Swansea Summer

by Catrin Collier

  ‘Katie I’d agree with, but Jack loves Helen.’

  ‘Yes, he does. I only hope he has the sense not to smother her with it.’

  ‘You think it’s difficult for Jack, Martin and Katie to relate to other people,’ she said slowly, trying to consider the implications for her and Martin if her uncle was right.

  ‘I think they haven’t seen much of what you and I would call a normal life, love. In my opinion – and it is only an opinion and I could be wrong – you should take things very slowly with Martin. Let him set the pace.’

  ‘And not try to push him into spending his holidays with me.’

  ‘Not unless he suggests it first, love. That doesn’t create a problem for you, does it?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘I could take some time off and we could go somewhere …’

  ‘No, Uncle Roy.’ His unselfishness was so generous and characteristic that she left her seat and kissed the top of his bald head before curling at his feet and resting her head against his knee. ‘You have your wedding and honeymoon to arrange. Judy said if her mother can organise cover for the Mumbles shop she intends to take a couple of weeks off early in July. I’ll take the same fortnight off as her. If Katie can do that too and Helen’s well enough to join us it will almost be like old times. We’ll be able to spend all day together, gossiping, visiting the beach, shopping …’

  The doorbell rang.

  ‘That will be your young man.’ He smiled at her as she rose to her feet. ‘Don’t talk too long. You look tired.’

  ‘I am. Goodnight.’ She kissed his cheek.

  He patted her hand. ‘Sleep tight. We must have a talk soon – about the wedding.’

  ‘We must.’ She hesitated as the doorbell rang a second time. ‘Nothing urgent, is there?’

  ‘Nothing that can’t wait, love.’

  Martin was walking away when Lily opened the door. He turned back to see her framed in the doorway, the light shining like a halo round her dark hair. The breath caught in his throat. Jack and Sam had joked that Lily couldn’t live without him for five minutes but he knew different after seeing her in the Kardomah with Joe and again tonight. It was obvious Joe had walked her home from work and he was certain she only wanted to see him to tell him she was taking back his ring.

  ‘I’m sorry, Marty, I didn’t mean to keep you waiting.’

  ‘Jack said you wanted to see me.’

  ‘Yes.’ She opened the door wider. ‘Come in.’

  ‘It’s late.’

  ‘My uncle’s here and you’ll be just as quick walking down the inside staircase.’ Relenting, he stepped inside.

  ‘I feel a bit of a fool, I did want to see you but …’ She gave him a nervous smile. ‘It’s not important. Not any more.’

  ‘You sure?’

  ‘Yes,’ she answered awkwardly.

  ‘You must have thought it was important at the time.’ He braced himself for her rejection.

  ‘It was just a small thing. My uncle helped me to think it through. See you tomorrow.’

  ‘If you want to,’ he answered carelessly, deliberately affecting an offhand manner in response to her refusal to tell him about Joe.

  ‘If you’re busy …’

  ‘I’ve been offered overtime.’

  ‘Some other time, then. Sorry to disturb you.’

  ‘Goodnight, Lily.’ Utterly miserable, he watched her run up the stairs.

  ‘Someone’s going to look smart tomorrow.’ Lily returned from the bathroom to see one of Katie’s favourite costumes hooked outside the wardrobe door. Pale-grey, trimmed with black, it was one of the few outfits Katie possessed with a straight skirt. Beneath it, she had set out a pair of plain black leather court shoes trimmed with grey buckles, black gloves and handbag, and a tiny black hat, cut at the back to accommodate a chignon.

  ‘I hope so.’ Katie sat in front of the dressing table and pushed her hair back with a band before smearing her face with Pond’s skin cream.

  ‘Special day?’

  ‘Promise you won’t tell anyone.’

  ‘Promise.’

  ‘I’ve an interview.’

  ‘For a job?’ Lily couldn’t have been more astounded. ‘I thought you were happy at the warehouse.’

  ‘I am – was.’ Katie curled her feet on the stool, rested her head on her knees and hooked the hem of her nightdress round her toes.

  ‘But not any more.’

  Katie shook her head.

