by Shona Husk
The Gemma she knew was confident and happy — and her hair was always something cool. Now the red had faded, the regrowth was showing and the fringe was grown out, as if she hadn’t bothered to do anything with her hair since the last time Kirsten had coloured and cut it. She’d been doing Gemma’s hair for years; it had been their thing during high school. Back then Gemma had always trusted her. This woman was closed off and reluctant to be here.
Gemma sipped her beer and looked at her, hair hanging over her brown eyes as though she didn’t want to be seen. ‘I’m sorry about what happened. I was out of line.’
Kirsten shook her head. ‘You caught me by surprise and I overreacted. I’m sorry about everything I said. We were both fairly drunk...’ She’d been working herself up to talking about this to Gemma all day and now all she could manage was limp excuses. The I was drunk line. She hated it when guys used it. ‘I shouldn’t have acted that way.’
‘Yeah.’ Gemma took another swig. ‘So we move on, it happened. It won’t happen again. Promise.’
That was part of the problem. She kind of wanted it to happen again. To see if the memory she had and the imaginary follow-on were as good in the flesh as they were in her mind. While she’d never admit it to anyone, thoughts of Gemma had gotten her off. Which was as confusing as hell considering she’d never looked at a woman that way, ever. Six months ago she’d have said she exclusively liked guys. Now she wasn’t sure.
Was it a drunken thing for Gemma or had she kissed other women? Kirsten glanced at her best friend since kindergarten. If Gemma were into women, she’d have realised…wouldn’t she? Gemma would’ve said something…maybe.
As people wandered into the house and retrieved more drinks or snacks, Kirsten bit her tongue. It wasn’t her place to ask, but if Gemma trusted her enough to talk she wouldn’t freak out. ‘So has it been fun travelling around Australia?’
Gemma rolled her eyes and tipped her head back against the chair. ‘It’s not very glamorous when you play and move on straight away. I was praying for the times we got more than one night in a place.’
‘But you’re doing what you wanted.’
‘It’s harder than it looks. Once that contract comes in and people’s expectations rise and…’ Gemma shook her head. ‘It’s not how I expected.’
‘But you guys are working on the next album.’
She nodded cautiously, then sighed as if she were shedding a great burden. ‘We suck.’
‘What?’ That wasn’t possible. Kirsten and Gemma had spent their early teens listening to Ed’s songs at home. It was Gemma who’d suggest a few changes and it was then she’d realised that Gemma was far better at music than she seemed. She may have arranged a set-up so Ed could listen and talk to Gemma. It had worked…although then she’d had to share her best friend with her brother — at one point she was sure Gemma and Ed would hook up, but they never had — and his friends.
‘Everything we are writing is a giant pile of suckiness.’
‘I’m sure you’ll get there.’ That explained why Ed was so antsy.
‘At the moment, the odds of writing a second album are about the same as one of us cracking and killing the others. My money is on Mike. You got to watch the quiet ones.’
Kirsten laughed, but it felt kind of forced and hollow. ‘It’s not that bad.’
‘It is that bad.’ Gemma drained her beer. ‘And I know I sound so whiny. I have what people would do anything for and I’m bitching about how hard it is.’
‘Yeah, must be tough sleeping until lunchtime and then playing for sixty minutes.’
Gemma tossed a cushion at her, but she was smiling. Her first real smile for the day. Kirsten didn’t want her to lose it. She wanted things to go back to how they were and she knew one sure way to start back on that path.
‘Why don’t I do your hair?’ Just like it used to be. Gemma had let her try all kind of things. While she’d been doing her apprenticeship it had been fun. Gemma the wanna-be rock star and Kirsten the almost hairdresser. At least one of them had enough guts to dream big.
‘No one’s touched my hair since you.’ It was a soft admission that carried a world of meaning.
‘I can tell, and you’re famous, you need to look fabulous. You can tell them I did your hair and then I’ll become hairdresser to the stars.’ That had sounded better in her head, but Gemma grinned at her and it was as though nothing had happened and they were the best of friends again.
