The Nurse's Bodyguard

by Melanie Mitchell

  “Yes, I know.” Luke’s lips thinned and he practically glared at Claire as he answered, “It won’t happen again.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  THE TRIO WAS subdued during the drive back to the base. Luke parked in front of Bridgette’s apartment building and both women started to exit, but he reached across the front seat to clasp Claire’s arm. “No,” he said. “Stay put for now. I’ll bring you back later.” His voice was flat.

  Claire’s heart rate had pretty much returned to normal, but the look in Luke’s eyes set her nerves on edge once again. His solemn expression led her to consider that his anger had only been restrained for Bridgette’s sake and that when they were alone she would be strongly chastised for her actions.

  Luke handed Bridgette her bags and hugged her. His voice broke a little as he said, “Thank you again. If you hadn’t intervened, I don’t know... Brad’s a lucky guy.”

  Bridgette gave him a small smile as she blinked back tears. She kissed him on the cheek before turning and going inside.

  Luke was silent during the short drive across the base. He opened Claire’s door and held on to her arm as he ushered her into his apartment. Although his touch was gentle, his grasp was firm as he led her to one of the chairs at the cluttered kitchen table and impatiently motioned for her to sit. His jaw clenched and his mouth thinned as he stared at her a moment. He scrubbed a hand over his face and grumbled, “I can’t think when I’m looking at you.” He turned away and paced across the room.

  Claire didn’t blame Luke for being angry. What she and Bridgette had done was stupid. They had ignored his orders, and as a result, both had been endangered and she could have easily been kidnapped and very possibly killed by now. She hadn’t completely recovered from the fright and remained quiet.

  Staring out the window onto the parking lot, Luke said, “I don’t know what to do with you...” Fury and impatience were apparent, even though the words were quietly spoken.

  “Luke, I’m so sorry—”

  “What if they’d been successful? What if they had pulled you into that car?” He leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes. “Do you know what they might have done to you?” The last was said in a whisper.

  “Luke, I’m sorry. I was stupid. But I didn’t think they could... I’m sorry...” She blinked several times, trying to keep from crying.

  He simply stared out the window for a bit longer and sighed again. “This isn’t working, either.” He turned around and glared at her, repeating with exasperation, “What am I going to do with you?”

  “Luke, I’ll stay at Bridgette’s. I promise I won’t leave the base again without some type of escort.”

  His frown deepened and he blinked. The anger had evaporated. “That’s not what I’m talking about.” He shook his head and confessed, “I can’t handle this. I tried to stay away from you, but it seems I can’t...”

  “Luke, you don’t have to. There’s no reason...” She rose and took a step toward him, but he put up his hands, halting her.

  “No. Stay there!” His voice was agitated. They stood several feet apart for a moment. Finally Luke rubbed the back of his neck with frustration. “Claire, look at me!” He held his hands out at his side, bringing her attention to the wide span between his arms and the imposing breadth of his chest. “Really look at me! I hit you... I could have hurt you!” He was practically shouting now. “Claire, I might have killed you!”

  “Luke, you were asleep!” she cried. “You weren’t trying to hurt me! It was a nightmare!”

  He dropped his hands and looked at her pleadingly. “Don’t you see that I can’t be around you and not want to be with you? I want to marry you!” He shook his head in defeat. “But I can’t trust myself... What if...”

  In a breath, Claire’s frown morphed into a blinding smile. She took a step toward him.

  He stepped back. He looked as panicked as if he’d suddenly discovered she was radioactive. “No, you stay there.” He held up his hand to hold her away.

  “Luke, it’s okay.” Her eyes sparkled. “You won’t hurt me.”

  “You can’t know that.” He backed up farther.

  “I trust you.” She continued to advance. “I think you weren’t expecting me that night—unconsciously, I mean. If you were expecting me—if you were used to me, I think you wouldn’t have reacted as you did.”

  “You can’t know that!” he repeated with anger. “I have to sleep sometime, and I don’t think I could if you were anywhere near.” The wall halted his retreat.

  Claire followed. “Luke, I love you. Not being here with you was much more painful than any fall. Please, let me stay. We can work it out.”

  She stopped her pursuit only inches from him. He was so big that all she could see was the top buttons of his uniform shirt. He was standing rigid with his hands at his side, still determined to keep his distance. But she leaned into him, and her hands skimmed their way up his hard chest to gently touch his face. Her eyes followed the path of her hands, rising to catch and hold his. Her hands came to rest behind his neck and she pulled lightly, hoping and praying he would acquiesce.

  * * *

  LUKE HAD BEEN RUNNING hard and fast, trying to get away from her. He told himself it was for her protection, and it was. But he was smart enough to recognize that he couldn’t keep retreating from her—or from what he was feeling. He didn’t want to.

  Luke wanted this woman more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life, and he couldn’t keep running. Pushing her away had only endangered her once again.

  He stared at her beautiful eyes and sighed raggedly. His arms left his sides and encircled her, clutching her tightly, desperately. Resignation and wonder combined in a sigh as he leaned down to kiss her. The kiss was soft and loving, gentle and searching. It wanted and demanded nothing but to be shared.

