On Becoming His - Lessons Learned

by Dayne, Cassandre

  Twisting her head, her eyes opened wide.

  While she remained quiet, Luke knew she longed to say something, perhaps push back. To her credit she lowered her head again yet again. As he moved back behind her and slid the tip of the rubber toy up and down the crack of her ass, he knew the piece wouldn’t hurt her. Jessie would feel full enough to remember his cock. The discipline was something he hadn’t attempted before. Taking one hand, he pulled back her ass cheek, exposing her rosy hole. “All night. I’ll take this out when we return. Do you understand me, Jezebel?”

  “Yes, Sir.” Jessie’s voice was guarded.

  As he slipped the dildo inside, twisting the shaft back and forth, he grunted. For her to keep his cum inside of her for a few hours was more than just decadent. When the plug was firmly placed inside, he patted her ass. “Very good girl.”

  A slow breath escaped her mouth, every part of her body trembling.

  Luke took his time unfastening the handcuffs and when she was freed, he sat down on the edge of the bed, drawing her shaking body into his arms. “Jezebel.”

  “Sir.” The single word was filled with so much remorse.

  He shook his head as he rubbed her arm, then pushed the strands of damp hair from her face. Gazing down, he could tell she was in a heightened state, certainly not the subspace everyone always talked about, but one of quiet peace. Perhaps this was indeed what she needed to make her feel whole. “You did very well. I’m proud of you.”

  “Thank you, Sir,” she sniffled, nuzzling into his chest. Her hand opened wide, her fingers caressing his skin. “I…well…I’m sorry.”

  “I know you are.” Luke held her tightly, rocking her back and forth until her tears subsided. Very gingerly he eased her back and lifted her chin. “I know you are, but even with your spanking, you aren’t absolved of your ugly behavior tonight.”

  Jessie’s eyes opened wide. “I was very wrong. I know. Believe me I know.”

  “Yes, you were. I can’t even begin to tell you how disappointed I am. In truth, I don’t even know how to explain what I’m feeling. My blood was boiling, something I never allow to happen. I was enraged. Do you understand me?”

  “Yes, Sir…I…” Jessie exhaled slowly and sat up, wincing. “I don’t know what happened.”

  “I think you do, but we’re going to talk about it later. We’re going out tonight as I promised. As I said, I refuse to disappoint people because of your behavior. Get dressed. I’m going to go finish getting ready myself. We leave in thirty minutes.” Luke patted her thigh and rose from the bed. He gave her a nod and walked toward the door, sucking in and holding his breath. This was such a defining moment.

  “Sir.”

  He could tell how upset and concerned she was by the anguished tone of her voice. “Yes, Jezebel?”

  “May I… Um, am I allowed to wear my collar?”

  Luke stood taller, allowing a full minute to pass by before he answered, and he did so without turning around. “No, Jezebel. Tonight you aren’t going to be wearing your collar.” Very slowing he walked toward the dresser, taking the beautiful piece of jewelry into his hands. Whether of not she knew what he was doing, he couldn’t be certain. Rubbing his finger across the silver band, he envisioned the very day he’d given Jessie the collar. The day and the moment had been one of the most incredible of his life. Taking the very symbol away from her, even for a short period of time, wasn’t something he took lightly. This was such an honor for her, as the acceptance was for him. His heart ached from feeling like he had to do the awful deed, yet he had no other means of having her understand as well as accept her responsibilities in being a true submissive. They needed to move to the next level.

  As he walked out of the bedroom and into the master bathroom, he didn’t utter another sound, refused to even blink. Before he closed the door, he could hear her stifled sob. Dear God, he needed a shower, something to soothe the ache burrowing into every part of his body, his very soul.

  He turned on the water, clucking his jaw as he removed his clothes. Luke caught a glimpse of his reflection and was taken aback. So he glared at the man who stood staring at him, no longer certain if he could like the brute hiding behind sophisticated clothing. Shaking his head, he stepped into the shower. Immediately he palmed the tile wall, allowing the water to cascade down his body. He’d never felt like such a total failure and a freak in his life.

