Never Let Go (Take My Hand)

by Nicola Haken

  I didn’t have a destination in mind. In fact, I didn’t even recognize half the streets I flew through. I just ran. I ran until my thighs began to burn and my chest started to ache. I ran until all I could focus on was my rapid breathing and my numb toes. I ran until I couldn’t remember why I was even running.

  Then my cell chimed in my pocket, dragging me back to reality.

  “Hey, doll,” I answered breathlessly after seeing Emily’s name illuminate the screen.

  “Where are you? Chris said you came home.”

  “Where are you?” I returned quizzically.

  “At home. Waiting for you.”

  Shit.

  “I just came out for a run. I’ll make my way back now.”

  “Are you okay?” she asked instead of saying goodbye. Of course, Emily is the only person that can read me like a fucking book.

  “Not really,” I admitted. The truth – that’s the only way our future together would survive. “We’ll talk when I get home. Ten minutes max.”

  “Ok. Don’t ever forget that I love you.” Hearing those words, my heart vibrated in my chest – reminding me why I was alive. I remember the very first time I said those words to her, and no matter how hard I pushed, she never forgot.

  And neither will I.

  “Ditto,” I replied, emotion clogging my throat and making coherent words impossible.

  After tucking my cell back in my pocket, I doubled over and braced my hands on my knees while I dragged in a few much needed breaths. Then, straightening up, I stretched my neck from side to side and set off back to break my girls heart.

  “I was so worried when you weren’t here,” Emily said the second I stepped through the front door, throwing herself onto me. “You’ve just been running?” she questioned, weighing me up and down with an intense gaze.

  ‘Just’ running.

  “Yes, doll. I swear it. Just needed to clear my head.”

  “But you thought about it right? About using again?”

  “Yes,” I breathed, guilt causing my voice to crack. “Yes I did. It was all I could think about so that’s why I went running – to distract myself.”

  “Thank you for being honest with me.”

  “The worst part was knowing it’s always gonna be there. That goddamn itch. I just… wait,” I interrupted myself. “How did you know something was wrong with me?”

  “Chris sent me home. He was worried about you. He told me, Dex – about the scan results.”

  Is it really fucking selfish that I was relieved right then that I didn’t have to be the one to do it?

  “I’m sorry, doll,” I murmured, as if it was all my fault. I couldn’t help it. Whenever I saw pain glistening in her beautiful blue eyes I felt guilty – guilty because I couldn’t take it away.

  “It’s all happening so fast. I just feel… lost I guess.”

  “Emily,” I breathed, pressing myself against her and cupping her face in my hands. “I remember once you told me if I ever got lost, you’d find me and bring me back. I know this shit is hard, but right now we’re all still here. There’s still life to be lived and feelings to feel. I won’t let you get lost, doll. I won’t let you forget what it’s like to feel the good things in your life.” Leaning forward, I pressed my lips to hers. I didn’t kiss her, didn’t taste her… I just closed my eyes and pressed myself to her like I would die if I broke free. “Let me bring you back, Emily.”

  After laying another silent kiss on her slightly quivering lips, I held out my hand and she wordlessly took it, letting me lead her upstairs to the bedroom.

  When we reached the bedroom she stood by the bed, biting her bottom lip while waiting for my next move. I took a moment just to stare at her. She is so beautiful – you wouldn’t believe just how much unless you saw her for yourself. Her thick red waves fell bountifully over her shoulders, stopping just above her breasts. The red is a perfect compliment to the bright blue of her eyes and her pale, milky skin and I found myself biting my own lip as my mouth started watering, desperate to taste her.

  “These need to come off now,” I said after closing in on her, brushing her arms through the fabric of her shirt. She smiled as I started unpopping the buttons and when I rolled the flimsy material over her shoulders, she shrugged her arms out and let gravity take it to the floor.

  Next I unclasped her bra, letting her perfect breasts pop free beneath the lace. My breath caught, just like it always did when I saw them, and I couldn’t help bending down to kiss them. She moaned and arched her back when my tongue licked a trail back up to her neck before settling on her lips. I tangled my tongue with hers, tasting her, savouring her, devouring her mouth like it was my last meal.

