Conflicted

by Missy Johnson

  I lie back on my pillows, a smile creeping onto my face. Two seconds into our conversation and I’m already feeling better. Maybe that’s a sign that I need to move on. Lace and I are never going to happen, and it’s time I accept that. That’s what I wanted, right? Maybe the best thing I can do for everyone is leave her alone and let her make her own mistakes.

  “I assume you don’t mean now? Considering it’s nearly midnight.”

  It is? I glance at my clock and realize she’s right. “Shit, I hope I didn’t wake you.”

  “Lucky for you, I’m a night owl,” she giggles. “Also lucky for you is that I find you amusing. Aren’t you supposed to wait four days before calling me so you don’t look too desperate? I’m pretty sure that’s a rule, and if it’s not, then it should be.”

  “You’re making me sorry I called you,” I growl as she giggles. “So, do you wanna go out sometime or not?”

  “How can I refuse an offer like that?” she asks, her tone teasing. “I’m beginning to understand why you’re single.”

  “Is this your way of saying no?” I grumble, my ego feeling bruised.

  “I haven’t said no,” she says indignantly. “I’d love to go out with you, Lucas.”

  I put down my phone, feeling a mix of satisfaction and anxiety. Eva seems like a nice chick, but keeping people at a distance is what I do. Even Lace. It’s why I cruise from girl to girl, and why Lace is always on at me that I’m going to end up alone. I know I’m going to end up old and alone. That’s a given. The last thing I want to do is fuck around Eva, and I can’t help but think that is the only place this is headed.

  It hasn’t even begun and already we’re an accident waiting to happen.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Lacey

  Aaron isn’t around when I arrive at work the next day, and I don’t see him until after lunch. I’m relieved to find he’s left me plenty of files to scour through, so I don’t have to invent things to make myself look busy.

  He swaggers in just as I’m leaving for my lunch break, his briefcase tucked under his arm, a crooked smile on his lips. He directs his gaze at me, and a shiver races through me. He always manages to look so damn sexy.

  “Going somewhere?” he asks, raising his eyebrows.

  “Lunch,” I reply, my face heating. God, I’ll blush at anything.

  “Have Rebecca order in for both of us. I’ll just have my usual. I want your opinion on this.” He pulls out a thick file from his briefcase and tosses it at me.

  I fumble forward and miss the catch.

  He chuckles as I fall to my knees to gather the documents. “Sorry, I guess I put too much force into that.”

  His playful tone has me feeling all sorts of embarrassment and I don’t dare look at him. I put the file back on the desk and go out to find Rebecca. I order his “usual” and a sandwich for myself.

  Over lunch, he has me reading the case notes of a court trial with similar circumstances to this one, where the defence pleaded insanity. The defendant ended up being remanded to a psychiatric facility indefinitely.

  “What do you think?” he asks, finishing his roll. He sweeps the crumbs off his desk and tosses the wrapper into the trash. “Does anything about this stand out for you?”

  I study the notes again. Then it hits me.

  “He wasn’t actually tried for the crime because he was deemed unfit to stand trial. So that means he’ll never be released from the psych facility without having to stand trial,” I say slowly.

  “Yes, exactly. As a defence lawyer, do you think that is a good result?”

  “But I’m not a defence lawyer.” I grin. “As someone potentially working in a facility that offenders like this might be placed in, I think it is. It gets him out of the community, reduces the risk of him reoffending, and at least gives him the chance of rehabilitation. Would his cooperation and the success of his treatment be taken into consideration in a trial?” I ask, curious.

  “Yes, for sentencing it would be. He might spend twenty years in a facility and then be deemed fit enough to stand trial, but that would rarely happen. Once they hit that point they are generally in there forever.”

  I hesitate. That almost seems unfair. My sympathy shocks me, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Aaron looks at me, eyebrows raised, as if waiting for me to share.

