***
Jagger jolted awake and was scrambling out of the bed before the second gunshot shattered the silence. Even as he processed that the sound was coming from a ways off and was likely the result of a rifle, concern filled him and he ran down the short hallway to Ren’s room. When he saw that the door was open, he knew in his gut that Ren wouldn’t be curled up in his corner on the thin sheet that was all that separated his body from the hard floor.
“Ren!” he called as he turned on the light and scanned the room. The room was indeed empty so he rushed to the kitchen, turning on lights as he went. His only solace was that the front door alarm hadn’t gone off so that meant Ren was still in the cabin. Another gunshot cracked through the air at the same moment that Jagger flipped on the living room lights. Both relief and concern went through him at the sight of Ren standing frozen in the middle of the room, his eyes closed. Another shot had Ren flinching before Jagger could reach him.
“Ren,” Jagger said softly as he closed his hands over Ren’s upper arms. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and his skin was chilled despite the warm air.
“I’m okay,” Ren managed to get out though his voice was strained. Jagger realized Ren was fighting to not lose himself to his panic and a surge of overwhelming pride went through Jagger.
“It’s probably just a hunter,” Jagger offered as he rubbed his hands up and down Ren’s biceps. Ren was still too thin but in the nearly three weeks they’d been holed up in the cabin, he’d managed to put on some weight and his strength and stamina were slowly returning. His pale skin had lost the sallow tint that had been evidence of the malnutrition that had ravaged his body and his face no longer had that sunken appearance that had made him look like a walking skeleton. “It’ll be over soon.”
Ren nodded at Jagger’s statement but didn’t open his eyes. He kept sucking in deep breaths as the minutes passed.
“At least it’s not the fourth again,” Ren finally said as his breathing evened out and Jagger felt the tension start to drain out of him.
Jagger chuckled. They’d known that the Fourth of July would be rough on Ren so both he and Declan had watched Ren together that day. Even high in the mountains, they’d still heard the remnants of fireworks and no amount of distraction had been able to prevent a few instances of panic on Ren’s part. But between the two of them, they’d managed to talk Ren down each time and by the time the end of the holiday weekend had rolled around, Ren had been so completely exhausted that he’d actually slept through the last few hours of the festivities. Declan and Jagger hadn’t fared much better in the sleep department and Jagger hadn’t even woken up when Declan left the following morning.
“You okay?” Jagger asked as Ren finally opened his eyes. He tried to ignore the punch of lust that went through him but his traitorous body hardened as Ren’s tongue darted out of his mouth to briefly run over his lower lip before disappearing again.
“Yeah,” Ren said.
Let him go. Jagger’s brain was screaming the command at him but his hands refused to obey and his grip on Ren’s arms actually tightened. Warning bells went off in his head as he realized he was crossing a line he’d been trying to avoid for a while now but his body didn’t give a shit. It knew what it wanted and it didn’t care that Ren was vulnerable. It didn’t care that any confusion Ren was facing regarding his sexuality had nothing to do with Jagger and everything to do with Declan. And it didn’t care that there was another man it wanted just as much as the one standing before him.
“Jagger?” Ren whispered.
If he’d heard only confusion in the way Ren said his name, Jagger would have been able to drop his hands and step away from Ren but the thread of desire as his name slipped from Ren’s lips had Jagger pulling him closer. A shred of sanity managed to push its way to the forefront of his brain but before he could even consider it, Ren’s head lifted and the last couple of inches of space that separated them fell away and warm, soft lips coasted tentatively over his for just an instant before covering his mouth completely.
Jagger groaned as a hot, wet tongue met his and he didn’t even realize he’d wrapped his arms around Ren’s body until he felt the heated skin of Ren’s back rippling beneath his fingers. Ren’s hard chest brushing his nearly stole Jagger’s breath as their tongues dueled but when a stiff cock brushed against his, Jagger lost it and plunged his tongue deep into Ren’s mouth. His whole body shook as long fingers skimmed over his scalp and settled at the back of his head as if to keep him from pulling away. But he had no intention of going anywhere as Ren returned his kiss with fervor.
