by Nicola Haken
“How’d it go?” I asked immediately, slipping straight into Dexter’s arms but looking at Chris.
“Fine, I think,” Chris answered. “It was long and boring as hell but it didn’t hurt or anything.”
“And how do you feel now?”
“Sick. Exhausted. Weak.”
“Oh, Chris,” I sighed, pulling away from Dexter to give my brother a hug. “How long will it last? Feeling so crappy I mean.”
“I’m not sure. I have a leaflet. I might go lie down and read it.”
“Do you need anything? I could make you some dinner?”
“Ugh,” he groaned. “Not right now. Thanks though.”
After tightening his grip around me and giving me one final squeeze, Chris pulled away and went straight up to bed.
Cancer is a bastard.
**********
“You ready for bed, doll?” Dexter asked when I let out an impressive yawn. “I love the way you yawn – the way your little button nose scrunches up.”
“Yeah. I’m exhausted.” It was only 7 PM but I’d been through so much emotionally the last few days I wasn’t surprised it was catching up to me.
We hadn’t heard from Chris again and by the time we reached the top of the stairs we heard a loud snore coming from his room. All the rubbish in his system must’ve wiped him out and I found myself hoping this wouldn’t be his life for the next few months. Surely he will have better days or what’s the point?
Dexter undressed and climbed into bed under the covers while I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I came back I reached into my pyjama drawer but Dexter stopped me by saying my name.
“Don’t wear anything to bed, doll. We don’t have to do anything. I just want to hold you. Feel your skin against mine.”
His words warmed my chest, and so I slinked out of my underwear and joined him under the covers. He lay on his back with one arm stretched out so I could snuggle into his firm chest. I rested my hand along the groove of his hips and inhaled the scent of him. It’s weird how people have their own smell… and nothing on this earth smells as good as Dexter.
“How’re you holding up?” he asked me, tracing small circles on my back with his thumb. “I need you to talk to me, doll. Be honest with me.”
“I don’t know,” I admitted honestly. “All I know is that it hurts. All the time. And I can’t see how it’s ever going to get better.”
“Time. That’s all I’ve got to offer you. Because in all honesty, I don’t know how it’s gonna get better either.”
I snuggled in a little closer, my skin igniting wherever it touched his. I’d missed this. I’d missed him. Instinctively my fingers wandered along the groove of his hip, following its path downwards until I reached between his legs. I wrapped my fingers around his soft length, unable to suppress a smile when I felt it grow against my hand.
“Jesus, Emily…” he breathed, pushing his hips up against me.
“I’ve missed you,” I said before leaning forward to kiss his taut stomach. I started stroking him as I trailed soft kisses along his muscles and he pushed his erection further into my hand, groaning as he did so.
“Come here,” he whispered, urging me up to his face. Slipping my hand free from under the covers, I crawled up on my knees and pressed my lips to his. The feel of his tongue dancing with mine was enough to make me moan into his mouth. I wanted him. I needed him.
I wound my fingers into his messy brown hair, holding his face to mine as I kissed him with every ounce of passion my body held. Unexpectedly, he ran one finger up the inside of my thigh and when he reached the apex, I gasped.
“You’re so wet. So ready for me.” I’d never have the courage to talk like that, but whenever Dexter did it made my belly ache and the muscles between my legs clench. “You’re so beautiful, Emily. So fucking perfect.”
He started to kiss me again and, never taking his lips from mine, he rolled me onto my back. He took a moment, propped up on his elbow, to just stare at me. My skin heated in the wake of his eyes as he scanned them up and down my exposed body. Then he laid a flattened palm on my breast, massaging it gently before trailing down the centre of my body until it cupped my sex. I arched against his hand, desperate to feel his touch. As I did, he leaned over my body and clamped his soft, moist lips around my nipple, drawing it into his mouth and sucking it into a stiff peak.
“God, Dexter…” I whispered, closing my eyes and biting my bottom lip when he slipped one finger inside me.
