Managing The Rock Star (Not So Bad Boys Book 1)

by Emma St Clair

“I’ll have you know that Ross isn’t my world. Well, not all of my world.”

  They wore matching smiles as Sterling drove away. “Keep telling yourself that.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Sterling could not remember a day in which he smiled this much. His cheeks felt cramped and overworked. Reese just had that effect on him. Part of it was her wide-eyed excitement at everywhere he took her. They got out at Venice Beach, where Reese immediately took off her shoes and ran full-speed into the ocean. Well, a few steps in. She had on cropped pants since they had come straight from Ross, not changing first, and she stepped in far enough that her feet were in the water, but her pants were dry. Until a wave crashed over her legs, sending her squealing and making her pants wet to above her knees. Sterling had still been laughing when she ran straight into his arms. He couldn’t complain about that. Not even a little.

  The weather was warm and perfect, almost hot, and there was less smog in the air. Sterling bought her an ice cream cone along the boardwalk and then stopped so she could get a henna tattoo on the inside of her wrist. Sterling had never really spent much time looking at women’s wrists before. But watching them put the tattoo on the inside there had his thoughts spinning out into some other directions. It was all he could think about: pressing his lips there. He promised himself that he would. Later.

  From almost the start, their dynamic was different. Even before he gave his little speech about not being at work. They were away from the tour, away from their normal day-to-day. Away from Morgan and the fake relationship. Away from the crowded bus where there was no privacy. Away from their normal roles where he was her client. Here, he wasn’t boss and she had no social media issues to fix. They could just be.

  Every so often there was a jarring reminder, like when they saw paparazzi just down the boardwalk, following some celebutante. Sterling grabbed Reese’s hand more tightly and turned them both quickly around. He had on a hat and sunglasses still, the celebrity cliché, but it did make him look like every other person on the boardwalk.

  He had felt Reese tensing beside him until they lost sight of the photographers. He had no desire to fall prey to a mob of paparazzi. Especially when Reese had been spinning the whole relationship with Morgan thing. The cameras reminded him just how risky he was being. Being spotted together would be the end to this trip and its magical powers to suspend time and reality.

  Even though it felt very, very real. More real than anything else he could remember.

  Sterling felt the same energy and fire he did on stage sometimes, but now all that energy was focused on Reese. He wanted to be touching her every second, even in sweet, casual ways like holding her hand. He wanted to show her a good time and pamper her as much as she would let him in the tiny window of time they had. Even if this whole trip was a big risk. He had no idea what would happen when the wheels touched down in Denver tomorrow night and they returned to the tour bus. But for now: Sterling could pretend that Reese was his and all was right with the world.

  Actually, not until then. His happy little bubble would burst—at least temporarily—tomorrow morning at the intervention. Every time he remembered, it made his chest freeze up so tightly that it was hard to breathe.

  After Venice Beach, Sterling took her to the hotel in Santa Monica. She had clearly never heard of Shutters, but he could read the awe on her face when they arrived. It was a Cape Cod style hotel right on the ocean, totally different from the more modern and art deco styles often seen in and around L.A. or the Mediterranean-style beach resorts. He used to stay here when he visited home. It was just twenty minutes from his mom and though she let Sterling know he was welcome, after he left for Nashville, he didn’t want to sleep in her house. It stopped feeling like home when he left.

  As Sterling got them checked in, he watched Reese’s face as she wandered the lobby. He loved how Shutters felt luxurious, but also like a living room. The lobby wasn’t some ostentatious grand affair but had vaulted ceilings with wood beams and comfortable seating areas with patterned rugs and upholstered chairs. It felt like somewhere you could relax. Just with high-end touches and a concierge.

  Sterling didn’t think of himself as spoiled. He could live on a crowded tour bus, obviously, but he had to admit that he loved being able to afford something like this. For himself, but also to see Reese’s face. She shot him a glance with wide eyes, mouthing “thank you” as he finished speaking with the concierge. He left the car keys for the valet and took their key cards. Someone would bring up their bags soon.

