On Becoming His - Lessons Learned

by Dayne, Cassandre

  Lessons Learned

  The On Becoming His Collection

  Part II

  Cassandre Dayne

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  Disclaimer: This book may contain explicit sexual content, graphic, adult language, and situations that some readers may find objectionable which might include: male/male sexual practices, multiple partner sexual practices, strong BDSM themes and elements, erotic elements and fetish play. This e-book is for sale to adults ONLY, as defined by the laws of the country in which you made your purchase. Please do not try any new sexual practice, especially those that might be found in our BDSM/Fetish titles without the guidance of an experience practitioner. Neither the publisher nor its authors will be responsible for any loss, harm, injury or death resulting from use of the information contained in any of its titles.

  Publisher’s Note: This is a work of fiction. All characters, places, businesses, and incidents are from the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual places, people, or events is purely coincidental. Any trademarks mentioned herein are not authorized by the trademark owners and do not in any way mean the work is sponsored by or associated with the trademark owners. Any trademarks used are specifically in a descriptive capacity.

  One Woman’s Continued Journey Into Becoming a Submissive

  First of all I want to thank all my readers and fans. You truly give me inspiration and joy every day. I’ve enjoyed this journey of bringing you a couple and their love, their fears and their discoveries as they continue moving deeper into a D/s relationship. On Becoming His has become a very important part of my life, and allowing others into the very misconstrued world of this beautiful relationship has been a sheer joy. I honestly thought On Becoming His was going to be a single book and something happened along the way. Not only were people asking me for more, but I also wanted more. I wanted to show you more of why Jezebel and Luke are such powerful characters, their love withstanding differences, difficulties and what you’ll learn are secrets.

  Ever since I really started looking into the special and sometimes complicated world of BDSM and then further into a D/s relationship, I’ve been getting questions. Some people, who aren’t in the lifestyle at all, are merely curious while others have really wanted to delve much deeper. I think I’ve always been interested in the concept and not simply from what most people might think of as the sexual aspects of BDSM. There is so much more to what people share, whether same sex or het sex. I think that’s why On Becoming His was created – for me to explore I guess my needs for writing and for my personal self as well as to really learn more about the relationships. They are completely multi-facetted. The story has been quite cathartic and surprises me every day how much I enjoy learning and growing as my characters do.

  On Becoming His is a very personal journey about one woman who is finally delving into hungering for D/s. She’s lived what she thinks is a completely vanilla life up to this point, and the relationships haven’t been working. She longs for more and given she’s in her forties, she can’t believe it’s taken her until now to completely understand her needs. When she does she meets a wonderful man who will become her Sir and she really has to delve into so many aspects of her emotions and questions. Why? Why now? Why him? Can she handle the change? Can she trust – both herself and Luke? And still the question always goes back to why.

  I think that for anyone who has been in a traditional lifestyle and they are curious about more than simply fuzzy handcuffs and a fake flogger, then they have to ask these questions. And they need to more than once. The answers, I can tell you, aren’t easy to obtain. Now the concept of pain and pleasure – as with BDSM – doesn’t necessarily enter into the D/s lifestyle but it can.

  D/s is about certain rather traditional aspects including the fact the Dom or Domme (male/female) is in control – at all times. Now, the truth is the “sub” is in a sense in controls but the reality is the sub is giving him or herself to their Dom in more than one way. There are so many aspects about the relationship – or as in On Becoming His – a journey that it’s almost mind-boggling. As I continue to bring you more about Jessie and Luke from flashes to little snippets, I receive questions and the most incredible comments from readers who want more – they want more answers. They want to know how and why and… Well, you might get my drift. The first really is about the basic question and one I think for everyone IF they are remotely considering this concept of a lifestyle – why?

  There are many possible reasons for the why, but the very first one – at least in my mind – is why is the desire there in the forefront of your mind? And this isn’t just a simple wanting such as you desire to try a ménage. Entering into a D/s lifestyle as either a Dom or a sub will change every aspect of your life hands down and completely. Again every couple is different, but you will alter your complete time together. Gone is total equality in the sense of two people always making decisions. For the sake of this preface I’m going to talk about the Dom being a man – as in Luke. Do I think you either start out as a D or s or grow into the concept? I’m not sure I can really address that. For some I think the need is innate like breathing and while the longing might have started early on, the desire is so intense it becomes a need.

  So you have this thought process in your mind and now you’re thinking – am I nuts or sick or should I squelch the feelings? First of all HELL NO. This is not weird or sick. It’s beautiful and freeing and the most powerful feeling I think there can be. Secondly, you are allowed to enjoy and engage and try – as long as you and your partner agree. I think many couples are afraid to admit what they want and so they live out their lives in a very vanilla situation, growing more and more unhappy each year. That’s truly no way to live or enjoy your life. If you want this change you have to talk…and then talk and talk again. That’s the very first step in getting from point a to point b but really you need to spend time thinking and asking yourself all the why’s we all are going to have. You have to be completely and totally honest with yourself.

