LUST: A Bad Boy and Amish Girl Romance (The Brody Bunch Book 2)

by Valentine, Sienna

  Another part of me was afraid to hear whatever was running through his mind. Ash was a decent guy. I had no doubt he wished to do my father, and perhaps the community, some serious violence. There was nothing he’d said that made me think he didn’t believe me. Nothing that made me feel like he blamed me for what they’d done. But I still felt like I’d crossed a line, letting him in on all this. A line he’d pushed me over, sure, but a simple fact remained.

  We couldn’t go back from this. Not ever. Ash could not forget, and neither could I. We’d reached a turning point, and there would be consequences. I just wasn’t sure what they might be.

  “Sorry,” I said, and he looked at me, his eyebrows raised. “For dumping all this on you. I know you asked, but… I’m sure you didn’t know what you were getting into. And I’m sure you’d rather not be involved.”

  Slowly, Ash took my hand. He threaded his fingers through my own, and I could see from the size of his hand that he could easily crush me, easily break every bone. But he didn’t. I could see also that the thought never even occurred to him.

  He said, “I promised to protect you, Hannah. You and the girls. Without knowing from what, or from who. Knowing my enemy doesn’t nullify that promise. It just gives me a clearer picture of what I have to fight.” He lifted our hands and kissed the back of mine. “I know why they can’t go back now. And I get that you’re worried that your father might send someone after them—he sees them as his property. Isn’t that right?” I nodded weakly and he sighed against my skin. “Thank you. For telling me. For trusting me with this.”

  “Things would be easier if I hadn’t,” I whispered. “We could be in… in a much simpler place.”

  Ash held my gaze. “In all the world,” he said, “there’s no place I’d rather be.”

  My tears flowed anew as I realized he meant it.

  16

  Ash

  Fear seized me as Hannah began to cry again. Goddamn, I thought. What did I do wrong?

  I wasn’t annoyed by it. Not at her, anyway. I was pissed at myself for whatever it was, for however I’d managed to screw up this time. I’d been so indelicate with her before, so impatient for answers that I’d made what was surely one of the hardest things she’d ever had to do even harder. Now all I wanted to do was comfort her, make up for what an insistent ass I’d been. Even though maybe I never could.

  But as I moved to wipe her tears with my thumb, she looked up at me again and kissed me. Hard. Passionately. On the mouth.

  I closed my eyes and surrendered. There was little romance in this kiss—it was more hot desperation, urgent need. She wanted to feel something other than pain. She wanted to be touched in ways that didn’t leave scars.

  She really did want to forget.

  I kissed her back, opening my mouth to receive her, to flutter my tongue against hers in light, teasing strokes. Hannah moaned, her fingers in my hair, nails on my scalp as she pulled me closer to her, trying to negate the distance between our bodies—inches that felt like entire worlds.

  I knew this hunger. I understood it well. It was the same gnawing ache that drove me to drink after Dad got locked up. The same shrieking void that sometimes felt like it could never be filled. And maybe for me, there was no salvation. But for Hannah? I would make damn sure there was.

  “C’mere,” I said softly, scooping her into my arms. She didn’t seem like the kind of girl who particularly liked to be carried, but when I stood, she made no fuss. “I’ll make you forget now.”

  “Thank you,” she sighed. It broke my heart in two.

  I kissed her all the way to her bedroom, already knowing the way, not even having to look. I laid her down on top of the duvet, holding my body over hers, but this time leaving her hands free to roam as they pleased. Most other times I’d bound her in some way, forcing her hands over her head or otherwise limiting her mobility because she seemed to like it rough. But now that I knew why, that it’s all she’s ever known, I also knew that wasn’t what she needed right now.

  “If you want me to stop,” I whispered, slowly undoing the zipper at the back of her dress, “you just tell me. Okay?” I brought my free hand up to caress her face. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

  She looked at me, her head cocked. “Why are you telling me this?” she asked.

