Rewriting Yesterday

by Wright, Candice

  “You have got to be fucking shitting me. They want money, don’t they?”

  “Yes, they do, and after receiving a couple of rather unpleasant phone calls, Frankie figured she and Jacob would be safer if she took them out of the equation for a little while. She changed her number and left yesterday, before they could turn up here.”

  My heart is racing. Pins and needles dance across my fingers from squeezing my hands into fists. We did this. Not intentionally. We just didn’t think about all the variables before, and now Frankie—and by default, Jacob—are paying the price.

  “We can protect them, keep them safe and away from her parents.”

  “You are forgetting one thing, Sam, and that is that she doesn’t trust you anymore, and she sure as hell wouldn’t put Jacob's safety in the hands of someone she doesn’t trust.”

  Firing a bullet through my heart would have been less painful.

  “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” I shout. I’m riding a thin line of wanting to punch something. My famous control is slipping away, because at the moment I don’t know what to do.

  “Go home, Sam.”

  I watch Malcolm climb into his car and drive away. Fighting to keep my anger at bay, I pull my phone out of my pocket and dial Caleb.

  He answers after the first ring, knowing I was going to be here today. Oh, we all wanted to come but didn’t want to overwhelm her, so we drew straws. Not sure I feel like the winner in that scenario anymore.

  “She’s gone.”

  “What the fuck? What do you mean, she’s gone? Hold on while I put you on speaker phone. Right. Tell us what happened.”

  I tell them everything Malcolm told me, and I can tell by their reactions that they had no idea that we were putting Frankie in danger either. So we start making plans, plans to hunt down and destroy her parents so that Frankie can finally be free, and then we can bring our girl back home.

  * * *

  FRANKIE

  Sitting on the back deck looking out over the ocean, I feel a calmness wash over me. This place was exactly what Jacob and I needed. It’s been two months since we moved, and we are settled now. So far, I have had no contact from my mother and Robert. I’ve made it difficult for them by relocating and changing my mobile number again, but even so, I’m not ready to completely let my guard down just yet.

  Hearing my phone ring, I run into the kitchen where I left it charging, and a glance at the screen lets me see it's Jan. That makes me smile brightly. Steve and Malcolm managed to get away and come down for Jacob's birthday, but Jan couldn’t get anyone to cover her, which was a shame. She would have loved to see Jacob's reaction to getting a surprise Xbox. Yes, it’s been too long since I’ve seen her, and I’ve missed her loads.

  “Hi, stranger. Long time no see.” I grin into the phone even though she can’t see me.

  “My darling girl,” she whispers, and I know. I know without her saying anything else something is seriously wrong.

  “What is it, Jan? You are freaking me out here.”

  “It’s Steve. He was heading to the centre early this morning and he was hit by a car, which then drove off and left him there. It’s not good, sweetheart. Malcolm is with him now, but you need to come back here and say your goodbyes whilst you can.”

  I don’t hear anything else as the phone slips out of my hand and crashes to the floor before my legs give out. I’m on my knees, bent over almost in half, dry heaving, when Jacob runs into the kitchen to find out what all the commotion is about.

  “Frankie,” he shouts, running to me and dropping to my side. “What’s wrong?”

  But I can’t tell him. I can’t speak at all. It feels as if all the oxygen has been sucked out of the room. He spots the phone on the floor and picks it up. Jan must still be on the other end because Jacob's lips are moving, even if I can’t make out the words. The colour bleaches from his skin, and I know she has got to the part about Steve being hurt. He nods and answers something before hanging up.

  The next thing I know, I’m bundled up in Jacob's arms as we cry and try to draw comfort from each other. I must have dozed off, because when I next open my eyes I’m still on the floor but with a cushion under my head and a throw over my body. I see mine and Jacob's holdalls next to the table, and look around for Jacob himself. He's not here, so I stand and stretch, sore from sleeping on the floor. The phone call flashes through my mind, and any reprieve sleep might have bought me is gone.