  ‘Want to talk about it?’

  Katie hesitated. She hadn’t told a soul about her affair with John Griffiths except Martin and he had point-blank refused to discuss it. But Martin’s refusal hadn’t prevented her from sensing his disapproval. She hadn’t even told him of John’s decision not to see her in private again because she knew he’d not only be relieved but would also try to persuade her to spend time with boys her own age – like Sam. But she couldn’t go on bottling everything up and Lily had never divulged a secret she had entrusted to her, not even when they had been children.

  ‘I can’t work with John any more.’

  ‘You mean Mr Griffiths?’

  ‘Yes.’ Tears ran cold and wet down Katie’s face. She brushed them away with her fingers but not before Lily saw them.

  ‘I don’t understand. I thought you got on well with him. He tells everyone you’re the best secretary he’s ever had …’

  ‘I love him.’

  Lily dropped the dressing gown she was about to hang on a hook at the back of the door.

  ‘I couldn’t help it. He’s a wonderful, kind, gentle, thoughtful man. I’ve never met anyone like him. And it is love, not a childish crush.’ She almost dared Lily to say otherwise.

  Lily sank down on the bed. ‘Have you told him?’

  ‘Yes. And the awful thing is, although he says he loves me, because he’s married he won’t see me outside office hours any more and I simply can’t bear to carry on working for him. You’ve no idea what it’s like to be with him every day and pretend he means no more to me than any other boss would.’ She looked across at Lily. ‘Please say something, even if it’s only that you’re horrified.’

  ‘I’m not horrified but I am surprised.’ Realising she was cold, Lily climbed into bed and pulled the sheet and blankets to her chin. Suddenly everything made sense: Katie’s refusal to continue to see Adam after only a few dates; her insistence on going out as part of a crowd never one of a couple; her long silences and secretiveness. ‘Have you told anyone else how you feel?’

  ‘Martin knows. John told him he loved me and wanted to marry me when his divorce was finalised the night my father died.’

  ‘What did Martin say?’

  ‘He wasn’t pleased. There’s the age difference for a start. And although John and Mrs Griffiths are divorcing they are still legally married, so Martin was upset about that. And because I work for John, Martin accused him of taking advantage of me. Trying to buy me by giving me a job when no one else would, driving me back and to work, allowing me to open a clothing account in the warehouse.’

  ‘I can see how Martin would think that.’

  ‘But it wasn’t like that between us, Lily,’ Katie protested. ‘I was the one who told John I loved him, not the other way round. I was the one to kiss him first. If it was seduction it was me who seduced him.’

  Before that moment the idea of Katie as a seductress would have brought a smile to Lily’s face, but not now, when she faced the full intensity of Katie’s passion. Whether Katie loved John Griffiths or not, one thing was crystal clear, she believed she did and Lily knew exactly what it felt like to fall in love with someone who didn’t love you back.

  ‘And now, somehow Mrs Griffiths has found out about us …’

  ‘She said something?’

  ‘To John at Helen’s wedding. And because he’s afraid she’ll spread gossip that will hurt Helen and Joe as well as bring up my name in court, he won’t see me alone any more.’

  Lily opened her arms as Katie climbe
d into bed beside her. Hugging her, she wondered why life wasn’t the way they had imagined it would be when they were growing up. Then it had seemed so simple. All a girl had to do was meet the right man – preferably in a ballroom – fall in love and, after an idyllic courtship, marry him and make a perfect home for him to come home to every night. Eventually they’d have one or two children and live happily ever after. She was certain it had never crossed any of their minds that the man might already have a wife and be twenty years older. Or that one of them would have a miscarriage and be separated from her husband by National Service, or the man could live too far away to iron out any misunderstandings.

  And her? Should she settle for Joe because he loved her, even if she could never love him back the way she loved Martin, who didn’t seem to want her the way she did him? Was it possible to grow to love someone after marriage? Or perhaps more important, forget someone else?

  ‘So what did your lady love have to say?’

  ‘Nothing.’ Undoing the top buttons on his shirt, Martin pulled it over his head and tossed it on to a chair.