***
Ren’s entire body drew tight as Jagger’s mouth explored his and when he was finally forced to come up for air, Jagger’s lips dragged across his jawline and then skimmed down his throat. Every soft kiss was punctuated with a sensuous lick and when teeth closed gently over the place where his neck met his shoulder, Ren was sure he would come in his pants. His fingers dug into Jagger’s skin as he desperately tried to hold on to some shred of control but the hot flesh flexing in his grasp only made the fire inside of him burn hotter. And then that talented mouth was back on his.
Ren didn’t recognize the ragged moan that fell from his own lips or the desperation that swept through him as he skimmed his hands down Jagger’s wide back, each muscle rippling in response to his touch.
“Ren,” Jagger breathed against his lips. Lust surged through Ren at how breathless Jagger sounded but when Jagger’s hands closed over his ass, Ren froze as a tremor of unease went through him. Before he could work through it, Jagger’s hands were shifting up and closing over his hips and pushing him back. Regret washed through him as Jagger’s mouth pulled free of his.
“Jagger,” he started to say.
“It’s okay,” Jagger interjected. “Go back to bed, Ren.”
That was the last thing Ren wanted but he could tell just by looking at Jagger’s hooded gaze that the other man was withdrawing emotionally as well as physically from what had just happened. Confusion swamped Ren as he nodded and quickly brushed past Jagger. His whole body was wound up as he hurried into his room and shut the door. But he bypassed his makeshift bed on the floor and went into the bathroom. He had the shower going within seconds and eased his sweats over his turgid cock where it lay pressed against his abdomen. His need had him climbing into the shower stall before the water was even lukewarm and his hand began jerking up and down his dick relentlessly. It took just minutes for his balls to draw up tight against his body and with the sound of Jagger’s voice whispering his name, Ren came hard and fast.
Panting heavily, Ren kept stroking his cock as he leaned his head against his arm. The amazing beauty of his first kiss with another man was tempered by the fact that he’d fucked it up by freaking out when he’d felt Jagger’s touch on his ass. It hadn’t been that he didn’t want the contact – it’d just been such a foreign sensation that he’d been caught off guard by it – or what it meant, rather.
Ren released his dick and turned around so his back was pressed against the smooth tiles. He’d been so caught up in trying to stave off an episode after hearing the gunshots that he hadn’t even noticed Jagger was touching him at first. And when he finally had, whatever fear that had remained had disappeared and was replaced with a raw, aching need. The same need he’d been plagued with since the day he and Jagger had sparred and then gone swimming. It was exactly the same as what he’d felt around Declan too after the other man had shared his heartbreak over the loss of his sister.
Letting his body slide down to the floor, Ren closed his eyes and let the water pelt his face. While he knew there was nothing wrong with being attracted to another man – or in his case, two – he wasn’t sure what to make of it since he’d only ever been attracted to women. Though, if he were being honest, there had been one man in his life who’d stirred something deep within him that he’d been unwilling to examine. But comparing what he’d felt for that man to the all-consuming need that Declan and Jagger brought ou
t in him was like comparing the flame on a match to the inferno of a bonfire. And no matter what angle he looked at it from, in all likelihood, he was going to end up getting burned.
***
Declan put his car in park but couldn’t find the energy to get out. Between the extended hours at work and the long drive back and forth to the cabin, Declan was definitely starting to feel the strain. Add in the fact that every day he kept Ren’s location a secret from his brothers was another day he continued to lie to the only family he had left, as well as the never ending lust that wracked his body, and he was nearing his breaking point. He’d briefly considered reaching out to Zane earlier today but something he didn’t want to think too much about kept him from making the call. Not that Zane would necessarily even be willing to meet him since their last interlude hadn’t exactly ended on the best note.