  I hear the door bell and head that way, but Jacob beats me to it, because I can hear voices. I walk into the hallway and freeze. Standing with Jacob are Sam and Ryan. I must make a noise, because all three of them turn towards me. Ryan doesn’t give me any time to react before I find myself in his arms. I don’t fight it. I soak up every ounce of comfort before I find myself turned around and pulled into Sam’s embrace. I feel the tears sliding down my cheeks soaking into the material of his black t-shirt, but he doesn’t seem to care. He just holds me tighter.

  I lift my head and take them both in, wiping my eyes so that I can see them clearly.

  “We are here to take you home,” says Ryan. “Come on, Jacob, let’s get your bags into the chopper while Frankie freshens up.”

  Jacob nods to Ryan before giving my hand a squeeze as he walks past, showing Ryan the way.

  “I’m sorry… did he just say chopper?”

  I think my brain must finally be starting to catch up.

  Sam just smiles at me before taking my hand and leading me towards the bedrooms.

  “Which one is yours?" he asks me in the deep melodic voice I’ve missed so much.

  I point to the one on the left and he pulls me inside. Spotting the attached bathroom, he drops my hand before heading in and turning on the shower. When he comes back, he pulls me inside and turns to face me.

  There is no space between us, our bodies pressed flush against each other, my head tilted up to meet his gaze. Silently, his hands slide down to my waist, snagging the hem of my t-shirt. He pauses as he searches my eyes, seeking permission. I nod gently, and he slowly inches my top up until I have to raise my arms, before pulling it off and tossing it behind him.

  His fingers grasp the button of my jeans. When he gets no resistance, he opens it before sliding the zipper down. His large hands find their way to my hips, then his fingers slide inside the waistband of my jeans, which he slowly drags down my legs, squatting down and offering me a hand to balance as I step out of them.

  I stand before him in my underwear, staring into his eyes, eyes that haven’t left mine despite me being half naked, and I find myself, for some inconceivable reason, trusting him. It makes no sense; he and his friends have broken my trust before, so why should now be different? Maybe it won’t be, but I just can’t hold on to all this hostility anymore. It’s been eating away at me. With each layer of clothing he removed, he also removed a layer of doubt.

  He stands up, placing both his hands on either side of my face before sliding his fingers into my hair and tilting my head back. He lowers his head slowly, giving me a chance to back out but making his intentions clear. I lick my lips as he draws closer, which results in a growl from him right before his lips are upon mine. I don’t know if I was expecting the kiss to be soft and gentle after the way in which he undressed me, but this kiss is anything but. His hot firm lips nip and bite before soothing the sting, then his tongue is in my mouth, seeking my own. I respond, tentatively at first, because I’ve never been kissed like this, then with more confidence, when I begin to feel the evidence of how much he is enjoying it pressed up against my stomach.

  He pulls away first, each of us gasping, both wanting more but knowing that at this moment it’s just enough. He kisses my forehead before stepping back.

  “Shower. I will put some clothes on the bed for you and then we need to go, okay?”

  I nod, a little unsure of myself.

  “Oh, and Frankie, this isn’t over.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  FRANKIE

  They
were not joking about the helicopter. Ryan called in a favour from a friend so that we wouldn’t have to drive and run the risk of getting caught in traffic. Sam sits up front with the pilot while I sit in the back between Jacob and Ryan. Jacob is looking out of the window in wonder, and a part of me wishes that I could compartmentalize my feelings now to enjoy the ride more, but I can’t stop worrying about Steve.

  I refuse to believe that he won’t pull through. That man is as strong as an ox and as stubborn as the day is long.

  Ryan has been holding my hand since we got in, his thumb running lazy circles against mine. I sigh and look up at him to find his eyes on me. He releases my hand and slides his arm around my shoulder, pulling me in close to his side and resting his chin upon my head. I feel like I must be siphoning away at his ability to stay calm, because there is no doubt in my mind that without him or Sam I would be falling apart.

