The Butterfly Effect

by Renea Porter

  He flips me over so I’m on top of him, my hair splayed around us as I lean forward to kiss him. Leaning back, I settle around his length and a gasp escapes my lips. Rocking my hips against him, everything that’s happened today has led up to this, the buildup, the anticipation of feeling whole again. Yes, he makes me feel whole. I no longer feel lost. He’s mine and I’m his, and I can’t think of anything better than that. I kiss him feverishly as the climax begins and he says those words that I’ve longed to her.

  “I love you, Riley. I fucking love you,” he says against my lips as he comes down from the high we were just on.

  “I love you, too, Nathan.”

  “Say it again,” he tells me.

  I smile. “I love you.”

  Chapter Nine

  RILEY

  I stand at the door, ready to leave with my bag in my hand.

  “Do you really have to leave?” Nathan asks the following day.

  “I do. Bea should be home any time now and I don’t want to risk any one seeing me coming from here. But you have my number and I have yours. Don’t worry, I know to delete your messages as soon as I read them, and we’ll use them only if necessary. I’ll sneak over when I can.”

  He kisses me, a long passionate kiss. I pull away to catch my breath, because he steals it away with every kiss.

  “Thanks for the last few weeks. I’m so glad you came knocking on my door that night.” He leans in to kiss me, a peck this time.

  “Thank you. I’ll see you soon,” I say, turning the door knob.

  It’s so early in the morning, that it seems like nothing else exists. I walk across the quiet street to my apartment. The farther I walk, the farther my heart sinks down and the loneliness sets in. I hate the loneliness part about this whole thing, about finding the one. It happens when you’re away from the one you love, but it’s not insufferable, it’s tolerable. My best friend is coming home and I can’t wait to catch up with her. I try to focus on that.

  Closing the door behind me, I move upstairs, putting away some clothes, and I decide to take a hot shower to settle my body. The shower steams around me as I replay the last three weeks in my mind, and the three words he spoke last night. I smile to myself.

  Out of the shower, I dry off and pull on a pair of dark jeans and a sweatshirt and pull my hair back into the ponytail.

  “Riley! I’m home!” I hear Bea shout.

  Filled with excitement, I race downstairs and crash right into her and hug her tight. She laughs. Pulling back, I bend down and take her bag and we make our way up to her room. She trails behind me and I pull her bag onto her bed, and I sit cross legged on it.

  “I’m so glad you’re back. How was your trip?”

  She smiles, opening her bag and pulling her folded clothes out. “It was great. I missed my family. Mom was disappointed I haven’t found the one yet, but I told her to take it easy on me. She says I’m here just running wild. Whatever. What about you? You’re practically glowing.”

  I grin. “I found the one. The one I’m meant to be with.”

  “Riley¸ that’s amazing.” She bends down and hugs me. “Who is he? Tell me about him,” she begs.

  “That’s the thing. I can’t tell you. At least not yet.”

  “I don’t understand. I thought once you found the one, you can be out and open about it.”

  “Normally, that’s true, but this is, well, complicated. I promise I will tell; I just can’t right now. Trust me; it’s more complicated than it should be. Trust me.”

  “Oh, I trust you. I just don’t understand why it has to be a secret, but I’ll respect you and I won’t question it. So did you do it?”

  I grin. “We did. It was amazing, more amazing than I ever imagined. We spent most of winter break together; inseparable. Look at my butterfly.” I pull my shirt down and show her my shoulder. She steps up close and runs her hand over it.

  “Riley, it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen and the colors are exquisite. I’m so happy for you, I truly am.” She hugs me. “It will only get more beautiful, too.”

  “I’m sorry your mom gave you a hard time. You’ll find the one. I know you will.”

  She gives me a weak smile. “You know how I feel about it. Part of me just doesn’t care, and part of me does. Maybe I’m just a lost cause.”

  “Don’t say that, Bea. You’ll find him, I promise.”