  I broke free for just a second to lift my shirt over my head and tug down my sweats. I stepped out of them quickly, revealing my rock hard dick and the fact I was wearing no underwear today. She raised an eyebrow and then smiled suggestively at me, making my dick twitch in desperation.

  Easy, Percy…

  I looked down to the pants Emily was still wearing and as if hearing my thoughts, she began tugging them down, steadying herself with one hand on my shoulder while she stepped out of them.

  “Shower,” I ordered. “Now.”

  I needed a shower after my run but I also needed the naked body of this beautiful girl pressed against mine. Now. So if I was showering, she was coming with me. In the bathroom, I checked the temperature of the water with my hand before stepping under the cleansing spray and holding my hand out for Emily to join me. I planned to wash her slowly and explore every inch of her with my soapy hands… but I needed her in bed. I needed to be inside her and I needed to be able to roll over and hold her close when I’d finished devouring her.

  Back in the bedroom, and biting her lip again, she moved backwards until the mattress hit the back of her legs and then she flopped onto it, spreading herself out. I climbed eagerly on top of her, stopping again just to absorb the delicious view beneath me.

  “I want to lick every fucking inch of you,” I said before my tongue darted out to tease her nipple. I teased and sucked for a while, making her hips buck beneath me and the sweetest moans rise from her throat. When I’d finished, I moved on to the other, kneading the soft flesh with my hands as I brought her nipple to a stiff peak in my mouth.

  When I said I wanted to lick every inch of her I meant it. After giving each breast one last kiss, I licked my way down to her belly button and explored the dip with the tip of my tongue. She writhed against me, silently begging me for more. But I wasn’t done teasing her yet. To me, she wouldn’t be ready until she was screaming my name and pleading with me to fill her.

  I kissed along her inner thighs in turn, getting gloriously close to the place I knew she wanted me to be, but not quite.

  “Dexter…” she whimpered. I smiled proudly against her thigh. She was almost there – almost ready for me.

  “Yes, doll?”

  “Stop teasing me. Please…”

  “You don’t like what I’m doing to you?” I asked, before gently sweeping my tongue over her clit – just once. I swear she almost catapulted off the bed.

  “Yes!” she cried. “But…but…oh, God…” I kissed her this time before sucking the swollen bud into my mouth for just a second. “I need more. Please, Dexter…”

  “More what, doll?” I urged, circling her entrance with my tongue.

  “More of you.”

  “Nuh uh. Not specific enough. Say it, doll. Tell me what you want from me.”

  “Your… tongue. I want you to fuck me with your tongue.”

  Jesus fucking Christ. Did my sweet and shy little Emily really just ask me that?

  Wish granted, I stiffened my tongue and delved into her… over and over again. She gripped my hair and raised her hips, forcing herself impossibly closer to my mouth. For a moment I couldn’t breathe but I couldn’t have cared less. If you’re going to be suffocated to death, what better thing to do it than a gorgeous, sweet-tasting fucking pussy?<
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  “You’re so wet for me, baby. You have no idea what that does to me.” I found myself grinding against the mattress, needing the friction before my balls exploded.

  “Dexter I… I’m…” She was coming. I could feel her muscles tighten around my tongue and when I felt her tremble, I pulled it out and circled her throbbing clit instead while pushing two fingers deep inside her. “Oh, God, oh… Yes! Yes!” Jeez my girl was vocal today. I fucking loved it. And then she stilled… her body going limp on the mattress as she let out a heavy, satisfied sigh.

  I nuzzled my nose into her core for just a moment before raising my head and planning to slam into her so fast she wouldn’t know what’d hit her. But just as I positioned myself above her, she stopped me with a hand on my chest.

  “It’s not just me who’s felt lost today,” she began, smoothing her fingers over my abs. “This is just as hard for you. Let me bring you back too.”