  ****

  Jessie remained on the bed, watching Luke walk away and into the bathroom. Her ass was aching mostly from the thickness of the plug. Was he really going to make her wear the damn thing all night? She squirmed knowing the answer. This was going to be more embarrassing than…than being without her collar. My God, he took her collar with him. She didn’t need to look toward the dresser to know. He’d taken the single piece of jewelry she loved more than anything away from her. There wasn’t a part of her body that wasn’t tingling. She shifted across the comforter and immediately the material dug into her ass. “Ouch.” The word was said under her breath, mostly because the slip of pain she was feeling on her skin was nothing in comparison to the wretched, disgusting emotions she had boiling into every molecule of her body. She was stupid. Pathetic. Horrible.

  How many adjectives could she think about labeling herself with? Not enough in her opinion. She touched her neck, fingering the area where the collar should be, missing the weight of the ruby that was usually nestled in the middle of her collarbone. What few people could appreciate was how revered the collar was. She clenched her eyes shut, fisting her hands, and allowed a slow hiss to escape. This was much more horrible than she’d ever imagined. How was she supposed to get ready for tonight without her collar? No, she knew she didn’t deserve to wear the honor. Not after the vile words she’d spewed of. Rubbing her wrists, she turned and the sight of the handcuffs still attached to the headboard gave her shivers instead of a smile. Maybe she needed to be manacled more often.

  Jessie heard the sound of the shower and nibbled on her bottom lip. The night was going to be so difficult to get through. There were so many questions that had only recently surfaced and she was having difficulty putting them into a neat box. Maybe there wasn’t any way of doing so. Several minutes had to have passed by while she was daydreaming. Luke would expect her to be beautiful and well coifed when he opened the bathroom door.

  She just couldn’t do this and couldn’t believe he’d force her to go without… Her thoughts trailed off. Her behavior alone was the reason for this. Sliding off the bed, she walked toward the mirror and turned, studying her red ass. Served her right. Groaning, she eased her hand behind her back, rubbing her fingers up and down one cheek, cringing as a tiny sliver of pain washed through her. The spanking had been minor and still she’d cried. Well, not from the pain. Her tears were totally about being so embarrassed. Throwing a tantrum of that magnitude was stupid. Jessie snared and sniffed before allowing the tip of her index finger to slide back and forth across the end of the dildo. She clenched her ass muscles, shocked at how good the rubber piece actually felt in her ass.

  But wearing the thing all night long? She’d never worn one for longer than maybe an hour. Two tops. Yes, he had made her wear this very one once when they’d gone to the grocery store, but nothing longer. And Lordy she’d been so embarrassed the entire time, as if the customer and staff knew she was walking around with a butt plug up her ass. Jessie wiped her eyes and wiggled back and forth. Yes, the damn dildo gave her wild and crazy tingles racing down her body. Luke was cruel. So cruel. This was a moment she could stamp her foot like a kid. The man knew her oh too well. Damn him. The tears continued to fall, ones of frustration and uncertainly and abhorrence.

  Sighing, Jessie wiped her tears and walked toward her closet door. Of course she was going to have to look particularly hot tonight. Luke would accept no less. The moment she opened the door and turned on the light, sorrow washed over her. She was single handedly destroying the best thing in her life. Why? Because she was terrified there was anot
her woman in his life. If there was, she wasn’t certain she had the strength to fight.

  As tears slipped out of her eyes, she studied her wardrobe. A few seconds, or minutes or who the hell knew how long passed by. And she realized something important. Why did she give a shit about what she was wearing if he was going to leave her for another woman? No, she wasn’t going to do this. Not to her and certainly not to the man she loved. There had to be a logical explanation for his odd behavior and the way he was being so cagey. Was he being cagey? Maybe she was just being a crazed woman, jealous as hell. But of what? There wasn’t anything tangible to make her feel this way.