  ‘That I find difficult to believe.’ Jack plumped up his pillow, rested on one elbow and looked at his brother.

  ‘It’s the truth.’

  ‘There’s no need to snap my head off.’ Jack softened his tone. ‘Things not going so well between you and Lily?’

  ‘There’s nothing going on between me and Lily.’ Unbuckling and unzipping his trousers, Martin stepped out of them and dropped them on top of his shirt.

  ‘You two are finished?’ Jack asked in surprise.

  ‘We never got bloody started.’ Martin pulled his pyjamas from beneath his pillow. ‘Now, if you don’t mind, it’s late and I have to get up early in the morning.’

  As Martin switched off the light. Jack lay on his back and stared at the ceiling. He was aware his brother was as wide awake and dejected as he was; he only wished they could talk about it.

  ‘I made love with John and I’m not sorry,’ Katie whispered into the darkness that shrouded Lily’s bedroom after they had turned off the bedside lamps. ‘A marriage certificate would make no difference to the way I feel about him.’

  ‘So that’s why you said what you did, when Judy asked Helen what it’s like to sleep with a man.’

  ‘It’s the most wonderful feeling ever, if you love him.’ Katie shrank further beneath the bedclothes. ‘But it’s impossible for me to carry on working with him the way things are between us now.’

  ‘Where’s the interview?’

  ‘Lewis Lewis.’

  ‘They have beautiful things in there.’ Lily recalled some of the clothes and fabrics she’d seen on her last window-shopping trip.

  ‘They do,’ Katie agreed. ‘The manager showed me over the store and the staff discount is generous. Not as generous as the warehouse, but then few people are as kind as John.’

  ‘What’s the job?’

  ‘Secretary to the manager,’ Katie said proudly. ‘When I put in an application I never thought I’d get an interview but I’ve passed the first selection process. Tomorrow’s the big day and they’re only interviewing three girls.’

  ‘Have you told Mr Griffiths?’

  ‘Only that I want the morning off. If I get the job John’s going to find out soon enough. If I don’t, I’ll have to keep looking and I’m dreading it either way. If I get it I’ll have to leave the warehouse and never see him again – well, not every day and no more than a quick hello in the street. And if I don’t get it I’ll have to carry on as I am, and I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to stand it.’

  ‘You’re shivering. Shall I get another blanket?’

  ‘Is that all you can say?’ Katie waited for Lily to comment on the secret that had weighed so heavily on her.

  ‘Other than I won’t tell a soul and I’ll always be here to listen.’

  ‘You’re not shocked?’

  ‘Just sad it didn’t work out for you.’

  ‘John did say if I was sure I still loved him after his divorce was finalised I could talk to him again then. But I think he only said it because he expects me to go off with someone younger, like Adam Jordan or Sam.’

  ‘Which you’ve obviously no intention of doing.’

  ‘Do you think he meant it?’ Katie asked eagerly. ‘That he wasn’t just saying it to let me down gently?’

  ‘I don’t know. But he’s going to have to talk to you if you get that job tomorrow. If half the things Helen said he told her about your secretarial skills are true, he’s going to be devastated at losing you.’

  ‘As a secretary,’ Katie murmured disconsolately.

  ‘I can understand him not wanting you to be any more until he’s free.’

  ‘Like everyone else around here, you’re afraid of the gossips.’ Katie turned over restlessly.

  ‘As you suggested, I’m sure he’s only thinking of your reputation.’

  ‘I couldn’t care less what people say.’

  ‘You would if the gossip hurt John, Helen and Joe, or trade at the warehouse.’

  ‘You’re right, I would. But I love John so much it hurts.’ Impulsively she hugged Lily before settling back on to her pillows. ‘Thank you, you’ve no idea how much it means to have someone I can talk to about this.’

  ‘Any time.’ Lily closed her eyes.

  ‘Just one thing,’ Katie said quietly. ‘Don’t invite Sam for any more meals for a bit.’

  ‘You knew.’

  ‘He’s been nagging me for weeks to go out with him. When he told me earlier that I had a loyal friend in you, I guessed he’d been pumping you for information and you wouldn’t tell him anything.’

