Invisible Me

by Chrissie Keighery

  ‘Ah, imagine being able to tell your children, and your grandchildren, where the romance started,’ Hazel teases. She makes her face go all puckered up somehow, like an old woman. ‘Darlings,’ she says to her pretend children and grandchildren, ‘we were high school sweethearts. It all began at the poo plant …’ Even I can’t help laughing along with Edi, but Jess grimaces.

  ‘Eek,’ she says. ‘I just didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I’m not really sure …’ She starts going on about how she’s probably made a big mistake agreeing to go out with Chester, and I’m beginning to think I’ll never get a turn to talk.

  I drift off as she’s still talking. If it’s ever going to be my turn, I need to say something about my parents that’s more interesting than what actually happened the other night. I mean, it’s nice that Kelly thinks whatever affects me is important, but she’s not thirteen years old with a whole lot of stuff that happens all the time. Getting attention from friends is kind of like a competition. My real story isn’t exciting enough. It’s not full-on or terrible. And I can’t even get a guy to like me or find me interesting. It’s as though no matter which way I look at it, I’m not enough.

  Last night, it was fun to think about telling the girls something full-on dramatic, but I never thought I’d do it for real. Now, though, I can feel something bubbling up inside me.

  ‘All right, let’s move on,’ Edi says finally. ‘We have an agenda.’ She goes and gets four cans of Coke out of the caravan fridge and puts one down in front of us. We only get one can each per meeting, and Edi always makes sure we get it at the important part. It’s good to know she’s saved it for my time. That my thing is the main agenda for this meeting, and not the Jess and Chester stuff.

  ‘Limps,’ says Edi gently. ‘Tell us what’s been going on with you. At home.’

  I take a sip of Coke. I need to make the most of this. My heart is pounding in my chest. And then, it just spills out of me.

  ‘My dad is having an affair.’

  ‘Oh my god.’ Edi covers her mouth.

  Jess slams down her can.‘That is just … the worst.’

  All the girls are leaning towards me. Their eyes are wide. I have every speck of their attention. One hundred per cent. Now that my heart has stopped drumming, it’s swollen up with their attention. I imagine this is what it might feel like to be Edi.

  ‘So, where were you again, exactly?’ Hazel asks. It’s kind of like her to get bogged down in the details. I wonder, for a second, whether she might be testing me to see whether I’m telling the truth. But she won’t catch me out. I might’ve been lying when I told them the story of what happened two nights ago, but I remember everything I’ve said. Now that it’s done, I feel calm.

  ‘In the supermarket car park,’ I say. I’m not stupid enough to say I was carrying five million bags from a fashion store. For starters, I’m not spoilt like Veronica. Plus, nobody we know even drives a sports car. Mum’s best friend Sandra drives a white Honda Accord, so that’s what I used.

  ‘And could you see properly from where you were? Are you sure they were actually hooking up?’ Hazel says. ‘Like, maybe they had a perfectly good reason to be together. Are you sure it wasn’t just a normal goodbye kiss?’

  ‘I know what hooking up is, Hazel,’ I say.

  Edi wraps her arms around me. ‘God, Limps,’ she says. That is so full-on. And terrible. Wasn’t Sandra the one who came and stayed at your place for a while when your dad moved out?’

  I nod. I think it’s best not to say too much more now. There’s a flash of something like guilt when Edi reminds me of how nice Sandra was when Dad went to Aunty Kate’s. It threatens to ruin the good feeling I have.

  ‘That’s weird,’ Hazel says. ‘If Sandra and your dad were … well … seeing each other, why would she stay with you and your mum when he moved out? She’d be with your dad, wouldn’t she?’

  ‘Maybe it started after that,’ Jess says. I’m relieved when Hazel seems to accept that. Honestly, she’s like a detective sometimes.

  ‘Are you going to tell your mum?’ Hazel asks. ‘We could all go with you.’

  I shake my head, maybe a little too quickly, but the idea really cuts into my happy, full feeling. ‘No. Mum can’t know. It would kill her,’ I say.

  ‘Yeah, she’d be crushed, but isn’t it better that she knows the truth?’ Hazel continues. ‘Like, it’s her husband and her best friend. A best friend is someone you should be able to trust! I think she’d want to know.’

  ‘If I told her, my parents would definitely break up,’ I say and I hope that’s enough to stop Hazel on this path, but she keeps going.

