Maddie looked down quickly so that Deanna wouldn’t see the truth in her face. “No, I don’t want you,” she confirmed, twisting Deanna’s words, deliberately, cuttingly. “How could I let someone…” she left off when she saw the hope spring in Deanna’s eyes, she looked down again before she changed her mind. “I can’t do that,” she finished.
“Don’t say that. We can work it out….” Deanna wanted to plead, to argue, to get her to capitulate to her plan. She wanted them to walk off hand in hand into the sunset…together. She wanted them to leave here, to go to other camps, maybe other countries…as a couple. She’d had their future planned out…together.
“No! I can’t do this! I won’t!” she argued fiercely. She wouldn’t let Deanna talk her into it. She didn’t want this. She didn’t want her, she lied to herself. She knew she was afraid of what people would think of her if she became a lesbian. As she walked back alone, she glanced up and recognized Kimberly from afar. People like that…
CHAPTER NINETEEN
A film crew drove into Mamadu the week before Maddie was officially due to leave. They asked that the doctors each give a plug about the work they had been doing. Maddie, along with the others, watched as Deanna spoke clearly and succinctly:
“Every year over three thousand field staff in Doctors Without Borders help in over sixty countries worldwide to provide medical treatment and assistance to those who would otherwise have no access to healthcare of any kind. With the outbreak of hostilities and humanitarian crises all over our planet, this means we need help in many areas of field work. We are recruiting you,” with that Deanna pointed into the camera. “We need technical people, doctors, surgeons, anesthesiologists, nurses, plastic surgeons, and administrators, even farmers and other volunteers. If you don’t think you can help, you are probably wrong. Please check with your local recruiter to see if you can help. If you can’t help physically, your money will go a long way to supplying these people,” her hand swept to the ward of sick and dying people, “with medicines and help.” She finished the taping and then they filmed her again, this time in French. Instead of saying Doctors Without Borders, this time she said Médecins Sans Frontières. Her rich voice was pleading without begging, assertive without being belligerent, and the film crew chief was certain it would go well in the series she was filming for the association. They needed to recruit as many people as they could, and they needed money. Doctors like Deanna Cooper were a godsend. She was pretty, which was a bonus, she was young—they dirtied her up some so she didn’t look quite so young—and she was earnest. They needed to make some posters with her face on them.
“Good job,” Wilson complimented her when she finished the French version.
Deanna shrugged. “If it helps,” she said dismissively. She was trying to maintain the facade that she was okay, but she was really hurting. Maddie wouldn’t discuss their breakup with her. She had, in fact, been avoiding her. They both knew she was leaving the following week and Deanna was heartbroken.
“Will we be losing you soon too?” he asked quietly so that the others wouldn’t hear.
She looked up. “Is it that obvious?”
He nodded. “I know you stayed on longer to get to know her.”
She looked up, not surprised that he had known. She nodded in agreement. “Well, I stayed on eons longer that would normally be allowed, but it’s time....”
“Do you know where you will go?”
“I heard there are cholera outbreaks. I’m needed...” her voice trailed off as she watched Maddie walk determinedly across the compound. She stopped to chat with the affable Shawn, and Deanna saw him put his arm around her as they shared a laugh. Her heart twisted, right across to her stomach. Shawn was the kind of man who would give the redhead the children she so desired. Deanna shook her head to clear her mind and wandered off, not finishing her conversation with Wilson. He watched her head for the village, sure she would be playing with the kittens that were growing so quickly.
Wilson was right. She spent many pleasurable hours playing with the caracal kittens. They were boisterous and yet, being socialized with the tribe, they were treated as the dogs that were kept as pets. They still answered to their foster mother, the bitch who had taken them in and fed them. Her pups were now grown and given away, traded, or sold. The kittens still minded their ‘mother,’ their capacity for human interaction was amazing. They were smarter than any other kitten she had seen—some of it instinctive, some if it learned. It was fascinating to the doctor. It also provided her with an escape from Maddie and her change of heart.
* * * * *
“Doctor Cooper. Wakey,” an insistent voice near her ear made her want to swat it. “DOCTOR!” the voice persisted, like a mosquito in the tent. Deanna reached up to swat it. She had gotten in late from the village and was tired.
“Deanna!” another voice called and she sat up a little dreamily.
“Whaaa?” she asked through a yawn, using the backs of her knuckles to wipe away the sleep in her eyes.
“There’s been an outbreak of fighting and they overran the lines. We’re expecting mass casualties,” Maddie told her. “They are talking about evacuating us,” she explained as she dressed.
“How do you know so much?” Deanna asked, trying to get her sleepy brain working as she automatically started to dress, shaking out her clothes.
“I woke up when they came in to tell us,” she indicated the worker who had come to rouse the women.
“I do hope we have enough supplies,” Kimberly said, a hysterical note in her voice, but also a lot of excitement.
“We will make do otherwise,” Magda answered as she buttoned her pants.
Deanna turned her back to pull her own pajama bottoms down and pull on some jeans. She sat down to pull her socks on, shaking them out before pulling them on. She clapped her boots together upside down. She watched something scurrying away as it fell from one of them, before stomping her feet into them. The others were ready and out before she was finished. She went out into a madhouse.
