Falling Deeper (Falling Series)

by Lucia Grace

  I’m not afraid of his anger. But I am terrified that after finally realizing I don’t want to live without him, that it won’t be my choice anymore. That he’ll make the decision on his own and walk out.

  As we stand in front of each other, both struggling for air, Kayson moves suddenly and surprises the hell out of me.

  He doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t yell, he doesn’t blame me. Instead, he fists my long, dark hair in his left hand as his injured right one wraps around my hip.

  Hard gray eyes stare down into my tear-filled brown ones before he claims my lips in a searing kiss filled with hatred, sadness, loss, and love.

  His kiss says it all.

  He breaks away slightly, his lips still brushing mine in hard pants, as he lifts then slams me against the wall that separates the kitchen from the hall. He steals the breath from my lungs. First at the harsh contact and second when his lips slam back down to mine.

  His teeth sink into my lips. His tongue slashes against mine. His lips brand my mouth.

  He owns me completely with this kiss full of anger and love. I can feel the war waging inside of him.

  “I have been back for two months. I’ve been trying to show you I’m a changed fucking man. Understanding all your reservations. And all this time you’ve been keeping this from me,” he spits out between clenched teeth before claiming my bruised lips yet again.

  “I know,” I sob out between harsh kisses.

  He braces me against the wall as his right hand disappears to shove my leggings and panties down my thighs. His touch is rough and demanding. He holds the material at the crotch when they hit my spread knees on his hips, so I can pull one leg out. He doesn’t even bother with the other.

  Once I’m bared to his eyes, he undoes the button and fly on his jeans and shoves them and his boxer briefs down his thighs, just enough to free his length. He fists it then rubs the head through my wet slit. On a strangled moan I drop my head against the wall. Then he slams into me.

  Hard. Rough. Angry.

  He’s pounding into me like a man possessed. And I let him. I need this just as much as he does.

  The sexual tension that has been consuming us since he returned, and his anger over what I kept from him, mixing to create a toxic combination.

  He’s fucking me like he hates me. Like he wishes he never came back. Like this could be the last time.

  My heart shatters at the thought then euphoria masks the pain as my orgasm crashes through me quickly.

  As Kayson finds his release, his grip loosens yet tightens all at once. As if he’s giving up, but can’t let me go.

  When his hips stop moving and our moans die down, shame washes over me. There was nothing loving and meaningful about what just happened.

  I couldn’t stop the tears now even if I wanted to. As he feels my tears hit his neck, emotion thickens the air and his join mine. I’m still pinned to the wall and he’s still buried inside of me as he cries for the first time. Grieving his loss. Our loss.

  Kayson heaves a deep breath before lifting his face from my neck. Tears still wet on his face. His eyes are softer now, but the hurt is still there. “A son?” he questions, and I nod my head. My tears never stopping.

  A look of understanding seems to pass over his face as he slips out of me. But he never lets me go. He runs his sad eyes all over my face.

  “I’m so sorry, Kayson. I know I should have told you sooner, I was so hurt—”

  “I know.”

  “Wh-what?”

  “On my drive back here, every thought, every scenario, ran through my mind. I was being irrational earlier. Too blinded by my hurt and anger to understand and listen,” he says quietly. “But after getting into it with Damon, and calming myself down enough, I realized that expecting you to hunt me down to tell me about our son all those years ago was unrealistic. Especially after how I left you.”

  “You have every right to be upset with me right now,” I say softly. Shocked at his sudden understanding.

  He shakes his head sadly then runs his fingers over my forehead, brushing away the hair from my face. “I will tell you that it’s going to take me awhile to get over this. Especially since you didn’t try to tell me once since I came back.”

  I drop my eyes to his chest, but he lifts my chin and places a gentle kiss to my lips.

  “I’m sorry.” I sob against them again. His gentleness wreaking havoc on me.

  “I know.” He toes his shoes off, then kicks off his jeans and underwear before pulling the rest of my clothes from my left leg.