  ‘Sometimes, breaking up is the right thing to do,’ she says. ‘Like, when my parents broke up, it was really horrible for me and my sister for a while, but we got used to it.’

  I really wish Hazel would shut up. It’s like she thinks she knows everything.

  ‘Hazel, you were, like, six, when your parents broke up,’ I say. ‘You probably didn’t even understand what was going on.’

  Hazel leans back in her seat, as though what I’ve said makes her want to back away from me. At least it makes her stop talking.

  ‘I think,’ Edi says, grabbing my hand, and frowning at Hazel, ‘that we should all do whatever Limps wants us to do. She needs to be our first priority. We have to be there for her, whatever happens. Right, girls?’ she says.

  Jess agrees immediately. Then Hazel looks at me. I can see that she realises she has to be nice to me. After all, I’m going through hell. Eventually, she nods too.

  ‘Right,’ Hazel says.

  Edi stares at me like I’m the only other person in the caravan, and gives my hand a squeeze. She’s totally taking my side. And with Edi on my side, I feel really powerful.

  For once, everyone is paying attention to me.

  It feels amazing.

  I’m really glad I chose art as my elective this term. I love it, of course, but it’s not just that. The girls have been so good to me the last couple of days, and it still feels great. But this thing I’ve created about Dad and Sandra is starting to feel complicated. Whenever the girls bring it up, I get a nervous jittery feeling, and they bring it up much more than I thought they would. So, it’s nice to have art class without them, just for a break.

  I sit down at my table and take my drawing from the hardcover folder that protects it. Myra stands behind me, looking at the drawing I’ve done of me, Edi, Jess and Hazel in the caravan. Myra is by far my favourite teacher. She lets us call her by her first name, and she’s really chilled. I bet she never goes running. She even lets us have music playing while we work. At the moment, we’re doing portraits. I’m the only one in our class who’s attempting more than one portrait at a time.

  ‘Wow, Olympia. That’s coming along so beautifully,’ she says. She lifts my drawing and gets everyone’s attention. ‘Look at how Olympia has done the shading,’ she says. ‘See how she’s created depth and dimension with her strokes?’

  As she puts my drawing back in front of me, I smile at her. It’s nice to be used as a good example. It adds to the feeling that life is swinging my way, for once.

  I glance to the side. Not to be mean or anything, but Anya’s self-portrait is pretty amateur. For starters, she’s done her nose as two nostrils, flat on the page. Her eyes have no pupils and her hair is super thin. The Anya beside me is way prettier than the monster on the page, that’s for sure.

  The next thing I know, Nick is behind us, a hand on each of our chairs. It’s freaky how he does stuff like that. Nick doesn’t have any idea of personal space, but after what he said to Mr C when I was upset in maths, I don’t really mind.

  ‘Your picture is the best, Olympia,’ he says, pointing at my drawing. Then he points at Anya’s. ‘Yours isn’t good.’

  ‘Hey, Nick, go easy,’ Anya says, but she’s laughing. The thing is, Nick just says what he thinks. I know he hasn’t intended to give me a compliment, or to criticise Anya. He just tells it as he se
es it.

  ‘I read a book once,’ Nick continues, oblivious to Anya’s protest, ‘where this guy was such a good drawer that whatever he drew came to life. That’s what your picture is like, Olympia. You should draw you and your friends with wings or something, and then you might all be able to fly.’

  ‘Thanks, Nick,’ I say, pulling my chair forward a bit so his hand isn’t stuck behind me. ‘That’s a good idea.’

  ‘Can you draw me too?’ he asks.

  ‘Yeah, sure,’ I tell him. ‘After I finish this.’

  ‘Can you draw me, but make me really muscly?’ says Nick. ‘Oh, yeah!’ he exclaims. ‘Make me really muscly like the Incredible Hulk. That would be way cool. Imagine coming to life like that! I’d be the strongest guy in the whole school!’

  ‘The Incredible Hulk is green,’ I remind him.

  ‘Cool,’ Nick says.

  I give him a smile. ‘Let’s see how we go.’

  But Nick has already returned to his seat.