The casualties were already there and kept coming. The doctors were overwhelmed, the nurses as well. Triage consisted of making instant decisions by lamplight in the area in front of the clinic. The men involved, from both sides, were stacked there, ten men deep. Some tried to keep fighting, killing their ‘enemy’ if they happened to notice the wrong color uniform or tribe marking. Some of the volunteers ended up policing them, taking away weapons that would be used otherwise. The doctors took turns doing the first assessments as each were elbow deep in surgeries. And still the casualties came.
Deanna looked up after her first twenty-four hours of surgery. She was subsisting on hot chocolate and crackers that the nurses fed her. She was beyond exhausted and there was no end in sight. The blood and gore and stupidity of it seemed unceasing.
“You need to take a four-hour nap,” Burton ordered as he came on.
“What about you?” she asked saucily, not so inclined to take his advice at the moment. She had just had to send a man to his death. The procedure he required would have meant the death of several others due to the length of time it would have taken to do his.
“I just came back on. When you wake up, tell Wilson, so he can take a break,” he told her as he glanced at her appearance. She looked terrible, with blood on her operating costume. They’d run out of new or clean outfits after the first twelve hours.
Deanna wasn’t going to argue. She went through the triage before she headed for the showers, sending a few critical cases on to Burton and Wilson before she stood under the shower heads, two buckets of water poured over her to wash away the blood. She went back to her tent and collapsed in her robe, remembering to pull the blanket over her head before she fell soundly asleep.
“Deanna, it’s four hours,” Maddie woke her, handing her a coffee.
“No hot chocolate?” she asked, trying to force her eyes open. She’d just shut them, she was sure.
“I wasn’t sure which you wanted
and brought both,” Maddie told her, handing her another cup, as she looked at her. They both looked a sight, exhausted.
“Has it let up?” she asked as she burnt her tongue on the hot chocolate.
She shook her head. “The women and children are being evacuated,” she informed her, getting up from the bed. She couldn’t stand to be next to Deanna anymore. She wanted her, she wanted to comfort her, she wanted to be comforted herself, but she stuck by her resolve. A lesbian relationship was not what she wanted…or needed.
“What about the staff?” she asked as she put on her jeans again, the smocks had bled through and the jeans were stained and stiff with blood. She shrugged and put them on anyway.
“We’re next,” she told her and looked out the tent. People were shouting and occasionally screaming in pain.
“How stupid this is,” she muttered angrily, sipping at the hot chocolate. “Do I have time to eat?” she asked at Maddie’s back.
Maddie didn’t turn, she just nodded. “They still have the kitchen going, but not for long.”
She nodded, but knew Maddie wouldn’t turn and look at her. “Okay, I’m ready,” she said instead, officiously. Maddie wanted nothing more from her, she would give her nothing.
She was able to get two sandwiches down. She washed them down with a second lukewarm cup of hot chocolate before she plunged into the fray again, relieving Wilson who was looking every bit his age.
“Thanks,” he said wearily when Deanna relieved him.
She didn’t look up again for the next twelve hours. By then the women and children of the village were gone, their meager possessions held in their arms. They disappeared into the savannah, away from the war, away from the conflict. The men of the village followed soon afterwards. It was that or be conscripted into an army they had no business in. It wasn’t as if they would have a choice either.
All that was left were the volunteers, the doctors, and the nurses. There were a few Africans who stayed on to interpret, help, or assist where they could, but many were frightened.
Doctor Wilson ordered all non-essential personnel to be evacuated. The women, the nurses, and the volunteers were the first to go. He tried to order Deanna to go, but she laughed at him and he knew she wouldn’t leave. The last Deanna saw of Maddie, she was getting into Deanna’s Rover, which she had given to the cause, along with Kimberly and Magda…a relieved Alex Whitley was behind the wheel. They headed for Lamish, hoping the conflict wouldn’t circle around and cut off their flight.
Maddie took one more look at Deanna, not realizing the doctor had been staring at her. The last she saw of Deanna, she was bending over a patient, working busily. With the nurses and others leaving, they would be terribly short-handed.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Madison looked up to see high-top sneakers in rainbow colors. She had never seen any like that before. They were very colorful…and very bright. Long slacks on a lean waist led up to a buxom figure that was very attractive. Her doctor’s lab coat was a brilliant white, her name embroidered across the lapel in red—versus the black that the rest of the doctors had. As Madison’s gaze took in the woman, she stared, wondering if she had met her before. She looked very familiar…and yet…not. She looked to be in her early twenties, but based on all the experience she had heard the woman had, she had to be in her thirties or forties at least. Her hair was a deep brown and had shades of blonde and more red streaks in it. Madison couldn’t tell if it was natural, or colored. She watched the woman for a moment, trying to figure out if she knew her and why she seemed so familiar. It was as the woman lifted her hand, one with a large signet ring on the ring finger, and began rubbing her eyebrow that Madison realized she did indeed know the woman. The gesture was so familiar, so endearing, she knew who that woman was in an instant. Just then the woman looked across the cafeteria to find Madison gazing at her and, at first startled, she smiled in delight. She said something to her companions and came across the lunchroom to greet her.
