Perfection Is Just An Illusion (Swimming Upstream Series Book 1)

by Rebecca Barber

  “What do you mean it had nothing to do with James? I don’t understand. Are you really trying to tell me that this maniac only wanted Anna?” Brandon couldn’t believe it. He was lost and confused and beyond pissed off. His daughter was almost raped and he couldn’t understand why.

  “That monster who attacked her, apparently you knew him,” Michael said. Brandon’s already frantic eyes widened. “Someone named Grant.”

  A confused look consumed Brandon’s face. “Grant,” was all he managed to splutter. Brandon had loved Grant like a son when he had been in Anna’s life. And despite everything that had happened between them, whenever they ran into each other, Grant always spoke to Brandon as if they were friends.

  All Kathryn wanted to do was to see her daughter with her own two eyes. She didn’t care about the details. She needed to see for herself that Anna was okay and safe. Diana led the way with Kathryn, Brandon and Kate trailing behind her. As quietly as she could, Diana pushed open the door. They all stood in silence. Anna was curled up in James’s arms and both of them were sleeping soundly. Thankfully, neither of them stirred despite their audience. The day, which had been filled with so much drama, had completely exhausted them.

  Chapter 16

  Anna

  Anna awoke the next morning shaking. Not from the cool morning air, but from a paralysing, all consuming fear. Despite being wrapped around James like a vine, she felt more alone and more afraid than she’d ever dreamt possible. Dropping her head back against the pillow dejectedly, Anna fought desperately to regain control of her breathing. Sucking in deep breaths and counting to five before exhaling again. She glanced at the alarm beside the bed, it was still early and dawn hadn’t yet broken so she was even more determined to force herself back to sleep. But more importantly she was determined not to wake James. He didn’t need to know that every time she closed her eyes she saw Grant looming over her. Or that every time the breeze ruffled her hair she could feel his bourbon-soaked breath on her cheek. Even without him saying it, Anna knew that James already blamed himself for everything that happened; she wasn’t about to let him feel worse. Sighing, she snuggled into him closer, her head on his wide chest, and willed herself back to sleep.

  ***

  James

  It was just after nine when James struggled from bed. It was the latest he had slept for as long as he could remember. He didn’t know if it was the relief of competition being over, the jet lag, the drama from the previous day, or a combination of all of the above which had been responsible for his exhaustion, but something had knocked him out cold for hours. And when he woke he wasn’t pleased about it. Anna was still sleeping soundly and as he looked down to her precious face his anger resurfaced and he was forced to swallow it back down. If anything she looked worse than the day before. The cut on her cheek was angry and the bruising had really taken hold now.

  Crawling out from under Anna more delicately than ever before James headed towards the racket downstairs. He could hear the clinking of glasses, incessant chatter, and laughing. ‘What have they got to fucking laugh about?’ James thought bitterly, wiping the sleep from his eyes.

  As he made it to the kitchen he realised that everyone was there. Of course he had known from the night before, but even that seemed like more of a blur now than anything else; a nightmare that he couldn’t wake from.

  “Morning, sunshine,” Renee chirped happily as he shuffled into the chaos.

  James didn’t bother with a response but instead a deep growl rumbled from the back of his throat as he headed straight for the fridge.

  “Someone got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning,” Renee continued, unable to help herself.

  “Renee.” Michael frowned.

  Stiffly Kathryn turned to James and watched him. She watched as he pulled a glass from the cabinet and filled it with juice before gulping it down silently.

  James could sense the room watching him. Everyone’s eyes stalked his every move. “She’s okay,” he offered. As his words reached everyone’s ears he watched as they visibly relaxed. Shoulders slumped. Loud signs were released.

  “Thank you,” Brandon exhaled, refilling his coffee cup.

  But it was as if James’s words were Anna’s undoing. Her piercing scream cut through the quiet. “I got her,” Lachlan called out as he took off racing upstairs, his feet barely touching the steps.

