A Staten Island Love Letter 2

by Jahquel J

  “You my fucking brother! How the fuck you think that shit gonna feel? Seeing a nigga that took me in when I lost my sister kill himself in front of me. How the fuck you think that’s gonna fuck with me? What about Rain? You trying to give her the pain of losing her sister and father? Put that shit down and talk to me. Shit, cry with me, whatever you need to do just don’t fucking leave me, man!” he said as he continued to walk over to me.

  I put the gun down and started hyperventilating. “It hurts so fucking much that I can’t breathe at times. I just want the shit to stop fucking hurting me.”

  He pulled me up and embraced me with a brotherly hug. At this moment, this hug was needed. It made me feel like I wasn’t alone. “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. We love Summer, both God must have needed her more than us. That’s something we will never understand nor question, we just know baby girl isn’t suffering anymore and she’s watching you. She wouldn’t want this shit for you, man,” he told me.

  I pulled away and sat in the chair. “That’s why I named your ass Priest; you always giving a good ass word.”

  He sat down on the floor and stared over at me. “I gotta slow my heart down. Nigga, you had me fucking scared. You mean too much for us to lose you. This is something that’s gonna stick with you forever, but we need to be killing the niggas responsible and we know who it is.”

  “Who?” I was all ears.

  “Zeek made the call to shoot Staten. You had Zoe fucked up and he was getting back at you for that shit with your brother. He didn’t know the kids were in the car, I’m assuming.”

  I saw a pair of black Timbs round the corner before I saw the woman they belonged to. Only one woman wore a pair of black Timbs, and they belonged to Messiah Garibaldi. “You stink,” was the first thing she said when she laid eyes on me.

  “Yeah, I didn’t feel that was the best thing to say when the nigga had a gun to his head,” Priest looked over to Messiah.

  “Taking the easy way out? You pussy, Gyson Davis? You let these niggas come into your home, shake shit up and kill your daughter and your ass wants to shoot yourself? You’ve gotten soft as fuck.”

  I accepted it because it was true. Instead of putting feet to the ground and finding the answers, I would have rather take a gun and pull the trigger to end the pain that I was feeling at the moment. It was a pain that I was tired of feeling and I just wanted to quiet it. At the time, I wasn’t thinking of all the lives that would be affected. It was selfish of me and I wasn’t thinking about everyone who would be distraught behind me killing myself. First they lost Summer, then me. All I thought about was how Rain didn’t need me. Not once did I think about the pain she would go through losing her sister and father right after one another.

  “Yeah, losing a kid would do that to you,” I replied and leaned back in the chair. “We need to end Zeek’s ass. I want him fucking dead.”

  “Well, we’re starting slow. I got his sister back at the trap. She’s been there a few days and doesn’t know shit.”

  “When you gonna let her go?” Priest asked.

  Messiah looked at him like he had just cursed at him. “She’s dying. Ain’t no way that she’s walking away from me. You only leave in a body bag when you’re fucking with me. Clean yourself up and get the fuck back on your shit. You’ve had your time to mourn, now what are you gonna do about it?”

  “You’re allowed ten minutes to break down, then it’s back to business,” Priest quoted as he looked down at his hands. “Man, I lost my sister and that shit was the hardest shit for me. I wanted to die and give up, but I had three girls depending on me. Rain needs you and you can’t let her down.”

  “Whatever the fuck you got to do, do it. They came into Staten Island wanting a war, well they woke the fucking queen up,” she muttered. “Sensitive ass men, you remind me of my husband,” she winked and left the room.

  There was a reason that me and Messiah had been close all of these years. She was like a dog, her loyalty never wavered. We didn’t need to keep in touch, but soon as I needed her she showed up and was ready to show out.

  “Yeah, nigga you need to shower, and I’ll go pull one of your whips to the front. It’s time to show them why you’re the fucking king of Staten Island,” Priest told me and left the room after me.

