Pelham High Diaries: Eleanor

by LK Thompson

  Everly ran outside to stand beside me, confused.

  “My lucky day! How so?” I asked. Then, to him quietly, I whispered, “And please, call me Elle.”

  Roy’s eyes brightened, “Ah yes! Did I say Bella? That’s weird.” We exchanged a covert laugh and he asked, “So, Elle! Is this your little sister?”

  “Yep! This is Everly. She’s ten.” I said her age for some reason as if Roy needed the extra reminder to keep my job mum from her precious baby ears. I’m not sure why but the whole situation felt delicate.

  Roy nodded valiantly in Ev’s direction, and popped open his door, rounded the front bumper of his car to click open the passenger side door. Then, he leaned inside and retrieved a large tray, tucked in by foil and handed it to me, “Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Or should I say, happy belated?!”

  I was giddy in his presence and couldn’t stop giggling, “Roy! It’s not even Halloween. What is this?!”

  “It’s Chicken Cordon Bleu! And it’s as French and sophisticated as you. You’re gonna love it.”

  The tray was heavy and warm and smelled delicious. I thanked him, “Wow, Roy—this is enough for like, ten people! My Mom’s gonna be thrilled. Thank you!”

  “Don’t mention it! Now, let me know how it is tomorrow at work. Took me forever to get the seasonings just right, but I think I did. I’ll text you directions for reheating so make sure you follow them. Seriously. Don’t overcook the chicken. You’ll dry it out.”

  I smiled obediently, “Okay, got it.”

  Roy smiled back, “See you tomorrow Elle.” He looked to Ev, “See you around, Elle’s little sister.”

  It didn’t even dawn on me until well after my family sat down to dinner, that I’d completely forgotten to go to Jake’s house. We had dinner plans and I totally flaked.

  10/5

  Jake’s a little distant today, if you call sending a dozen angry texts distant.

  I don’t get it. Some guy made you dinner, so you forgot to come over? Or even call me back? Where was your phone?

  I aim to keep the interaction light on my end. I don’t want it to turn into something it wasn’t. I explained, He’s a friend from work who wants to go to culinary school. I was being nice. We have leftovers if you wanna try it.

  Jake was undeterred, Yeah, but why would he do that? No guy would just make someone dinner like that unless they were trying to impress her family or her.

  I sighed and wrote back, Because we’re friends, Jake. Nothing more.

  Sounds shady to me. I don’t trust it.

  Whatever, don’t trust it, but it’s the truth. Do you wanna hang today or not? I have an hour or so before work.

  Work again? No thanks. Call me when you actually have time for me, Elle. Not just an hour between shifts.

  Rather than further engaging, I stopped texting him and decided to go to Harlow’s house. When it comes to Jake, I’m at a loss. This was purely innocent and not worth the drama. I figured it would be better to surround myself with someone who actually likes the boy their dating, so I took the hour I had and used it wisely.

  In Harlow’s room, the mention of Devin’s name made her whole face beam. I asked, “Do you love him?”

  Her bright blue eyes glimmered as she looked up at me. “Love? I don’t know…I think about it…but, how could I know that for sure?” She sighed loudly, “I mean, He’s all I can think about. Other than you girls, of course.”

  I interjected, “Yeah, love is weird. I never knew with Jake either.”

  Harlow thought for a second, “But you know you now, right?”

  “Not really, no. If anything, I’m more confused than I was before. What he did to me was awful. How can I get past that?”

  Harlow’s face reads that she’s genuinely shocked. “What about the skintight outfit and winning him back?!”

  I shrugged nonchalantly, but she’s still in disbelief. She crept closer to me and pressed, “Sorry, but it’s crazy to hear you say that because you two seem so in love. You make out in the hallways and nobody does that! You winning Jake back, put a love spell over everyone. Taryn started dating Blake again because of it!”

  My heart skipped at the notion of commanding the power I held at Taryn’s that night. I keep telling myself it was Crystal’s outfit, but maybe it was more. I felt different in it. I was different. I paused for a second to change the subject, “Speaking of, what are we gonna to do about her and Blake hanging out again?”