  “You said you went into defending people because everyone deserves a fair trial. But is this fair? They’re essentially locking someone up without giving them a trial. I get that they’re not competent to stand trial, but still…”

  Aaron looks pleased. “Now you’re getting it. As their lawyer, my job would be fighting to ensure their rights aren’t violated. If they’re not fit to stand trial, then the best place for them is a psychiatric facility that is equipped to help them. What I have to do is ensure they’re receiving the help they need, and whether they are improving.”

  I nod, finally understanding why he’s so invested in what he does. As horrible as some crimes are, the circumstances are not always clear. In cases like this, it’s his efforts that will make my job easier.

  We continue to talk about Duane and other cases until late into the day. When we finally take a break, I’m surprised to see the office is empty. I glance at my watch. Wow, it’s nearly seven. How did it get so late?

  “I didn’t mean to keep you so late,” Aaron says.

  “It’s okay. I learned a lot today. I could stay here all night and talk to you.” I cringe as he raises his eyebrows. I have an uncanny ability to make everything sound suggestive. “I better be going,” I say, before I can put my foot in it anymore.

  “See you tomorrow, Lacey.”

  After leaving work, I decide to stop and see Lucas. Pulling into a spot on the street opposite his apartment, I turn off the ignition and rifle through my purse for my phone. I hunt through my contacts for his name and press Call.

  “Hello?” he says when he answers.

  “Hey, I’m downstairs.”

  “So come up.”

  “You come down. I can’t handle your roommate tonight,” I sigh, leaning my head against the car seat. He chuckles and hangs up on me. I put my phone away and get out of the car, walking across the road to the front of his building.

  Lucas lives with possibly the sexist guy on the planet, who also happens to be his cousin. Well, technically he’s not—he’s his stepfather’s sister’s son—but they’ve known each other since they were kids. I don’t think I’ve been in Harry’s presence for longer than two minutes without him making a derogatory comment. Usually I do well to ignore him, but tonight I’m just not in the mood.

  I smile as Lucas swaggers out, wearing a pair of faded jeans and a tee shirt, his muscular frame bulging from underneath the thin layer of fabric. My heart flutters and I sigh, knowing that in the privacy of my car I can perve on him. There is no denying it: he’s attractive. If only he wasn’t such a whore. If only he’d liked me back.

  “Taking full advantage of your holidays, I see.” I smirk, getting out of my car. It’s a pretty mild night, and perfect walking weather. “Let’s go get a coffee.”

  “I have coffee upstairs, you know,” he points out, falling into line with me.

  “So long as you live with Harry, your coffee can stay there,” I laugh. “Seriously, when are you going to move out? I get that he gave you a place to live when you had nowhere else to go and all that, but isn’t it time to move on?”

  “Harry is my cousin,” Lucas protests.

  “Harry is an ass,” I correct. “And I’ve told you there’s always room at my place, so long as you’re willing to tone down the influx of women.”

  “And that right there is why we’ll never live together,” he chuckles.

  Giving up, I drag him into Chino’s and fall into the nearest free seat. I set my purse on the table and sigh.

  “What’s up with you? Didn’t you have work today?” His eyes narrow. “It was that bad, huh?”

  “No, it was great. I’m just…”
I shake my head. I don’t want to get into this with him, mainly because I know it will come with copious amounts of teasing. “Never mind.”

  “Spill, Anderson,” he orders, setting his arms down on the table. “Is this dude as big an ass as he looks?”

  “Aaron?” I let out a laugh. “He’s really nice, actually.”

  Lucas doesn’t look convinced.

  “Really,” I promise him. “He’s a great guy and I’m learning a lot. That’s part of the problem: he’s making me realize things I never let myself see before. I just wish I didn’t feel so inexperienced around him.”

  “I hate to break it to you, but you are inexperienced. This guy is a dinosaur compared to you,” he points out.

  “He’s not that old,” I retort, my tone more defensive than I intended. “I just want to make a good impression. I want him to think I’m worth his trouble.”

  “Worth his trouble?” Lucas eyes me, his expression dark. “Do you have a thing for this guy or something? You seem to be focusing way too much on what he thinks.”