  Michael saw the physical distress this caused his son so reached out and rested his hand on James’s should in a sign of reassurance. “It’s okay, James. Lachlan’s her brother. Let him help her,” Michael attempted to calm him.

  James’s pale face failed to hide his scepticism but he remained frozen to the spot. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around Anna and promise her the world. He would give her anything as long as she was okay. There was nothing he wouldn’t do. But he was immobile. Too afraid to move. And when the next bloodcurdling scream punctured the silence, his heart shattered.

  “I’ll go,” Kathryn declared, pushing out of her chair and heading up the stairs.

  She was barely out of the room when they heard Lachlan summoning her, “Mum! Get up here!” Kathryn’s speed increased as unease fell across the room.

  James took a step towards the doorway, but Michael’s grip tightened. “Let Kathryn go,” he said, asserting his authority. Both James and Michael knew that if it came to a battle of strength, Michael didn’t stand a chance but for now James relented. Only no one knew how long it would last.

  Renee stepped up beside her brother and slipped her arm around his waist. She peeped up at him as he chewed nervously on his bottom lip while he waited. James didn’t even notice she was there until she squeezed him and whispered into his ear, “She’s safe, James. No one can hurt her. Not here,” Renee swore.

  And although James knew that she was right it didn’t make him feel any better. “What’s taking so long?” he demanded impatiently.

  Everyone looked at each other expectantly, but they all remained silent. It was a question that had no answer. As much as they all wanted one, there was no answer. Seconds felt like hours and minutes felt like days as they waited. James found himself reaching out and taking hold of his mother’s hand, desperate for the reassurance that only a mother could give. But today, that didn’t work.

  “Anna’s stronger than she knows,” Brandon declared to no one in particular. But as soon as the words passed his lips James found himself wondering if that was just Brandon reassuring himself. It didn’t matter if it was. The truth was that he was silently doing exactly the same thing.

  “James!” Lachlan called as he rounded the corner into the kitchen. “You need to get up there!”

  Renee and Diana couldn’t let go fast enough before James was moving. Everyone hesitated barely a moment before they attacked Lachlan with questions.

  “What’s happening?” Brandon asked directly.

  “Something’s wrong, Dad,” Lachlan admitted, slumping into a chair. “When I got up there she was squatting in the middle of the bed, her back pressed up against the bed head. Her eyes were everywhere. She wouldn’t even look at me. When I reached out my hand to touch her, she completely flipped out. That’s when she started screaming again.” Lachlan was completely bewildered and defeated. He had never seen anything like it. He didn’t know or understand what was going on.

  “It’s okay,” Michael declared, “You did nothing wrong. Anna’s just been through a lot.”

  “But she didn’t even calm down when Mum came in,” Lachlan admitted, shaking his head. “She didn’t even look like Anna.”

  “You’re right,” Kathryn murmured as she re-entered the room. “She didn’t look like my little girl. She looked petrified, like she was afraid to move. I couldn’t even get near her,” Kathryn sobbed as she collapsed into Brandon’s outstretched arms.

  “It’s okay. She’ll be okay,” Brandon cooed into Kathryn’s hair.

  “You don’t know that,” Kathryn snapped bluntly.

 
; “Yes, I do. I’m her father. And she doesn’t have a choice in the matter!” Kate and Kelley just exchanged worried looks.

  “Is James with her?” Diana asked nervously. The truth was she was deeply worried about Anna, but she was also afraid for James.

  “James walked in and just said ‘Hi’ and it was like she woke up. She just snapped out of it. She stopped screaming and babbling. Then when he reached out to touch her, she just pulled him towards her and crawled into his arms,” Kathryn admitted.

  Brandon wrapped his arms around his anxious wife. “Don’t take it personally. She’s been through a lot in the past twenty-four hours. And James was the one to rescue her. Give her time to get her head sorted out and she’ll come around. She just needs time.”