A knock on his window had Declan turning to see that Jagger was waiting for him. They hadn’t spoken since the day Declan had told Jagger about Rafe beyond a few necessary words to coordinate their schedules and give updates on Ren to one another. The man looked as shitty as Declan felt.
“Bad night?” Declan asked as he climbed out of the car.
“I’ve got a job so I’m not sure when I can get back,” was all Jagger said as he turned and began walking to his car.
“No problem,” Declan said as he followed, his eyes taking in the tension that was rolling off of Jagger in waves. “I’ve got a lot of vacation time saved up. I’ll tell my Captain I have a family emergency.”
Jagger opened the door to the backseat of his car and tossed his bag in. He had yet to look at Declan and that fact bothered Declan more than it should. “You okay?” he asked.
“There was a hunter in the area last night. Ren did great – he kept it together on his own.”
Something in the man’s voice was wrong and when he opened the car door to get behind the wheel, Declan stepped forward and slammed it shut before he could get in.
“What’s going on with you?” Declan asked softly.
“I’ll text you when the job’s done and I’m on the way back.”
It wasn’t the wisest thing to do but Declan grabbed Jagger’s arm. “Talk to me.”
“Talk to you?” Jagger said with a harsh laugh. “Now you want to talk?”
Declan didn’t really have a response to that so he kept his mouth shut.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Jagger muttered as he tried to open the door once more.
An irrational fear went through Declan that whatever was driving Jagger to leave like this would be the same thing that kept him from coming back. “I don’t know if I can do this without you.”
That got Jagger’s attention and his steely eyes met Declan’s.
Declan fidgeted as the truth of his own words sank in. “He needs you…I need you,” Declan whispered. He forced his eyes to stay on Jagger even though his nerves had him wanting to drop his gaze. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d admitted such vulnerability to anyone, let alone a man he couldn’t deny his attraction to.
“I don’t get you, Declan,” Jagger finally said.
“If it makes you feel any better, sometimes I don’t get me either,” Declan admitted. “Drive safe,” he added as he reluctantly turned and headed back to his car to get his stuff.
“Declan.”
Declan forced himself to turn around and tried to mentally prepare himself for whatever Jagger was going to say.
“I’ll see you soon,” Jagger said. And then he was getting in his car and driving away leaving Declan in his wake.
***
Ren bit back the combination of disappointment and desire that went through him at the sight of Declan reaching into the cabinet to pull out a couple of coffee mugs. Disappointment because Declan’s presence meant Jagger was gone and had left without even saying goodbye and desire because Declan’s jeans were drawn tight over his ass. Declan hadn’t noticed him yet so Ren took his time studying Declan’s muscular build and the way his clothes lovingly hugged his body. Biceps bulged beneath a gray T-shirt that clung to Declan’s broad chest and he had a heavy gold watch on his right wrist which meant he was likely left-handed. His thick, caramel streaked blonde hair had just the tiniest bit of curl near the nape of his neck and Ren couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like if he ran his fingers through it.
“Morning. Coffee?”
Ren jerked out of his daze and hoped like hell Declan hadn’t noticed him staring.
“Please,” Ren said as he went to the refrigerator and pulled out the milk.
“Jagger told me what happened last night - he said you did great.”
Ren nearly dropped the milk at Declan’s words but then he realized Declan was talking about the gunshots.
“I did okay, I guess,” he said as he placed the milk on the counter and reached for the mug Declan had filled for him.
“I’m really proud of you, Ren,” Declan murmured just before he took a sip of his coffee. Ren nearly moaned at the sight of his lips caressing the mug.
“Thanks,” Ren managed to say. “So Jagger left?”
“Yeah, he had a job. Not sure when he’ll be back.”
Ren managed to pour some milk into his coffee but had to force the bitter brew down since it suddenly tasted like sawdust in his mouth. So Jagger hadn’t even stayed long enough for them to talk about what had happened last night. Maybe he’d lost interest after Ren’s momentary freak out. Maybe he’d never really even been interested.
“Any idea what you want to do today?” Declan asked.