  Harlow’s eyes rolled, “Ugh, wait until it explodes in our faces and run to pick up the pieces?” Her smile says she’s joking, but it’s the truth and we both know it.

  I grinned, “Hot mess express, those two. Guess we’ll just let it play out as usual. We obviously can’t talk to Taryn—heaven forbid we attempted to speak with our friend about her troubling behavior!” I held my hand to my heart dramatically and we laughed. Then, I asked, “So, what’s going on with homecoming? Is Devin walking you out to the stage?” I wanted to say something meaningful—something that Morgan and Taryn could never say. Mostly, I wanted to set myself apart from them to make sure Harlow knows that I’m a safe space for her. I said, “I’m proud of you Harley. You’re going to look like a real Pelham princess up there. I’m sure Devin’s stoked.”

  As the conversation waned, I found myself eyeing the time, mentally preoccupied. I wondered if there were any avenue to mention Jimmy’s. I want to tell her I’ve got new friends and how cool and confident Crystal is. And what a talented, nice guy, Roy is. I wanted to confide in my friend to say that some days, I don’t think of Jake at all.

  It’s hard with Harlow though. She really is everything sitting right in front of me—the beautiful blonde girl with a sweet laugh and penchant for picking apart her nail beds when she’s stressed. She’s got wholesome intentions—no hidden agendas or darkness hovering nearby. I think that’s why the fight happened last year. When people are truly good, it’s human nature to try and tear it down.

  I don’t judge her for it though. And I don’t think she’d think less of me if I told her, but I do believe she’d try to stop me. I can’t take the risk. Right now, I’m not so sure I want to be good.

  10/7

  Another day of ignoring Jake. It’s not easy to keep this up, but I’m conflicted. Would I have been happier if he stayed with Michelle? When I’m at Jimmy’s, I want him to dump me again so my coworkers can hear that I’m single. I wonder if Mike would care.

  Then, at PHS my thought process flips and once again I pull Jake to my side at the first sight of Michelle. He obeys, delighted by the attention, but even when our bodies are touching, there’s a space between us—a giant gaping hole and it’s only getting bigger.

  Today, I watched Harlow and Devin together. His eyes were two lines as he laughed with her. Painfully happy. Watching, I waited to feel the jealousy rip through me, but it never came. A fog in my head cleared and I had to address the obvious. I don’t want what they have. Numbing happiness with one boy?

  Nope. I want more.

  10/8

  Last night was a perfect night. And you wanna know why? Because of THEM. Taryn, Harlow, Eleanor, and Morgan—we allowed ourselves to have fun in the name of Harlow winning Homecoming.

  The normal mask Morgan wears was off and it gave me the opportunity to I bring up Morgan’s weight loss in a delicate manner without her chewing my head off and spitting it back out. I didn’t need a big response or for it to come off as a compliment. I just wanted to say, Hey, you’re not invisible. I see you.

  Last night the four of us were delicate glass ornaments, so eager to break. A fragile foursome requiring an infinite amount of care. I simply said, “You don’t seem like yourself this year. I’m here if you need me, my little smarty pants.”

  I did it at the perfect moment and succeeded. She listened to me and heard what I was saying. And I even got her to dance. I guess it just goes to show that every once in a while, everything falls into place.

  10/9

  The colder w
eather is making my commute to work tricky. Why didn’t I work harder to get my license on time again? I didn’t wear leggings over my black biker shorts or a thick enough coat over my T-shirt. By the end of my street, I knew I’d need to take a short cut, if I wanted to my fingers to possess the ability to hold a tray of little glass shot glasses steadily.

  Riding past Morgan’s house cuts out a hill and somewhat busy road, so I decided to do it, even with all the danger it presented me. I could be caught! But I didn’t think I’d find Taryn’s car in her driveway. It’s presence was enough to make my heart sink. Taryn, Harlow, and I don’t go to Morgan’s house. She doesn’t invite us over because of her mom and we don’t speak about it. So, why was Taryn there?