‘You do know your brother still uses clippers all over.’
Ed thought keeping his hair military short was a sense of fashion. ‘That’s because he has no style. You and Dan are the cool ones.’
Once, a long time ago, she’d fancied Dan. But Ed had made sure that would never happen; she’d hated him for that then. With Gemma in the band she’d felt like an outsider at times.
Gemma shook her head. ‘Don’t tell him that, his head might explode.’
‘Lisa’s not here?’ Kirsten had been expecting to see her. Lisa had been a fixture for the last three years. She’d been expecting Dan to pop the question and be the first one married.
‘Yeah, don’t use the L word near him. She dumped him and he’s very fragile.’
Oh. He hadn’t seemed hurt…but that did explain the awkward pass. Six months ago Lisa and Dan had been talking rings and now it was over. ‘My brother doesn’t share any gossip.’
The gossip she’d really wanted to hear about had been how Gemma was going. But she was afraid that if she’d asked Ed outright he’d have told Gemma she was asking, and that would have been worse.
‘Did Dan cheat?’
Gemma shook her head. ‘Not that I know of. But I think Lisa was convinced he was. They argued on the phone a lot toward the end. It’s hard being away from home all the time. I don’t think she could handle the separation.’
It sounded like she really couldn’t trust Dan.
‘Does the band have groupies yet?’
‘There’s always some chick wanting to jump Ed.’
Of course there was, he and Gemma split the vocals so he was out the front. ‘He’s my brother; I really don’t need details.’
And what about Gemma? Did she get guys trying to sleep with her? Or girls? Hairdressers didn’t get grateful clients throwing themselves on the floor and offering their bodies up.
‘It gets old fast. Or maybe I’m not cut out for this.’ She shrugged and let her hair cover her face again. ‘I don’t know anymore.’
Kirsten got up and sat on the arm of Gemma’s chair. She gave her friend a hug. ‘You’ll get through this. You’re coming off a massive and exhausting year.’ But even as she reassured Gemma, she knew that it was something that ran deeper that was bothering Gemma.
Despite the apologies, there was still too much unsaid.
Chapter 2
After everyone had left and Kirsten had helped her parents clean up, she went looking for Ed. He was sitting in his room picking at the strings of his guitar and staring into space.
There was a half empty beer on his bedside table and his suitcase was open and partially packed on the floor, as if he expected to up and leave again. She knew that wasn’t going to be happening. He was home for the summer — except for when the festivals started.
She remembered going to the music festivals with a huge group of friends and he’d be there saying it would be him up on stage one day. Now he didn’t seem thrilled.
‘Working on something new?’ When she was younger he’d always let her listen. Gemma had too. Without either of them in her life, the last six months had been quiet and colourless.
‘Nope. Just making noise.’ He reached for his beer and took a swig.
‘Gemma said the second album was tough going.’ She didn’t know what else to say.
He nodded. ‘Glad you and Gem fixed things up.’
Kirsten wouldn’t go that far but they were both trying. ‘She also said Dan and Lisa split.’
He nodded again. ‘That was all bad. I
thought we were going to have to cancel shows or come home or something.’
‘But you didn’t.’
‘We couldn’t. We need to be professional and together. Dan knows that and he pulled it together.’ He plucked at the strings again. ‘She couldn’t have picked a worse time though. Two days before the ARIAs. I think she wanted him to come home. To choose between us and her.’
‘And he chose the band.’
‘Yep. He did that in spite of the fact we haven’t written anything worth playing.’
‘I don’t believe that…I’ve heard you play a lot of crap. Remember The Dog Ate my Shoe?’
Ed grimaced. ‘I was fourteen, and you loved it.’
‘I was eleven. Of course I loved it.’ Their parents had not liked the vet bill, but Muffin had survived eating Ed’s school shoe.
‘Good thing and Dan and Gem do most of the lyric writing now.’ He paused and looked up at her. ‘I think Lisa blamed Gem for the breakup.’
