A Love Undone

by Cindy Woodsmall

  But that was too much to ask of anyone. All she could do was hope he’d remain her friend until he fell in love with the person she was becoming.

  3

  Ten years later

  Andy put fresh straw in the horses’ empty stalls before filling the feed and water troughs. A refreshing May breeze flowed through the open barn doors, bringing with it the aroma of an earth coming alive after a long winter. Once the chores were done, he moved to the corridor between the stalls on each side of the barn and began coiling the hose. Amigo stuck his head out of his stall, bobbing it and making low rumbling sounds. He should be eating his oats, but instead the horse was talking to him—in his own way of course.

  Andy hung the hose on its wall rack and walked over to him. “What’s going on with you today, Amigo?” The horse lowered his head, trying to reach Andy, and Andy moved in closer. Amigo rested his head against Andy’s chest. “Ya, I hear you.” Andy patted the horse’s forehead with one hand and rubbed his cheek with the other.

  Sometimes the thoroughbred was aloof and self-assured; at other times he was as needy as a lonely lap dog. Andy assumed it was the ruckus from the newly delivered group of horses corralled in the round pen that had Amigo needing assurance. “It’s okay, ol’ boy. It’s just new thoroughbreds—stallions and mares—stomping around in the pen. They’ll settle down in a day or two.” The Fishers regularly brought in plenty of new horses to train, but this was a particularly large and aggressive group.

  Andy picked up a brush and went into Amigo’s stall. He talked to the horse while he brushed him. Years ago Amigo had thrown his brother, Levi, fracturing his neck and breaking his leg, but Amigo would never be sold. He was trustworthy ninety-something percent of the time. That was good for an animal. Even humans weren’t on their best behavior more than that. As horse trainers, he and Levi had learned to develop a gut feeling about a horse and stick with it.

  “Daed.” Tobias took long strides toward his dad, stretching his nine-year-old legs as far and fast as he could without running, because rowdiness was forbidden in the barn unless it was done intentionally to help train the horses. “You’ve got to see what I discovered. Uncle Levi didn’t see it until I pointed it out.”

  Andy smiled. What could possibly be in that group of horses that he hadn’t seen a hundred times over?

  “Tomorrow will be your last day of school for the year.”

  Tobias grinned. “It’s the Friday I’ve been looking forward to for months. But no changing the subject. Kumm. You’ve got to see it to believe it.”

  Andy hoped his son never lost his excitement over God’s creatures. If a person bonded with a dutiful creature that has no voice, it meant his heart was capable of deep tenderness and compassion for people. It weighed on Andy that Tobias wouldn’t have many more years before his open heart would be tested to its breaking point. One day his son would understand that his mother had abandoned him when he was three years old and that she had not called or sent a letter since. When the full weight of her rejection hit, Tobias would need all the capacity for love and understanding a man could muster.

  “Kumm.” Tobias motioned for him. Andy patted Amigo before leaving the stall. He put the brush away, grabbed a few rope harnesses, and walked toward the round pen, eyeing the twenty new horses. Even with Levi in the pen feeding and petting a mare, the other horses whinnied, snorted, and herded to the far end.

  Sadie’s eyes were fixed on Levi, which Andy found amusing. No doubt his brother and sister-in-law were in love—but not some ego-boosting, delicate kind of love. What they had was strong and real, and Andy was grateful. After Andy’s wife, Eva, left, Levi wouldn’t let his guard down long enough to give dating—much less love—a chance. But about two years ago, late on the Fourth of July, Levi was riding across a dark field when fireworks startled Amigo, and the horse threw him. Thankfully, Sadie, a visitor from a district more than a hundred and fifty miles away, was riding horseback through that field. What began as Levi needing Sadie’s help eased into a reluctant friendship between them. Each had been wounded—Sadie by a deceptive, cheating fiancé and Levi by Eva, whom he had loved like a sister. He had believed that she loved Andy and Tobias … and then she left.

  “Daed, look.” Tobias pointed to the horse that was eating out of Levi’s hand. “She’s the most gentle one in the herd.”