  “Let’s go see our rooms,” Sterling said, touching Reese’s shoulder. Though it was warm outside, she sat on a leather ottoman just in front of a fire.

  “This is beyond amazing,” she said. “I love it already. I want to move in.”

  He grinned. “Then you’ll love your suite.”

  “Did you say suite?”

  “I did. Come on and let’s see it.”

  Sterling had picked the Pacific View Suite for Reese, which sat in a corner, giving ocean views on two sides. It was one of his favorite suites, where you felt like you were in a room that was an extension of the beach.

  “Sterling,” Reese breathed out as they entered. He couldn’t contain the grin on his face. It felt so good to spoil her. “This is too much!”

  Like the lobby, the room felt like a home, not a hotel. But Reese ignored the luxury details and went straight for one of the balconies and opened the doors wide, stepping out into the sun. He couldn’t blame her. She leaned forward, hands on the railing.

  Sterling wanted to come up behind her and wrap his arms around her waist, but hesitated. He had been touching her almost since the airport, but would this be too much? Swallowing back his nerves and the thoughts that held him back, he moved behind her and circled his arms around her, resting his head lightly on her shoulder. She relaxed back into him with a sigh and he pulled her even closer, luxuriating in the feel of her in his arms.

  “You like it? I wanted you to have the best.” He spoke close to her ear and felt her shiver.

  “If this is my room, I can’t wait to see yours.”

  “You might be a little disappointed,” he said. “Mine is a normal room. I wanted you to have the suite.”

  Reese spun out of his arms, turning to face him with her back against the balcony railing. The breeze moved her hair around her face. “You can’t do that! I don’t need this. It’s too much, Sterling!”

  He shifted forward, putting his hands on the railing to either side of her. She was so close. His pulse picked up its tempo and his nerves were stuttering, sending a wave of sensations through him. The desire to kiss her was almost untamable.

  As he spoke, he inched closer. “I can do it. I did do it. And you can’t do anything to stop me. Some women would just say ‘thank you.’”

  Reese opened her mouth, but then didn’t speak. Her eyes darted over his face, not resting on any one place too long. Sterling brushed her hair back over her shoulder and she trembled as his fingers touched her neck. He slid his hand down her shoulder and back to the railing, keeping her trapped.

  Her gray eyes looked more blue in the sunlight and Sterling felt like she was pleading with him. He wanted to bridge the distance between them and kiss her. Is that what she wanted? Was she pleading that he kiss her? Or pleading that he step away?

  As he leaned forward, she closed her eyes, lips slightly parting. Her breathing seemed to stop. Sterling put his cheek to hers instead of fusing their lips together. He was so close now that he could feel her body shaking.

  “Tell me no,” he said. “If this isn’t what you want, tell me.”

  His lips brushed her cheek as he spoke, and he clenched his arms, trying to hold himself back. Her skin felt so soft against his. He loved the way the stubble on his jaw and cheek dragged over her smooth skin. He waited. Reese didn’t move and didn’t speak.

  “Tell me what you want,” he said, feeling like any moment his heart would ricochet out of his chest and explode li
ke fireworks over the beach. Heat flooded his chest and neck. His grip on the railing was punishing.

  He didn’t want to push her. He didn’t want to take something that she didn’t want to give. Everything in him told him that she felt the same way, but he could also feel her struggling. Debating. They had toed the line for a while and probably crossed it today. But a kiss would be like both of them jumping right over the invisible line together.

  When Reese spoke, her voice was hardly more than a whisper. He felt it against his cheek more than he heard it and the feel drove him wild.

  “I want you, Sterling.”

  It took every bit of self-control he possessed not to crush his lips to hers. He wanted to be slow instead. You could only have one first kiss.

  Lifting his hands from the railing on either side of her, Sterling cupped them around her face, hoping his calloused fingers weren’t too rough on her delicate skin. Her eyes were still closed and her breathing shallow. He brushed his thumbs over the swell of her cheeks and watched her eyelids flutter open.