  I sat there and looked at the gun that I had pointed at my head moments before. What Priest said resonated with me strongly. You were allow ten minutes to break down, then you had to handle business. Zeek fucked my bitch and then fathered my child. If that wasn’t enough, that nigga had the nerve to kill my baby girl too. That nigga was getting done dirty in the worse way. I wanted to stare that nigga in the face before I pulled the trigger on his ass.

  “Yo, here’s your phone. Found the shit in the kitchen sink. You need to call and let mama, and everyone know you’re fine,” he tossed me my phone.

  I powered the phone up and saw over a dozen messages from my mother, Mirror and Free. Everyone was begging to see me and make sure I was good. Shakira had sent me a message and told me that Rain was missing me, and she missed me too. That bitch could never get close to me, ever. Even the passing of our daughter couldn’t bring us together. She betrayed me in the worst way she ever could. Had me out here looking fucking stupid while she was busting it open for another nigga. I was glad that I never spoke business in front of her stupid ass because I would really be fucked up. Shit was changing and that meant the little bit of money I was making with her father. You raise a whore, you don’t fucking eat. At least not on my fucking dime.

  Hey. I love you. Please let me know that you’re alright. I’m sorry for my part in things, I just want to be there for you. For… I read Free’s message. As mad as I was with her for keeping my kids away, I couldn’t front like she hadn’t been there for me when I needed her the most.

  Ever.. I sent her a text back and went to go shower. Before heading to Messiah’s trap, I needed to go stop somewhere and handle something that I had put off for way too long.

  After I finished with my shower and got dressed, I walked downstairs into the kitchen. Marisol had been over at Shakira’s parent’s house caring for Rain. I didn’t want anyone in the crib while I was going through my shit. I didn’t need anyone telling me what I should or shouldn’t be doing. I was dressed down in a black Milano Di Rouge sweat suit. I wore a pair of black Yeezy boosts and had my New York Yankee fitted pulled down over my eyes.

  “Yeah, nigga! You looking like someone loves your ass.” Priest clapped.

  I walked over to him and pulled him a big ass hug. “I appreciate you for being there for me. You don’t have to, but you’re there every time I turn around. I’m sorry for even putting you in that position knowing how you feel about losing your sister. You’re my brother, blood couldn’t make us even closer. I love you man,” I spoke in his ear and patted his back.

  “You already know I’m riding til the wheels fall off… I told you that I’m with you, just make sure my nieces are taken care of.”

  “That’s word.”

  “Word as bond,” he pounded me. “You ready to head over to Messiah’s?”

  “Nah, take me by Free’s crib first. I need to do something that I should have done a while ago.”

  “Say no more,” he replied, and we headed out the crib. “I pulled the Rolls Royce truck out today… Niggas need to know you’re back,” he smirked.

  I got this car a few months back and hadn’t driven it but one time. I was lowkey, so I didn’t want to draw attention to myself when driving it. I was the only one on Staten Island with this truck, so I knew niggas would know I’m coming when I rolled around in this. Today, I didn’t give a fuck. I wanted niggas to know that I was coming.

  “This how we moving then,” I shrugged and got into the front seat.

  Priest pulled out the gates and I put my head back and closed my eyes for the ride. My mind had a million things going on at once. I was trying mentally to categorize them. I planned to go and see Rain too. I missed
my baby girl and I should have been there for her. While I knew why things happened, she didn’t. She was young and didn’t understand why her sister had to be put in the ground. I felt like shit for leaving my baby confused and wondering what was going on. A month or so ago she was just skipping with her sister in dance class and now she was alone and living with her grandparents. There was some shit that I had to talk to her about and I planned to do that shit.

  We pulled up to Free’s crib. I laughed because what were the odds that she would be unloading groceries when we pulled up? She looked at the car and I could tell she was confused. She told my son to go into the house as she walked backwards up her steps. The tints on my whip was so dark that you could tell who it was. Although she told our son to go into the house, he stood by his mother’s side with a menacing stare on his face. It was like I was looking right at an old school picture of myself. Rolling the window down, her face dropped as she ran over to the car.