  Except a deep connection to the only man she’d ever truly loved, one who could change the very face of her worlds with a single look, a few words. Fuck! She was sick with anticipation. Her ass was clenching or perhaps she was doing the clenching. The very effect was drawing the toy even deeper inside her asshole. Tingling all over, she very nonchalantly eased her arm around her hips, twirling the toy. Then guilt flashed through her. She doubted Luke would appreciate the fact she was playing again. Shivering, she wasn’t entirely certain she’d ever play with herself again. Masturbation just wasn’t worth it. Certainly not after indulging in the real thing. Now she was being wicked indeed.

  The salacious thoughts gave her the courage and the desire to slip on what she considered to be the hottest dress she owned. Hmmm….

  Ten minutes later she stood in front of the mirror, smoothing down the slick material over her hips. The flaming red certainly issued a statement, one few would be able to miss. Brushing her hair and poofing just slightly, she pursed her lips then blew her reflection a kiss. Groaning, Jessie placed her hands on her hips and swiveled back and forth, smiling as the material swished around her legs. The Victoria’s Secret dress was brand new and one she knew would entice her Sir. If he still was her Sir.

  She gripped the edge of the dresser, determined not to think such horrible thoughts. Giving herself a glare and a snort, she grabbed the tube of lipstick from the container on the dresser. Scorching red lips seemed to be in order. After applying, she stood back and raised her eyebrow. Immediately her eyes were drawn to the bite mark on her neck she could barely see. She slid her hand over the hump and sucked in her breath. Jessie could feel the raised lump from his teeth marks.

  Whew. They were going to a party or a club where others would see she had no collar and had a bite mark. Well, perhaps she’d fit right in with the crowd. As she took a step back, she smiled and thought about the fact they hadn’t been to a BDSM club together. Now she was hot and wet and full of worry. A nervous tick appearing in the corner of her mouth, she pushed her hand across, trying her best to calm her nerves. My God, she was indeed terrified. With all the books she’d read and all the articles on line, nothing could have ever given her such crazed thoughts. What would the people expect? What was she supposed to do? What was Luke expecting of her?

  Every part of her body shaking, she almost toppled the crap from her dresser onto the floor. At being a submissive she sucked. Lowering her head, she closed her eyes and cursed under her breath.

  “You look beautiful, Jezebel and stop worrying. Nothing is expected of you tonight. You’re simply going to be by my side.”

  There was something so comforting about Luke’s voice, yet she continued to shiver. Lifting her head, she smiled, the nervous tick remaining.

  Luke chuckled softly and walked behind her, easing her hair back from her shoulders. “You’re going to be the most beautiful woman there and remember, you belong to me.” A slow grunt easing from his lips, he licked around the bite, his eyes never leaving her face.

  Jessie shivered to her core. This man was more than commanding. “Do you really think so?”

  “I know so.” He slipped his both hands on top of her shoulders, gripping and squeezing.

  “I’m nervous.” She finally admitted.

  “There’s no reason to be.”

  “What if…” Jessie looked down.

  Exhaling slowly, Luke turned her around to face him. “What if you aren’t certain what to do or if you really want to experience something tonight?”

  “Yes. I just don’t want to disappoint you any further.”

  Luke kissed her forehead, keeping his lips on her skin. “You won’t.”

  And she knew what he really wanted to say was that she already had. When he pulled back from her she saw a look she’d never seen before and one that terrified her to the core. He was filled with sadness. The disappointment was too great. She was going to lose him, the man she loved more than life itself. Utter despair swept her body. Jessie had no idea what to do.

  Chapter Seven

  Jessie was so far out of her element her heart was palpitating. While she thought they were going to a club, the secured hotel location was intimate, yet surprising. From a distance she could see her Sir was very much in his element, shaking hands and meeting people, completely at ease. For her, she was just about as anxious as she’d ever been. Being uncomfortable in any given situation just wasn’t like her. Granted, the scene was very new and one both she and Luke wanted to explore more of. Jessie believed she was ready for more serious aspects of BDSM than the moments shared very intimately together. They’d had several discussions on public displays in well-protected environments just like this. She could do this. Maybe she could do this… Oh hell, she wasn’t entirely certain of anything any longer.