  “After your meeting tonight I wanted to tell you that I love you, that I choose you, but I knew I needed to tell you about KJ first.”

  His eyes slide closed as a sudden pain fills them at hearing our son’s name. My breath hitches. “Thank fuck, because I’m not letting you go now. You’re mine, baby. Always have been, always will be.”

  Leaving our discarded clothes in the hallway, Kayson carries me to my bedroom then lays me gently on my bed. A great contrast to his earlier, rougher actions.

  He reaches down to the hem of my top and lifts it over my head then reaches behind my arched back to remove my bra.

  I blush as his eyes take in my completely bare body for the first time.

  “Beautiful,” he huffs out.

  Then he steps back and lifts his black T-shirt over his head. Completely bare to me for the first time. His body is honed to perfection. Not that of the boy I used to know, but of the man I long to learn.

  Drool worthy arms corded with muscles. Biceps and triceps and forearms for days. A wider chest than before, cut from stone. Chiseled six pack abs. That delectable V that leads to his very prominent manhood. Along with all the new muscles are the new tattoos that adorn his body. His once lone tattoo on his right bicep has turned into a full sleeve that wraps around to his back and up onto his shoulder, almost to his neck. It’s beautiful really. Black and colored ink scrolls across his skin. Scripted ink catches my eye on his left side over his ribcage as he tosses his shirt to the side.

  “What?” he asks. Smirking. Knowing I’m practically panting over his naked self.

  “What’s that on your side?”

  “It’s nothing,” he answers dismissively.

  “It doesn’t look like nothing.”

  His eyes slowly slide shut on a deep breath.

  When he releases it I ask gently, “Come here, Kayson. Please?”

  Muttering he comes over to me while I’m propped up on my elbows on the bed.

  Tattooed along his ribs are the words of the song that meant more to me than any other.

  KAYSON

  “Kayson?” she asks, as tears well in her deep brown eyes.

  “Yeah, baby?” I reply, knowing I’ll need to explain the meaning behind these words that mark my body.

  “What…? Does this mean…?”

  The only ink to mark the left side of my body. Words we always said to each other, that meant the world to us, brand my left ribcage that protects my heart.

  My heart that belongs to her, that always has and always will.

  “I’ve always carried you with me, baby. In my heart and on my body.”

  Fresh tears fill her brown eyes now. Replacing the ones of regret and shame with ones of love and awe.

  Earlier tonight I was ready to leave this small town for good. Never return. But after my run-in with Damon at the bar, and almost blowing my sobriety, I took a drive to try to calm down. I knew I needed to talk to Ember. I couldn’t just leave things how I left them. But fuck was I hurt.

  Finding out I had a son, and lost him, completely turned my world on its axis. Finding out that Ember kept that from me for all these years burned deep. But then rational thought infiltrated my mind and I realized something: how the fuck was she supposed to tell me? Then I realized what hurt even more was that she kept it from me now. For these two months that I’ve been back. She punished me for our past, for the hurt I caused her, but she was hiding this from me. Somethin
g I deserved to know. That I have every right to know.

  And what hurt even more than that was the fact that I never even had a chance to mourn the loss and be there for Ember while she went through the hardest time of her life. The shame I felt at that realization, that my weak-ass insecurities and my inability to clean myself up sooner kept us from going through that tragedy together, hit me like a Mack truck.

  So after my internal breakdown and talking myself off the cliff, I cut a U-turn in the middle of the highway and gunned it back to Ember. Vowing to put an end to the distance and the bullshit that kept us apart. It was time to clear the air, lay it all out on the line, and take back my woman whether she was ready or not.

  A small, warm hand touches my cheek, bringing me from my thoughts. I lean over and brace my arms on either side of her hips.

  “You’ve had this on your body this whole time?” she questions softly.

  She lifts a tentative hand to my side, tracing her small, warm fingers over my skin. Goose bumps erupt at her tenderness.

  As her fingers trace each word, she mouths them as she goes. “Make You Feel My Love” falls from her lips and it’s a sight that will be branded in my mind forever.