  He paused before her, his lips so close to hers that when she spoke little puffs of air tickled his skin.

  “Too … slow …” she breathed.

  Smiling, Sterling brushed his lips over hers lightly. Teasing her. She made a strangled groaning sound that had him smiling even more. It was hard to kiss while smiling, but when he finally did press his lips to hers, it was still the single best kiss of his life, right from the start.

  It wasn’t so much the kiss. It was her.

  She kissed him back like she had been starving, just for him, and now could not get her fill. Her hands touched his chest and it was like lightning struck him there. She moved her hands to his neck, then to the back of his head where they ran through his hair, pulling him even closer.

  Sterling heard music playing in his head, notes tumbling over each other. If he hadn’t been so engrossed in this moment, he would have run for his guitar to get the melody down. But he could not have broken away from Reese if he tried, not even to capture the music in his head. His hands still cupped her cheeks and he dropped them to her waist, then circled around her back. His fingers moved over her back like she was a one-of-a-kind instrument he had been deemed worthy enough to play.

  After a few minutes, Reese pulled back and rested her forehead against his. They were both breathing heavily and she laughed softly. “That was—I mean, you are—” She shook her head slightly, not losing contact with his forehead. “I don’t have any words.”

  Sterling closed his eyes, reveling in the feeling of her fingertips brushing over his scalp, massaging and lightly scratching with her fingernails.

  “I don’t want to jinx it, but Sterling—what are we doing?”

  He kissed her softly once more, letting his lips linger on hers, drinking her in. “We’re kissing. It’s where two people—”

  She cut him off with a giggle that bubbled out of her chest and got him laughing as well. Sterling slid his head next to hers, pulling her into his arms. His hands moved up and down her back. He kissed her neck, just below her ear and she gasped. “Sterling!” He kissed her neck again, closer to her jaw and her fingers tightened in his hair. She slapped at his shoulder, like she was tapping out of an MMA fight. “Too fast!”

  Sterling could hear the warning in her voice and he pulled away, grinning as he met her eyes. They looked dazed and cloudy. “Too slow, too fast. You’re a hard woman to please,” he said, teasing.

  Reese rolled her eyes, but she was smiling too. “You’re impossible.”

  “Now I’m impossible?”

  Laughing, she dropped her head onto his chest and put her hands on his waist, pulling him closer. “Sterling, we should probably talk.”

  He kissed the top of her head. “I’m up for a talk. I am also open to other suggestions of activities involving lips.”

  Reese turned her head, resting her cheek on his chest. He could feel every place where her body made contact with his. She fit in his arms like he was made to hold her. He loved the smell of her and the feel of her hands as they moved around to circle his back. He brushed a hand over her hair, loving how soft it felt under his palm like soft silk.

  “I’ve been wanting to do that for days,” he said.

  “Kiss me?”

  He chuckled. “That too. I meant touch your hair. I’ve been wanting to feel it under my fingertips since I first touched it in Atlanta.”

  “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a little strange?”

  “Never. I am completely normal in every way normal is possible.”

  “Mm-hm,” she murmured against his chest, then sighed. “I do think we should talk, but is it bad that I’m afraid it will break the spell?”

  Sterling pulled back just slightly so he could see her face. He couldn’t keep his hands still, as though he had used up all his self-control and now it was completely gone. Hooking a finger through the belt loop of her shorts, he cupped his other hand over her cheek. Reese covered his hand with her own, leaning into his touch with a sigh.

  “Do you think this is something that we could break that easily? By talking about it?” Sterling asked, studying her expression.

  Her eyes widened. “No, I didn’t mean it like that! Well, maybe a part of me fears that. This is just so sudden. I’ve known you for like two weeks. A week. Ten days? Not long.”

  Sterling couldn’t help smirking. “I thought you’d been planning our wedding for years.”

  She punched his chest, then spread her palm open and left it there. “I can feel your heart.”