“Open your eyes, doll,” he ordered. “Look at me. Stay with me.”
I did as he asked, fluttering my eyes open and locking my gaze on his. He stared intently into my eyes as he drove another finger into me, waiting for my reaction. My body tensed and I chewed on my lip so hard it became painful.
“You like that?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at me. “You like feeling my fingers inside you?”
“Y-yes,” I moaned breathlessly as he strummed his skilled fingers along my front wall, hitting my g-spot and making me want to scream.
“Shh, doll. You need to stay quiet.” God, that was becoming impossible. I turned my face towards the pillow, praying it would mask my moans. His fingers were relentless, thrusting deeply in and out over and over again.
“Look at me,” he ordered again, his words forcing my face away from the pillow. “Tell me what you want.”
“You. I want you. Inside me.”
“I am inside you, doll. You’ll have to be more specific.”
“Not your fingers.” He ripped them out of me instantly and positioned himself above me, resting his forearms on either side of my head.
“You mean my cock? You want my cock inside of you?” he asked, his voice dripping with pleasure and dominance.
“Yes.”
“I thought as much. Your pussy is begging for me,” he whispered against my jaw. “See?” he added, bringing his fingers up to my mouth. “Taste how ready you are for me, Emily.”
Oh. My. God. Was he really asking me to do that? When his moist finger brushed my lower lip, I realised yes, yes he was. My tongue darted out of its own accord and swept just once over the length of his finger. Hmmm. Sweet… maybe a little salty. Definitely horny as hell. If I hadn’t have been so turned on I’m sure I would’ve been embarrassed with the idea of tasting my own arousal.
“Fuck, that was hot,” he practically growled, his denim-blue eyes sparkling with need. “I can’t wait any longer,” he said, thrusting deep inside me without warning and making my breath catch.
“Oh my God.”
“So tight. Always so fucking tight.”
My head rolled backwards and my nails clawed into the firm muscles hugging his shoulders.
“Emily, look at me!” My eyes snapped open and his gaze bored into mine. I hadn’t even realised I’d closed them. “I need you with me. I need to be able to look into your eyes when you tighten around me. Don’t leave again. Stay right here with me.”
Nodding weakly, I raised my hips and wrapped my legs around his waist, resting them on his thrusting hips and locking my ankles together behind his back. I gasped in surprise, and maybe disappointment when he took hold of my thighs and prized my legs off him.
“I need to go deeper,” he said, hitching himself up on his knees and lifting my legs so they draped over his shoulders. “Fuck, yes,” he breathed, gripping my thighs and driving back into me with so much force my head knocked into the headboard.
This position was perfect. He hit a spot I didn’t even know existed, over and over again as he worked himself fast inside me. My hips rose, meeting his thrusts and I felt my orgasm begin to spiral deep in my belly.
“You’re close,” he noted. “I can feel you gripping me tighter.”
“Yes,” I whimpered, hooking my arms around his waist and trying to pull him impossibly deeper.
“Let go, doll. Come. Let me feel you.”
“Dexter…oh…God…Dexter…”
“I’m right there with you. Come on, Em
ily. Do it for me. Let yourself go.”
The tingles in my belly spread downwards between my thighs, intensifying with each rock of Dexter’s hips. The pressure of his fingers digging into my thighs became harder and when he slammed into me again I lost all control. My entire body quivered, my legs trembling under his fingers and I called out his name as an intense, throbbing, all consuming orgasm ripped through my body.
“Perfect,” he growled. “Fucking. Beautiful.” He pumped into me once and then twice more before his own body juddered to a stop and he poured his release into my body. “I love you, Emily,” he breathed roughly, lowering my thighs and dropping down on top of my body. “Don’t ever forget.”