Lisa had never liked a girl being in the band. She’d always frozen Gemma out at social gatherings. ‘Gemma’s never dated any of you.’
‘I know. She’s like one of the guys. I forget sometimes that she isn’t.’ He gave her a half smile. ‘But she and Dan are close.’
Kirsten leaned against the doorframe. Gemma and Dan weren’t that close. Did Lisa think men and women couldn’t be friends, so was automatically suspicious? ‘What’s really been going on? None of you seem happy.’
He looked down and shook his head. ‘Just tired, K.’
She wanted to ask more about the tour and Gemma, but held her tongue. Ed thought everything was fine between them. ‘I missed you.’
‘Sure you did. You would’ve had the ground floor to yourself.’
She smiled. That was true. ‘That’s kind of why I’m here.’
‘Ah, I knew you had an ulterior motive.’ He plucked a sinister tune. ‘Music for your dastardly plan which you know I’ll agree to. Are we toilet-papering Lisa’s house?’
‘Please, I’m not fifteen.’ They hadn’t done any stunts like that in a long time. Probably since their father had threatened Ed with joining the military. They still weren’t sure if he’d been joking.
‘Damn, I’d have been in for that, and so would the guys.’
‘You know Gemma’s parents don’t approve.’
Ed stopped playing. ‘You want her to stay here.’
‘I want to put the offer out. They didn’t come to the barbeque and neither did her brothers. They never wanted her to sign the contract and they’ve been pulling her back the whole time.’
‘I know. I heard them berating her on the phone. There are no secrets on the road.’ He gave her a pointed look. ‘But she’s always stood up to them.’
Kirsten looked away and studied the socks and sneakers on the floor. Gemma didn’t seem to have any fight left in her. ‘She shouldn’t have to, Ed. What if she stops fighting and she gives in? How is she supposed to work when they’re sabotaging her?’
‘She’s sleeping there, not living there. Her stuff’s at Mike’s because she was worried that one of her brothers would take her guitars and hock them, again.’
When she was seventeen, Gemma had saved up to buy a new guitar, and one brother had taken it. Her parents had done nothing, as it couldn’t be proven. Had even gone so far as to suggest that perhaps she should look after her things better. After that Gemma had left all her valuables here or with Mike. Her parents would do anything to get her to give up the band. They’d refused to drive her, so Gemma had caught the bus or taxis. They’d threatened kicking her out of home, but had soon changed their mind when they’d realised they would have zero control over her if she moved out.
‘I don’t know why they want to see her fail. The band fail.’ Ed frowned.
The few times Kirsten had been over there she’d always been made to feel unwelcome, and while the boys had done whatever they’d wanted, Gemma had been expected to do a pile of chores. Her father had sat on the sofa doing nothing while her mother had buzzed around him as though he was the centre of her universe.
‘I don’t think it’s failure, they want her to knuckle under and get a real job.’ And if things weren’t going well with the band, perhaps this time she would. While there was still a gap between her and Gemma, that didn’t mean that she was going to stand by and let Gemma’s father and brothers wear her down.
‘I’m pretty sure all of our parents would like that. You think that isn’t something we’ve all talked about? I’m twenty five and between the four of us we’ve got four crappy cars and one dodgy apartment.’
‘And thousands of dollars of equipment.’ That was where the money went. She knew how much some of the amps and guitars cost.
‘You’ll be moving out of home before I will.’ Annoyance flashed in his eyes and his lips pressed into a thin determined line.
Ed had always been ambitious, now he was worried he wasn’t getting there fast enough.
‘It’s not a race…besides, you’ll make a million before I will. Hairdressers don’t get rich and we don’t travel and schmooze with celebrities.’
‘Who are as neurotic as I am. Tell Gemma the spare room is hers if she wants it — Mum and Dad are cool?’
‘I wanted to ask you first, in case you were sick of the sight of her.’ The four of them had been living in each other’s pockets for months. At some point enough had to be enough.