  “Because I need to,” I answered, steadily peeling the luxe, textured fabric off her. It felt even better than I’d imagined it would, but Hannah’s soft, naked skin felt better. “I need you to know you’re safe with me, love, and not just because I can knock a man’s teeth down his throat if I have to. I need you to know I would never hurt you. Not… not like they did.”

  Guilt welled up inside me as I recalled our first time in that bathroom at Trick Shots. When I’d slipped her panties into her mouth. There was no way I could have known what that might dredge up for her, but the fact that I’d done it… and she hadn’t said anything…

  “It’s okay,” she told me with a little shake of her head. “You can have me exactly how you want me. That’s… that’s how this works.”

  I frowned. “No. It’s not.” Carefully, and with both hands, I worked my fingers into the band of her panties and slid them off her. “It’s not about how you think I want it. It’s about making love to you the way you deserve…”

  Hannah sucked her lip into her mouth, and I immediately knew what was coming. I was already drawing her into my arms, pulling her against me as she started to cry, burying my face in the silky waves of her hair and rocking her while she sobbed.

  “I’m… I’m so sorry,” she hiccupped, and I squeezed her tighter.

  “You have nothing to be sorry for,” I assured. “We can stop. It’s all right. I just… I just want to make you happy.”

  And I did. More than anything in the whole world, I wanted Hannah to be happy. Just that. For all eternity. That would be a good start to making up for all the shit she’d been through.

  Hannah buried her face in the curve of my neck. Her voice was a soft, lamenting sigh. “That’s just it, Ash… I do want to. I want to be with you so bad it hurts. I’m just… I’m not used to it being like this.”

  I looked down at her, tucking a few strands of wayward hair behind her ears. “Like what?”

  Her eyes glistened, even in the darkness. “Gentle.”

  I touched my lips to hers. “That gets fixed right now.”

  I helped Hannah undress me, watched as her shaky fingers worked at the buttons of my shirt before I shrugged it off so she could get to my pants. I’d dressed up for her a little too, tonight. I didn’t look anywhere as nice as she did, but I’d made an effort—one that told the story of just how bad I wanted her, when my erection filled out inside my slacks. Her hand was on it immediately, coaxing, rubbing, exploring the length with a slow and tender touch. I could tell she was holding back, forcing herself to take things at a less frantic pace, and it killed me to know that she’d never been cared for like this before.

  I wanted to taste her. I wanted to spend hours between her thighs, spelling out all the things I felt for her with my tongue. But when I went to lay her on her back again, Hannah shook her head at me and squeezed my cock.

  “I want this,” she said. And there was no way I was going to argue.

  I took my pants off, along with my boxers, and helped Hannah maneuver into my lap. She was feather-light, doing her best to keep her weight off me, even though I could curl the same amount of weight she had in her entire body. I cooed to her that it was all right, that I wanted to feel her, that she didn’t have to be a ghost with me. And I kissed her neck, savoring each inch of her warm skin, the sensation of her pulse in her jugular, so close to my mouth, as she eased down onto my cock with a contented sigh.

  I rose up to meet her at the same moment, ensuring that our hips kissed. She threw her head back and moaned and I ran my palm down the midline of her body, between her breasts, and to her navel, taking in the sight of her slowly, steadily riding me. />
  I matched her motions. I wasn’t going to let her do all the work. This was something we were both invested in. Something that we’d do together.

  Being inside Hannah without a condom on was sheer bliss. I’d never been without one before—I’d never had reason to—but in the heat of the moment with her, I’d never considered it. We were skin-to-skin, heart-to-heart, and how natural it felt was too good to resist. She said nothing of it, only touched my face as she moved on top of me, engulfing me in a heat that scorched me as much as it warmed my bones.

  As new as this was to her, it was new to me too. I’d never had sex with such conviction before. I’d never felt such a connection with anyone else. Every time our lips came together, I pressed in hard, ensuring there was no part of her that didn’t feel the depth of how much I cared about her. She squeezed me, tugging me in, showing me that, at the very least, I was all she wanted in this moment.