  Making a promise I wasn’t sure would come true wasn’t the best thing to do. But she’s my best friend and I can’t lose her, not like this. She’s meant for someone. We just don’t know who.

  “Okay, if you say so.”

  “Well, I say so. Hey, if I’m gone late at night or any weird hours, don’t freak out. It’ll be because I’m out with him.”

  “So him being a secret has more to do with him than you?” she asks.

  “Yes, there is a reason. I can’t tell you, though. Okay? So tell me, how did the rest of your trip go?”

  ***

  Bea and I decided to have a girls’ night in. She’s tired from all the travel, so we stayed in and ordered Chinese to gorge on. We are having a movie marathon, but she seems distracted, like she’s contemplating whether to find the one or not. I know the risk she is taking if she doesn’t look for him. I’ll lose her, and I’m not prepared for that. She’s like a sister to me. I have to put it in our faith’s hands and hope for the best. Lazing around is exactly what I need, after the last few weeks I’ve had, and school starting back up tomorrow. I wish I could have remained in Nathan’s arms for the rest of eternity. Not only is he easy on the eyes, he’s easy to talk to, and it feels like I’ve known him forever.

  My phone buzzes in my pocket and I excuse myself to the bathroom. I swipe the screen across and see a text from Nathan.

  Can’t wait to see you tomorrow. Have a good evening. I’ll be thinking of you. I have to go to a meeting with all the other professors, so I won’t be home until late. Hope I can see you.

  I smile. I miss you already. See you tomorrow. –Riley.

  I lock my screen and meet Bea back in her room, where we were lounging on her bed watching TV.

  “Was that lover boy?”

  “Yeah it was. Geez, you don’t miss anything,” I tease. “What’s up with you? You seem off today.”

  “I don’t know. Maybe break was just too short and the drag of going back to school is daunting.”

  “Or maybe you just need to get laid.” I smirk.

  “Yeah, that’s probably it.” She finally smiles back.

  “You’re going to have to rectify that stat because I don’t like seeing you down and depressed.”

  I hate seeing her like this. Maybe it’s true about having school tomorrow, or maybe she did need to get laid. At least I made her smile. She is truly my best friend, and I love her like my own sister. She is my family. It sucks I can’t tell her about Nathan. I know she can keep a secret if I asked her to, and I feel selfish for not telling her, but I know she’ll eventually find out one way or another. And she is going to freak the hell out. I smile to myself.

  Even as I spend time with Bea, I can’t stop thinking about him. The last three weeks feel like it was just a dream. I’m officially sleeping with my professor. I remember lusting after him the first day I saw him.

  “So, what are you exactly looking for in a guy, Bea?”

  She turns to me and groans. “Hell, I don’t know.”

  “Well, you have to have some sort of idea,” I tell her.

  “Okay, fine. I’d like my guy to be tall, dark, and handsome.” She smiles.

  I give her a concerning look.

  “Seriously, the tall, dark, and handsome would do it for me. He has to be funny, caring, and preferably aggressive in the bedroom. I like a man to take charge without questioning his motives. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”

  “No, I don’t either. But I will keep my eyes and ears open for you.” I smile. “If you have to kiss every guy on campus to see if they are the one, then
that’s what you’ll do,” I say confidently.

  “Oh, that sounds so bad. Let’s save that for the absolute last result. Ewww.” She shudders. “The one better not be some nerd. Or I’ll just die, literally. Okay, that was a bad joke.”

  “Please. I know your man is out there. I know it.”

  Bea and I continue our movie marathon for the rest of the day, and we don’t talk any more about men. Once her head starts to nod, I know that is my cue to let her be, and retreat to my room. Quietly, I shut off the TV and cover her with a blanket. I set her alarm for school tomorrow and close the door behind me.

  Popping in my room, I pick up the phone, wanting to call Nathan. I want him to come over and fuck my brains out.

  Bea’s asleep. Come over. I want you in my bed for once.

  On my way.

  Geez, that was easy.