  “G, I’ve been calling and calling you. I got your message this morning, but I didn’t want to push by asking to come over,” I opened the door and climbed out.

  She rushed into my arms and hugged me tightly. “You good. I just needed some time to get my shit right,” I looked over at my son. The spitting fucking image of me. “What’s up, man?” I nodded.

  He walked over and dapped me up. “I’m good,” he replied. Even though he was the spitting image of me, I could still hear a little bit of a southern accent in his voice.

  “You know who I am?” I asked as Free continued to hold onto me as if she didn’t want to let me go.

  “Yeah, ma told me who you were,” he stood there staring me up and down. It was like he was trying to read me.

  “How you feel about that?”

  He smiled, showing all his teeth. “I’m cool with it. I always wanted a father… I’m kinda nice on a dirt bike, but ma won’t buy me one.”

  I pulled money out my wallet and counted off a thousand dollars and was about to hand it to him when Free snatched it from me. “Samaj, go inside and help your sister put the groceries away,” she told him, and he walked away.

  “You can’t be doing that, Gyson. Buying them isn’t going to work. That boy will kill himself on a damn dirt bike riding in the streets.”

  I shrugged. “I’ll have them make him a dirt pit on my property.” It wasn’t anything to give my kids whatever they wanted.

  She laughed. “Lord, this is going to be an adventure,” she shook her head. “How are you doing? Be honest.”

  “I’m maintaining and trying to keep my head up.”

  “I’m glad you’re up and out the house. I don’t even want to know why, but long as you’re good, I’m good,” she told me as she smiled at me.

  Looking at Free, my heart skipped a beat. She was still the most beautiful woman I had ever saw. Her hair was pulled back in a slick ponytail, she had not one stitch of make-up on and she still could kill hoes out here dressed in their finest with make-up on.

  “We need to talk. Not right now, but we both need to sit down and talk,” I looked her in the eyes, and she nodded her head, then looked down.

  “I know. Let me know the time and place, I’m there,” she looked back up at me. “I’ve missed you, Gyson,” she admitted.

  Pulling her into my arms, I kissed her on the forehead and sighed. “I’ve missed you too. You don’t know how much.”

  My mind was playing games with me and I didn’t know which emotion to feel. One half of me missed the shit out of Free and wanted to be with her. I wanted to build the life that we had spoken about years ago. Then, the other half of me was so fucking angry with her. She took my kids away from me and I had missed years out of their lives. My kids didn’t know who I was. To them, though they knew I was their father, still I was a stranger to them.

  “Mom?” Our daughter came out the house. “You care to introduce us? Samaj told me already,” she stood there with her hands on her hips. It tripped me out because it was like I was staring at an older version of Rain.

  Free laughed and shook her head. She grabbed hold of my hand and pulled me over to the steps where our daughter stood. “Somali, this is your father; Gyson Davis.”

  “How you doi—” I was cut off when she flew into my arms and hugged me tightly. A nigga was a little tired of being so fucking emotional, but tears fell down my cheek. I had twins.

  “I’ve always wanted a dad. I promise you won’t regret being our father. We’re good kids,” she spoke into my stomach as she held onto me.

  Free looked away because I saw her getting emotional. “I’m sorry, give me a second,” she sniffled and walked into the house, leaving us in front of the house.

  Samaj stood near the door biting into an apple. “Yeah, they’re always emotional. Especially when Grey’s Anatomy comes on,” he bit into his apple like this was an normal afternoon for him.

  Somali finally let go and stood there looking at me. “Will we get to spend time with you? Spend the night at your house and stuff?” she asked.

  “Of course, I got y’all. You have to ask your mom first. We’ll be spending a lot of time together… for sure,” I told her, and she smiled and then hugged me.

