Skin Deep

by Trista Jaszczak

  I look down at the schedule again and make a face. I’ll have to have River and Kade close together one night, they both have some planned afternoon and evening sessions. Jesus help the shop. I don’t know how well they’ll take to it, but at this point I have zero fucking choice. Cas and Archer seem to think it’s hilarious. I honestly want to whack them both right in the head. They don’t even know half of it. If any of them found out about River being my Dom, the shit would hit the fan and Kade would be the first to blow up. River wasn’t too happy about Kade and I working together tonight, but he and Cas had morning sessions that needed them, and I had an afternoon one. I can’t close alone and I certainly can’t make him or Cas work an open to close shift, so what choice did I have? River only agreed because he hates the idea of me closing alone, he feels it's much too dangerous.

  I yawn and wipe the small tear that escapes my eye away. At least we only have twenty minutes until close. I have to remember to call River to let him know I've closed, and again when I get in my car. After that, I'm heading to his house for a late dinner. While I did remember to eat today, including a few snacks, I'm absolutely starved right now. Starved and exhausted is an entirely shitty combination. I hear the back door of the shop snap closed and the metallic click of the lock sliding into place. I made Kade take out all of the trash for me. He’s been in a pissy mood all day today. He’s not happy about River and me and for some reason, he feels inclined to let me know about it, every possible chance he gets. He’s given me a list of reasons, number one being that River isn’t trustworthy. He also says that River seems too controlling of me. God, if Kade ever knew the truth, he'd go straight through the fucking roof. I can just see it now. Even if Kade knew and understood the BDSM lifestyle, he would still throw a shit fit because River is telling me what to do constantly. He’d say that River was taking away all of my freedom. Believe me when I say, I still don’t fully understand the lifestyle, I'm fucking shocked to my core that I actually like it and even more the fact I'm turned on by it. There have been times I've tried to understand why in God's name I pout at River to get my way, or why I'm so dependent on him. I've been independent more than half of my life, I had a really shitty mother. But somehow, I feel like it all fits. I’m comfortable being this way with River and that’s all that matters.

  “Trash is out,” I hear Kade from my right.

  I look up and smile, “Thanks, I hate taking out the trash.”

  He grins, “I know, I remember that.”

  “It really hasn’t been that long since you left,” I say. “It feels like yesterday we were having your going away party.”

  “I could have been gone for a year, Lo,” he tells me, “and I still wouldn’t forget things about you. I don’t work like that.”

  “Now all we need is Arch back, huh?” I giggle softly. “Then we could function like a real shop. You know?” I give my head a little shake. “Somehow with the four of us, hell somehow with even three people we’ve made this shop work.”

  “Because it’s the best fucking shop in town and people know that, Lo.” He tells me hopping up on the counter.

  “Lo, why are you really with that River dude?” He blurts, looking down at me, as I sign off on the new schedule.

  I look up at him and I purse my lips. I feel like I've answered this question a million times today and he just won’t let it go. He can’t just accept that I’m with River and be done with it. I know that he and I have a history. We share a shitty past and have leaned on one another for support during the rougher times. I’m traumatized, he’s traumatized, and it brought us closer. But, he was more accepting of my last ex who became abusive, I swear. I admit, when he found out that ex became abusive, he literally kicked his ass to the curb, but even still. River, has done nothing wrong to him nor me, for that matter. Why not like the guy? “Kade, I already told you,” I say standing up, pulling my tank top down, “I like him. He likes me. It’s natural for two people who like each other to try dating.”

  “Why did I leave you like I did?” He looks at me with hurt eyes, his lips turning down at the corners into a pitiful frown as he gives his head a little shake. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I kissed you and left for NYC Ink’d like it was no big deal.”

  “Kade, even if you had stayed nothing would have happened between us,” I remind him. “We’re too good of friends for that. We couldn’t destroy a good five-year friendship for that. Besides, what would have happened if you would have stayed, we dated but then broke it off on bad terms?”

  He gives his head another shake as he jumps down from the counter spinning on his feet to look at me. “Bullshit. I refuse to fucking believe that you and I would ever part on bad terms. We were too close for that.”

  I cross my arms and give him a funny look. “And now look at us Kade. We've hardly spoken to one another today without fighting. You’ve been in a piss-poor mood and it’s like you’ve been turning it off and on like a fucking light switch. You’ve yelled at me several times.”

  He looks down and shifts his weight from one foot to the other as he pushes his hands into his pockets. “Because, it’s River.”

  “You’re blaming a man who hasn’t even been in the shop today?” I ask, dropping my mouth and raising my eyebrows. “Are you serious?”

  “He isn’t good enough for you, Lo.” He tells me, rocking back and forth on his toes as he brings one hand up, runs it through his hair and gives the back of his head and neck a scratch. “I know you think I’m just judging him, but trust me I know. And had I known that Cas’ friend had River in mind, I would have warned Cas.”