He shrugged. ‘Like she isn’t going to be coming around anyway.’
Kirsten hoped that she would.
‘K, if she starts listening to her parents you give her a shake, okay? You remind her that she’s got talent.’
‘The Vincents said hi,’ Gemma lied as she walked in to the lounge room. Everyone knew her parents had never supported her. It had been fine when it had been a hobby. Joining a band had been frowned on, playing in pubs had caused arguments — she’d been underage for their first few gigs — the record deal had been the start of an all-out war on Gemma’s dreams.
Her father had rallied her brothers to the cause. While she’d been away her bedroom had become her brothers’ junk room. As a kid she’d always had a room to herself because she was the only girl. Her three brothers had shared. She had no doubt that one of them had also been sleeping in her bed. That she didn’t care about, but it was pretty clear they’d also gone through her drawers and her wardrobe. What they were looking for she didn’t know, but there was nothing here. She’d made sure of that a long time ago.
Her father grunted but didn’t look up from the TV. ‘You spend more time with them than you do your own family. It’s embarrassing.’
Everything she did was embarrassing. But her brothers could do whatever the hell they liked. Her father would have an aneurism if he knew what else she got up to. It made her almost tempted to tell him she was a lesbian.
He turned his head. ‘Now you’re back you need to get a real job. We aren’t going to keep supporting you. You’re twenty one. You’ve had some fun, now do what’s right.’
Gemma stopped. It had been fun, now... It was hard work with no guarantee. They could push for another five years and get nowhere. Or they could break out big. They were all winging it without a backup plan. Mostly. Ed and Dan had both finished arts degrees. Mike was a qualified electrician whose grandmother had left him some money.
She had the first year of a music degree, but had dropped out when the band took off. The trouble with being younger was that they’d had the chance to make a safety net. She didn’t even have family to fall back on.
For a moment she envisioned herself living at home when she was thirty and her father still carrying on about how it was time she quit the band and get a real job. As long as she was living at home she could never have a girlfriend stay over.
She didn’t like having friends over.
Something had to change and it wouldn’t be her father. Her mother never stood up to him. She gave that tight smile and wrung her hands. No doubt he’d made her
life hell because she’d dared give him a daughter first, instead of a son.
‘You mean right by you?’
‘Don’t you get insolent with me. You aren’t too big for my belt.’
Gemma looked at him, her fingers curled ready to make a fist in case he decided he’d strike. ‘When did you realise that you hate me? Was it when I was born?’
He frowned. Her heart pounded a hard uneven tempo. Before he could answer she walked away. She didn’t want to say something to set him off. Not tonight, her mother would be the one to pay.
She’d sleep on the floor at Mike’s place. Anywhere was better than here. She pushed open her bedroom door — there was too much junk on the floor to get it open the whole way. Then she closed it and shoved the bed against the door, a precaution she’d learned after her brothers had had friends stay over who were far too friendly.
She shouldn’t have to live like this.
Why couldn’t her parents be more like the Vincents? Even Dan and Mike’s parents were better than hers.
She glanced around the room that had once been her sanctuary in the mad house ruled by a tyrant and his tyrants-in-training. One day her brothers would make shitty husbands with miserable wives.
But she didn’t have to be around to wait for it to happen.
Chapter 3
Kirsten wasn’t sure if Gemma was actually going to show up at the salon — her mother’s salon — after hours. After hearing about the tour her life was beginning to feel very beige. Gemma probably had more important things to do than hang out with her and get her hair done.
‘You’ll lock up after you’ve done Gemma’s hair?’ Her mother gathered up her handbag and phone.
‘Yes, I’m fine.’ And her mother had been fine with Kirsten staying back and doing Gemma’s hair, and had insisted that Gemma didn’t need to pay. After all, she never had before and this was much better than messing up the bathroom at home. She’d been tempted to say something to her mother about Gemma staying over, but it hadn’t seemed like the right time. There’d been something in her mother’s voice and that look in her eye again.
