“She said something about being prisoner the night I…”
A flush of shame crossed Ren’s features and Declan guessed what he’d been about to say. The night Ren had attacked her. Declan remembered the phone call he’d received from Dom that night telling him that Ren was on the run and armed. The thought that Ren would have attacked an innocent woman was beyond comprehension for Declan but it had just been further proof that the damage to Ren’s psyche was extreme and beyond his control.
“Your brother didn’t tell you how he met her?”
“He may have,” Ren said quietly. “I don’t remember,” he admitted
“Mia’s father was a rapist and serial killer. He murdered 13 women after he raped Logan’s younger sister.”
Ren lowered his fork and Declan knew he had his complete attention.
“About a year ago he found out Logan’s sister, Savannah, had returned to the state after finishing school in the Midwest. He tried to abduct her and shot Logan in the process. We thought Hamilton had died in the fire that he’d set in Logan’s bar but he’d managed to escape and kidnapped a couple of Dom and Logan’s friends last January. He was about to kill them when Mia beat him to death with a pipe. Turned out he’d been holding her prisoner for two years.”
Declan pushed his plate away and took a long swallow of his soda as he studied Ren. The young man was clearly trying to process what he was hearing.
“There were marks on her neck,” Ren said.
“Her father put shock collars on the women he abducted. Mia too. It was linked to an underground fence but had been modified with a small charge that would detonate if the person wearing the collar passed over the perimeter of the fence. The man you shot, Owen Pritchett, was Hamilton’s accomplice. He modified Mia’s collar so the charge wouldn’t go off because Hamilton had promised her to Pritchett in exchange for services rendered.”
Ren suddenly pushed back his chair and moved to the kitchen. His hands gripped the kitchen counter hard as he leaned against it, his eyes boring into the laminate countertop.
“Go on,” Ren said though he didn’t look up. When Declan didn’t immediately continue, Ren did look up and said, “I’m okay, Declan. I need to hear this.”
Declan watched him closely for another long moment and was satisfied when Ren didn’t drop his gaze again. “Mia managed to escape her room but she didn’t have a way to get the collar off. But it didn’t matter because her father had told her if the collar was removed it would go off. She didn’t know Pritchett had disabled the charge when she chose to cross the fence,” Declan said slowly and waited for his statement to register.
Ren’s eyes slid closed. “She wanted to die.”
“After she killed her father she was hospitalized. She refused to eat or drink so they ended up institutionalizing her. A reporter got into the psych ward and took her picture so Dom decided to hide her at Vin’s house since he was out of the country searching for you.”
Ren straightened and walked the length of the kitchen and combed his hands through his hair. His back remained to Declan when he whispered, “I didn’t mean to hurt her.”
“You didn’t, Ren. Yes, you scared her but you didn’t hurt her.”
“I wanted to protect him.”
“Vin?” Declan asked.
Ren nodded. “He was always the one watching out for us but no one ever watched out for him. When I saw her there, in his house…I thought she was going to do what all the other women did to him.”
Declan knew he was treading on shaky ground so he carefully said, “Was it just about protecting him, Ren?” When Ren tensed, Declan knew his instinct had been right. “Who was she?”
Ren remained quiet for so long that Declan figured he wasn’t going to get a response.
“She was an aid worker. Her name was Geraldine. Geri. She was sweet, pretty. Everything else over there was so ugly and cruel. She was refreshing to be around.” A good two minutes passed before Ren continued but Declan just waited.
“I thought I was in love with her. The group she worked for did a lot of their relief work in some of the hardest hit areas and I was always afraid for her. A year ago my team was tasked with escorting some tactical weapons - high value cargo. Even though our route wouldn’t be decided until the day of transit, I knew the chances were good that her group would be working in one of the villages nearby.”
“You warned her,” Declan said softly.
“I didn’t give her specifics. I just told her to tell her superiors to pick a different place to work that day. About a week after the ambush I was being moved to a different location. When I saw her with them I thought she’d been taken prisoner too.”
“She wasn’t,” Declan observed.
Ren shook his head. “My Pashto wasn’t the greatest but I understood enough to realize she was making a deal for the weapons we’d been moving. When she saw me she started yelling that no one was supposed to have been left alive. They shot her in the head before she even finished her sentence.”
“You were trying to protect her, Ren. It’s understandable.”
The harsh, ugly laugh that erupted from Ren’s throat made Declan cringe.
“I sold out 20 good men for a pretty face and a nice ass.”
Declan was out of his chair before he could think better of it and he was turning Ren around to face him before he even realized what he was doing. “You trusted her,” Declan said.
“Exactly,” Ren snapped. “And look where that got me.”
Ren’s bitterness was so profound that Declan released his hold on him when Ren tried to pull free of him.
“Ren,” he said as Ren brushed past him.
“Leave me alone, Declan. Just leave me alone.”
But Declan grabbed his arm before he could escape. “I can’t,” he said quietly. When Ren began struggling against him, Declan gently forced him back against the counter and used his body to keep him from escaping. As slight as Ren still was, Declan knew the man had the skills to disable him if he really wanted to so Declan quickly reached into his pocket.
