his arms at his chest but said nothing.

  “So, you get the girl, you get Mary, then what? You leave her heart broken?” He jetted his chin to the living room. “Doesn’t sound like you.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”

  “Is that right?”

  Elliot opened the cupboard, filled a glass with water and drank it by half. “Yes, that’s right?”

  Colton laughed.

  “Fe doesn’t want me, Colton.”

  “And you believe that?” He placed the jug of juice back in the fridge and slammed the door. “God, you’re dumb!”

  Elliot stepped toward him, his chest tightening. “If she likes me so much, why was she asleep on your lap?”

  “Because I was here. You weren’t.”

  “Bullshit!”

  Colton lifted one eyebrow, then pushed a finger toward the living room. “If you’re not careful, you’ll wake her. Then what will you do?”

  In spite of himself, Elliot immediately calmed. The last thing he needed was for Fe to be awake right now. Witnessing—this. He rinsed out his glass, set it on the rack to dry, and turned toward his bedroom, intending to put himself to bed. But Colton’s words stopped him. “Talked to Mom tonight.”

  Elliot took a deep breath and turned around to face him, “Oh yeah, and what did she say?”

  “Said she hasn’t talked to you in a few weeks. Says she misses you.”

  “I’ll call her tomorrow—”

  “Why haven’t you been home since grandpa’s funeral, Elli?”

  Elliot adjusted his stance, his heart suddenly heavy. “Why are you asking me this?”

  “Because everyone misses you.”

  “Like I said, I’ll call her tomorrow—”

  “I’m talking about Dad.”

  Elliot froze, but his heart clenched in his chest. “Yeah, right,” he almost laughed.

  “Why don’t you talk to him? Why do you pretend he doesn’t exist?”

  Elliot’s jaw tightened. “If you don’t remember, he basically threw me out of the house.”

  “You seriously think that?”

  “I know it.”

  “He sent you to college. That’s hardly the same thing.”

  “Yeah, two-thousand miles away.”

  “Because Texas wasn’t good for you. Because he knew if you stayed, you’d never grow to your full potential. You’d never live it down—”

  “What? that I’m mom’s bastard?” Elliot’s hands fisted at his side, but he didn’t move.

  Colton laughed. “Sure.”

  Realizing there was no way out of this conversation but through, Elliot lifted his chin and stepped forward. “You were the closing pitcher of the high school team, just like him. You were the most popular guy in school, just like him. And I was everything that reminded him of their past. Of course he wanted me gone.”

  “He didn’t want you gone! He wanted you to see your own damn worth.”

  “That’s bullshit.”

  Colton laughed, then walked closer. “You see everything in black and white, don’t you, Elli?”

  Elliot remained quiet, so Colton continued. “You think it was easy for him to hear all those damn rumors? You think it didn’t affect h
im?”

  “Oh, I know it did. That’s why he was so determined I leave.”

  “He was determined you leave so you could start a life of your own. So you could be known for something other than his and mama’s mistakes. Not so you’d never come home. He wanted you out of there because he loved you, not because he didn’t.”

  Colton then turned to the living room, where Fe was still sound asleep on the couch. “When are you going to realize that people love you? Always have, and always will.” He came closer then, looking him straight in the eye. Nose to nose, chest to chest. “I want you to imagine your future. Not a year from now, or even two, but someday. You’ll be standing at the end of a long aisle, dressed in your finest suit, waiting. Then that girl out there will walk toward you, looking more beautiful than you’ve ever seen her before wearing a white dress… But she won’t be walking to you. Nah… she’ll be walking to some other chump because you’re too much of a chickenshit to see what’s right front of you.” Colton shoved him away, and walked toward the hall.

  “I tried, Colton, I tried, and she told me to go back to Mary.”

  Colton paused at the hall before turning toward the bathroom “Because she’s chickenshit too.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  But Colton didn’t answer. He closed the door behind him, leavening Elliot alone I the dark.

  He ranked his hands over his hair, letting out a heavy breath, and turned to look back at Fe. She was still fast asleep on the couch, hiccuping.

  Chapter 37

  The TV was still on when she opened her eyes the next morning. Stuck, frozen in time to the opening credits of Jurassic World. She wasn’t even sure when she fell asleep last night, or how long she’d laid in Colton’s lap before she’d drifted. But somehow, she had…and somehow all she remembered now were the clips or dreams that had haunted her all through the night.

  There was one dream in particular she couldn’t shake…. It was about Elliot, taking all of his things and stacking them in boxes by the front door. The piles grew bigger and bigger, but all she did was watch. She didn’t ask questions. Didn’t argue, because no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t seem to open her mouth to tell him to stay.

  She leaned forward, reached for the remote to click off the TV, then pressed the heel of each hand into her eye sockets. She felt barely rested, almost not herself, but she sat up, placing both feet on floor, and found Colton beside her, hunched over in the arm chair, fast asleep. His long legs were sprawled out in front of him, his large body hunched over, hardly fitting in the seat.

  She gave his knee a firm shove, and waited for his eyes to open. “Have you been sleeping like that all night?” she asked.

  A sleepy grin formed at the corner of his mouth and he nodded. “Yes ma’am.”

  “Why didn’t you wake me?”

  He shrugged once, but a slow mischievous grin curved at the corner of his mouth. “I thought about takin’ your bed, but if I’m ever lucky enough to sleep there, I guarantee I won’t be alone.”

  She raised one brow, but couldn’t quite hold back a laugh. “Nice try, lover boy.” She rose from her seat, stretching her arms overhead, but froze when she saw Elliot’s jacket on the floor. It was just thrown there, crumpled, discarded, which was out of character for him. The sight of it abandoned, like he didn’t care about it at all, stirred up a multitude of feelings she wasn’t ready for. Because she was sure he was upset when he’d entered the apartment last night, and she was positive that everything between them was about to change...