  I rush downstairs and meet him at my door, pulling him inside. He immediately grabs my face in his hands and kisses me fiercely.

  “Riley, you were meant for me. I feel it deep inside. You are my heaven.”

  I melt against him. I don’t even care about being satisfied sexually. I just want to make him remember that he’s mine and I’m his. I smile and look deep in his eyes and I start to undo his jeans.

  Chapter Ten

  NATHAN

  I’ve been thinking about Riley since she left, hoping what happened over the last three weeks wasn’t just a dream. I kiss her feverishly, and then she pulls on my hand, leading us up the stairs. In her room, I’m shocked by the red walls, so much red. But all I can think about is getting her naked and under me.

  “We need to get you undressed ASAP,” she says, tugging on my pants.

  “Whoa, tiger,” I say, grinning.

  She lifts my shirt off and kisses me while she feels her way down my abs. She’s rushing so fast, like she hasn’t had me in a week. She positions herself on her knees and takes my length inside her hot mouth.

  “Oh, oh my god, Riley.”

  “Shhh.” She reminds me Bea is sleeping in the other room.

  “Fuck this,” I say. I need to be inside her. I lift her off the floor and shove her on her bed, towering over her. “So you missed me, huh? Well, I’ll make sure you don’t forget what it feels like when I’m inside you.” I slowly undress her, and she enjoys the sweet torment.

  Her breathing becomes ragged, and her eyes are hooded with lust. “I need you right now, Nathan,” she pleads.

  Positioning myself between her legs, I greet her mouth with mine, and our tongues tangle, her hands gripping me hard, her nails digging into my backside. Yeah, she’s leaving marks on me and I love it. I push myself inside her, her hips matching my thrusts. She moans and I cover her mouth so Bea doesn’t hear her. I kiss her until we both are satisfied.

  Lying next to her, I listen as she tries to catch her breath. “So did you just call me over here for sex?” I grin.

  “Totally.” She lets out a deep breath and grins.

  I take her hand and bring it up to my lips to kiss her fingers. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you all day. But I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” I stand to pull on my clothes, so I can sneak back over to my place. There is no way I’m risking falling asleep here and having to explain that in the morning. That would be too risky.

  I pull on my pants and my shirt, and then I bend down to kiss Riley on her forehead, before leaving. My schedule for tomorrow looks busy, with school starting back up and an immediate teachers meeting that is mandatory after classes. I’d be lucky to see Riley any other time besides class. This mandatory meeting definitely has me curious. Meetings aren’t usually mandatory, so I have a feeling something is up, and that is not a good sign.

  ***

  Riley decides to torment the fuck out of me, coming to class in a short dress. She is driving me wild, and I can hardly focus, so I just give an assignment to the class and let them work on it. Once in a while, I catch stolen glances at Riley, and she smiles at me and then winks.

  My thoughts immediately go back to last night’s rendezvous and a smirk plays across my face, and by the look on Riley’s face, she’s thinking the same.

  ***

  The rest of the day passes by quickly and the last thing I want to do is go to this board meeting, but it’s mandatory for all the professors to attend. I enter the room and find my friend, Desmond, who I’ve known ever since I moved here. Taking a seat next to him, he turns to me.

  “Do you know what this is all about?”

  I shrug.

  The professors fill up the room and the directors stands in front of everyone. The director announces there are some new recent changes to the school’s policy. I swallow hard. This is not good. Not good at all.

  “One of the new rules, is that it’s strictly prohibited from dating fellow students whether they are in your class or not. It is no longer acceptable, and it will be grounds for immediate termination.”

  My heart sinks and I try to swallow a hard lump. I couldn’t hear anything else being said because all I can think about is Riley. I have to break up with her. The thought of breaking her heart kills me, and it’s time to think about what I want in my future. I sure as hell don’t want to be fired for being involved with a student. I knew we were taking a risk, but the rules were never really enforced. Now that they are, I have to follow them, as long as I’m teaching here.