  Sadie folded her arms across the top of the split rail. “That may not be saying much in this group.”

  Tobias frowned. “Sadie, you’re not helping.”

  She smiled. “Maybe I am and you just don’t know it yet.”

  Andy moved beside his sister-in-law and propped a foot on the lowest fence rail. “What does Levi think?”

  She chuckled. “He’s as excited as Tobias was on Christmas morning.”

  “Gut.” They had their work cut out for them with this herd, but he and his brother enjoyed running the horse farm.

  Tobias climbed the split-rail fence and sat on the top rail. “Levi, can you bring her over here?”

  Levi glanced at Andy, probably wanting to know whether they were going to tamp down Tobias’s excitement or address it head-on. Andy nodded, and Levi led the horse to them. For two years Tobias had constantly asked his Daed to give him one of the horses.

  “Look, Daed. She’s solid black except for the half pastern on her legs and the markings on her face.” He pointed at her face. “I’ve never seen anything like those markings. Have you?”

  Sadie leaned in. “Is that what you call an irregular star?”

  “A star?” Tobias shook his head. “Women.”

  Andy was confident that one day Tobias would see Sadie’s entry into their lives for what it was—the best gift a motherless boy could have. But since Tobias had no memory of a woman living under their roof, right now Sadie seemed a little too girlish for his liking. To him, a world of menfolk and manly thinking was all life needed.

  “Hey.” Andy nudged his son’s arm. “She doesn’t have to know horses like we do.”

  “I don’t see why not. She makes me study math, reading, and writing so I can know them like she does.”

  Sadie pursed her lips, clearly trying not to laugh. “He does have a point.”

  “Maybe.” Andy studied his son. He appreciated Sadie’s sense of humor, which seemed endless. But was he letting Tobias get away with being disrespectful, or was he giving him room to figure out some stuff on his own?

  “So”—Sadie angled her head—“what is that shape on her face called?”

  “It’s unusual. I’ll give you that much.” Tobias straddled the fence. “I say it’s an irregular, thin blaze shaped like a T.”

  “Ah, for Tobias.” Sadie winked at Levi.

  Andy hadn’t picked up on what Tobias was thinking as Sadie had.

  Tobias straightened his straw hat. “Ya, that’s right.”

  A look of amusement passed between Sadie and Levi at Tobias’s hint that he wanted the horse.

  Andy shook his head. “You’re not ready for a horse of your own yet.”

  “But, Daed,”—Tobias jumped off the fence—“all the boys my age got their own horse, and lots of boys younger than me too, and none of ’em have a dad who owns a horse farm!”

  Was Andy too strict about this? In his dream vacation he’d have a week off from second-guessing himself when it came to single parenting. “I don’t blame you for wanting one. They’re magnificent creatures, but you’re not ready yet.” Despite its stature and strength, a horse had emotional needs, lots of them, and none were easily conveyed. Most boys rode horses for themselves, for their own joy and pride, but Andy needed more from Tobias than that. And changing people’s mind-sets after they had what they wanted was tough. He should know. He dealt with people and how they treated their horses all the time.

  Tobias yanked off his hat and threw it to the ground. “Man! That’s not fair.”

  Andy wanted to give the boy his own horse, had wanted to for a couple of years now. It should be one of the natura
l perks of being Amish and living on a horse farm, but he had to trust his gut, and his gut said Tobias didn’t respect the animals enough.

  Not yet. He was doing better. Less than two years ago, he would sit on the fence and complain to his uncle for being too patient while training them. Tobias had wanted to use unnecessary force to make the horses comply. He didn’t feel that way anymore, which was good, but it wasn’t enough.

  Levi released the horse’s harness, and she trotted off. “You’re not helping your case by acting like that.”

  Tobias folded his arms, staring at his hat.

  Sadie pursed her lips and gazed heavenward, looking determined to control her response, but Andy wasn’t sure whether it was to keep from teasing Tobias or laughing out loud.