  We start to descend on to the heliport on top of the hospital that Steve has been admitted to and I’m again left wondering how many palms were greased to be given permission to land here.

  When it’s safe, Ryan unbuckles his seatbelt before helping me with mine. He then takes my hand again before climbing out, helping me down in the process. I turn around to check on Jacob and see that Sam is already out and helping him.

  Ryan slides his arm around my shoulder again as we slowly start walking towards the entrance, waiting for Sam and Jacob to catch up with us. When they do, Sam falls in line on the other side of me and slides his hand against mine, linking our fingers together.

  I glance at Jacob to see if he is okay with this. I have no idea what is happening or could happen between me and the boys, but the last thing I want to do is make Jacob in any way, shape or form uncomfortable. He smiles at me and gives me a small nod. He looks almost relieved, although I’m not sure why. But then, thinking about it, I’ve not been myself lately. I guess he has been worried about me.

  We make our way through the corridors and up two floors on the lift without asking for help, so I can only assume that they know where we are going. When the lift doors open I see Caleb outside a room at the end of the corridor, on the phone. He turns when the door dings and says something into his phone before ending the call and sliding the phone into his back pocket.

  His eyes take me in from my converse-covered feet, up my denim-encased legs and over my dark grey hoody before resting on my face. He looks apprehensive, worried, nervous and relieved, all rolled into one. It’s a strange combination, and not one I give any more thought to before I’m running flat out towards him. He braces himself, but even so, when I throw myself into his arms, he still goes back on one foot to steady us. I’m up in his arms, legs wrapped around his waist, with my face buried into the side of his neck, just breathing in the scent of his favourite body wash. His hand is under my ass, holding me up, while the other is wrapped around me like a steel band, his desperation to hold me as strong as mine.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispers into my hair. I don’t know if he is sorry about Steve or for what they did the night of the auction, but I just don’t care anymore. I pull back slightly so I can see his face. He looks so remorseful, and I believe him. I press my lips against his, a reassurance that we will be okay before leaning back again. He takes in a deep breath and some of the tension leaves his body.

  Caleb slides me down his front and greets the others, who have caught up to us. Grabbing my hand, he tries to prepare me for what I’m about to see. Two minutes later, when we step into Steve’s room, I realise that it wouldn’t have mattered what Caleb said. I would never have been prepared for this.

  Steve is so still that he would just look like he was sleeping peacefully if it wasn’t for the side of his face being black and blue and one of his eyes being swollen shut. The hospital-issue blanket covers most of his other injuries, but a cast peaks out from the bottom of the blanket, indicating that his left foot has been broken. Wires and an IV are attached to his arms, and a mask is over his face to help him breathe.

  Even though I know all these things are there to help him, I hate seeing them anywhere near him. I want to rip them out. I want the strongest man I know to wake up and to tell me to stop fussing, but he isn’t waking up, and I don’t know if he is ever going to.

  I turn my head into Caleb’s shoulder, who has been standing right behind me, trying not to break down again. I need to get my shit together so that I can be strong for Steve. After a few minutes I feel calm enough to pull away and go and sit in the chair next to the bed. I gently slide my hand into Steve’s, careful of the tubes, and tell him I’m here.

  Sam has noticed that Jacob is looking uncomfortable, so he asks him if he wants to come down to the hospital café and grab drinks for everyone. Jacob nods, seemingly happy to get away for five minutes. Sam gives me a chin lift before following him out. Caleb sighs beside me.

  “I need to nip outside and make a call. If that nurse catches me with my phone on again she will kick me out.” He kisses my forehead and excuses himself, leaving me alone with Ryan and an unconscious Steve.

  “Frankie.”

  I look up when Ryan says my name. I have no idea what my face looks like, but whatever it is, it doesn’t sit well with him. He curses softly under his breath before taking my hand and pulling me up off the chair. He then takes the seat before tugging me down onto his lap. My head is against his shoulder, and he pulls both my legs together across his. It’s almost how you would hold a baby, you know, if the baby in question wasn’t a woman who was two steps away from having a nervous breakdown.