  Without being true to YOU first and then to your partner, if you’re involved, you’re never going to have you not only need in your life but want almost desperately. If you have even an inkling that this is something you must have in your life, you need to spend a lot of time by yourself thinking for yourself and no one else. Read about the lifestyle – and I don’t mean frothy erotic romances that simply give you the sultry side of sex and kink. I’m talking about from practiced couples who live this. There are forums and munches (gatherings of people with like interests in safe locations to share and talk) and the Internet can be a great tool. As with anything be careful.

  If you’ve read, delved inside yourself, and really think you
’re ready, take more time – a LOT of time making certain. If you don’t you’re going to be very unhappy and really not understanding of what you’re asking and wanting and needing. Keep asking why and what you think will change and what has to change and then you’re ready to move into phase two – which is honesty with your partner or in meeting someone who might change your life.

  I’ve been lucky enough to meet and talk with so many who do live the lifestyle and many of their stories and experiences I’ve had truly inspire me and just when I felt lost, I had a few who reminded me what living and sharing was like. Thank you in particular to Suzzana C. Ryan, for without her undying friendship this one wouldn’t have been written. Also, a moment of reflection to Chris, a very special man, just because…

  I hope you enjoy the second in the collection. Don’t let the secret throw you. There’s much more to come. The third, On Becoming Her Sir, will be told primarily in Luke’s point of view. He certainly has a lot going on and several secrets to tell. I hope you enjoy.

  Kisses xxx

  Cassandre

  Chapter One

  He is my lover

  He is my friend

  He is my Sir

  Be prepared for me, Jezebel. I’m coming home very soon and I need your full attention. Nothing less will be tolerated. The heated text had arrived barely an hour before. Jezebel Waters, Jessie to her friends but almost never to the man who owned her, was wet with anticipation. Her Sir had a way about him like no other she’d ever met. Luke Brennan was simply…breathtaking. Shuddering, she closed the dishwasher and walked down the hall. She still had work to do. As she neared the laundry room, she stopped short and brushed her hand through her hair. Whew, she was tingling all over. Her thoughts shifted back to Luke. There was something so incredible about his smile, the way he touched her. The way he fucked her. Grinning, she fanned her face. His time away had been excruciating for her.

  What in the hell are you doing, girl? What’s going on with you? Groaning, Jessie shook her head as she glanced outside the expansive window. Even the bright blue sky couldn’t seem to calm her nerves today. Why? She’d missed Luke, there was no doubt, but there were so many things on her mind, so many frustrations building deep inside her. Concentrating at work lately had proven to be futile. Her employees had questioned her on numerous occasions, wondering what in the hell was going on with her. Even her clients had asked if something was wrong. Wrong? Her mind continued to think about certain decisions, trepidation about the future – their future.

  Perhaps Luke Brennan was simply all too consuming. If her aching pussy was any indication, she knew the answer without so much as blinking. Luke was powerful man in his very quiet prowess. Still, she wondered what was happening in her life and in her soul. Luke would accept no less that total submission, a heightened state of their relationship and one she was trying so hard to achieve. Grousing, she clenched her fist. Why was this so difficult?

  A question she needed to answer and soon. Smiling, Jessie closed her eyes briefly, allowing her mind to wonder over the last few months. God, she loved the changes in her actions and her lifestyle, but she was still afraid, terrified she couldn’t be the woman Luke needed, the very woman she’d told herself she was every night. Sadly, Luke continued to tell her she was willful and unyielding, in need of strict discipline. Yet he refused to discipline her harshly. The maintenance spankings were almost too gentile. What do you know, girl? The one thing she did know was that she was craving a stronger hand. Jessie was feeling out of control.

  Nibbling her bottom lip, a trait Luke continued to try and break her of, she brushed the tip of her finger back and forth across her collar. During a heated argument, they’d both questioned whether he’d given her the honor too soon in their relationship. Collared and owned. The very words gave her shivers every time. Only her very best friend had any inkling her life was so much different than the one she’d been living barely ten months before. Up until the very defining moment, she’d been an assertive woman, always the one in charge in her relationships. And they’d never satisfied her.

  She’d soul searched both before and with Luke’s help about the real woman buried so deep inside, the one she’d denied her entire life. Jessie was a true submissive and she wanted nothing more than to give her body and soul to Luke. Their relationship was tough to define for those outside, living what most would consider a vanilla life. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to define their respective roles to anyone. Granted, they seemed to be morphing, changing almost every day. Maybe that was the crux of her wavering behavior.