  He was grateful that Levi had found Sadie and that she had wanted to move into Andy’s home rather than getting a place of their own. The four of them—Andy, Levi, Sadie, and Tobias—made for an unusual family, but the oddity also helped dilute Tobias’s reality. As the son of a grass widower, Tobias lived with the constant reminder that, unlike other boys his age, he didn’t have a mother.

  As for himself, Andy no longer carried the weight of what others thought. He’d dealt with all that years ago, but the frustration of the situation got to him at times. She had all the power—the power to leave or return, the power to have a life he knew nothing about. But there wasn’t anything he could do about that. He couldn’t even divorce her. It wasn’t permitted. Well, there were a few exceptions. If the spouse who left demanded a divorce and a judge agreed, the Amish had to comply, or if the spouse who left threatened to fight for custody unless divorce was granted, the church leaders would grant the divorce to protect the child or children. In all his days Andy had heard of only one Amish person getting a divorce. But the dream of divorcing her lived on, because it would give him some semblance of power and a voice in what she’d done to him and Tobias.

  Sadie nodded toward the driveway. “FedEx is here.”

  The truck pulled to a quick stop, and a man in a navy-and-purple uniform went between the two front seats and into the back of his truck.

  Almost every item that had arrived via FedEx the past few years came from the Pennsylvania Humane Society. Andy and Levi housed and retrained the occasional abused or neglected horses the society needed help with. After months of working with the horses, Andy would let the Humane Society know they were ready to be adopted. Andy and Levi had strong convictions about their volunteer service. But the Humane Society always talked to Andy or Levi before sending the written information, which usually arrived a day or two ahead of the horses.

  Andy turned to Levi. “We haven’t received a call from the Humane Society, have we?”

  Levi shook his head, glancing at his wife to confirm.

  Sadie held up her hands, grinning as she tossed an innocent look Levi’s way. “I post every message on the refrigerator.” A look of amusement passed between the two, obviously an inside joke.

  The courier hopped out of his truck. “I need a signature.” He held up a large white envelope in one hand and a metal clipboard in the other.

  Andy signed for the item and opened it as the courier pulled out of the driveway. “It’s from the Humane Society.”

  Levi left the round pen and fastened the gate. He moved to his wife’s side, and they began talking about the horses.

  Andy pulled a newspaper clipping out of the envelope and read the headline: “Thirty-Two Horses Seized from Pennsylvania Hellhole.” A large yellow note was attached: “We need your help, please. We removed the horses two days ago, but the temporary holding place is unacceptable. If you could take at least half of these horses, I may be able to find a place for the other half. Renee”

  He’d worked with Renee for a decade, and she wouldn’t ask for this kind of help unless her back was against a wall. But since they had received twenty rowdy horses earlier today, they could take only a couple more.

  He removed the note and grimaced as he read the details in the newspaper article. The rescue team had removed thirty-two Morgan horses from a dilapidated farm near Hershey before sickness and starvation killed them. It had taken the fifteen-person team all day to round up the feral horses from filthy pastures knee-deep in mud and with manure piles almost four feet high. After making an initial visit because of an anonymous tip, the director of the Humane Society had obtained a search warrant, and she and the team of rescuers had returned to the farm. Clearly, the horses had received no veterinary or blacksmith care. Very young horses, pregnant mares, and stallions were all roaming together in the same pasture, and a nine-month-old horse was locked in a dark, crumbling barn.

  Andy’s reservations melted. He had to find a way to help as many horses as possible. But how?

  He passed the article to Levi and waited as he read it. Levi shook his head. “What kind of people treat animals like this?” He handed it to Sadie.

  Andy shoved his hands into his pockets. “Maybe people who are hoarders by nature and they’re hoarding animals. I recently read an article about people who did that with cats and dogs. Whatever their reason, the owners of those horses are looking at some stiff jail time, but that won’t help the horses. Renee is looking for places to board them and for people who can help acclimate them to human handlers, getting them used to halters so they can be examined by a vet.”

