The Eighth Dwarf

by Ross Thomas

  Franz Oppenheimer was at least sixty, Jackson decided, as the daughter served tea, first to her guest and then to her father. He was also a well-preserved sixty—stocky, but not fat, carrying perhaps ten or twelve too many pounds on a sturdy five-ten-or-eleven frame. Jackson concluded that it might be a good idea if the Oppenheimers were to cut out their afternoon tea.

  Over his sightless eyes the blind man wore a pair of round steel-rimmed glasses with opaque, purplish-black lenses. He had gone bald, at least on top, and his scalp formed a wide, shiny pink path through the twin hedgerows of the thick, white, carefully trimmed hair that still sprouted on both sides of his head.

  Even with the dark glasses, it was a smart man’s face, Jackson thought. To begin with, there was all that high forehead. Then there were a pair of bushy almost white eyebrows that arced up above the glasses which rested on the good-sized nose. The nose thrust out and then down toward a wide mouth with thin, dubious lips. The chin was heavy, well-shaved, and determined, perhaps even stubborn.

  Oppenheimer ate two of the small sandwiches quickly, sipped some tea, and then patted his lips with a white linen napkin. There had been no fumbling in his movements, only a slight, almost undetectable hesitancy when he replaced his cup on the small table beside his chair.

  With his head turned almost, but not quite, toward Jackson, Oppenheimer said, “We are, of course, Jews, Mr. Jackson, Leah and I. But we are also still Germans—in spite of everything. We intend to return to Germany eventually. It is a matter of deep conviction and pride. Foolish pride, I’m sure that most would say.”

  He paused as if waiting for Jackson to comment.

  In search of something neutral, Jackson said, “Where did you live in Germany?”

  “In Frankfurt. Do you know it?”

  “I was there for a short time once. In ’37.”

  The blind man nodded slowly. “That’s when we left, my family and I—in ’37. We put off leaving until almost too late, didn’t we?” He turned his head in his daughter’s direction.

  “Almost,” she said. “Not quite, but almost.”

  “We went to Switzerland first—Leah, my son, and I. My son was twenty-three then. He’s thirty-two now. About your age, if I’m correct.”

  “Yes,” Jackson said, “you are.”

  Oppenheimer smiled slightly. “I thought so. I’ve become quite good at matching voices up with ages. I’m seldom off more than a year or two. Well, the Swiss welcomed us. In fact, they were most cordial. Correct, of course, but cordial—although that cordiality depended largely on the tidy sum that I’d had the foresight to transfer in a round-about way from Frankfurt to Vienna to Zurich. The Swiss, like everyone else, are really not too fond of Jews, although they usually have the good sense not to let it interfere with business.”

  Oppenheimer paused, looked in his daughter’s general direction, smiled, switched to German, and said, “Leah, dear, I think it’s time for my cigar.”

  “Yes, of course,” she said, rose, and crossed the room to where a box of cigars rested on a table. She took one out—long, fat, and almost black; clipped off one end with a pair of nail scissors; put it in her mouth; and carefully lit it.

  “Would you care for one, Mr. Jackson?” Oppenheimer said as his daughter handed him the cigar.

  “No, thanks, I’ll stick to my cigarettes.”

  “Damned nuisance, really. One of the few things I haven’t been able to learn how to do for myself properly—light a cigar. Hard on Leah, too. Keeps her from wearing lipstick.”

  “I don’t mind,” she said, resuming her seat by the tea table.

  “I always like a woman who powders and paints. What about you, Mr. Jackson?”

  “Sure,” Jackson said, and lit a cigarette.

  Oppenheimer puffed on his cigar for several moments and then said, “Miss the smoke, too—the sight of it. Ah, well. Where was I? In Switzerland. We stayed there until 1940. Until Paris fell. Then we went to England—London. At least, Leah and I went. Some people call me an inventor, but I’m not really. I’m more of a—a Kesselflicker.”

  “Tinker,” Jackson said.