  “What?” I laugh, but I can’t meet his eyes. My cheeks begin to heat. Embarrassed, I cover my face with my hands. I can’t believe I’m crushing on my boss.

  Lucas groans. “Look, forget about trying to impress this guy, if that’s what you’re trying to do. I know his type, Lacey. He’ll chew you up, spit you out, and then move on to the next piece of meat.”

  “Excuse me?” I gasp, annoyed at his overreaction. “So what if I have a tiny crush on the guy? It’s not like I’d ever act on it. He’s my boss, for God’s sake. And there is no way he’d be interested in me anyway.” I’m angry at Lucas for assuming that was happening. It’s like he doesn’t know me at all. “What the hell is your problem with this guy?” I demand.

  “My problem is that guys like him are all the same.” He pushes back his chair. “Sorry, Lace, I forgot I have something to do. I’ll call you, okay?”

  I sit there, dumbfounded. Did he really just walk out on me? I replay our conversation in my head, trying to figure out what set him off. What does he have against Aaron? Because it seems every time I mention him, he goes off.

  The waitress brings over two coffees and sets them down, confused. I mutter an apology, push a twenty-dollar note across the table, and get up. Suddenly I’m not thirsty. I make the short walk to my car and get in. It’s barely eight, but I don’t care. All I want to do right now is go home and sleep.

  I’ll figure out Lucas tomorrow.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Lacey

  That’s it!

  I sit up with a start. It’s so painfully obvious I’m not convinced it hasn’t been picked up earlier, but it’s not mentioned anywhere. Multiple Personality Disorder. Duane fits the description perfectly, and so does his claim that he blacked out during the attack and remembers nothing. I’m so excited I can’t wait to suggest it to Aaron. I get halfway through a text and decide email is probably more appropriate, considering it’s Saturday. I quickly type out my idea and press Send. I spend the next few minutes hitting refresh, praying that he’s still up working. My laptop pings and I cheer. Yes.

  Great line of thinking, but the psychiatrist already ruled that out. I’m not sure whether to be impressed or annoyed that you spend your time off thinking about this. You do realize it’s after midnight on a Saturday night? Maybe you should consider getting out more.

  My heart beats faster as I reread his email half a dozen times. If only it was just the case I’d been thinking about. Unfortunately, the case is the last thing on my mind at the moment.

  Oh? And when was the last time you worked less than a fifty-hour week? You even have your poor intern putting in unpaid overtime for you.

  I hit Send, a smile on my lips as I wait impatiently for his response.

  Ouch. Point taken. When I was your age I spent ninety percent of my time either drinking or sleeping. That’s what being young is all about, right? You should be out having fun with your friends on a Saturday night.

  I narrow my eyes as I read his words again, trying to uncover their hidden meaning, because nobody says what they really mean, right? What makes him think I’m not out with my friends? Just because I’m thinking about the case doesn’t mean I’m at home alone, moping around the house in my pyjamas. I glance down and realize how close that is to the truth.

  What makes you think I’m not?

  I press Send and sit back against my pillows. Again, his reply is nearly instant.

  Are you?

  My fingers tap out another reply before I can think about what I’m doing.

  Am I what? Out? Yes, actually. I’m having a great time.

  I have a sinking feeling in my stomach, like this is all going to backfire on me, but it’s too late. I’ve pressed Send. A reply pops up. I click on it.

  Really? You must be having a ball considering your fingers haven’t left your email screen. Those friends of yours must be really exciting. Where are you?

  I cringe. He knows I’m lying, I’m sure of it. And what can I say, because he’s right. For the last half hour he has completely occupied my time. I rack my brain for a place I could say I’m at and come up with the bar Ariel dragged me to last month to meet with some guy she met on InstaPage. I ended up sitting on a table up the back of the crowded place by myself for nearly an hour while she was groped on the dance floor.

  This cool little club on Flinders Lane that plays live music. It’s called Wilt. You’ve probably never heard of it.