  “I get how you feel, and I feel the same way, but our hands are tied, aren’t they?”

  “Maybe.” Andy pondered the issue, and an idea came to him. “Do you think Uncle Lester would let us use his corrals and barns for this?” Their great-uncle used to train horses too, so he had the facilities.

  “Even if he would, his place is three hours from here by car, and those horses could need boarding for months.” Levi pointed to a line in the article. “It says the horses might not be eligible for adoption until after the trial.”

  “We can’t think about all that right now. The Humane Society has an immediate goal: to calm the horses where they’ll let a vet and blacksmith tend to them. That’s where we come in. Then after the initial health care, we begin taming them.”

  “Which could easily take three to four months,” Levi said.

  “Ya, it could.”

  Tobias took the article from Sadie, running his finger under the headline as he read it. “What happens to them if no one steps up?”

  Levi’s shoulders slumped. Apparently the reality Andy saw was just now dawning on his younger brother. “They’ll try rescue organizations first, but the resources are always stretched for those groups. They’ll be left resorting to questionable places, causing the horses to become more traumatized. The weakest and most temperamental—often the ones who were the most abused—will probably be euthanized.”

  “Daed, we can’t allow that.”

  “I agree,” Levi said. “It would be hard to live with ourselves if we don’t respond to this plea for help.”

  Sadie returned the article to its envelope. “Call your uncle and see if he’s willing to board them for free and if he knows anyone who could help you tend to them. Levi and I will ask your Daed to help us run the farm for the summer. Surely you could have most of them ready to be adopted in three to four months.”

  It was a huge sacrifice of time and money, but how could they make a living from buying, training, and selling horses and not give back when the need arose?

  4

  The aroma of the pastries Jolene was baking wafted through the air as she grabbed a clean, wet shirt from the laundry basket. When she snapped it sharply in the wind, a faint spray of water danced from the shirt and into the crystal-clear air. Sunlight played with the miniscule dots of water, causing the colors of the rainbow to speckle the air for a brief moment before disappearing. Desire to capture the moment in paint swept over her. If time allowed late this afternoon, she’d unlock her hiding place, climb the stairs, and paint.

  She pinned the shirt to the clothesline, breathing in the warm spring air. It was
such a gorgeous day here on earth. How much more so was it for her Mamm and Daed?

  After attaching the last article of clothing to the line, she picked up the basket. While heading for the house, she saw remnants of the Mother’s Day festivities in the side yard and walked that way. For the last five years, her siblings had honored her on Mother’s Day. Even now the joy of yesterday made her grin. She walked to the hammock her siblings had given her, gave it a gentle push, and laughed.

  Her three brothers—Josiah, Michael, and Ray—had hung it for her between two old maple trees. But when she’d tried to lie in it, she’d fallen out. Numerous times. With their help she’d finally gotten the hang of using it. She had lounged there while the family sat in chairs around her, sharing warm and funny memories from both before and after their parents died. Josiah’s two-year-old son had climbed into her arms and snuggled with her until he was fast asleep.

  It was days like yesterday that refreshed her and reminded her what a blessed life she had. She couldn’t imagine being any more content than she was—even if Van had chosen to marry her and help her raise her siblings.

  But he hadn’t.

  To his credit, when he realized they wouldn’t marry, he didn’t simply break up with her and walk off. He’d remained by her side, giving her someone she could confide in as she carried the grief of such loss. Someone she could turn to when she didn’t know how to write checks or balance a checkbook, or where to order propane for the tank out back, or how to pay the water bill. He helped her with those things for six months. Then he gently said he couldn’t do it anymore. Apparently she and her siblings were an obstacle to his desire to move on with his life. According to Van, that was especially true of Ray, who was struggling with the loss of their parents and exhibiting it through impulsive and often violent outbursts. After telling her that, Van left the Keim property, shoving her back into that thick, unbearable grief once again. About two weeks later Jolene saw him in town with Donna Glick on his arm, a girl who’d been trying to outdo Jolene since they’d attended school together.