  Emily pushed firmly on my chest, encouraging me to lie backwards on the bed. Eyeing her up curiously, I let her guide me into position, and when she nestled her head between my legs I almost shot my load straight into her face before she’d even touched me.

  Without saying another word, she licked a small path from base to tip before flicking her tongue over my piercing. Instinctively my ass pressed into the bed, almost as if I was trying to escape the overwhelming sensation before I exploded. She dipped with me however, licking me up and down like a fucking lollipop while rolling my balls in her hand.

  “Sweet fucking hell,” I ground out through clenched teeth. I felt her smile against my dick and then without warning she took me all the way into her mouth. My hips jerked forward of their own accord, almost making her gag as the small metal ring hit the back of her throat. “Fuck, yes. Jesus, Emily… fuck…”

  She set up an even rhythm – taking me deep, hard and fast while curling her fingers around my length and pumping up and down along with her mouth. This wasn’t going to take long – she was simply too fucking good at this.

  “Doll, you… you need to s-stop,” I stuttered, fisting the sheets and arching my back. She didn’t stop however, but I was literally two sucks away from spilling down her throat. “Emily… you… need to… ah fuck… stop.”

  “Look at me, Dexter,” she said, pulling away for just a moment. I raised my head from the pillow and opened my eyes, staring straight into hers. “Watch me,” she added. “Watch me while I take you. All of you.” And then she wrapped her lips around me again, flicking her tongue over the tip with each withdraw and leaving me fucking mesmerized by the sight of her.

  Fuck, this was the hottest thing I’d ever seen. She kept her eyes on mine the entire time while her head bobbed up and down relentlessly. I was building again. She better be sure because in about five seconds she wouldn’t be able to change her mind.

  “Em… are you sure?” I practically growled, the deep throb in my balls becoming unbearable. She never answered, if anything she just moved faster. “Watching you… it’s… it’s fucking beautiful,” I moaned, staring into her eyes as she tipped me over the edge by grazing her teeth up the twitching shaft. “FUCK!” My dick convulsed in her mouth and I thrust deeper, pouring myself into her.

  When my body finally relaxed and my breathing started to slow, she slowly sucked her way up one more time before releasing me. Then, after swallowing every last drop, she licked her fucking lips and man if that didn’t make me want to go again.

  “Holy shit,” I breathed. “You were fucking incredible.”

  Smiling proudly, she crawled up the mattress and lay down beside me, propping herself up on her elbow.

  “Thank you,” she whispered. Rolling over to face her, I looked at her with a puzzled gaze. “It’s so easy to focus on the bad stuff and forget how much I have to be thankful for. And I’m thankful for you, Dex. I miss you. I miss being so close to you when my mind is too busy worrying about things to come. I needed that. I needed what we just did to remind me I’m still here. I love you so much, Dexter. Don’t ever forget how much.”

  “Ditto,” was all I had time to reply before I sealed her mouth with mine.

  Then, with the image of what she just did to me fresh in my mind, I went in for round two.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Emily

  “Eeeeeeek,” I squealed, bending down to wrap my arms around Rachel. “You’re here!” We are heading to Blackpool tomorrow for a whole week and I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited about anything in my life. It’s been a month since we got the news that Chris’ chemo isn’t working but still, they gave him another round of treatment in case the tumour was just slow to react. It wasn’t. In fact, the scan he had last week confirmed it was still growing. “And you’re huge!”

  “Um, thanks, ho. You’re looking like a heifer yourself.”

  “Stop it! You know what I mean. You look great.”

  “Please don’t tell me I’m ‘glowing’,” she grumbled, rolling her eyes. “Because that shit just isn’t true. My ankles are so huge you can’t tell where my legs end and my feet begin, my skin would rival any sixteen year old acne sufferer’s and I’ve had piles three fucking times.”

  “Wow, Rach. I will sleep so much better knowing you’ve got grapes hanging from your bum,” I teased, clenching my own bum cheeks together and wincing a little.

  “I offered to put cream on them for her but she refused. So it’s her own fault if she’s suffering,” Jared piped up. I burst into a fit of giggles and Rachel rolled her eyes.