**********
When I woke up my body was a tangled mess. I had one leg twisted in the sheet and the other draped over Dexter’s thighs while my hand was resting on…
Oh…
“Mornin’,” he greeted with a devilish smirk, looking down at my hand unintentionally cradling his erection. I lifted it away and laid my palm flat on his stomach. “Don’t stop on my account. Percy’s been kind of enjoying you feeling him up for the last twenty minutes or so.”
“I think Percy got enough attention last night,” I countered. “Three rounds of attention if I remember rightly.”
“There’s no such thing as too much attention when you’re involved, doll.”
Eeep! My heart did a little fluttery thing. Damn he’s good at making it do that.
I curled back into his chest, knowing we would have to get up soon to open the garage. However, my cheek had barely touched Dexter’s chest when the sound of Chris being violently sick travelled through the air. I sat up abruptly, wondering what I should do.
“How can I help him?” I asked no one in particular, staring up at the ceiling.
“We’ll give him a few minutes to get himself together, then one of us can go check on him.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, nodding my head. I stood from the bed and grabbed my dressing gown off the back of the door. I couldn’t get dressed until I’d showered. I stank of sweat, sex and morning breath. Once I’d wrapped myself in my gown I headed back to the bed and perched on the end while I waited for the sounds coming from the bathroom to calm.
“Did the hospital say how long he would be sick for?”
“No. They said it affects everyone differently, but they gave him some pills to ease the symptoms.”
“Well either they’re not working or he hasn’t taken them yet.”
Sounds of retching and spluttering continued to swamp the air for what felt like hours, though it was really only ten minutes. Once it appeared Chris had finally stopped being sick, the sound of the toilet flushing followed and then I heard the spray of shower water slapping against the bath.
When I heard his footsteps retreat to his room a few minutes later, I quickly took a shower myself – washing, drying and dressing quickly so I wouldn’t hold up the bathroom in case he needed it again. The bedroom was empty when I returned, and a then a quick glance in Chris’ room proved that to be abandoned too.
With a furrowed brow I made my way downstairs. The sound of Chris and Dexter chatting flowed into my ears before I’d even reached the bottom step. I found them in the living room, talking over coffee.
“There’s one right here for you,” Dexter said, nodding towards the steaming mug on the table. “Come sit down.” He patted the seat next to him but my eyes couldn’t seem to focus on his hand, too busy staring at his naked chest. He was wearing only jogging pants and a delicious smile. I wonder if my insides will ever stop melting at the sight of him? I hope not.
“I’m gonna throw on a shirt and take a run before I shower,” he announced as I sat beside him, brushing my knee against his intentionally. “I need to get back in the routine.” I could barely remember the last time Dexter went for a run, yet when I first met him he would go every morning without fail. An unconscious smile spread across my lips as I remembered the day he took me running. I ached for days afterwards and I can’t see me ever being in a hurry to repeat that experience.
I nodded in acknowledgement to Dexter and then turned my attention to Chris.
“How are you feeling?”
“Like I’ve been ran over by an HGV,” he said in a playful tone, trying to downplay the seriousness of the situation. I wished he wouldn’t do that, but nevertheless I was beginning to understand why he did.
“Have you taken one of the tablets the hospital gave you?”
“Yeah. Just now. I’ll have to give them an hour or so to do their job I suppose.” I nodded in response, praying they would work and help him feel better. “Look, Emmie, I need to talk to you… about the garage.”
“You’re going to have to sell up aren’t you? I was thinking about it myself yesterday.”
“No, Emmie, I’m not selling. I’m in the process of signing everything over to you.”
“What? Chris… I-I can’t afford to take on a business.”
“You can. I’ve taken care of everything. I agreed a deal with Ernie when I bought the place. I paid peanuts, Em. The repayments are more than manageable for you with the business Dexter will bring to the garage.”
“Dexter?”
“Yeah. I want Dex to take over the running of the place. I know he can do it and I trust him. If he puts his head down he can ace the NVQ in just a few months with the knowledge he already has.”