“Hello, Maddie. It’s been a while,” she greeted her familiarly. She was unsure if she should hug her or shake her hand. She hesitated for a moment before enveloping the other woman in a hug.
Madison was surprised…and relieved to find herself in a great bear hug. She had been unsure how to greet Deanna. She smelled…differently. Her scent was the familiar scent of antiseptic so prevalent in the hospital, but underlying it was a perfume, nothing she had ever smelled on her that she could recall. But before she pulled away, she indulged herself with a quick nose in the shoulder and could smell the scent that was purely Deanna. She recognized it instantly, even after all these years…her body recognized it too. “It’s Madison now. It’s good to see you,” she said formally, almost stiffly.
“I saw you a few weeks ago, but didn’t get a chance to say hello,” Deanna said as she pulled back and put a little distance between them. They were being watched and she knew the gossip would be around the hospital in a matter of hours, good or bad.
“So that was you?” she flung her hand so her finger ended up pointing upside down at Deanna, “with the flowers?”
Deanna’s eyebrows beetled together. “Yes, didn’t you get the cards?” she asked, concerned. At the other woman’s shake of the head, she laughed as though she had just told a joke and shook her head. “That’s because I didn’t send any.”
Madison laughed with her, but felt distinctly uncomfortable.
Deanna looked over her shoulder at someone calling to her and looked back at Maddie. “I’ve got to go. We should get together…catch up?”
Madison nodded and watched as the doctor walked away. She stood there bemusedly for a moment. Deanna had aged. She now had a nose stud in the left side of her nostril. She was also wearing jewelry. She had a ring on her ring finger, which looked bulky and heavy and she had piercings in her ears—not just one, but two on each side and another in the upper cartilage of her left ear. It must be terrible to keep track of all that jewelry when she was in surgery.
“Madison, you okay?” Bonnie came up to empty her own tray.
She nodded and woke up from her thoughts. “Yes, I’m fine. Why?”
“I thought you said you didn’t know Doctor Kearney?”
“Well, when I knew her she was Doctor Cooper,” she answered truthfully as they began to wander off towards the exits.
Deanna watched Maddie from the corner of her eye as she talked with her colleagues. They were fascinating men and women, but she found some of them terribly stuffy and boring. She didn’t know how long she could stand to be in this atmosphere, but she had agreed to a six-month stint and she’d honor that. They were grateful to have her. She was surprised to find her past here.
* * * * *
What was Deanna doing here? Of all the hospitals in the country, how had she wound up in Los Angeles? It was a long way from Boston where she had grown up and gone to college, much less the world where she studied people and diseases from all over. It was especially a long way from Africa where she had last seen her. How had she come to be in the same hospital that Madison was in?
Madison kept thinking and rethinking all during her afternoon shift. She caught herself daydreaming, remembering when she last saw Deanna in Africa. She’d thought about her a lot over the years, even during her courtship with Scott and eventual marriage. She knew in her Catholic mind it was a sin to think about her, but she had loved her once. It had been her first love. How could she ever forget Deanna? Now she was here a decade later. Why?
Madison wasn’t surprised to ‘run into’ Doctor Kearney that night after work. She wondered if Deanna had married and taken his name. It was obvious Deanna was waiting for her.
“Would you like to go to dinner, maybe get a drink?” Deanna asked her.
“I have to get home to my kids,” Madison told her.
“Ah, so you had them after all. I wondered.”
“Yeah, I got the white picket fence I wanted,” she said wryly. She wondered if she should tell her about the divorce
too.
Deanna laughed as expected. “I’m happy to hear that,” she told her truthfully as she walked with the nurse towards her vehicle. She wasn’t surprised to see it was a minivan. “I’ve wondered about you over the years.”
“I’ve wondered about you too,” Madison was truthful. She glanced at Deanna speculatively for a moment and then asked, “What are you doing here?”
Deanna had known that question would come up, but was surprised Maddie, now Madison, had been brave enough to voice it so quickly. “I agreed to come as a favor to the board. It’s only for six months, but I didn’t know you were here. I saw you a few weeks back and I wasn’t sure how you would feel….” She had seen her from afar and thought the bouquets a nice way to break the ice. They had, after all, seen many of those flowers in their natural habitat, although some of them were derived from the original species and looked nothing like them anymore.
Madison unlocked the door to her vehicle with the key. “I was surprised,” she admitted, looking at the doctor. The high-tops were funny and funky, a far cry from the boots she had worn in Africa, a necessary evil. They suited Deanna, made her appear cool and hip. She wondered if anyone on the board or the stuffy doctors had said anything about them. She could well imagine Deanna telling them to stuff it. “We will have to get together and catch up,” she promised.
“Tomorrow?” Deanna asked persistently.
“I’ll get a sitter,” Madison agreed and got in her vehicle. She waved in response to Deanna’s wave, wondering what tomorrow would bring.
* * * * *
Doctored Page 16