  Kathryn wanted to argue but didn’t see the point. There was nothing that she could do to make this better, so for now she would just step back and let James put her baby girl back together. Kathryn just hoped he was strong enough to do it.

  “Who wants more coffee?” Diana said, trying to focus on something else. Anything else. Everyone standing there on their tip-toes watching an empty doorway wasn’t going to help anyone.

  “Sure,” Brandon smiled, handing her his mug.

  ***

  Upstairs James and Anna were back in their bubble. Just them. They had no idea of the drama unfolding below and the truth was right now, they didn’t care. They were barely managing to hold themselves and each other together without pretending for their families that they had their happy face on.

  “You okay?” James asked as he lifted her effortlessly in his lap to a more comfortable position.

  “Mmmm,” she mumbled back into his shoulder.

  Kissing her hair lightly, James asked, “Wanna talk about it?” As soon as the words were out he wished he could take them back. Without realising James had touched a trigger point. And not just grazed it. He’d jumped on it repeatedly to make sure he was guaranteed a reaction. Although she was wrapped in his arms, Anna began shaking violently. Her pupils dilated and she broke out in a cold sweat.

  “Hey, hey!” James cooed into her ear as he brushed hair off her damp forehead. “It’s okay. It’s just me.”

  But his reassurance did nothing. Anna continued to shake as he watched her eyes glaze over. Physically she was in his arms, but mentally she was a million miles away.

  “Anna! Anna! Look at me,” he tried talking to her normally but still got no reaction. “Look at me, damn it!” he snapped, harder than he had intended. James knew he had to get his emotions under control because there was no way that this could help, but right now that was like fighting a losing battle. “Anna!” he tried again.

  And then she was found. Like that she came back to him and slumped in his arms. The shaking stopped as quickly as it had come and despite her clammy skin Anna felt like she was back to normal.

  “Hey, Princess.”

  “Hey,” she answered weakly as she looked up into his wide, relieved eyes.

  Afraid to say anymore, but terrified not to, James took a gamble. “Where’d you go?”

  “Huh?” Anna grumbled bewildered. She wasn’t acting much that out of the ordinary, more like she had just woken up dazed and confused.

  “Anna, you know I love you, right?”

  She didn’t answer but instead offered him a wide, honest, and open smile. At the sight James felt his heart do a back flip of relief.

  “And y-you know I’d do anything to protect you. And you know I’d n-never let anyone hurt you, right?” he stuttered, swallowing the guilt. Despite the truth in his words James couldn’t help but feel like a failure. He failed to protect her when she needed him the most. But from that moment he promised himself he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

  “Yeah, I know,” Anna sighed.

  Taking a deep breath, James pushed. “Then talk to me. Please, Anna, talk to me,” he pleaded, pulling her even closer.

  Anna took a few deep breaths and intertwined her fingers with his before beginning to speak. She spoke no louder than a whisper and if she hadn’t been perched in his lap, James wouldn’t have heard a word she said. “I’m okay.”

  “You know it’s okay if you’re not. I mean…I’d understand,” he frowned.

  “Okay fine. I’m not okay. But I will be. It’s just…hard,” she admitted sadly.

  “Don’t force yourself. Take your time. No one’s going to hold it against you or judge you for it. Promise.”

  “But nothing happened! You saved me. You got there before he had a chance to…” but the words caught in her throat.

  “I should have got there sooner.”

  “Don’t, James! You didn’t do this. I did. Grant was my past, my mistake.”

  “No! Don’t you dare blame yourself for that psycho! I shouldn’t have let it get that far. I shouldn’t have let go of you,” James snorted, running a hand through his hair, trying to regain his composure. “Anna, this is my fault.”

  Tears were streaming down her face, over the scratches and past the bruises, but she didn’t care. Instead she buried her face in James’s shoulder and sobbed until she had no more tears left to cry. James never once moved. Instead he just sat there holding her hand and stroking her back, letting Anna get it out. And if she needed to cry it out and soak his shirt, then that was fine. He hated seeing her broken but nothing and no one would stand in his way as he tried to put her put back together. If people thought winning a gold medal or breaking world records took dedication then they hadn’t seen anything yet. He owed the sobbing woman in his arms the world and nothing would stop him from giving it to her. Ever.