  The thing with Morgan, Harlow, and Taryn is that I can be completely happy, sitting on my own planet and thinking of Jimmy’s when I’m with them. I can be completely and utterly preoccupied with thoughts of my coworkers and their mysterious lives, and suddenly crash down to earth. I’m not a jealous person by nature, but there’s something wrong with our foursome that brings unforeseen jealousy to the surface. It’s not like I wanted to be with Taryn and Morgan, I didn’t. I would’ve ignored a text inviting me over—yet seeing Taryn’s car there, I feel left out.

  10/16

  Harlow slept at Devin’s house last night and Morgan and Taryn were angry and acting out—begging me to feel the same. But, the more upset they became, the more they lost my interest. This isn’t last year. Why can’t they see that? I don’t want to be mad! Their anger doesn’t lure me into hating my friend because it’s totally unfounded.

  Morgan remained cold and quiet, while Taryn flailed about my living room, counting down her reasons for deserving alcohol. Roy texted me to ask for dating advice. He explained candidly how he’d met a girl—a beautiful blonde Theater major from Maplewood, who was living on campus at the Performing Arts college two towns over in Holyoke. He sent me her photo and a screen shot of their conversation which hit a stall when he mentioned where he worked. I guess she Googled it. Jimmy’s is the definition of a red flag for most, but Roy didn’t deserve that kind of judgement. I wanted to help!

  Some days, I didn’t know if Roy had a crush on me or if I had a crush on him. I craved his approval and longed to be near him at work, but there wasn’t a spark present to make it obvious. I’ve been wondering it so much that his needing my help unveiled the answer—we are friends! And the idea had me freaking out. I couldn’t help but feel protective of him. I wanted to assist in the perfect text response.

  So while Taryn lifted her bottle of wine to her lips for the fifth time, I was hit with the realization that I’d rather be anywhere else. I unapologetically texted Roy in front of Morgan and Taryn, blatantly ignoring Taryn’s needling.

  With Morgan out of the room, she pressured me into taking a shot and confiding in her. I was honest, “I’m a shot girls at Jimmy’s”

  She screamed, “The strip club?! Isn’t that illegal?”

  I explained, “Technically, I’m a hostess. It’s good money."

  When Morgan returned, Taryn tried to scare more conversation out of me and Morgan took the bait. She asked, “How is life in Maplewood, Eleanor? I mean, I assume that’s who you’re texting with. All your new work friends?”

  I answered flippantly, “Works cool. I’m getting the hang of it—pizza grease and all!”

  She tried again, “It’s Frank’s Pizza, right? For some reason I thought it was something with the name Jimmy in it.”

  My heart’s pace quickened—how did Morgan know? My voice remained calm, “Nope, just Frank’s.”

  The lies sprang easily, pinging from me and back to Taryn and Morgan with ease. A healthy volley. It almost scared me how easy it was. A moment of pause in the conversation, allowed me time to look at Taryn. What was she getting at? And why?

  These two girls were no longer mysterious to me. I know them better than they know themselves and I can lie like them too. They taught me. The biggest and best liars in Pelham. Two-faced and calculated.

  Realizing the truth, I shuddered. But it didn’t scare me. If they were smart, it should have scared them.

  10/18

  Harlow’s skin is pale when she opens her mouth to speak, “I don’t feel so well.”

  Her face is stricken with worry and though it hurts to see, I play dumb. But, Harlow’s not dumb. By now, she’s learned that if she’s not dedicating every minute of her life to make Taryn and Morgan happy—there’s a problem.

  I asked, “What do you mean? Like sick sick?”

  “Don’t you feel it? The distance between Taryn and Morgan and I. They’re like, ignoring me all day and only answering me if I talk about our Halloween costumes or something trivial like that. You’ve noticed it, haven’t you?”

  I squinted and looked to the sky as I replied, “Nope. Not really. Maybe they’re just excited to be Hi-Liters for Halloween. It’s going to be pretty epic. Or maybe you’re dipping down from that homecoming high? I’ve heard it’s a real rush.”

  Harlow shook her head, “No. It’s more than that. They’re acting weird. They really haven’t said anything to you?”

  “Really. Try not to worry about it,” I lie because Taryn’s unpredictable. Yes, she’s acting differently and yes, she talked crap on Harlow’s relationship with Devin to me, but she could just as easily be fine by the end of the day. Taryn’s a grump by nature and Harlow would be rattled if I confirmed her fears, so I don’t.

