The Yellow Pill

by Chaves, Michelle

  When he reached the outskirts of the scrap yard, he paused, looking out over the waves of trash littering the vast space, but saw no sign of her. He worked his way to the top of the closest pile, wanting to get a better view. But there was nothing to see. Jin yelled up at anyone he passed. “Hey! You’ve seen a girl around here? Short? Dark hair?” No-one had. Jin walked through the whole yard, asking after Frey with no success.

  As he was walking up the spiraling road to the floor to their Volvo, he tried not to get his hopes up. It didn’t work. When he finally reached their car and pulled the door open it was only to find it empty.

  It was well into the night and the wariness hit him like it had been lying in wait. He slid into the car and closed the door softly, resting his forehead against the steering wheel.

  Frey… where the hell are you?!

  “You sure? About this tall…” Jin said behind his mask, holding his hand at chest height.

  The man with the gas mask shook his head again, his voice distorted by the heavy mask. “Not seen her.”

  Jin sighed and dropped his arm again. “Okay. Thanks anyway.” He moved on to the next street merchant. He had covered the entire China Town in two days, walking from store to store, even asking around at the crowded night markets with no success.

  The steam and fog pressed out from the cracked ground thicker than usual. He rubbed his brow deciding to head back to Father Patrick. He’d promised to keep him updated since the old man wasn’t able to leave the orphanage.

  This wasn’t like Frey. Sure, she might still be mad at him, but she had never been this hard to find. And not having spoken to Father Patrick for so long, that just wasn’t like her…

  Jin pushed at his temple, trying to deny the fact that his headaches were coming back stronger than before.

  Jin turned his feet towards the orphanage before his subconscious mind could steer him towards the dark alleyways. Right now he was in control, but he’d no idea how long it would last. Sooner or later the pull would be too great.

  Jin loosened his gasmask as he walked out of China Town. He clapped his fingers behind his head as he walked, pressing his thumbs into the base of his skull, easing the pressure from his temples.

  He looked up as the sky lit up from the third drop for that day. Shivers crept up his spine as he saw the package float to the ground, the booming music echoing between the buildings.

  Not knowing why, he suddenly felt very uneasy as he watched it disappear behind the building. Jin couldn’t shake the strange feeling that had been building up inside him for the last few days.

  It felt like someone was watching him…

  Chapter 13

  Jin knocked. When there was no response he put his ear to it. The room seemed to be empty. He didn’t try the handle. Jin turned and headed for the common room. He could hear the children chattering loudly, and when he opened the door, a wave of noise hit him. Father Patrick was handing out the food to the wild kids. Jin snuck out again, not wanting to be offered any food.

  Jin made a silent promise to start pulling his weight, just like Frey. He should have done it long ago and felt guilty he hadn’t contributed anything to the place and the man who had practically raised him.

  It was easy to forget how old Father Patrick was, the way he was running around, seeming to be everywhere at once. Jin gratefully sipped the tea, hoping it would reduce his pounding headache this time as well.

  “Jin. You know as well as I that reducing the pain won’t do any good as long as you don’t stop taking the pill.”

  “I haven’t touched one since-”

  “Permanently.”

  Jin didn’t answer. He couldn’t. By just mentioning the Yellow Pill, his body responded by fuming up the famish for it. His hands started shaking, creating small waves in the surface of the tea. The thought of not taking it again broke through his mind like a hammer shattering glass. Jin forced the mug down, the bottom clattering loudly as it hit the tabletop. He clutched his head, trying to still the pounding headache.

  He felt the old man put his hand over his. “You’ve done so well so far. You’re resisting it Jin,” he said, squeezing his hand. “I know you can do it. So does Frey. Now calm down. Drink, it will help the headache, and the craving.”