  It seemed like more than that, though. When I looked into her eyes… it just seemed like so much more.

  We couldn’t keep it slow forever., but when we increased our pace, it was a mutual agreement. I slipped a hand between us to stroke her clit, taking one of her nipples into my mouth and biting, turning my tongue along the peaked bud with a low, vibrating groan. I knew exactly how to get her off by now—what pressure she needed, what frequency, what speed—and I had no intention of stopping until I achieved my goal. Maybe not even then, either.

  Hannah grasped my shoulders tightly. Then one hand swept up to the back of my neck. She pressed our foreheads together, eyes shut, lip in her mouth. “I’m going to come,” she said.

  “Please,” I whispered raggedly in return. “Please…”

  With a cry, she indulged me, bearing down hard on my cock before slamming her open hand into my back. She hissed, squirming in the throes of an orgasm so intense it broke her rhythm, reducing her to a quivering, whimpering mess in my lap. The sight was just too overwhelming to bear, and though I’d intended to fuck her silly—to give her as many orgasms as it took to completely wipe her mind of every injustice she’d ever suffered—I gave way under the pressure and the joy written on her face. Holding Hannah tightly, I made a few last, short strokes into her before I uttered my own sound of ecstasy, filling her with the delicious ache she’d been building in my balls.

  I hadn’t thought to pull out. Like the condom, it simply didn’t occur to me. I wanted so very badly to be close to her, and in this way, we were the closest two people could possibly be. It was everything I never knew I wanted.

  My mouth sought, and found, hers. She moaned when she kissed me, still moving a little, writhing enough to milk me for all I was worth. Her fingers made light trails down my back and I entangled mine in her hair, pushing her onto her back with her legs still around me, leaving her mouth only to forge my own path of kisses down her neck, her chest, her stomach, and her perfect hips.

  I felt her stomach quake a little, and when I looked up, she was crying again. I frowned. “Hannah…”

  But she shook her head at me, moving her hands so I could see the expression on her face. There was a smile—just a hint of one, but a smile nonetheless. “It’s not bad,” she whispered. “I’ve just… I’ve just never felt this way before. I feel…” Her eyes rolled back a little as she thought. “I don’t know. Just… vulnerable.”

  I climbed up her body to lie beside her, pulling her back against my chest. “You’ll always be safe with me,” I told her. “Whenever you need to let your guard down… I’m here.”

  “Always?” she asked me, very, very softly, as if she were almost afraid I would hear it.

  Settling down behind her, stroking her hair, I did not even hesitate to answer, “Always.”

  And I knew then—knew without even the slightest doubt—that it was a promise I would go to great lengths to keep.

  It was a promise I would kill for.

  17

  Hannah

  I woke up to the unexpected smell of coffee, eggs, bacon, and…

  …burned toast?

  I cracked my eyes open, just a little. Sunlight drifted in through the blinds—judging by its intensity, it was mid-morning. A respectable hour, but still a little early for someone who regularly worked the night shift.

  With a little groan, I rolled over onto my back. For a moment, I didn’t completely remember what had happened the previous night—my confession to Ash, or even what we’d done after. But as my senses returned to me, so did my memories, and I felt a stab of concern flash through me.

  Did he call his brothers? Did they bring back the girls because they think I need my sisters?

  It made a dreadful kind of sense. Ash would worry that my emotional state required more care than he could provide, and he’d call Wyatt and Reid to return Sarah and Beth so I could take comfort in them—maybe even explain the circumstances of why I’d left. That was the very last thing I wanted to do, on both counts. First and foremost, I didn’t want to tell either of them—ever—about why I’d left home. Let them hate me for it, if they wanted to, but I was entitled to this private pain. Sometimes, it was all I had to hold on to.

  Secondly, there was every chance their getaways were going well, and that was paramount to their continued protection. Away from me, in locations I couldn’t even accurately direct anyone to, Beth and Sarah may as well have been in federal safe houses. Bringing them back here could be bad for their health.