  It wouldn’t be worth making a big deal out of. Not yet.

  10/20

  “Why don’t you drive? The lots never full.”

  I raised my eyes, startled to see Mike approach me as I parked my bike at the bike rack. My heart seized and I fumbled for my lock, my mind racing. Mike came outside to talk to me. He thinks I’m eighteen. Did I appear too cold? Only an immature kid would dress inappropriately for the weather and ride a bike over driving.

  I answered simply, “I ride everywhere. It’s the Pelham way.”

  Mike smiled, “All Pelhamites are the same, huh? Well, we don’t have bike lanes in Maplewood, so be safe. Especially at night. You should wear brighter clothing.”

  I felt like a kid getting scolded. Maybe Mike knew I was only seventeen already. In that moment, he felt out of reach. Why had I ever thought he was flirting with me in the first place? Maybe he was like Roy, just another guy looking out for a young, dumb girl.

  10/22

  Tonight at work, Roy gushed about the girl he’s talking to. Our texts worked! Her name is Gwen and she totally believed every text I concocted to smooth over any strip club qualms she may have. Last night, Roy cooked her a gourmet three-course meal and asked her to be his girlfriend. Of course she said yes. Who wouldn’t? Roy’s like, the best guy in the whole wide world.

  He said, “Bella, I gotta hand it to you. You helped me over the hump!”

  “She’d be an idiot not to date you just because you cook here. Think I’ll get to meet her? Will she ever stop by?”

  “Now that’s probably pushing it. But, I’ve told her all about you and guess what? She agrees with me! You should quit.”

  “Oh great, you’ve already turned her against me! How can we be BFF’s if she thinks lowly of my job?”

  “Well, for starters, you can’t be BFF’s with Gwen. I won’t allow it.” Roy said.

  “How come? You don’t think she’ll like me? Like for real?”

  Roy blushed and swallowed. “You can’t be best friends with Gwen because I already called dibs. You’re mine.”

  With that, I jumped up and hugged him without thinking, my hands wrapping tightly around his neck. I squealed, “You scared me, you jerk!”

  His cheeks were still red as he pulled away, forcing me to bounce down to the ground and backwards. He removed his baseball cap, to reveal his sandy blonde hair, matted down and sweaty. Turning the hat backwards, he placed it on his head again, and whispered, “Bella. You better go.”

  I assumed Jimmy must’ve walke
d into the kitchen, but it wasn’t Jimmy, it was Mike.

  “Alright you two. Enough canoodling. Bella, two new customers just walked in—why don’t you get out there and take their order.”

  I was about to protest that I’m not a waitress, but hurried onto the floor. Stephanie, one of the middle aged servers was already standing next to the two men in business suits, jotting down some notes when I approached her awkwardly, unsure of my place. Stephanie gave me a glare, which means, don’t infringe on her territory, so I backed away. It was a slow shift and Stephanie needed the tips, but I felt the need to look poised because of Mike, always watching—stealthily pacing the outskirts of the bar.

  Mike is over six feet tall and chiseled like a sculpture. Even his dark brown hair is perfect. No strands out of place. His jaw line is prominent, and I’ve noticed that he clenches it for long periods of time on busier nights.

  I don’t know why, but I noticed Mike differently tonight. It was like the universe was telling me that he was going to approach me. The night was conspiring to bring us together, so when I leaned against the wall during Marta’s dance set and Mike came to lean right next to me, I tried not to act surprised. In a way, I was waiting for him.

  “So what was the celebration with Roy all about?” he asked curiously.

  “Oh not much. He asked out a girl and she said yes. I helped with some of the preliminary texting.”

  Mike nodded, stalling the conversation. He turned to face me, “Listen, I’m just gonna come out and say it. You wanna go out sometime?”

  It was so abrupt, I almost puked on the spot. Choking, I said the words I wanted to say the least, “Oh, I’d love that, but I have a boyfriend.”

  Undeterred, he spoke again, “Right, I heard. So, what do you think? Wanna go for a walk after your shift tomorrow? Nothing crazy. I’ll keep my hands to myself.”