  “Jaz, I can cream up my own arse thank you.”

  “You weren’t saying that last night,” he replied with a wink. I faked an exaggerated gag and shook my head to try and expel the unwanted vision that was currently burnt into my eyelids. “Besides, what’s wrong with wanting to take care of my girl?”

  “Taking care of me would be handing me the cream for me to take into the bathroom alone. Wanting to rub that shit in for me is just fucking weird.”

  “Where’s Dex?” Jared asked, turning to me and ignoring Rachel’s insult. It’s adorable the way they quabble. They mock each other constantly but the glint in their eyes whenever they look at one another screams devotion.

  “He’s at Sarah’s. I’m going to head over later to see my dad.”

  “He’s still there?” Rachel quizzed. “I thought he was leaving when he got his credit cards reinstated?”

  “Sarah wouldn’t let him,” I shrugged. “You know how she is – always wanting to help out. She doesn’t see the point in wasting good money on a hotel when she has a spare room.”

  “Oh my God they’re so fucking each other!”

  “Rachel!” I admonished. “Ewww! That’s my dad!” And it was a ridiculous idea. He’s only just left Jocelyn. And although he’s been trying really hard to be a better father, he’s pompous by nature and not the loving and affectionate man Sarah deserves. So yeah, the thought is stupid. Isn’t it? Oh, God… please tell me you agree. “I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”

  “Sarah and Derek sittin’ in a tree…” she started to sing. My death glare soon shut her up though. “So what’s the plan for tomorrow?” she went on to ask, forcing a much-needed subject change as we made our way to the sofas.

  “Dex’s picking the minibus up at nine. Then we’ll pick you guys up from your parents’ and the world is our oyster!”

  “Sounds good to me. I swear I’m going to eat until I feel sick.”

  “And that’s different from every other day… how?” Jared teased.

  “Fuck you, dipshit. I only have three months left to enjoy my food before these guys pop out. There’s no point in worrying about my figure while I’m smuggling two gigantic melons under my shirt.”

  “Babe, you were smuggling giant melons way before I injected you with my super seed.”

  You know when you choke on a laugh and you end up sounding like a grunting pig? Yeah – that’s what I just sounded like.

  “Super seed?” I questioned, unabl
e to suppress the giggle tickling my throat.

  “Oh come on, that stuff hit the goal on practically the first attempt. And not once, but twice. That’s super hero seed right there.”

  In that moment, Chris walked in – covered in car grease and grime. I saw the shock register briefly on Rachel’s face before she took a deep breath and forced a smile.

  “Hey, good lookin’,” she said to Chris. “You miss me?”

  “Always, Rach.”

  “Lovin’ the new hairdo. Makes you look even more fuckable,” she teased with the wink she has used on my brother for as long as I can remember.

  “Maybe I should shave my head,” Jared interjected.

  “Nah, you’d just look like a moron if you did that. You’re not buff enough to pull that shit off.”

  “I’m going to take a shower,” Chris said once he’d finished laughing at Rachel and Jared’s latest insult-fest.

  “Okay,” I said, trying not to let the sadness I felt furrow my brow. He looked exhausted in every way possible. He was getting thinner – his clothes growing baggy, he had permanent grey circles under his eyes and in recent weeks his skin has turned dull, almost leathery looking. As yet, he’s still fighting. He refuses to take a day off work even when he’s popping painkillers every two hours in an effort to numb the pain in his head, or when he’s throwing up every ten minutes. I know why he’s doing it – for Dexter. He’s worked so hard to get him through his NVQ – they both have and they’re almost there. It’s a good job too because I really don’t think he’ll be able to keep this up much longer. Chris is fading right in front of me, and it breaks my heart.

  “You’re coping so well, Em,” Rachel said, gripping my knee and snapping me back into the room. I hadn’t realised I’d been staring at the door after Chris had left the room, or that tears were trickling down my face.

  “Doesn’t always feel like it,” I admitted, wiping my tears away. “You noticed didn’t you? How fast he’s deteriorating?” I said, referring to the look on her face when she first saw him.