  “As soon as I moved to Pembrooke, after leaving Pleasant Beach, I got inked straight away,” I reply honestly. “You have always owned me, baby. Always.”

  Those tears that filled her eyes moments ago track down her face now. I move a hand to wipe them away before they fall from her chin.

  She lies back, and I follow her down and then groan at the skin on skin contact. She moans in unison.

  Shuffling us higher on the bed, the head of my cock nudges her pussy, still slick from our mixed arousal, causing another groan to rip from my throat.

  Sincere and intense dark eyes peer up at me through impossibly thick lashes still wet from her tears.

  “After you stormed out of here I didn’t think you’d come back. I thought I’d lost my chance with you for good.”

  I look down at her quietly spoken confession. “I didn’t think I would either,” I reply honestly. “No more secrets, Ember, ever. I went to a bar, I wanted to drink.”

  She gasps.

  “Ironic right? After where we left tonight.” I shake my head in disgust. “But Damon showed up before I could take that first sip. After we threw a couple of punches, and I cleared my head some, I knew I had to come back to you. I knew that this between us wasn’t over, just like it never was before, and that if we can make it through everything we’ve survived so far, then we’ll be able to make it through anything.”

  Warm brown eyes shine bright with understanding and love. “Make me feel your love, Kayson.” A shy smile crosses her plump lips, wrecking me for what has to be the millionth time.

  “I’ll never stop, baby. Never,” I vow fiercely.

  Then I slide into heaven, into the only home I’ve ever known, where we spend the whole night getting lost in each other as we find ourselves again. Where apologies are both whispered into the night and felt through each touch. Where we reignite the love we’ve always had for each other between each kiss, each stroke, and each breath. Where we spend the whole night making sure the other never doubts the other’s love ever again.

  Where we make each other feel our love.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  -JUNE-

  EMBER

  I twist the cap back on my light pink lip gloss then roll my lips together to spread it evenly. I look up into my vanity mirror to check my hair and the rest of my makeup to finish getting ready for a much needed night out.

  After a night of making up for lost time and relearning each other from head to toe, Kayson and I found a new normal after I finally opened up completely to him last month. And him to me.

  I took him to the cemetery the next day. When I told him we had a place to mourn and love our son, he wanted to go immediately. When we pulled up and walked down the path to the small grave marker set in the grass, we both broke down.

  It was a moment we both needed. Together.

  He struggled for a couple of weeks after, with trusting me. But we made it work.

  I told him I was as invested as he was. That part of why I kept him at a distance and never wanted to talk was because then that would have meant I would have had to finally tell him. But now that everything is out in the open, now that we have no secrets between us, a peace has settled over us.

  I can still see the sadness fill his eyes on occasion though. Either the agony of the loss suffered or the betrayal of me not telling him sooner. Either way it still guts me all the same. Knowing that I had a hand in that pain.

  Kayson doesn’t let it affect us though. He wants to move forward just as much as I do. So when the hurt becomes a little too heavy, we share the weight of it together.

  I’m brought out of my thoughts when I feel Kayson’s large, warm hand ghost up my bare arm as he comes to stand behind me. I catch the look of appreciation in his eyes, in the reflection of the mirror as he takes me in from head to toe.

  “Fuck, baby, you look as gorgeous as ever. You, in this dress, wearing those heels…fuck.” He groans out as he leans down to place his full lips to my neck before nipping the sensitive spot below my ear.

  “Mmm,” I moan out quietly.

  “Don’t,” he grinds out. “If you keep making those noises and wiggling this ass against me, I won’t be held accountable for what happens next.” His hands hit my hips and he steps back slightly.

  “You almost ready anyway? Everyone is waiting on us, according to Damon. I got a text from him ten minutes ago, bitching about us always being late.” The smirk on his face lets me know he’s up to no good. “I then told him that when I have such a beautiful body to worship, being late should be excused.”