  ‘He’s persistent – and keen.’

  ‘Not as keen as Martin is on you.’

  ‘I’m not so sure about that.’

  ‘I am. It’ll be great to have you as a sister as well as Helen. Goodnight.’

  ‘Goodnight.’ Lily turned over. Contrary to what she had suggested to her uncle earlier, she wasn’t too old for dreams. She only wished they could be about something more realistic than castles in the air – like Martin.

  The telephone rang a dozen times in the outer office before John remembered that Katie was taking a couple of hours off that morning. Cursing Ann for not picking it up, he left his office and limped over to Katie’s desk. ‘John Griffiths,’ he snapped, as he lifted the receiver.

  ‘Mark Davies here, John.’

  ‘Just a minute, Mark.’ John looked at Ann who was on her hands and knees, going through the files in the bottom drawer of one of the filing cabinets. Doubting the girl would ever finish the task, he wished he’d picked out someone else to do it. ‘Take a twenty-minute break in the canteen, Ann.’

  ‘Shall I bring you back a cup of tea, Mr Griffiths?’ She brushed the dust from her skirt as she rose from her knees.

  ‘Please.’ He waited until she had left the office, then asked, ‘You’ve made some headway with Esme, Mark?’

  ‘Unfortunately not. But I had a telephone call from Richard Thomas half an hour ago. Your mother-in-law died early this morning.’

  ‘I’m sorry to hear that, although we were never close.’

  ‘He asked if you, Joe and Helen would be at the funeral. He’ll be reading the will after the interment.’

  ‘Are Helen and Joe beneficiaries?’

  ‘He didn’t say. What he did say was that Esme would appreciate your support for the next week or so.’

  ‘I don’t need him, or Esme, to remind me to attend my children’s grandmother’s funeral.’

  ‘I think he had more support in mind than that, John. He mentioned that Esme still wants a reconciliation.’

  ‘No chance.’

  ‘That’s what I said. You’ll tell Joe and Helen that Richard Thomas wants them to attend the will reading?’

  ‘I’ll tell Joe. Helen won’t be fit enough to leave hospital for at least another week.’

  ‘I’m sorry, I heard she was ill. You’ll pass on my
condolences?’

  ‘I will. Thank you for calling, Mark.’ John looked up as the door opened and Katie walked in, looking extremely smart and, to his eye, heartbreakingly beautiful.

  ‘Thank God you’re here.’ He smiled at her with relief, without thinking what he was doing or saying. ‘That stupid girl hasn’t even sense enough to pick up the telephone when it rings.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Mr Griffiths.’ She hung her coat on the stand.

  ‘It’s hardly your fault, Katie. I was the one who picked Ann out from the shop floor.’ Leaving her desk, he looked back at her. ‘Is anything the matter?’ He was perturbed by her manner. She had become overtly formal in her approach since he had told her he could no longer see her privately, but he thought he could detect a new uneasiness.

  ‘I would appreciate a word in private, Mr Griffiths.’

  ‘Then you’d better come into my office.’ This time, he noticed, she closed the door behind her.

  ‘I have been offered another position and I’m handing in my notice.’

  ‘You’ve accepted another job?’ His blood ran cold at the thought of losing her altogether from his life.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Why didn’t you discuss this with me?’

  ‘Because I knew you’d try to persuade me to stay.’

  ‘I thought you were happy here.’

  ‘I was.’

  ‘If you want more money …’

  ‘I don’t want your money!’ she exclaimed, horrified that he should even think she was leaving the warehouse for mercenary motives. ‘I won’t be getting any more in Lewis Lewis than I get here. In fact, they were amazed that you were paying me so much.’

  ‘Then why go?’ he pleaded urgently.

  ‘Because I can’t carry on seeing you, day in day out, all the while treating you as though you mean no more to me than any other person here. I can’t bear it … I simply can’t …’ As she struggled to compose herself, she saw him looking towards the door.

  Almost as though on cue there was a knock. She instinctively reached for the notepad and pencil on John’s desk as he called, ‘Enter.’