  I expected them to hate me with all their small hearts. It was the reason I had put this off for so long. Plus, I was dealing with my own shit, but I couldn’t take losing Summer and having my kids hate me at the same time.

  “Good. You want to stay for dinner?” she asked.

  “I gotta handle something, but let me check on your mom and I can slide through when I’m down to kick it with you both… how that sound?”

  “I’m down,” Samaj replied trying to sound cool. This little boy had an old soul and I was tripping out looking at him. He reminded me so much of myself with Staten’s personality. “About that dirt bike though?”

  I chuckled as I walked into the house. “Me and your moms gotta talk about that.” Somali held my hand and walked me into Free’s room.

  “Thank you, Princess,” I thanked her, and she smiled so wide. “Why you smiling so hard?” Her beautiful smile was infectious. It made you want to smile just as wide as she was.

  “I always heard my friend’s dads called them that and I never had that,” she continued to smile as she turned and left out of the room.

  I found Free sniffling while sitting at her make-up vanity. She saw me standing in the doorway through her mirror. Turning around, she dabbed her eyes and sighed. “Seeing that made this all real to me. It made me see that I was selfish and trying to do what was best for me, instead of what was best for them,” she started crying again. “You missed out on your kids’ lives because I felt like I could raise them better away from you. I don’t see how you’re not so mad at me that you’re busting me in the fucking head.”

  I laughed. “I’m angry with you. You know how much Summer and Rain mean to me, so not knowing that I had a set of twins out there is tearing me apart. I thought about what I would say or do, but the love I have and always will have for you keeps overshadowing the hate that should be there. I should hate the shit out of you for the shit you did. You don’t hide a nigga’s kids from him. Even now when I should be the one breaking down, I feel for you.” Free was in full blown tears and dry heaving as she listened to me. “Come here.”

  She abandoned the chair and rushed into my arms and sobbed some more. “I never meant to hurt you. I promise I didn’t,” she continued.

  “Aye, stop all that crying. You too pretty to be crying with snot all over your face,” I held her chin up so she could stare directly in my eyes. “Promise me going forward that you won’t hide anything else from me. Keep it a hundred with me or don’t fuck with me. I already got niggas that want to see me fail, I don’t need to be questioning people that’s in my corner… feel me?”

  She batted those natural long lashes as she nodded her head at me. “Promise me something.”

  “What’s that?” I cocked my head to the side as I still held my hand on her chin.
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  “You won’t do something that will take you away from us or Rain… We need you, Gyson.”

  “C’mon on now, I can’t make promises like that. Just know if it’s my time, it’s my time. My kids will be set either way.”

  “What good is the money if you’re not here? I never realized it before, but they need you… I need you,” her voice cracked as she continued to stare at me. “If you love me like you say you do, you won’t move reckless.”

  I smirked. “For Valentine’s day that year in 2009, I was gonna propose to you,” I randomly informed her. The ring was sitting in a safety deposit box in my bank. I had picked the ring out and was ready to make her my wife. She had rode with me through everything so that valentine’s day I was going to stay true to my word.

  “You serious?”

  Nodding my head, I let go of her face. “Was gonna get down on my knees and ask you to be my wife… fucked me up bad when you left and didn’t say shit.”

  “Why didn’t you ask my mother or sisters about me? Hell, you have money, why didn’t you hire a private investigator to find me?” she wondered. You could tell it was a question she had asked herself for years. “You said you love me, why didn’t you fight for me?”

  “Ma, I’m not in the business of keeping someone that doesn’t want to be kept. When you dipped, you spoke volumes. If it was real, we would find our way back to each other.”

  Plenty of times I wanted to knock on her mom’s door and ask about Freedom. When I started getting money I could have found her easily, but what would that have proven? She left me with no explanation, so she didn’t want this anymore. I picked up the pieces of my shattered heart and moved on with hopes that she would find her way back to me again. Free was confused with what she wanted. She left without a trace and then asked why I never came looking for her. Why would I come looking for someone who wanted to get away?