  And yet, some selfish part of me really did want to see them today. Now. And if they were here, that certainly explained the cooking. I sat up, finger-combing my hair as I swung my legs over the side of the bed to find a shirt.

  The door opened and I jumped back, clutching the sheets to my chest. “Whoa, wait a minute! I’m not dressed…”

  But it wasn’t Sarah or Beth standing there, holding a tray overflowing with breakfast foods. It was Ash.

  “What…” I stared at him, truly at a loss for coherent words. “What’s this…?”

  “Breakfast in bed,” he explained, eyeing me as I stood there, half-wrapped in my bedding. “But you’re not in bed, which is a problem. Get back in there.”

  I sat down, watching him as he set the tray down next to me in the bed and came around the other side to sit with me. He was wearing his clothes from last night, only he hadn’t bothered buttoning the first few button on his shirt, nor his cuffs. It was messy, but a good look for him. I leaned back against the pillows and smiled.

  “You didn’t have to do this,” I said.

  Ash smirked at me. “Don’t I know it.” Then he kissed me, completely ignoring the fact I hadn’t brushed my teeth yet. “Anyway, don’t get too excited. I apparently don’t know how to work a toaster. You’ll notice only a couple slices made it.”

  “Mm,” I said, grinning as I poked at the charred remains of what were once slices of bread. “Actually, that’s my fault. Beth had an incident with it the other day, and I forgot to turn the settings back down. Sorry about that.”

  Ash shrugged. “Hey, don’t apologize to me. It’s your breakfast.”

  I took his hand. “And thank you for it. Seriously. It looks like you went through a lot of trouble.”

  He arched a brow. “Is that your way of asking me if I made a mess of your kitchen?”

  I shrugged and popped a piece of bacon into my mouth. “Could be, Brody. Could be.”

  His chuckle was low and raspy. I liked the sound of it. I leaned on his shoulder as I ate, enjoying the morning quiet, the lack of words or expectations in the air. Last night—both in the context of what we’d done out of bed, as well as in it—had been so cathartic. I knew I wasn’t “healed” yet, and I still suspected I never fully would be, but telling someone and having them believe me had gone a long way to reducing the tension that had haunted my muscles. I’d never realized how the stress of holding it all in had affected my body until now, when I woke up for the first time in a long time without a persistent, jabbing pain in my shoulders and neck. I’d been carrying my burd
en for a long time, and it had done a number on me. It had just become so normalized I hadn’t been able to see it until Ash took my hand and showed me.

  I glanced up at him through a wild shock of hair. Never in a million years had I imagined we’d have the kind of conversation we did last night. I’d never believed I could tell anybody my secret, but Ash Brody? That was even more unbelievable. And yet it had been exactly what I’d needed. He had been exactly what I needed. And I was beginning to think maybe I really had gotten this all wrong.

  Because not only had he talked me off a ledge—not only had he made love to me in an exceedingly tender and adoring way—but he’d stayed. He was still here in the morning, bringing me breakfast in bed and leaning his cheek against my head while I ate it. It was like…

  It was like we were a couple, or something.

  “Thank you,” I said, though the words didn’t seem like enough. “For everything.”

  Ash tipped his chin down and kissed my temple. “You’re welcome. But…”

  Dread knotted in my stomach. Oh, God. Now what?

  “…we need to talk.”

  I set down my fork and swallowed whole the mouthful of fried egg I’d just been about to chew. “About what?”

  I was sure I was going to get some kind of speech about boundaries. Ash would tell me that yes, he cared about me, and yes, he’d keep his word—but that the closeness we’d been courting the past few days was coming to an end. This wasn’t his way. And frankly, it wasn’t mine either. I’d been willing to give it a shot, though. It just… felt too right not to.

  But Ash? I guessed he was missing his previous role as the community bicycle. Everyone got a ride…