  “He is going to be okay, Frankie. Trust me, that man is not going to leave you to deal with Caleb, Sam and myself all on your own.”

  I smile at that. One-armed or not, Steve would kick their asses if they hurt me again. I had already had to hold him back the last time. If they pulled a stunt like that again, there would be no reining him in.

  “I’m really sorry, Frankie, about what we did, hurting you like that. I don’t know what the fuck we were thinking. We didn’t know what happened. We thought it was all some big elaborate scam or something. It doesn’t change the fact that we were complete dicks blinded by our own misconceptions. I won’t speak for everyone else—I’m sure they will both want their turn to talk to you—but I just needed to apologise. I’m so fucking sorry, Frankie. I would sooner cut off my own arm than hurt you again.”

  “Are you taking the piss?” a voice rasps from beside us, and it takes me a second to realise it's Steve. I giggle, which turns into a sob, because I know he is referring to his one-armed status, but God damn, I’m relieved that he is awake and appears to be like his old self.

  I climb off Ryan’s lap and stand up so I can lean over and kiss Steve on the head, carefully avoiding any bruising.

  “Don’t you ever scare me like that again, do you hear me?”

  Even though he is in pain, his adoration for me is clear for all to see when the right side of his mouth quirks up into a smile.

  “It will take a lot more than that to get rid of me, darlin',” he manages to rasp out before dozing off again.

  I feel Ryan approach me, but I can’t take my eyes off Steve. The panic and fear have given way to relief but the crash in adrenaline is making my whole body shake. He slides one arm around my chest, pulling my back to his front before resting his chin on top of my head. His other hand is on my hip, just under my t-shirt. The skin-on-skin contact is helping to ground me. We stand in silence for a few minutes before Ryan gives me a squeeze and disengages.

  “I’m going to nip out and let the nurse know that he woke up, and drop a text to the other guys.”

  I nod and offer him a small smile as I watch him leave. As soon as he is gone, I slide down to the floor, sit knees to chest and bury my head, trying to muffle my cries so that I don’t disturb Steve.

  The last year has been an emotional roller-coaster with so many highs and lows and twists and turns that some days it’s hard to know which way is up anymore. After years
of trying to remain numb and locking my emotions up tight, I keep finding myself in highly volatile situations that I have no idea how to cope with.

  That’s part of the reason why I’ve decided to forgive Caleb, Sam and Ryan. They were in the wrong, and I don’t regret distancing myself from them. I needed to be able to talk to them without lashing out in anger, and to be able to hear them out without everything being clouded in hurt.

  But it’s time to let it go. I have had a lot of my choices taken away from me over the years, my wants and needs disregarded and manipulated by the whims of others. This time, with these boys, I find myself wanting something that although may be unconventional to others, feels right to me. When I’m with them, excluding their colossal fuck-up, they make me feel alive, loved, desired, needed and wanted. They make me feel like the best version of myself.

  I hear the door click open and quickly try to dry my eyes. Obviously, I’m not quick enough, because next thing you know I’m up in someone’s arms, being held firmly. Looking up, I see that it's Sam, my stoic hero.

  “You okay?” he asks searching my eyes to gauge if I’m telling him the truth or not.

  “I will be,” I tell him, and he can see that that’s the truth.

  He stands me up before turning me into Ryan’s arms. After another hug I’m turned towards Caleb. He dips his head so his nose is at the junction where my neck meets my shoulder, and just breathes me in. I can feel him shaking slightly and I can tell that he needs this as much as me. Next up is Jacob. He gives me a quick squeeze before asking about Steve. As I tell him about him waking up briefly and acting like his old self, the nurse enters the room to check him over.

  When she is finished she asks us to leave for a little while so that he can get some rest. I’m reluctant to go but I know it’s best for Steve.

  Caleb grabs my hand as we spill out into the corridor.