  “Are you alright Nathan?” Desmond asks. “You just turned white as a ghost.”

  “Oh, I’m fine,” I brush off.

  Walking home, I’m numb. I have to talk to Riley ASAP. Let her know what we have going on needs to stop. This is going to kill me. But rules are rules, and sometimes you just have to go with it, no matter the cost, even if it is love.

  Maybe this is for the best keep us both from getting caught and hurt in the long run. Maybe I’m just kidding myself. Yeah, I’m definitely kidding myself.

  ***

  RILEY

  My phone buzzes on the nightstand next to my bed.

  Meet me at my place in ten.

  It’s not a question, it’s a demand. My heart flutters, I can’t wait to see him, since I haven’t seen him since this morning. My stomach twists in nervous knots as I pull on my clothes and walk to meet him at his place.

  Before I can even knock, he opens the door and pulls me inside, and by the look on his face, this is not a booty call.

  “We need to talk,” he says with seriousness.

  It’s hard not see what’s going through his head, and I’m worried. He shuffles on his feet, his hands in his pockets.

  “Well, are you going to let me stand here waiting in suspense?” I ask.

  “I’m really sorry, Riley, but we need to stop seeing each other,” he says.

  I can’t fathom the words he is speaking. It sounds like another language, but nonetheless my heart stopped at the mention.

  “The board had a meeting with all the professors, and now there are serious repercussions in place if we get caught. So we might as well make a clean break right now. I’m so sorry.”

  He reaches for my hand, but I yank it away. I try to keep the tears at bay, because I don’t want him to see how bad this hurts me, physically and emotionally.

  “Don’t you dare try to touch me,” I back away from him.

  Seeing the pain across his face is tearing me apart. I know in order to save his career this is what needs to be done. So I guess I’m going to die now, since the one repercussion from breaking it off with the one was death. Never did I think this would happen. I knew what we were doing was risky, but I never thought this would happen. I feel numb from head to toe.

  “I’m sorry, Riley,” Nathan says.

  “Me, too, Nathan. Me, too.”

  Stepping forward I lean up and my lips brush against his, the kiss full of desperation and fear. Desperation for him to tell me he changed his mind, and fear that I’ll never feel his lips on mine, or his arms around my body again. My lips cling to his, trying to make it last as long as
possible, because once I break free, I’ll crumble. As I lean into him, his hands cradle my face as he savors the kiss.

  The kiss can’t last forever, it’s impossible for it to, so I slowly break away. It feels like a piece of my soul is dying. How I managed not to cry yet is beyond me, maybe because I’m numb. The reality will hit me as soon as I walk out the door.

  Placing my hand on the door knob, I look at Nathan and he looks at me. No words are spoken. They don’t need to be. What’s there to say besides what’s already been said? With my head down, I reluctantly walk away. If we can’t be together, at least I had a sliver of hope, to know what love felt like.

  The moment I’m outside, tears flood my cheeks. Part of me wishes that everything with Nathan was just a dream, because right now I’m living a nightmare. Slowly and numbly, I walk across the street back over to my apartment. I take the stairs slowly because my legs feel so heavy. I’ll just go to sleep and wake up from this nightmare. Changing back into my pajamas, I climb back into bed and swipe my tears away.

  I cling to the one morsel of today, the kiss. I replay it in my head. I tried to convey so much in that kiss. I tried to convey how much I loved him, how much I needed him, and how much brighter my life was with him in it. It was a desperate attempt, an attempt I failed at.

  I tried not to cry myself to sleep, but the reality is, I just lost the one man I’ll ever love. Getting out of bed will not be easy tomorrow. Walking into his class will be even harder.

  ***

  Blinking a few times my eyes can adjust to the light, realizing it’s morning. Bea comes into the room with a concerned look on her face. “Why aren’t you up and ready for school? You look like you’ve been crying. What’s wrong?”

  “I think I’ve come down with something. I’m just going to skip today and see how I feel tomorrow,” I lie.