  They’d also talked about sharing, at least with regard to certain aspects of exploring kink. Shivering, she turned and walked toward the closest bar. If she wasn’t going to be involved in anything kinky, she could certainly have a couple of glasses of wine to calm her nerves. She headed straight for the gorgeous man standing behind the bar. At least the hired help was more like delicious eye candy on steroids. As she shifted she bit her lip. The thick dildo was a quick reminder of her place tonight. She couldn’t help wonder whether anyone could tell she had the fake cock shoved up her ass.

  Who would really care? No one. Maybe everyone was wearing one, even the men. The thought giving her a chuckle, she shifted back and forth, enjoying the way the toy made her ass feel. Full.

  “What will you have?” His voice was husky, laced with the perfect touch of a southern drawl, giving him even more of a sensual quality.

  “A glass of cabernet.” Jessie found herself almost cooing. You’re playing with fire.

  “Coming right up.”

  Jessie sighed and rubbed her eyes, enjoying the soft strains of some foreign guitar music, prefect for the night and the setting. She stood people watching more than anything, her curiosity growing as additional guests arrived. Of course she’d read enough to know there was nothing but so unusual to expect from the men and women who frequented the highly coveted and very well protected parties. They were friendly, mostly easy going and certainly welcomed her with open arms. What she hadn’t been prepared for was her raw emotions surfacing almost immediately the moment she walked into the room.

  Taken aback, she’d been unusually quiet, drinking in the atmosphere as well as listening in on conversations. She was keenly aware there was a tremendous mixture of people from all walks of life. The mix was interracial as well as same sex along with the traditional couples milling about the ballroom size space. The event was catered with bars flanking both sides of the room. She could smell various kinds of food on the buffet line and for some reason the notion this was merely a typical party gave her tingles.

  Turning her attention to the apparatuses lining the two longest walls, she studied each one briefly, vaguely familiar with several pieces. From the revered “X” cross to a spanking bench, both gleaming from the spot lights hanging above and what seemed to be stations set up for demonstrations of tying to flogging, there was little in the way of pain and pleasure that wasn’t represented. Could she actually feel comfortable enough to participate in anything while others looked on, her Sir whipping her, or perhaps using the Violet Wand? Hell, she had no idea. The
n what about a stranger being allowed to wield the cane or flogger? How she was shivering to the bone.

  “Here you are, Miss.”

  She smiled as she turned to retrieve her wine; grateful she was getting dragged away from her growing apprehension. “Thank you.” The second their fingers touched she tingled and could tell the young man was also aroused. Not good. Oh not good. They locked eyes for a full minute and she could swear she could read what the stranger was thinking, and where he’d like to slip his fingers.

  “I leave you alone for a few minutes and you seem to lose interest in me.”

  While she heard amusement in Luke’s voice, she also heard a sight clip of agitation. Her behavior certainly wasn’t improving. “Not at all, Sir.”

  Luke exhaled audibly and eased her away from the bar, giving the bartender an indignant look. “I do think he was considering devouring you and I’m not certain you would have stopped him.”

  Heat rose from her neck and she looked down, unsure of what to say.

  “Yes, well you’ll be near me for the rest of the evening,” Luke said quietly.

  In truth, Jessie was thankful. She loathed feeling out of control and this certainly tugged at every aspect of her repose. “Yes, Sir.”

  You look uncomfortable,” Luke whispered as he nuzzled his head into her ear and wrapped his arm around her, pulling Jessie against him.

  Instinctively she brushed her hand across where her collar should be, wincing as the realization settled in. “Maybe a little bit. I thought this was a munch.”

  Nipping the skin under her chin, he patted her on the behind and puled her arm through his. “Well of sorts. Just on a more grandiose scale and there’s no reason to feel nervous. Tonight you’re going to meet some of the people who frequent the scene in and around town. Some of these people are highly influential people in the world of BDSM. They can show both you and I many things.”

  “Mmm… Okay. I’m certainly more than interested.” Taking a sip of her wine, Jessie could see some curious looks coming in their direction. They weren’t the only black and white couple in the room, but they were the most striking couple, at least in her opinion. They were also dressed more eloquently and the combination of his black linen suit and her fiery red dress was an eye catcher.