“Let’s go for a drive,” he said as he opened his hand so Ren could see the contents. Blue eyes lifted to meet his and when Ren nodded, Declan felt a surge of relief go through him and he carefully opened Ren’s hand and placed the fuses for his GTO in them.
Chapter 5
“Mom, you home?” Jagger called as he stepped into the small house. He knew the answer before his mother spoke because the scent of cinnamon hit him just as he was closing the door.
“In here,” came the response but Jagger was already on his way to the kitchen. All the excitement at seeing his mother had fled when he’d smelled that sickening spice and it came as no surprise when he saw his mother hovering over a three layer cake covered in streusel. She was carefully drizzling the thick, white icing in precise lines along the top of the cake and didn’t look up until the last drop fell into place.
“Hi baby,” she said as she came around the counter to where he stood in the doorframe.
“Hi,” he said softly as he leaned down to kiss the top of her head as her arms wrapped around his waist. Even towering over her petite, 5 foot frame, Jagger never felt more like a kid then when she hugged him and called him ‘baby.’
“Can I fix you something to eat?” she asked as she rubbed a flour covered thumb over his unmarred cheek. Just once he wished she’d touch the scarred one the same way. Not because he actually needed her touch but because he wanted her to stop pretending like the jagged, raised flesh wasn’t there.
“No,” he answered and she quickly released him to return to her cake. Jagger wasn’t surprised to see her carefully carry it to the refrigerator and put it inside. He liked his coffee cake to be slightly chilled, not room temperature.
His mother finally seemed to relax and a bright smile covered her face as she began untying her apron. Her dark brown hair was fashioned into a simple twist at the nape of her neck and bits of flour clung to the few strands that had es
caped. Brown eyes darted between him and the dirty counter and he could see the indecision in her gaze. She was clearly on a timetable but didn’t want to disregard his presence. Jagger decided the course of action for her and began collecting some of the dishes she’d used to make the cake and dumped them in the sink. When he began washing them, he felt his mother’s small hand brush over his back. The small gesture of appreciation took the sting out of knowing his mother was having company tonight.
“Where have you been this week?” she asked as she began drying the dishes he placed on the counter next to sink.
“Work stuff,” he answered. He didn’t really like lying to his mother but he sure as hell couldn’t tell her he’d been holed up for the better part of a week in a remote cabin in the mountains with a man who’d nearly taken his life with one almost perfectly aimed bullet.
“Did you make any new friends?”
Jagger bit back a laugh at the odd question. To his mother he was still the scrawny little boy who had had trouble connecting with others in class. He’d never had the heart to tell her that the kinds of kids she’d always hoped he’d befriend in school were the same kids who had tortured him with endless taunts about how stupid he was. Well, until he’d turned twelve and towered over all of them anyway. After that, one hard punch to the ringleader’s upturned nose was all it had taken to make sure the shit the kids said about him was done behind his back and not to his face.
“A couple,” he answered and cursed the image of Ren and Declan arguing heartily over the fate of the fish that hung from the end of Ren’s pole. The look on Declan’s face when the huge fish had been dropped back into the water had been priceless.
“And how’s Connor?”
“Good,” he answered simply.
“That poor boy,” she whispered and he wasn’t surprised to see her make the sign of the cross against her chest. “I will pray for him,” she said softly.
He wanted to tell her that if God had been listening to any of her prayers, Connor sure as shit wouldn’t have ended up with an asshat like Jason Sutter. Nor would he be struggling with the after effects of a war that had nearly destroyed him.
Jagger finished the last of the dishes and watched his mother carefully dry each and every one. Her eyes shifted to the clock above the stove and her hand came up to push a stray hair behind her ear.
“What time is he getting here?” Jagger finally asked.
His mother kept her eyes downcast when she said, “Half an hour.”
Jagger knew she wanted all of that time to make sure she looked her best. It was on the tip of his tongue to say that after twenty years the fucker shouldn’t care that she had a few hairs out of place or a couple of wrinkles in her dress. But he didn’t because it wouldn’t matter. It never mattered. His mother was in love and Jagger was smart enough not to ask her to choose between the son who thought she deserved better and the man who kept her hidden in the shadows. Because he already knew what her answer would be.
“I’m going to be out of town on and off over the next couple of weeks so if you need anything and can’t reach me, call Connor, okay?”
“Okay, baby,” she said softly. “Stay safe.”
“Love you,” he said as he leaned down to brush another kiss over her head. He didn’t look back as he left the house because that would just make him want to stay and try to talk some sense into her. But between the fucking cinnamon and the look of anticipation in his mother’s flushed expression, he knew nothing he said would change anything and he just needed to get the hell out of there.
***
“What’s going on between you and Declan?” Ren asked as he took a swing at Jagger. Even though his question had clearly caught Jagger off guard if the surprised look on his face was anything to go by, Jagger still managed to deflect the punch. It had been Jagger’s idea to do some boxing, sans boxing gloves, after their normal hike had failed to ease the tension in Ren’s system.
“Nothing,” Jagger responded as he landed a blow to Ren’s stomach. If they hadn’t been training, Ren knew the strike would have taken him to his knees.