  “That’s right, tinker. I take other people’s inventions and improve on them. Patch them up. I had an idea for a cheap way for the British to interfere with enemy radar. Well, they almost clapped me in jail. I wasn’t even supposed to know about radar. But eventually they used my idea anyway. Long strips of foil. Someone else got the credit, though. I didn’t mind. I had other ideas. A long-lasting electric-torch battery. I gave them that. Then an idea for a metal-less zipper. They didn’t seem to think that zippers had anything to do with the war effort. I should’ve tried that one on the Americans. That’s where I made my money originally, you know: in zippers. Damned near the zipper king of Germany. Didn’t invent it, more’s the pity, but I improved on it. But no matter. Then, toward the end of the war, I developed cataracts, and that’s why I’m here.”

  “Why Mexico?” Jackson said.

  “There’s an eye surgeon in Mexico City who’s supposed to be the best in the world. I don’t know whether he really is or not, but he’s a German Jew like me, and I feel comfortable with him. He’s going to operate next month, and that’s why I wanted to get this business about finding my son settled.”

  “What makes you think he’s still alive?” Jackson said.

  The blind man shrugged. “Because nobody’s come up with any proof that he’s dead. If he’s not dead, then he’s alive.”

  “He stayed on in Switzerland when you went to England.”

  “Yes.”

  “And then went back into Germany.”

  “Yes.”

  “He went underground?”

  “Yes.”

  “Was he a member of any particular group?”

  “I don’t know. My son is a Communist. Or thought he was, anyway. He almost went to Spain in ’36, but I persuaded him not to, although I couldn’t persuade him to go to Britain with us.”

  “When was the last time you heard from him?”

  “Directly?”

  “Yes.”

  “There were a few letters in 1940. Two in ’41 and then nothing. And then, about a year ago, we heard that somebody had heard that he had been seen in Berlin just before the end of the war. It was no more than that: just hearsay, rumor. But we started writing letters—to the Americans and the British.” He made a small gesture with his cigar. “Nothing. Finally, we heard about Ploscaru from someone who’d known someone in Cairo who’d used him for something similar to this during the war. We made inquiries and found that Ploscaru was in Los Angeles. So we came here from Mexico City and started negotiations—which brings us up to date. Ploscaru tells us that you were an American spy during the war.”

  “Something like that,” Jackson said.

  “With the Office of Secret Services.”

  “Strategic Services.”

  “Oh, is that what they called it?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, what do you think, Mr. Jackson: do you think you can find my son?”

  Jackson lit another cigarette, his second, before answering. “Maybe. If he’s alive and if he wants to be found and if he hasn’t gone East.”

  “Yes, that’s a distinct possibility, I suppose.”

  “No,” Leah said. “It’s not. He wouldn’t go East”

  Jackson looked at her. “Why?”

  “Kurt didn’t trust the Russians,” she said. “He despised them.”

  “I thought you said he was a Communist.”

  “A most peculiar type of Communist, my son,” Oppenheimer said, and added dryly, “but then, my son is most peculiar in many matters. Some of his peculiarities we’ve written down in a kind of dossier that we’ve put together for you. There are some pictures—a bit old by now, I should think. Kurt must have changed considerably.”

  Oppenheimer nodded at his daughter, who crossed to the table where the cigar box lay, opened a drawer, and brought out a thick envelope, which she handed to Jacks
on.

  “Does he have it yet?” Oppenheimer asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Your fee is in there too, Mr. Jackson: fifteen hundred dollars. Correct?”

  “Yes.”

  “I must apologize for those rather silly code phrases that I insisted upon, but we’ve learned that there are a number of confidence tricksters about down here—Americans mostly. Wouldn’t want the money to fall into the wrong hands, would we?”

  “No.”

  “Probably made you feel a bit silly, though, all that lu, lu, lu-ing.”

  “A bit.”

  Jackson by now had discovered that the blind man spoke two kinds of English. One was an almost breezy form of chatter which had only a light accent. Oppenheimer employed it, perhaps unconsciously, when engaging in his rather heavy-handed persiflage, which was something like a salesman’s banter. But when the blind man wanted to make a point or find out something, the accent grew heavier as he hammered out his nouns and verbs into a more formal structure.