  I’m sure I’ve picked a place totally out of his comfort zone, and probably somewhere he’s never heard of, but all the same I quietly panic while I wait for his reply. I don’t have to wait long. I click on his message, my heart racing.

  Actually, you won’t believe this but I’m sitting in there right now. I’m over by the bar. Where are you? I’m looking around and I can’t see you. Come join me for a drink.

  Shit. Fuck, fuck, fuck. You have got to be kidding me.

  Panicking, I jump off my bed and pace around the room, my hands shaking as I try and occupy them by tying back my hair. Only I could choose the one fucking club he happens to be at. Rubbing my temples, I try and think up a plan. The best I can come up with is to pretend I never got his email and then hope like hell he doesn’t mention it on Monday. Yeah, that will work. I roll my eyes. You’re a genius, Lace.

  I throw my laptop on my desk and climb back into bed. Every time I think about it I want the room to swallow me up. Things always seem to backfire on me.

  The first thing I do the next morning is check my email. When I don’t see his name in my inbox, I feel disappointed—until I remember what happened. I decide to try and put Aaron out of my mind for a while, which is easier said than done. This whole thing is so far out of my comfort zone that it scares me. The worst part is how natural it feels to flirt with him. I can see myself getting into a situation that I’ll probably end up regretting. Doing anything with him would be career suicide, and…well, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing anyway.

  “Ariel,” I yell, listening for a response. Silence. I call her phone. I know exactly where she will be, and joining her will be the perfect distraction for a few hours.

  “Hey, Lace, how’s it going?” she says, distracted.

  I smile to myself, imagining her holding a handful of outfits as she rummages through a rack full of clothing. The joys of a limitless MasterCard that Daddy is happy to pay for.

  “Which mall are you at?” I ask.

  She laughs at how well I know her. “I just got to Westfield. I’ve already hit Southside Plaza. You okay, Lace?” she asks, sounding concerned.

  “I’m fine, I just...I know I haven’t been much of a friend lately, but that changes now. I’ll come and meet you. We can have some quality girl time.”

  “Aw, I’d love that,” she says, her voice bright. “I would have invited you in the first place, but I figured that you’d be working. Even on a Sunday,” she adds with a laugh.

  “Our friend
ship is more important,” I reply. “Work can wait.”

  “Text me when you get here, okay?”

  “Okay. See you soon,” I say with a wry smile. I press End, feeling bad about making all this about Ariel when at least a third of it is me wanting to find out more about Lucas and another third is distraction from thinking about Aaron. I finish getting ready and grab my handbag and keys, and head out the door.

  As I approach the food court, Ariel is in full view, surrounded by guys hanging off her every word. I laugh. That’s so typically her. Guys fall over her. And why wouldn’t they? She’s gorgeous, with her long, flowing golden hair, perfect smile, perfect body, and a laugh that makes even my knees weak. I’ve always wondered why Lucas has never gone there. I assumed it was the same reason as with me: he didn’t want to ruin our friendship.

  “Sorry guys, I’ve got to go now. My single friend has arrived,” she says, putting real emphasis on the word single.

  I roll my eyes at her and shoot her a look to let her know I’m not in the mood for her antics. She hooks her arm in mine as we walk towards the stores. I never shop for fun—usually because I never have any money—but today I feel like splurging. Only I can’t find anything I like.

  “Ooh, look at that skirt, Lace!” Ariel whispers as she quickly drags me into a store.

  “Nice,” I say, trying to sound more interested than I am.

  “Why don’t you try it on?”

  She looks so excited that I can’t say no, so I plaster a smile on my face and take it from her, and walk in the direction of the fitting rooms. She comes in with me, leaning against the wall of the small cubicle as I change.

  “You sure you’re okay?” she asks, narrowing her eyes. “You look a little down.”

  “I’m fine,” I say, forcing myself to smile. The fake smiling is beginning to hurt my mouth.

  She gives me a hard look and I sigh.

  “I’m okay, I’m just…” I shake my head. “Confused?”