  With a cry that was part anger, part elation and complete capitulation, he lifted her off the ground and surrendered. He touched her face and her hair. He ran his hands up her arms in a loving caress. “You win,” he whispered. “I can’t fight us both.” He framed her face with both hands and took her mouth with his.

  * * *

  AT FIRST, CLAIRE WAS STUNNED. She felt the change in him and it was frightening. Her legs were no longer supporting her, and she was forced to cling to him. She was literally overwhelmed by his size and power. The hardness and bulk of his arms and shoulders and chest were alarming, and she had to remind herself that he wouldn’t harm her. His hands might be big and strong, but they were gentle and loving. His size was intimidating, but he knew the limits of his strength. With that realization she gave in and allowed herself to be carried away.

  Finally Luke’s kisses gentled. His mouth moved from hers to touch her temple and then her hair. His arms relaxed and his hands loosened from their almost desperate grasp to lightly clasp her upper arms. He kissed her forehead as he pushed her away.

  “We need to talk,” Luke said, taking her hand and leading her to the sofa. He pulled her into his arms and they sat together, reveling in being close, being in love.

  Clasping his hand, Claire searched his eyes. “Tell me about the nightmares.”

  He froze and immediately pulled back. “No, I don’t want to talk about that.”

  “Why? Luke, you can tell me anything.”

  He moved restlessly then pulled his eyes away from hers to stare toward the far side of the room. “There’s really nothing to tell.”

  “Have you had them before?”

  He ran his hands through his hair. “You’re not going to drop it, are you?”

  “No. You need to talk about it. If not to me, to someone... You haven’t, have you?”

  “Talked to anyone? No.” He glanced at her, but quickly his eyes shifted toward the blackened television. “Claire, it’s nothing, really..
.”

  “But you were worried enough to push me away.”

  He sighed. “It starts off the same every time. I’m back outside of Kandahar... I’m on patrol with the team—which is kind of odd, because I very rarely went on patrol when I was stationed there. In reality I was the ‘computer geek.’ For the most part I just stayed put, sorting out the data we collected from satellites, drones and informants... I actually do a lot more patrolling here.”

  He looked at her and then at the coffee table. “Anyway, in the nightmares, I’m on patrol and we’ve come to a road that splits. Suddenly we become aware that we’re being ambushed. We don’t know which way to go—we can’t go back and we can’t go forward. We know there are IEDs or mines everywhere.”

  He shifted and glanced at her. “This is where it changes—sometimes I’m the officer in charge and am responsible—I’m supposed to give orders, but I don’t know what to do. I know that men will live or die based on what I say. Other times, I’m following orders... I’m on the radio calling for backup, but I know I’m too late. We need to move, but I can’t get a response, and I don’t know what to tell the guys to do...”

  He gave a short, rueful laugh and shook his head. “Claire, the funny thing is that none of this ever happened. And it’s even funnier—actually not funny, but aggravating—because I know it’s a dream. I know it’s not happening, but it’s so real that I panic. In the dream, it’s my responsibility to keep everyone safe...”

  She took his hand and rubbed his fingers lightly with hers. “So you were never in an ambush? You were never attacked?”

  “No.” The answer was short, then he added, “Actually, all of the patrols I was on were very non-eventful.”

  “Are you sure?”

  He looked angry again. “Yes, doctor, I’m sure. Nothing like that ever happened. We were always very much on guard and scared spitless, but I promise we were never attacked.”

  “Luke, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean...”

  “Honey, I know what you’re thinking. It’s understandable... You think I was in some sort of confrontation or battle and am suffering from PTSD.” He stood then and paced away. “You may be thinking that I have ‘repressed memories’—that my mind has suppressed something terrible.” He turned to face her and shrugged. “That’s not the case. In the nine months I was in Afghanistan—on the front lines so to speak—I never once fired my weapon except in training situations, and I never really came under fire. There were a couple of instances when snipers fired random shots at us, but nothing even came close.”

  He stopped and threw up his hands in surrender or frustration, Claire couldn’t tell which. “I was never directly in danger. I never saw any of my colleagues shot or hit by an IED or anything even remotely like that. My only exposure was some of the stories I heard or read about.” He shook his head and fell silent again.

  “So why do you think you dream about something that never happened?” Her voice was quiet.

  He sighed and looked a little calmer. “Who knows? Even though I was never personally involved with an—um...a situation—we had to be constantly vigilant—and I mean constantly. It takes a lot out of you mentally, physically and emotionally.”

  Claire tried to convey her love and empathy with her eyes. But Luke was angered anew by something he saw in her expression. “Claire, I don’t want pity. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. There’s nothing to feel sorry for! I’m not helpless or a child. I’m not hurt...” He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Some of those guys—in real life...”

  Claire chose to ignore his tirade. “Luke, do you feel guilty about anything?”

  He actually scoffed then and answered quickly. “No. You have to believe me on this one, too. My work is all about surveillance and intelligence. Anything I might feel guilty about would be something I missed or something I miscalled. I don’t know of anything that fits either category, but then, I don’t know what I don’t know...” He looked pensive and even somewhat remorseful. “Of course, I understand that some of my analyses and reports likely contributed to military actions—that’s part of the deal. People have probably been hurt or even killed as a result. We’re always aware of that and learn to live with it...”