  His accent was quite heavy when he asked Jackson, “When do you think you might arrive in Germany?”

  “In about a month,” Jackson said. “I’ll be going to Washington first. There’re some people there who might be helpful. After that, if I can’t get a seat on a plane, I’ll take the first boat I can get out of New York.”

  “My daughter will be leaving for Frankfurt immediately after my operation, which will be two weeks from now. That means that she’ll arrive in Germany at about the same time that you do. The address where she’ll be staying is in the envelope we gave you. I suggest that you get in touch with her. I’m sure that she can be most helpful.”

  Jackson stared at the remote, solemn-faced woman who sat motionless in the straight-backed chair with her eyes lowered.

  “Yes,” he said, trying to keep the surprise out of his voice, “I’m sure that she can be.”

  4

  It had grown dark by the time that Jackson tipped the Mexican attendant a quarter for bringing the Plymouth around. He got in behind the wheel and fooled with the radio, trying to find something besides the strident, slightly off-key mariachi band that the attendant had tuned in. Jackson had just about settled for a San Diego station when the man came out of the shadows, got quickly into the car, slammed the door shut, and said, “Let’s take a little spin.”

  The man’s accent came from somewhere in England; probably London, Jackson thought. As he turned to look at him, Jackson let his left hand slide from his lap down between the seat and the door to where the tire iron was. After he found it, he said, “Where to?”

  “Anywhere,” the man said, and motioned a little with something that poked at the cloth of his jacket’s right pocket.

  “You know what I’ve got in my left hand?” Jackson said.

  “What?”

  “Got me a tire iron. So if that isn’t a gun in your pocket, you’d better watch your kneecap.”

  The man smiled and took his hand from his pocket. It was empty. “No gun,” he said. “Let’s take a spin and talk about that rotten little dwarf.”

  “All right,” Jackson said. He released the tire iron, making sure that it clattered against something, and started the engine. He drove to the end of the drive and turned right into the street. When he came to the first street lamp, he pulled over and parked under it.

  “The spin ends here,” Jackson said. “Now tell me about him, the rotten little dwarf.”

  The man looked up at the street lamp and then at Jackson. He was about Jackson’s age, perhaps four or even five years older. He wore a jacket that was a salt-and-pepper tweed, wrinkled flannel trousers, a white shirt, and a dark tie. He had a thin face that just escaped being gaunt. His brown hair could have used a trim, but the mustache that he wore under his sharp nose seemed well cared for. There was too much bone to his chin.

  “We found him in Cairo,” the man said.

  “Ploscaru.”

  The man nodded and smiled again. “Old Nick.”

  “During the war.”

  “That’s right. We signed him on.”

  “Who signed him on?”

  “My old firm.”

  “And who are you?”

  “Baker-Bates. Gilbert Baker-Bates.”

  “Hyphenated.”

  “That’s right,” Baker-Bates said, and slipped his left hand into his jacket pocket. It came out with a package of cigarettes. Lucky Strikes. He offered them to Jackson, who refused with a shake of his head. Baker-Bates lit one for himself with a wartime Zippo lighter that was olive drab in color.

  “It must be a burden, that hyphen,” Jackson said.

  “I don’t notice it much anymore.”

  “What was the old firm in Cairo—SOE?”

  “Not bloody likely.”

  “The other one?”

  Baker-Bates nodded and blew some smoke out.

  “What’d you want with the dwarf?”

  Baker-Bates waited until a car went by. The car was a 1938 Ford standard coupe with a blown muffler. Two men were in it, Mexicans. Baker-Bates stared at them as they drew abreast of the Plymouth, slowed, and then sped off.

  “He did some odd jobs for us once in Bucharest. When I found him in Cairo he was starving, living off some Gyppo bint that he’d lined up. Well, we took him on again; gave him a bath; ran him through the odd course in Alex—cipher stuff mostly; and then dropped him and a fist man back into Romania with twenty bloody thousand in gold.”

  “Dollars?”

  “Pounds, lad, pounds. Gold sovereigns, although, thank God, they were yours and not ours.”