Ren lifted his eyes to meet Declan’s and another flash of lust went through him. He wondered what would happen if he reached out and took the mug from Declan’s broad fingers and then dragged him down for a kiss. Would his lips be as firm as Jagger’s? Would his hands electrify Ren’s skin wherever he touched it? Would he moan Ren’s name against his lips like Jagger had? He highly suspected the answer to all three questions would be yes.
What the hell was wrong with him? It was unlikely that Declan was even gay. Hell, was he even gay himself? Or bi? Growing up, he’d had his fair share of girlfriends and he’d been attracted to Geri from the first time he’d met her. He’d always thought the sex was pretty good but the few stolen moments with Jagger last night had made him harder than he’d ever been and jerking off in the shower with an image of Jagger had made him come so hard that he’d been unable to remain standing afterwards. And he’d never obsessed over a woman the way he did with Jagger and Declan.
“Ren?”
“Sorry, what?” he asked as he struggled to remember what he and Declan had been talking about.
“I asked if there was something in particular you wanted to do today.”
“Right,” Ren said. His whole body itched and felt restless and he knew he wouldn’t be able to sit still long enough next to Declan to do any fishing. And he sure as hell didn’t want to go hiking and watch Declan strip off his shirt as he was often inclined to do as the sun’s rays beat mercilessly down on them.
“Can we go somewhere?” he finally asked.
Declan looked at him with concern but finally nodded. “Sure. Did you have a place in mind?”
“Town.” His response surprised even himself since the whole point of coming up here had been to get away from people.
“You sure?” Declan asked worriedly.
Ren nodded. “I need this, Declan.”
Declan swallowed the rest of his coffee down and put his mug into the sink. “Let’s go.”
***
Declan leaned back against the seat as the GTO’s engine rumbled as he let the car roll to a stop at the last light on the way out of town. It was the first time Ren had let him drive the car though he suspected that stemmed more from the fact that driving seemed to relax Ren in a way that nothing else could. And with the stress he’d put himself through this past week, Ren had needed to take advantage of anything that would help him remain in control. But today it
seemed like everything had caught up with Ren and he’d handed the keys to Declan with a tired smile. And within minutes of Declan putting the car in gear, Ren had fallen asleep.
Declan glanced over at the young man whose head lolled to the side. Warmth spread through Declan at how at peace Ren looked and Declan had to resist the urge to reach out and run his fingers across his cheek. Since the day Jagger had left, they’d been following the same routine of driving into the small town at the base of the mountain but Ren had pushed himself a little more every day. The first day had just been parking the car near the small harbor and sitting there while Ren tried to process the noise and commotion as cars and tourists accessed the marina. After that, they’d driven to the coast and walked along the beach before hiking to a small bluff that overlooked a lighthouse at the entryway to the Strait of Juan de Fuca, a waterway that led from the Pacific Ocean to the San Juan Islands.
Day two had been a repeat of day one but by day three Ren had insisted on getting out and walking around the harbor. He’d tensed up as people walked towards them and had always looked over his shoulder as they passed but he hadn’t had any episodes. Day four had been walking around the town itself but the sound of a car backfiring had almost destroyed the progress Ren had made. Declan had managed to talk him down before his anxiety caused him to react violently to the people that moved past them, completely unaware of the danger they were potentially in. And today…today had been a fucking miracle because Ren had insisted that they sit in a restaurant and eat a meal. The sound of several dishes crashing to the floor as two wait staff collided had put Ren on edge momentarily, but then he’d smiled at Declan and said he was okay before Declan could even ask. They’d still walked along the beach but Ren had been so relaxed that Declan had actually felt tears sting his eyes. Because for the first time since this nightmare had started, Declan saw a glimpse of the old Ren. The Ren that smiled for no reason. The one whose eyes shone with pleasure because of something as simple as a beachgoer’s friendly dog coming up to say hi.
Saving Ren (Barretti Security Series, Book 3) Page 9