  Jin had closed his eyes tight. With his free hand he lifted the cup again, choking down a burning swallow. He stayed in the darkness until the room stopped spinning. Jin carefully opened his eyes and glanced at the old man. “I’m sorry…”

  “None of that. I’ve told you already. This is your home, and you are welcome to come back to it anytime you want. Especially-” Father Patrick said, rising his index finger between them. “when you want, and need help.” He let his hand fall back to the table. “Now, drink and then eat up. And when you’re done, I want you to get some rest. You can use my bed, I’ll be down on the first floor doing repair work.”

  “I can help you.”

  “You can help me by resting,” he said.

  It wasn’t the first time, and definitely not the last time Father Patrick made you feel like a little kid again. Jin did as he was told.

  Jin found Father Patrick at the rooftop. He was sorting through a pile of boxes in one of the corners.

  “What’re you doing?”

  Father Patrick tossed the blanket he had been holding back among the other things. He sighed. “I thought maybe she might have come by and left something here. A note, or just moved something around…”

  “But?”

  The old man sighed again. “Nothing. She hasn’t been here. I even checked the way the blanket was folded…”

  “I still have places to check.” Jin forced up a smile. “Don’t worry. You know how she is.”

  The old man wasn’t smiling. “Yes I do… and so do you, Jin.” He shook his head slowly. “That’s why I’m worried. She doesn't stay out of touch this long, she just doesn't.”

  Jin wanted to shake his head in denial. He wanted to push off the wall and walk right out of there, telling Father Patrick he worried too much, that she was fine, that she would walk through the doors the very next day.

  But he didn’t. He couldn’t…

  She just didn’t do things like this. It wasn’t like her at all.

  “She was staring to ask questions again…” Father Patrick whispered. Jin thought he might say more, but he stopped there.

  “Yeah…” Jin said. “I told her…” He got a strange feeling that he ought to pick his words carefully. There was no one else but them there, but he still got the sensation that someone was watching. “We had a fight. She left me sitting with… a lot on my mind. I’m sure she talked to you about it as well.”

  Father Patrick nodded slowly. “I didn’t… didn’t want to hear it.” He looked towards the blanket again.

  Jin put a hand on the old man’s shoulder. He was a head taller than his foster father, but he still felt like a child around the man. Now he was a child comforting his father. “Don’t worry. We’ll find her.”

  The wrinkled woman shook her head. “Not seen anyone like that.” She had yellow froth at the corner of her mouth, and her skin was tight over her bony cheeks. He moved on and tried to ignore the roiling feeling in his stomach.

  The woman grabbed at his wrist. “You’ve got any on you? Yellow Pill as payment?” She croaked, desperation in her voice. “The normal one, without the black numbers…”

  Jin tore his wrist away from her claws-like fingers and hurried away when she grabbed at him again. “I’ve got nothing.” Normal one? Crazy old hag. Jin tried not to think of the fact that it might be him looking like that soon. He knew the tea would do little to still the urge soon, and then the craving might be too great.

  He shook his head, forcing his thoughts to Frey. He was going to find her. She had to be around somewhere, she just had to be.

  Jin closed the car door, shutting out the world outside. Or, that’s what he wanted to think, but now he wasn’t sure. He couldn’t shake the feeling of ey
es at his back anywhere he went now. He wondered if it might be a side effect from the drug…

  Last time he and Frey had been sitting in their car together she had seemed so sad. He regretted not asking why.

  Tears stung his eyes as his shoulders started to shake. He covered his face, sobbing.

  He wanted her arms around him, comforting him. He wanted her to tell him it was going to be all right, that he wasn’t too far gone, that he would bounce back like he always did with everything else.

  But the facts crashed into him like a giant wave.

  She had been taken away like so many others… and he hadn’t done anything to stop it.

  Chapter 14

  “Frey! Don’t you ever do that again, or I swear I won’t try to catch you next time!” He said, trying not to let his fingers throttle her. The gap between the two buildings had been so far he had just shaken his head, feeling dizzy just standing close to the edge.