  “Mine?”

  “OSS. We put it together; they paid for it. Your chaps wanted two things: first of all, information on how good a job of work your bombs had done on the Ploesti refineries, and secondly, how the Romanians were keeping your pilots that they’d shot down. We’d take anything else that the dwarf could skim off and send back. Plus any mischief he could create. That’s what the gold was for.”

  “You dropped him in by parachute, huh?”

  “Right.”

  “That must have been a sight.”

  Baker-Bates shrugged indifferently.

  “So he went in with about a hundred thousand dollars in gold.”

  Baker-Bates blew out some smoke. “About that”

  “I’d say you made one damn-fool mistake.”

  “Well, as they say, if ever you need a real thief, you should cut him down from the gallows or hire a Romanian. We hired two.”

  “The fist man was also Romanian?”

  “Right.”

  “And you never heard from them again.”

  “Oh, we heard from them, all right,” Baker-Bates said. “Once. A five-word message: ‘Ploscaru dead. Police closing in.’”

  Jackson leaned back in the leather seat, looked up at the street lamp, and chuckled. The chuckle went on until it turned into a laugh.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “I think Nick’s already spent your money.”

  “That doesn’t worry us. We wrote the rotten little bastard off long ago. He’s ancient history. Besides, it wasn’t really our money, was it?” As if to answer his own question, Baker-Bates flipped his cigarette out into the darkness. “You two, you and the dwarf, you don’t interest us much. You’re spear carriers. It’s the chum at stage center that we’re really interested in.”

  Jackson stared at the thin Englishman for several moments. “Kurt Oppenheimer,” he said finally.

  “That’s the lad. Kurt Oppenheimer, the zipper king’s son.”

  Jackson nodded. “And you’re going to tell me about him.”

  Baker-Bates seemed to think about it. He glanced at his watch and said, “Your treat?”

  “Sure,” Jackson said. “My treat.”

  The bar that they found was only a few blocks from the hotel. It was a small, hole-in-the-wall kind of place, a bit dank, a bit smelly, and its few customers were sad Mexicans who seemed to have even sadder problems which th
ey discussed in low tones. Both Jackson and Baker-Bates ordered beers and drank them out of the bottle.

  “The first thing I should tell you is this,” Baker-Bates said after a long swallow. “We don’t want Oppenheimer in Palestine.”

  “Why?”

  “He had a bad war, very bad, but it developed his talents.”

  “What kind of talents?”

  “Remember Canaris?”

  “The Abwehr admiral.”

  Baker-Bates nodded. “They say that Canaris had him once in late ’43, but let him go. They say that he fascinated Canaris, that they had long talks.”

  “About what?”

  “The morality of political assassination. Canaris was a jellyfish, you know. They’d have done for Hitler early on if Canaris had ever been able to make up his mind. But Canaris had him and that’s a fact although some still say that Canaris didn’t let him go, that he escaped.”

  “Oppenheimer.”

  “Oppenheimer.” Baker-Bates held up a thumb and forefinger that were less than an inch apart. “Some say that he was that close to Himmler once. That close, they say, though it’s probably cock. And there’re even some who’ll say that he did in Bormann there at the end, but that’s cock too—although there’s no doubt about the SS Major General in Cologne and that Gauleiter down near Munich and maybe two dozen others.”

  “So you’re looking for him?”

  “That’s right; we are.”

  “What’re you going to do if you find him—put him up for an OBE?”

  “The war’s over, chum, long over.”

  “One year,” Jackson said. “One year and twenty-seven days.”

  “Oppenheimer hasn’t heard. Or if he’s heard, he hasn’t paid any attention.”

  “How many?”

  “Since V-E Day?”

  Jackson nodded.

  “At least nine, perhaps ten, perhaps more. Mostly minor bods and sods, nobody very important, but still, we’d’ve liked to have got our own hands on them. It’s almost as though he were going around tidying up for us—to save us the bother, so to speak.”

  “And now you’re afraid he might turn his talents to Palestine.”

  “Baker-Bates took another swallow of his beer. You know what’s going on there, don’t you?”