  ‘Jesus, Olympia. Dog. Lead. Treats. It’s pretty basic,’ Dad says as we pull into the car park where obedience class is being held. ‘I don’t have time to go back home. I’ve got an important meeting, and if it doesn’t go well, we’ll lose the contract. You’ll have to see if you can borrow a lead.’ He leans over me and opens the passenger door.

  I don’t look back after I get out with Cricket under my arm. Dad is so mean sometimes, when he’s stressed about work. I forget one thing and all the stuff he’s said about me being mature enough to take Cricket to obedience school goes out the window. It makes me feel better about what I’ve said about him and Sandra, actually.

  I’m still fuming when a boy in a Kilmore High blazer walks towards me. He looks kind of familiar, but I’m not sure why. Cricket struggles to get out of my arms, and starts barking at the basset hound with big droopy ears on the end of the guy’s lead.

  ‘Hey, your dog isn’t going to learn much if you don’t let him out of your arms,’ he says.

  ‘Her,’ I say huffily. ‘Cricket is a girl. And I’ve … well … I’ve forgotten her lead.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it,’ he says. ‘Hang on.’ As he leans over to unclip his dog’s lead, his hair flops down over his face. And then I realise why he’s familiar. It’s Cute Art-Store Boy!

  His dog lead is half leather and half chain. Somehow, he splits it in two and hands me the chain part. I put Cricket down and try to find the loop in her collar to attach the lead. It’s not easy, since she keeps wriggling. Finally I manage to get her on.

  ‘Thanks,’ I say, looking at the boy properly for the first time. He’s gorgeous.

  ‘Yeah, no problem. I’m Alec, and this is Barney.’ He points at the basset hound. ‘Barney’s a he,’ he adds cheekily.

  ‘I’m Olympia,’ I say. ‘And, as you know, Cricket is a she.’

  ‘I think our dogs like each other,’ he says. When I look down, I see Barney and Cricket going around in circles, sniffing each other’s bums.

  I feel a wave of heat passing through my face, and hope he can’t see it. ‘We’d better hurry up, or they’ll get in trouble for being late.’

  I didn’t expect dog obedience school to be fun. But it is. Alec and I stay next to each other as we teach the dogs to heel. We let them off the leads for this. The idea is that you carry around treats, holding them out just behind you so the dogs will follow. When they do the right thing, they get their treat.

  ‘Hey, Olympia,’ Alec says as we walk, ‘wouldn’t it be cool if our teachers taught us like this?’

  I smile. ‘Yeah, but not if they used liver treats.’

  Alec grins. ‘I reckon it should be more like, “Nice work on the comprehension questions, Alec. Here’s a Mars bar!”’

  I join in the game. ‘Or, “Excellent work on your maths exercise, Olympia. Here’s a Coke!”’ The thought of Mr C offering Cokes around the classroom makes me laugh out loud.

  ‘Oh, don’t they do that at your school?’ Alec laughs with me.

  ‘Nope, that must just be for the smart people at Kilmore High,’ I tease. As I say it, I notice that Barney has stayed behind. He’s more interested in something on the ground than Alec’s treats.

  ‘Yep. That must just be for us smart people,’ Alec grins. Then he leans into me. ‘Poor old Barney is repeating,’ he says. ‘He failed obedience school last time, but I don’t hold that against him. He has other qualities. For example, he’s a very good listener.’

  I love that he says that. I imagine Alec confiding in Barney the same way I confide in Cricket.

  ‘By the way,’ Alec says. ‘Not everyone at Kilmore is super smart. Some of us get in just because we live in the right zone.’ He whispers it like it’s a secret. Just for me.

  ‘I can’t believe how much energy Cricket has,’ Alec says after the lesson.

  ‘I can’t believe how little energy Barney has,’ I say. Both of us laugh as we look at the dogs. Barney is curled up on the grass like he’s knackered from the lesson and Cricket is diving at him from all angles, trying to get him up to play.

  I glance towards the car park. Mum isn’t here yet.

  ‘I’d better give you your lead back,’ I say.

  Alec tilts his head to the side. ‘You can borrow it if you like,’ he says. ‘You can give it back next week. Or maybe we could meet at the skate park, since it’s sort of in between our houses?’

  ‘Sure,’ I say. I only mentioned where I live once during the lesson. Alec has remembered. It’s a nice feeling. But then I realise I’ve said ‘sure’ before he’s even mentioned when he wants to meet. As though I’m available all the time. I’m glad, at least, that I haven’t mentioned seeing him at the art supplies store. That would make me seem kind of freaky, I think.