  Two hours later Diana and Kathryn crept up the stairs to check on their children. The screaming had long since died off and they couldn’t hear any noise at all. Curiosity had gotten the best of them and they couldn’t wait any longer. The door was already slightly ajar and Diana knocked on it quietly before pushing it open a little wider so they could see everything was okay with their own two eyes.

  Relief consumed them as they saw Anna perched in James’s lap, their hands tangled in each other, James’s head balanced precariously on top of Anna’s as they both snored softly.

  Kathryn mumbled, “Thank fuck,” before she realised what she had said. She turned and looked at Diana, embarrassed as her face turned a shade of fire truck red.

  Diana just smiled knowingly. “Couldn’t have said it better myself.” Moments later, reassured and relieved, they closed the door and headed back downstairs.

  ***

  Anna

  Once they had reported in, everyone broke off into different directions. Kate and Kelley had discovered James’s vast collection of Wii games and were battling it out in what can only be described as the most vicious game of tennis ever played. It combined violence, sledging, and an occasional volley.

  Brandon and Michael retreated to the backyard and were attempting to clean the barbecue, despite the fact that it was already spotless. Adam and Lachlan vanished somewhere leaving Renee, Diana, and Kathryn sitting around the kitchen table speechless.

  No one knew what to say to make this better. It didn’t matter what they did or what they said, they knew they couldn’t take the pain away, no matter how much they wanted to.

  It was Renee who broke the silence. “What are we going to do about the wedding next week?”

  “Next week?” Kathryn and Diana answered in unison puzzled.

  “Yeah, didn’t you get your invitation? Anna planned everything while you were in the UK. Before she flew over and joined you. Everything’s arranged for next Friday,” Renee explained.

  “I don’t know,” Kathryn answered, feeling off kilter. She knew that Anna had been looking forward to marrying James and making it official, but now it seemed like everything was up in the air. At this point, Kathryn wasn’t even convinced that the Anna she had always known and loved was in there.

  “Do you think we should cancel?” Diana offered.

  “Cancel what?” a voice whim
pered from behind them, shocking them all.

  Anna stood there wearing James’s clothes. They hung off her shoulders. The faded blue hoody hung almost to her knees and she didn’t have any hands. Her arms were wrapped protectively around her stomach, her hair was dishevelled, but she was standing. And she was present. And in that moment, nothing else mattered.

  “Hi honey,” Kathryn almost cried.

  “Hey Mum.” Anna smiled, reaching out and taking Kathryn’s hand. And that gesture alone was enough to reduce both Kathryn and Diana to a puddle of tears. “Geez!” Anna giggled, looking at Renee’s stunned expression.

  Thankfully Renee was quick to pull herself together and recover from the shock. Anna, the real Anna, the Anna that she knew and loved was standing before her. Except for a few ugly bruises and scrapes there was no sign of the broken Anna that had been carried through the house only hours earlier.

  “Your wedding next week. What do you want to do? Cancel or go through with it?” Renee asked matter-of-factly.

  “Cancel? Why would I cancel?”

  “Cancel what?” James grinned as he strode purposefully into the room and stood behind Anna, draping his long arms over her shoulders. Instinctively Anna leaned back into the warmth of his embrace.

  “Our wedding,” Anna explained. “Wanna go ahead with it or cancel?”

  “Your call,” he answered diplomatically, shooting his mother a knowing look.

  “Let’s do it! What have we got to lose? And besides, once it’s out of the way we can get on with our happily ever after. And I’m so ready for that!” Anna squealed excitedly, causing Kate and Kelley to drop the Wii controls and race into the kitchen.

  “What’s with the squealing?” Kate asked, eyeing Anna, who was beaming.