  His heart had literally stopped when she had jumped.

  “I knew I was goanna make it. You’re such a girl, Jin.” She laughed at him.

  “Sometimes I wanna strangle your little neck!”

  “Hah! You could try,” she said, laughing again.

  He slid to the ground, back resting against the wall surrounding the rooftop. He snorted at her and shook his head. “You’re goanna give me gray hair.”

  “Well, vice versa then, I always have to pull your sorry ass out of trouble,” Frey said, sliding down close to him. He twisted a long arm around her neck and pulled her close while she squealed, rubbing her head vigorously with his knuckles.

  “Agh! Ow ow ow!”

  He let go, and she punched him in the ribs.

  He got his legs under him and ran after her, pebbles spraying from their feet. His long strides ate the distance in seconds, and he grabbed her around the waist. Jin could feel her stomach muscles as she laughed. He pulled her close to his chest and wrapped his arms around her, making escaping impossible.

  They stood like that for a while, not saying anything, just enjoying each other’s warmth, feeling her heart through his chest.

  He woke up slowly, already feeling the warmth of sleep give way for the pain of the real world. What he never could remember was if he did say the words that had been so clear in his mind. Jin remembered thinking them a thousand times, over and over. Promising himself that he would tell her, letting her know how he felt.

  Letting her know he loved her…

  It all felt like a lifetime ago now.

  He felt stiff and sore all over. The pain was too great. His eyes were gummy and his tongue felt swollen.

  Hugging himself, he tried to give himself some warmth. Sleeping on the cold concrete was a bad idea, but the pain had taken over, and his legs had just folded under him.

  Jin scrubbed at his mouth, the dried froth flaking off in yellow crisps. He rubbed his eyes and forced himself to stand. The further into the territory he walked, the more strange things became.

  The third gang member who passed him grabbed his arm in an iron grip, demanding to know if he had the real stuff, without print. Jin twisted his arm free. Inside gang territory you earned your own Yellow Pills. Everyone knew that. And this was the fourth time someone had mentioned a “false” pill…

  Jin backed away from the man. “No man, I don’t have any on me,” Jin said. The man didn’t waste more time with him, but pushed right past.

  There was chaos outside the warehouse that Big T used as headquarters. Not just the normal yelling and fighting echoing from the open space, but sounding like an all out war made out of words.

  Gunfire erupted suddenly.

  Jin ducked behind a big container. The cries of pain sounded muted as people died in there. Jin pressed himself against the metal, the edges from the container pressing hard into his ribs. He covered his ears, regretted ever having come. His blood was pounding in his head as he tried to fight the natural response that told him to run. He was breathing short, shallow breaths.

  It took a while for him to notice that he could hear his own breathing again.

  Carefully uncovering his ears, he found that the streets were again silent. Dead silent…

  Jin crawled up on his feet and snuck closer to the edge of the building, glancing around the corner to see the massive roller doors stand open. Someone had come running out of there, leaving footprints in blood.

  He shouldn’t have turned the corner, he really shouldn’t have. Everything told him not to. All the blood outside, the smell, the noise before…

  But he did.

  Jin hadn’t vomited since he had been a kid. Now he could feel his insides clench as the fluids in his stomach forced themselves up his throat. For the first time in his life he was glad it was empty.

  Jin had one hand on the side of the building as he leaned over, hurling over and over, even when there wasn’t anything more to vomit.

  Jin wiped a shaky hand across his chin and mouth. There was a massacre in there. You couldn’t tell the color of the floor because of all the blood. The bodies were just a tangled mess lying scattered along the floor like broken ragdolls.

  There was some faint moaning, but no one seemed to move.

  Scattered guns and empty shells lay everywhere. This had been an all out war at close range. Somehow, he knew Big T was in there somewhere.

  A movement caught his eye and Jin looked to the right to spot a young guy, around his age, lying on his back, looking right at Jin. Jin walked over, doing his best to not step on anyone’s face.