  They were silent for a while. Claire continued to hold his hand, silently giving him comfort. Finally she said, “How often do you have the nightmares?”

  He gave a short laugh. “Actually, I don’t have a clue. I only know that every two or three weeks I’ll wake up terrified, sweating and with my heart racing. Once, I actually woke up in the living room.

  “A little more often, I’ll wake up and know I’ve had a bad night, but I don’t directly remember the dream... And then on a couple of occasions, Brad has mentioned that he heard me yelling or groaning in my sleep.”

  “Brad actually heard you yelling and didn’t do anything except tell you the next morning?” Claire couldn’t help sounding incredulous.

  Luke gave her an aggravated look then answered with ire. “Honey, Brad’s not stupid enough to approach me in the dark when I’m not awake and aware.” He looked at her accusingly, still raw from talking about his weaknesses. “And now that you remind me, I found Brad’s bat on the floor. What do you think you were going to do with that?”

  Claire was hurt and more than a little insulted by his comment. But she straightened her spine and answered, “I thought you were being attacked. I wanted to help you, and that was the only weapon I could find.”

  “So you were going to use a baseball bat to defend me against some unknown number of attackers? Do you have a clue how dumb that was? Honey, it would take at least two, but probably three or four men to hold me down. And you burst in with a baseball bat?”

  Claire blinked several times, trying to hold back the tears caused by his biting words. Managing to keep her voice calm, she answered, “You’re right of course. It was stupid on several levels.” She bit her lip then added, “I guess I’ve sometimes rushed into action without thinking... I thought you were being hurt. I couldn’t stay away.”

  Luke shoved his hands in his pockets and remained silent.

  “And you know the really stupid thing?” Claire’s hurt morphed into exasperation. Tears slipped down her cheeks, but despite that suggestion of weakness, she turned to him and poked him on the chest with her finger. “I’d do it again. If I ever, under any circumstance, thought you were in danger, I’d do anything I could to protect you.”

  * * *

  LUKE WAS SUDDENLY REMINDED of the video of Claire fighting back against two armed men. That memory and her quiet declaration caused him to clench his jaw and swallow hard. His own anger deflated like a burst balloon. He took a calming breath and then another. Finally he looked at her and sighed. She stiffened when he pulled her into his arms and buried his face in her hair.

  “What am I going to do with you?” His words were quiet. “Claire, I’m sorry. Truly sorry—that was unfair and uncalled for. You weren’t stupid. You were brave—very brave. Well, okay, on reflection maybe you were brave and stupid.” He pulled back and smiled pleadingly down at her. “I’m sorry I was a jerk. You hit a nerve by making me talk about the nightmares, and honestly, I’m not even sure what the nerve was.” He smoothed her hair and touched her lips with his. “Will you forgive me?”

  She blinked at him and rolled her lips until they became a reluctant smile. “Yes, but only because you’re cute when you apologize.” She raised her arms to encircle his neck and kissed the corner of his mouth. “One more thing before we completely drop it, though.” She looked serious again. “Would you consider talking to someone—a counselor I mean?” She sounded hopeful.

  Luke sobered and he sighed. “Okay, I’ll think about it, but I don’t believe it’s necessary. I swear, I don’t know what’s causing the nightmares. I’ve never been directly exposed to anything that norm
ally results in PTSD. The nightmares are likely just the result of the need to be hyper vigilant at all times when I was in Kandahar.” He kissed her forehead again. “I think—well, I hope—they’ll just go away. But, I’ll consider talking to a counselor.”

  She searched his face. “Hopefully, you’re right and they will.” They were both silent a minute, then she touched his hand with hers. Her mouth turned down and her brow creased. “We’ve just had our first fight. I don’t think I liked it.”

  He pulled her into another embrace. “I guess we did, and I agree. Let’s try to avoid them in the future. But, when they happen—and given my bad temper and your stubbornness, I’m sure they will—let’s get past them really fast. Okay?” He started to kiss her again when his cell phone rang.

  His mouth thinned when he identified the caller. “Llewellyn,” he answered. “Yeah, Henry...Oh?...Really?...You’re certain?” Looking down at Claire, he frowned. “Well, that’s interesting...” He glanced at his watch. “Where is the agency located?...Okay, yeah. We’ll meet you there in about twenty or thirty minutes...Thanks again, man.”

  As he pushed the end button, he pointed to one of the chairs. “Sit down for a second.” Luke sat directly across from her. He looked pensive as he filled her in. “That was Henry Kim. You remember the guy I asked to look into your adoption? He had news. He found your foster mother.”

  She blinked. “What? Oh my goodness! What does that mean?”

  “Well, for starters, right now we need to hop in a car and head to the adoption agency. Henry gave me directions and I think we can make it before they close at 5:00. He talked to Mrs. Lee. She hasn’t heard back from the inquiry to your mother, but she did hear from your foster mother. The problem is, she declined to give the information to Henry, saying she’ll only provide it after she talks to you.”

  Claire stood and pulled on his hand. “What are we waiting for? Let’s go!”