  I blush fiercely because I know he’s serious. I don’t even need to say anything; the look on my face says it all.

  “What?” he asks, like he didn’t just tell his best friend what we were doing not even twenty minutes ago.

  “I cannot believe you told him that, Kayson! Now when we get there, they’ll all know why we were late.”

  I shake my head at him and step away from my vanity, picking up my clutch. As I spin to head to the bedroom door, I let out a yelp as a sting settles on my ass from where Kayson just spanked me.

  “Let’s go, baby. Time’s a-wasting.” He winks as he saunters ahead of me.

  KAYSON

  Ember and her girls end their dance break and head out onto the dance floor as the last song starts to end. She flashes her sexy, shy smile reserved for only me, but before she can get too far I pull her in by her hips to devour her mouth. Knowing I won’t last without one when I watch her tear up the dance floor in her sexy-as-fuck dress that has been killing me all fucking night.

  I pull her between my open legs where I’m sitting on the barstool and take her pouty lips in a deep kiss, causing my dick to jump behind the zipper of my jeans.

  Fuck, we need to get out of here soon so I can bury myself deep into heaven.

  With one last swipe of my tongue, I pull back slowly, her plump bottom lip between my teeth. Her eyes are closed; she’s breathless, a small moan escaping her lips.

  We really need to leave soon.

  I pull back completely before I lose control, kiss her bottom lip, then slap her ass to send her on her way.

  Not a word was spoken between us, but she got my unspoken message. She smiles at me once more, her breath still a bit choppy from our kiss, then I see Tracey come up behind my girl. As she grabs Ember’s hand to trail after the rest of the girls, I notice from the corner of my eye Damon watching Tracey closely. He catches me noticing, gives me a sharp shake of his head to drop it, so I do. I can’t focus on anything or anyone else besides my girl anyway.

  It’s still hard to believe sometimes, that I’m free to touch and kiss and take from her anytime I want. That she’s allowed me back in. That I’ve forgiven her, that she’s forgiven me, and that we’ve moved on together
. I catch myself in these moments after I’ve just held her close or kissed her, thinking about this last month and how I almost didn’t have the chance before we finally broke that night.

  But now we only ever move forward.

  It took me a few days to forgive Damon. Logically, I know that he was never at fault, but knowing that he knew all these years still burned deep. But we moved past that night, too. As Ember likes to put it, our bromance is back on. I think she just likes me punishing her in the bedroom for those comments. If her sly grin is anything to go by after she even speaks the word bromance.

  As Tracey and Ember make it out to the middle of the dance floor, joining Sam and Amber, the sensual pulsing beat of “Ride” by Chase Rice starts to pound through the speakers and my girl starts to sway her luscious hips to the song. My tortured cock turns painfully hard as she drags her hands up her sides, through her hair, then raises them above her head. Her hips never stopping.

  I take in all her beauty, the sway of her hips, the roll of her body, when I notice some motherfucker zone in on her on the dance floor, making his way over. And that’s when I end my dancing strike. No way is some douche bag getting within five feet of my girl, let alone touching her. No fucking way.

  “That motherfucker touches her, he’s dead,” I mutter to myself as I push off the stool I was sitting on and start shoving through the dancing and gyrating bodies on the dance floor.

  I hear Damon get up to follow and notice some guy behind Tracey. Seriously, I need to ask him what the fuck is going on.

  Shaking my head and focusing my thoughts solely on Ember, I see she’s spun around so her back is to me. I make it to her just as the fucker does and glare so hard I’m surprised he doesn’t burst into fucking flames. He backs off quickly, seeing the pain I will inflict on him reflected in my stare if he steps any closer.

  When he starts to retreat, I place my large hands on Ember’s tiny waist and feel her jump slightly. “It’s just me, baby.” I breathe against her ear then watch in awe as goose bumps erupt across her neck, her hair draped over the opposite shoulder allowing me the view. Those goose bumps make me want to slam my fists to my chest and roar out like a fucking beast knowing I affect her as much as she affects me.