“It’s like you guys can’t stand to be around each other,” Ren said as he took a few steps back and used the hem of his T-shirt to wipe his brow. Jagger went to the porch and grabbed their bottles of water and handed one to him.
“I guess we just don’t have a lot to talk about.”
“Besides me, you mean?” Ren said before he took a long swallow of the icy water. Although the mountains were typically cool this time of year, a heat wave had struck the region and even at the higher altitude they were feeling it.
“Yeah,” Jagger said.
Jagger had returned the day before yesterday but his mood hadn’t seemed to have improved in the time he’d been gone. In fact, he’d been even quieter than usual. And his interaction with Declan as they’d exchanged a few words outside of the cabin before Declan left was nothing less than ice-cold. Ren hadn’t been able to make out any of the words from his spot on the porch but the whole conversation had taken less than a minute and then Declan’s car was disappearing down the dirt road that led down the mountain.
“You want to tell me what your nightmare was about last night?” Jagger asked as he put his water back down and raised his arms in a defensive stance.
Ren sighed and got rid of his water, then dragged his shirt off over his head. It was becoming far too routine that his questions went unanswered but Declan and Jagger had no issue with wringing out every one of his thoughts and feelings whenever they could.
“If I say no?” Ren asked as he took a jab at Jagger’s mid-section.
“You say no and we do three miles tomorrow.”
“You know, some day I’m going to get my full strength back and you won’t be able to pull all your he-man shit on me,” Ren said sourly. He’d like to think his foul mood had to do with the terrible images that had ripped him from sleep at three this morning but the fact was that there’d been other things bothering him long before he’d drifted off.
“Understood,” Jagger responded. “Talk.”
“Well, Dr.,” Ren said as he sidestepped Jagger’s next swipe. “I was in this airplane and it started to go down-”
Ren’s words died in his throat when Jagger suddenly grabbed his arm and yanked him forward several steps.
“Bullshit,” Jagger said, his eyes completely serious. “The truth,” he ordered.
The anxiety that went through Ren at the feel of Jagger’s fingers pressing into his skin had absolutely nothing to do with being afraid and everything to do with something else. Something he’d been trying to deny since the day Declan and Jagger had stormed into his life.
Since for whatever reason Jagger could read him like a book, Ren opted for the truth. “I was trying to climb out of my hole. It was hard because my hands were covered in blood.”
“Did you make it to the top?” Jagger asked.
Ren nodded but shame coursed through him and he closed his eyes. No way could he be looking at Jagger when he admitted what he’d done. It didn’t fucking matter that it was a dream. “You and Declan were there. I reached for you but you both fell. You grabbed on to me as you went over but I couldn’t hold you and the edge too so I…”
“You let us go,” Jagger finished for him.
“You were both screaming my name as you fell,” Ren whispered. Disgust coursed through him and he tried to pull his arm free of Jagger’s grip.
“That’s it?” Jagger asked.
Ren could only manage to nod his head.
“Look at me,” Jagger said. Ren tried to keep his eyes closed but when Jagger repeated the words they popped open of their own accord.
“That is fucking horseshit,” Jagger declared.
“I’m telling you the truth.”
“I know that,” Jagger said. “The problem I have is that you’re actually even giving it a second thought.”
“I did some stuff over there,” Ren started to say but Jagger cut him of
f.
“What you did was survive. A year, Ren. A whole year in that Godforsaken place. I can count on one hand the number of men I know who could live through what you did.”
Ren yanked his arm free. “Don’t put me on some God damn pedestal, Jagger. I wished for death…prayed for it.”
“Yet you’re still here,” Jagger said as he straightened and crossed his arms.
Fury went through Ren. “Yeah, I’m still here! For what? To hurt the people who love me most? To put them and everyone I come into contact with at risk?”
“If that’s all you can see then it’ll be like you never got out of that hole,” Jagger said quietly.
“Maybe it would have been better if I hadn’t,” Ren finally admitted, though the words sounded wrong even as he said them out loud.
“Tell that to Vin,” Jagger responded. “And not just because it would have cost him a brother, but the woman he loves too.”
“Mia-” Ren began to say.
“Would have been in that parking lot that day no matter what. She’s alive because of you. It doesn’t matter why you were there – what matters is you stepped up. So don’t bother feeding me any more bullshit about people being better off if you weren’t around. And if you truly wanted to die you would have done it the moment you got your hands on Vin’s gun. Now either take a fucking swing at me or start heading for the lake because I’m hot as hell and we’re either going to fight or swim. Your choice.”
Ren couldn’t understand the lightness that suddenly went through him but maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe Jagger was just telling him something he’d been trying to tell himself since the day he opened his eyes and saw his brother leaning over him. He’d been too afraid to hope that day or even in the days that followed but maybe that’s what the feeling inside his chest was. Maybe there was a way to live with the past but not in it. To forgive himself for the things he’d done even if he could never forget them. And if he could do those things it meant he had a future…it meant he could someday go home. The idea was too overwhelming so Ren did the only thing that made sense. He turned and began walking towards the lake.
Saving Ren (Barretti Security Series, Book 3) Page 8