  Jessie trusted Luke implicitly and she loved being so completely uninhibited sexually, as well as the way their frank discussions made her feel as a woman, not just a submissive. In the months they’d shared almost everything together, they’d grown closer than any other couples she knew about. Her friends were amazed at their heated level of passion. Smiling, she had to stop and laugh. The majority of them had no idea she was a collared woman. Few would understand. So why was she having difficulties right now? Was her growing trepidation based on the fact he didn’t seem interested in disciplining her, yet he wanted her to confirm her levels of devotion to him?

  “Whew. Luke, you are one complicated man.”

  She thought about the poem she’d written him during this unusually long business trip. The title alone should tell him what she was craving. Punish Me. “Yeah, right.” Jessie couldn’t figure out for the life of her why she continued to push all his buttons and he simply watched her moves, demanded she write in her journal and he hadn’t spanked her in at least two months. Well, other than a single swat on her ass every once in awhile. He touted himself as the “gentleman Dom”. Whatever that was supposed to mean.

  Now she rolled her eyes. “Men,” she huffed. Giggling at the thought, she glanced at her watch. There was a hell of a lot to do before Luke came home. There was no way she was going to disappoint him. Again. Rolling her eyes, she compartmentalized her growing list of chores to do and resigned herself to finishing up quickly so she could have time to dress appropriately. Who knew what the night had in store. Licking her lips, she allowed one naughty moment of self-pleasure, dipping her hand inside her top, slipping her fingers just past the edge of her scarlet dress. She couldn’t help but smile, thinking this was his favorite color. The second she pinched and twisted her nipple she groaned. Instantly she yanked out her hand. “Bad girl.” Somehow she could see his face, his disappointed face.

  “Jessie, no pleasuring yourself while I’m gone.” She mimicked his words and didn’t feel guilty at all. Yeah, right. Maybe Luke was right about her where she was at with their journey.

  Devotion. The one word Jessie kept hearing play over and over in her mind. Luke, her lover, her friend and the man who owned her, needed for her to not only understand the meaning, but also fulfill what he considered her obligation. Even after the months they’d shared in what they both called their journey into a D/s lifestyle, she remained a bit uncertain about what he was talking about. There was no doubt in her mind that she loved Luke, craved everything they shared and longed to obey him, but devotion was indeed a complete package. Devotion included giving all of herself to him, body and soul, without question, which we felt she already had, and the concept meant above all things making him completely happy and sated – and not just with sex either.

  She grumbled to herself as she folded the laundry. Luke was a powerful man in every aspect, from his prowess in the bedroom to the way his dark eyes flashed in disappointment. “Whew.” The man took the words strong, controlling and all knowing out for a spin and then some. Fanning her face, she couldn’t help but stop her tedious tasks for just a moment and think about all the reasons she adored the man. There was his perfect chocolate-laced skin to his dashing midnight eyes, and the pouty lips meant for kissing. His long legs were alone were carved to perfection. Mmm…was the only way to describe him. Oh and then there was his long, thick cock. He was the most incredible lover she’d ev
er had in her life.

  Exhaling slowly, Jessie returned to her tasks at hand and glanced at her watch. Somehow she couldn’t get him out of her mind, or the passion they’d shared so many nights before. There had never been another man who could take her to such heights of extraordinary pleasure. She was hot and wet all over. Damn, she was horny as hell. When the laundry was folded, she forced another full load into the washing machine, flipped on the switch and checked her watch. Dear God he wasn’t going to be home for hours – long hours. Someone had once told her hours were neither long nor short, simply the same. But she knew differently. This time the trip had driven her nuts.

  She pressed her hand through her damp hair, disheveled from the growing humidity, and glanced out the window into the bright sunshine. Being just a touch naughty wouldn’t hurt, would it? Luke had never forbidden her to pleasure herself until this last trip and she had no idea why. What had changed? Sir appreciated the way her body was almost desperately hungry for his all the time. Stealing a glance over her shoulder, she slipped her hand into the bodice of her tight dress and closed her eyes. As she cupped her breast she moaned slightly and imagined his massive hand caressing, fondling.

  Swallowing hard, Jessie flicked her finger back and forth across her nipple and the moment the bud became hard, sensitive to the touch, her legs began to quake. She planted her feet wide apart, easing her other hand between her legs. She crawled the material of her thin dress up just enough to allow her access. Every part of her body tingling, she slipped a single finger into her wet folds as she pinched her nipple, twisting the tender flesh. “Oh…shit.” Sucking in her breath, her finger was coated instantly with her juice, several beads trickling down the inside of her thighs. “My Sir.”