  ‘I usually take Barney on Saturday mornings around eleven. Would that be cool with you?’

  Alec smiles his cute smile and I feel fine again. Better than fine, actually. Walking dogs isn’t exactly a date or anything, but I don’t think Alec would have asked me if he didn’t want my company.

  Oh my god. Maybe a boy finally likes me, I think. And I didn’t even have to try.

  ‘I’ll see you there,’ I say.

  It’s Friday night. Since we had our caravan meeting earlier in the week, we’ve decided to watch a DVD at Hazel’s place.

  Her house pongs of scented candles, but I’m glad to get out of my own house. Last night, Dad was in one of those moods he gets in, crashing around the place like everything he looked at, including me and Mum, was annoying. He didn’t need to say his meeting had gone badly. It was just there, in the air.

  I ended up going into my room. I did three drafts of the thing Kelly asked me to do to help communicate with my parents. None of them was quite right and I didn’t go and give it to them or anything, but it did make me feel a bit better. Because one day I might get it right, and maybe then I’ll be able to tell them how I’m feeling.

  After that, I lay in bed and started my drawing of Nick. So far, I’ve just done bits and pieces. I haven’t decided whether I’ll draw him as he actually is, or as the Incredible Hulk. I think portraits are supposed to reveal something real about you, not show what you’re not.

  Anyway, I’m glad it’s the weekend now, and I’m sitting here with my friends.

  ‘So, did you get Mean Girls?’ I ask Hazel. I settle on the couch next to Edi, and Hazel doesn’t even say anything about it. She flops into the beanbag closest to the TV and Jess sits in another.

  ‘Yep,’ Hazel replies. As she slides in the DVD, her mum’s boyfriend appears in the doorway to the lounge room. He’s really weird-looking, with long dreadlocks that hang down his back, and he’s always barefoot. But there’s something peaceful about him. I can’t imagine him moodily crashing around like my dad, anyway.

  ‘Hey, you guys feel like some corn fritters and relish?’ he asks.

  ‘Oooh yeah, thanks, Jason,’ Edi answers. ‘They’re the best.’

  ‘That’s because they’re made wi
th love and tenderness, hey, Jason?’ Hazel says. She’s got an innocent expression on her face, as though she’s being completely sincere, but we can’t help giggling.

  Jason tilts his head to the side, like he can’t figure out if Hazel is making fun of him. He walks back into the kitchen.

  I get a prickly feeling inside me, wondering when Edi has tried Jason’s corn fritters before, because I haven’t. Which means Edi and Hazel have hung around together without me some other time. I’m pretty sure it would have been before I told them Dad was having an affair, though. I think they’ve always tried to include me since then.

  ‘Let’s wait for the fritters before we start the movie,’ Edi says. ‘Tell us more about the guy from obedience school, Limps.’ I get a feeling that she’s trying to distract me and I wonder if maybe she hangs out here eating Jason’s corn fritters without me all the time, but I decide to let it go.

  ‘Well, his name is Alec and he goes to Kilmore High,’ I say.

  ‘Which must mean he’s brainy,’ Jess interrupts. ‘I knew a kid once who sat the entrance exam for Kilmore, and he said it was severe. His name was Justin Smart. Which is pretty funny, because he wasn’t actually smart enough to ace the exam and he ended up having to go to …’

  ‘Jess,’ Hazel laughs. She holds up one hand. With the other, she’s pressing buttons on the DVD player, like something’s not working properly.

  I don’t feel like saying anything about Alec getting into Kilmore because he lives in the area. So instead I say, ‘We just got along really well.’ I bite my lip before adding, ‘I’m actually catching up with him tomorrow morning at the skate park.’

  ‘That’s awesome, Limps,’ Edi says. ‘Just what you need to get your mind off … all that other stuff.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Jess agrees. ‘It’s good, Limps. No offence, but it is kind of weird that absolutely no-one has liked you at our school. Like, nobody.’

  ‘Jess!’ Hazel says.

  ‘What?’ Jess says.

  I shake my head, but I’m smiling. That last comment is so Jess. She really doesn’t get why Hazel is protesting. But it doesn’t matter. Finally, things are starting to work out for me. Finally, I’m getting attention from my friends and from a boy.