  Now he recognized the guy. He had been working close with Big T, always doing his dirty work. Blood ran down the sides of his mouth, and Jin knew there was nothing he could do to save him.

  “What happened?” Jin asked, his voice rough from misuse and bile.

  The man coughed out more blood, but managed to get the words out. “They tricked us, f-fucking bastards…” He managed a shallow, gurgling breath. His lungs sounded torn in half. “Tried to trade us… bloody b-bogus dr-drug… P-prints on them…”

  Jin carefully put him back down when his body had gone slack.

  As he looked at the floor, he could make out the foaming piles mixed with the blood. He kept looking around until he found a couple of pills lying on a dry patch.

  The room reeked of the metallic blood-smell and death. The tang of offal wafted to him as he passed some bodies. Anytime now this place would be crawling with all kinds of people, hoping to ramshackle the place before any other gang members showed up to claim the spot. By now, all the gangs would’ve heard about the shootout.

  But for Jin there was only him and the two little Yellow Pills lying unspoiled at his feet.

  Jin bent down and picked them up. His body was telling him to consume them, but a small part of his mind spoke up, and this time as if someone had spoken it right into his ear.

  Frey told you to stay away from them… she warned you.

  Jin stayed his hand. Frey. All the confusion, all the emotions running haywire inside him, and with all the blood around him, none of it had mattered. None of it had stopped him from looking for his drug.

  Jin looked at the Yellow Pill rolling on his palm. He frowned. What the… Jin tried to comprehend what it was he was seeing.

  His eyes snapped up towards the back of the factory. He made his way there, stepping over bodies, not carrying whom he or what he stepped on, soaking his torn sneakers in blood and filth. His eyes kept sweeping back and forth across the massacre scene, but this time he didn’t see the staring dead eyes and expressions frozen in the moment of death. He kept going until he spotted the man he was looking for.

  Big T was buried beneath another person. They were both very dead. Big T had a big hole blown through his forehead. Jin found what he was looking for in a small opening in his jacket. He only had to glance at the bag for his heart to freeze for the second time, his mouth going dry.

  Yells and curses echoed behind him as people flooded in. It was the west district by the loo
k of them, and they were heavily armed.

  Jin dropped the pills into his jeans pocket before crawling towards the back entrance.

  “Find the real pills! Find them!”

  The swarming west gang had their attention elsewhere, and Jin slipped outside undetected, bolting down the street with a speed he didn’t know he possessed.

  Why the hell did I come here? Jin thought as he panted outside the big black doors, already having knocked.

  Kirk opened the door and ran away after making sure Jin promised to close it after him. Jin struggled with the heavy latches before pulling himself up the stairs.

  “Jin!”

  “I need to show you something.”

  Father Patrick helped him up the stairs, Jin surprised at how strong the old man still was. “Then the roof. There’s more… room to talk up there.”

  Jin almost felt like laughing at how many times he had ignored Frey when she started talking about someone listening. He had scolded her for it; even threatening to end their friendship is she didn’t stop, afraid they would take her away from him.

  And they had.

  Father Patrick led them to the corner where there were no pipes or boxes attached to the wall. The smooth short wall, the rooftop and open air were the only thing within a ten meters radius.

  Jin was shaking. “She’s gone…” it was all that came out. The old man had gone very still. “She’s gone,” Jin said again.

  Father Patrick put his on Jin’s shoulder. “The worst thing we can do right now is to give up. None of us wants that. Not you, not I, and not Frey. We have to hope.”

  Jin looked into Father Patrick’s eyes. The people who went missing were never found, and neither were their bodies. Maybe if there were no bodies, the people who had gone missing might still be alive…

  Jin shook his head but said nothing. He didn’t believe in fairytales. But he knew that the old man was right in that Frey wouldn’t want him to give up. She wouldn’t want any of them to give up, whatever the situation.