  “You’re giving it quite the workout today.”

  “That goes both ways,” Reese said. She squinted, as though just realizing they were standing on the balcony in full sun. “Can we go inside? This is lovely, but I think I’m beginning to burn. And sweat.”

  “Oh, and you’re trying to blame that on the sun, not the company?” Sterling said.

  She punched at him again and he grabbed her hand, leading her inside where they sat on a couch, leaving the balcony doors open and the breeze blowing in. Reese angled her body, tucking her legs under her. Sterling sat as close as he could, kissing her knuckles before smiling at her again.

  Reese gestured her free hand between them. “So at the risk of sounding desperate: what is happening here?”

  He traced his hand over hers while he thought about this answer. Sterling should have felt concerned by his sudden attachment to this woman. He should have cared that he was making a fool of himself with his words and actions and his inability to hide how he felt. Normally, he was so reserved with romantic feelings. The last long-ish term girlfriend—if three months counts as long term—had broken up with him not because of his crazy schedule, but because she said he was emotionally unavailable.

  What was happening between him and Reese felt risky and for once, Sterling simply didn’t care. It was also exhilarating. And maybe he was being naïve, but this felt solid and real. Reese was someone special. She had somehow climbed right over his high walls and curled up next to his heart. He didn’t want her to leave.

  Reese was worth the risk. But could he say those words out loud? Would flipping to the complete opposite side of the emotional availability spectrum send Reese running? Was it too soon for serious declarations? He certainly felt them on the tip of his tongue.

  Her mouth turned down and her gaze darted away. “Maybe nothing is happening here and I’m just presuming. If so, I’m going to feel like the biggest idiot ever and I might disappear into my room and not come back out until we leave.”

  Sterling shifted closer and squeezed her hand. He was taking too long to answer, freaking her out. “It’s not nothing. That’s not what my silence meant. I’m not always the best with words in situations like this, so I wanted to really think before I just tossed out an answer. If this was nothing, I could have given you a quick and easy answer. This feels like … more. I just can’t seem to find how to say what I’m feeling.”

  Reese
smiled at this. “Aren’t you a songwriter? I feel like you should be pretty great with words.”

  “Well, those words are when I’m alone in a room without the pressure of a beautiful woman looking at me with her amazing eyes. And it also sometimes takes me hours or days to complete a song. This is way more intense.”

  “You think I’m beautiful?” she asked, her smile wide.

  “Have I not already told you? I need to work on that. Reese, you are beautiful.”

  She giggled, a light blush covering her cheeks. “I have to say that I did not expect this side of you. You’re being sweet and vulnerable and a little goofy. I like it.”

  “Someone told me that being vulnerable is a good quality.”

  “It is very, very attractive,” Reese said.

  “Good. Maybe in addition to Night and Day Sterling, I’ve got Afternoon Sterling.”

  “Romantic Afternoon Sterling,” she corrected. “It has a nice ring to it.”

  Sterling knew he still hadn’t answered the question of what was happening between them. He understood why Reese said talking felt a little bit like breaking the spell. Mostly because this felt like a dream. He hadn’t hoped for feelings like this or a woman like Reese. It had seemed out of reach and now that she was in front of him, he did expect the bubble to burst. Maybe that’s part of the reason he was being so open. If it was going to disappear, he wanted to enjoy every moment while he could.

  If Reese wanted some kind of promise or more stable sense of their relationship, Sterling didn’t know what he could offer. Not because he was afraid of committing to her, but it had been a really long time since he had one of these conversations. He felt lost. Should he ask her to be his girlfriend? That sounded so hokey and juvenile. He wanted something more, but it was way too soon for him to be thinking beyond that. Wasn’t it?

  When he still didn’t say anything, Reese spoke again. Her tone was softer, all the teasing gone. “I’m sorry for being forward if you aren’t ready to talk about it. I thought maybe I could just go with the flow on this trip, but I feel like I’m going to end up with my heart smashed if I keep going along, not sure where I’m going.”