“Are you saying you knew about the… cancer,” I couldn’t help saying the word as if it was dirty, “when you bought the garage? You’ve known for all this time and you didn’t say anything?”
“I wanted to know where I stood first. I wanted to know what I was dealing with before I worried you. Surely you understand that? You had so much going on, I didn’t want to add to that.”
“You’re my brother! You can always talk to me no matter what’s going on.”
“Well I don’t regret it. It would’ve just meant you started looking at me like that sooner.”
“Like what?” How was I looking at him?
“Like the sight of me is hurting you. It’s the only way you’ve looked at me since you found out.”
“That’s… I… well…” I sighed heavily, giving in to his words. “That’s because it does hurt me to look at you. Every time I see you I can’t help thinking it’s a day closer to the end.”
“I don’t know what to say to that,” Chris replied. “Because what you’ve just said is the truth. I can only hope that I get to see you look at me like you used to again, before…” He didn’t finish, and I was glad because I’m pretty sure I’d have cried. “Like you think I’m a dick, or a goofball, or an overprotective jerk…” I giggled lightly, shaking my head. “A smile, eh? We’re getting somewhere!”
“I’m trying, Chris. I promise I’m trying. But it’s only been a few days. I just need a little time,” I said, painfully aware that I didn’t have the luxury of a lot of time.
“Good. We need more ‘normal’ around here. Jesus, I reckon they get more laughs at the local funeral parlour.”
“Funny,” I said with a sarcastic smirk.
“Okay, we’ll discuss the details later. Dex, if you’re going for a run, go now. I need you in the garage for 10 AM at the latest. Emmie, you’d best piss off too. The place isn’t going to open itself. Me? I’m going to try and keep some toast down, then I’ll make my way in myself.”
“You can’t work like this,” I argued.
“I won’t be working. I’ll be watching him work.” He nodded towards Dexter, flashing him a devious grin. “Now get your arse in gear, mate. I’m giving you an hour.”
“Yes, boss,” Dexter shot back, saluting Chris. “Love you, doll,” he added after standing up. Then he bent down to kiss the tip of my nose like he so often does. “See you at work.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, smiling widely. How domesticated is that? Like we’re a ‘real couple, sharing a ‘normal’ life together. Just the thought of our future makes me giddy.
> Until I remember who won’t be there with us.
“I’d best get going,” I mumbled to Chris, my smile completely evaporated. Chris stood up when I did and stopped me reaching for my coat and shoes from the rack by the front door.
“You smiled today. That means so much to me. Thank you for trying.”
Damn. Now I was crying.
“Stop that,” he ordered, feigning a stern, authoritative voice. “If I can’t talk to you without you crying like a giant pussy on me then I’m going to stop talking to you altogether.”
“Sorry,” I shrugged. “But maybe if you didn’t go dying on me I’d be a little cheerier.”
“That right there!” he enthused, leaning over and kissing my cheek. “That’s the spirit I want from you!”
“You want me to joke about you dying?”
“Sure. If we don’t laugh we’ll cry right? And not just that, but the fact you just said dying twice in a row without flinching.”
“Chris…”
“No, Emmie. Let’s leave it at that. It’s progress. It gives me hope that you’re going to be okay.”
“Chris,” I tried again.
“Nuh uh. Get your arse to the garage and open up. I’ll see you in an hour or two.”
Holding up his finger in front of my face and preventing me from responding, I had no choice but to just nod my head in agreement. With that, he playfully punched my shoulder like he used to do when we were little, and headed out of the room to… well I don’t actually know what he planned to do.
“I love you, bro,” I whispered to myself. Then I bent down to get my shoes, dragged them on and grabbed my keys before calling a taxi. Dexter was right. I really do need my car back.
Chapter Nine
Dexter
“Wow,” Emily gasped as we walked through Snickers and Jared’s front door. It was Monday, and we travelled down to London on the train with them to collect some of our stuff. “This place is beautiful, Rach.”