  But…he’d come home. Her heart locked onto that fact, and she closed her eyes. He’d come home.

  Glancing back to Colton, her chest aching and constricted, she found him watching her, bracing his forearms on his knees. She pushed her hair back behind her ear, and straightened her shoulders. “You can have your spot back. I’m not really tired anymore.”

  His nodded his head, sat up, then sprawled out on the couch and pulled up the blankets. “I thank ya kindly.”

  In the kitchen, Fe grabbed the coffee carafe, and began grinding beans to make a fresh pot. Elliot would be awake soon, and she was determined not to be there when he got up. It was better for now. Better to avoid him until things could settle. Until they found their new normal.

  But as soon as she placed the pot under the faucet, the patter of bare feet sounded on the tile floor behind her.

  “Hey,” Elliot said softly, his voice grabbed, like something was holding him by the throat.

  She spun around, sloshing water to the kitchen floor. “Damnit.”

  Setting the carafe on the counter, she reached for a towel, but it was too late, he was already hunched over on the ground, cleaning up her mess.

  Her heart was pounding so hard that was all she could hear any longer. She glanced down at him, finding him wearing the multicolored superhero pants she’s purchased for him at Christmas. “I was just making coffee,” she stated.

  He stood up, pushed himself from the floor, and placed the wet towel on the counter, “I assumed as much.”

  She nodded, feeling like an idiot. Of course she was making coffee. What else would she be doing? She turned around, dumped the now ground beans into the filter, poured the remaining water into the machine, and focused on her breathing “How’d it go last night?” she forced herself to ask. “With Mary?”

  He leaned against the counter, and kicked out his legs. “Good, I think. She’s makin’ me dinner tonight.”

  “Oh.” Fe swallowed. “That sounds nice.” She forced a smile, then opened the cabinet above her head, and pulled out a mug. But the news about Mary hit her so hard, she almost dropped it. “Will you excuse me.”

  She turned to the living room, intending to lock herself into the bathroom so she could cry in peace, but before she could step around him, he stopped her. “What happened last night?” he asked.

  She blinked a couple times before looking up at him. “What do you mean?”

  “Between you and Colton?

  “We watched a movie.” She laughed.

  “And?”

  “And he’s a nice guy. What do you think happened?”

  “Do you like him?”

  Her eyes drifted to the floor, and she knew he wanted her to say no. That he didn’t want her to like his brother, but they would never move on if they didn’t stop this dance. “He’s growing on me,” she lied, forcing her face upward.

  Elliot only stared at her, so long she began to feel him enter her soul. “What about last weekend. What about—” But his words cut off, and he looked to the floor.

  She placed her mug to the counter, harder than she intended. “We agreed not to talk about it. We agreed it would be one night. We said—”

  “I know what we said.”

  She swallowed again. “Then what are you asking me?”

  His jaw flexed. “I don’t know.”

  “Go out with Mary tonight, Elliot. Have a good time.”

  His brows pinched together, shadowing the storm that grew underneath. “Okay.”

  Chapter 38

  Leaving the apartment that evening was the hardest thing he’d ever done.

  But Fe was right, he needed to forget about last weekend. But it wasn’t just last weekend. He’d have to forget much more than that. Especially all that happened over the past four weeks.

  He followed the GPS toward Mary’s house, pulled in front of her apartment, and shifted to park. Colton’s words the night before echoed through his consciousness, and he wasn’t able to shake them. Did his brother really think he’d ever hurt Fe? Did he really think he was capable?

  He stared at the phone on his dash thinking about his father. About his senior year of high school, and all the dozens of applications. “Search far and wide, because you’re not staying here. I won’t have it.” His father’s words had cut him deep. So deep, he could hardly look at him after that.

  When the acceptance letters came, he was given three choices—all of w
hich were far away from Texas. “I’m buying your ticket out of here, Elliot. Tell me where you want to go.”

  He remembered looking up to his mother’s eyes and finding crying crying, but there were no words of support. She didn’t want him to stay either. Two weeks after graduation, he was on a plane, a duffle bag stowed in the overhead compartment, and nothing else.

  He didn’t even realize he made the call until his mother answered. “Hello?”

  He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned his head back against the head rest.

  “Hey, Mom… Is it too late?”

  There was some movement on the other side of the receiver, and she clicked off the TV. “Oh no, honey. It’s good to hear your voice. I spoke to Colton yesterday. I’m so glad you guys are getting along.”

  His lip lifted in a grin. “Colton said that?”

  “Well yes, honey. Is it not true?”

  He laughed. “Oh no, we’re getting along fine, don’t worry.”

  “Oh good, because you know how you are your brother can be.”

  “Yeah, I know.” He was quiet a moment, but then he scratched the back of his head. “Hey mom, is uh, is Dad there?”

  She went quiet a minute, and he could imagine what she was thinking. He hadn’t talked to his father in years. Not so much as a simple hello. “Yes, of course.” She stammered out. “Let me…let me just go get him.”

  Elliot took a deep breath, lulled his head back to his shoulders, and waited for his father to pick of the line.

  It was a long minute before he answered, his voice husky, thick, and raw. “Son?” His voice groggy, like he’d just woken up.“Everything okay? Do you need money?”

  Elliot wasn’t sure if he should laugh or cry. This was the first he’d called his father since the funeral, and his first response was to offer money. “Everything’s fine, Dad.” He rubbed hard over his eyelids suddenly having a headache. “I just haven’t heard your voice in a while…I thought—I thought I’d say hi.”

  His dad was quiet for a moment, then his husky drawl came through the receiver. “It’s good to hear your voice, Elliot.”