  “You did warn Cas, remember?” I bite down on my lip for a moment before releasing a huff of air. “You both kept talking about River behind his back. You didn’t even give Cas half a chance to get to know him. It’s wrong, Kade. You can’t just judge people like that.”

  “I’m not judging him, Lola, I swear to you,” he says stepping closer to me. “I wouldn’t do that to a person.”

  “Then how do you know, Kade?” I shoot, placing my hands on my hips. “How do you know that River isn’t trustworthy? Do you know him? Have you ever known him?”

  Kade steps back and stares at me with blank eyes. For the first time all night it seems that I have rendered him speechless. And for as many times as we have gone back and forth today about River, I will kindly take this reaction.

  “Lola, look,” he tells me, “I just know, okay? It’s just one of those things that I have a gut feeling about. That dude, is an asshole.”

  “Well, you’ve been an asshole to me all damn day,” I snap. “You've yelled at me, ignored me, been shitty and pissy with me, and Kade that's not like you.”

  “I'm so sorry for that,” he tells me. “I’ve just…Lo, the thought of you being with River kills me.”

  “Because you can’t have me,” I say, “Am I right?”

  He gives me a nod, pauses and then shoots me a tiny shrug. “Part of it. But there's a whole lot more to it than that.”

  “I feel like you’ve changed Kade. You weren't like this before. You’d certainly never yell at me.” I frown as I look down at my feet. Before he left, he'd have never yelled at me, he'd have rather died than upset me in any way. He’s changed and I hate that about him right now. I let out a sigh, I know I'm just overly sensitive. “I hope that the old Kade comes back soon.”

  “I'm the old Kade, Lo,” he tells me reaching out to touch my shoulder.

  “Then prove it,” I tell him as I shrug out of his reach.

  “No Doze is still open,” he tells me, “do you wanna head there for drinks? Just like old times?”

  I think about River’s warning. He absolutely forbade me to see Kade outside of work without him present, whether I want to or not, it could result in punishment if I do. I bite my tongue and shake my head. “Let me take a rain check. I’m just tired and want to get home and get some sleep.” I feed him a little white lie to at least spare his feelings. With how he feels about Rive
r that sounds better than saying “I can’t because River told me not to.”

  “Lo, I'm the old Kade,” he says, “I swear to you.”

  “I feel like you’ve changed, Kade.” I sigh and shake my head. “Something has happened to you.”

  “I fell in love with you, but I was stupid and left,” he blurts out, leaving me with wide eyes. “Now I come back to you and you’re with a man that I wouldn’t trust to watch my dog.”

  I stare up at him in disbelief. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do. All I can do is stare with wide eyes. I make a feeble attempt to throw some words together and nothing comes out. “Kade, I…” My voice trails finally and I purse my lips as I’m the one now nervously shifting on my feet. I bite down hard on my tongue. I don’t want to hurt him. Kade and I were so close. But he has to know that I don’t feel that way about him. “Kade, you know that you and I have shared a lot. But, I just…I can’t see you as more than a friend. You’re my best friend, Kade. I can’t lose that.”

  “You wouldn’t be losing me,” he says, “You’d be gaining a boyfriend. I’d still be the same and we’d still be close. We’d just be more…intimate.”

  I can’t even think as I shake my head. “Kade, I am exhausted, I bet you’re exhausted, let’s just get home and sleep on all of this, okay?” Before I can turn to walk away, I feel Kade grab my hip. He spins me around and squeezes me tightly to him. Within a split second his mouth is attached to mine, his tongue slithering its way into my mouth. I push back at him and break the kiss at I stare at him in shock. “Kade!”

  “Lo…” His voice turns soft and it trails off as he stares at me.

  “What did I just tell you ?” My eyes are wide as I stare at him. How could he do that? How will I explain this to River? Do I even tell River? Yes, yes I have to tell him. He’s my Dom and he’d want to know that this happened. I know that telling him this will piss him off, he'll never let me work alone with Kade again. I'd also be willing to bet that he'll probably want me to break off our friendship as well. I give him a sad look. “Kade, go home. Just go. I’ll finish closing up and head out on my own.”

  “I’m not leaving you here all alone to close,” he says, having a seat on the counter. “I’ll wait for you.”

  “Fine,” I say as I turn away from him, walking down the hallway to my back office. Right now I want to scream. I want to cry. And the last thing on this fucking Earth that I want to do is tell River that Kade just shoved his tongue half way down my throat.

  By the time I pull into River's driveway, I'm completely exhausted. I’ve gone back and forth with Kade all day, he’s given me a headache, and now I have to tell River that Kade kissed me. I know this will not end well. River has made it clear that I'm his, Kade just kissed his territory. I’m not entirely sure how River will react to that. Hell, I’m not even sure how I'll tell him what happened. I get out of the car and walk up to the door, ringing the doorbell as I sigh again. I’m greeted with a warm smile and an immediate kiss. God help me if he can taste Kade on me.

  “I need to remember to have you a key made princess.” He tells me, reaching for my hand as he invites me in. “You shouldn’t have to ring the doorbell every time you come over.”

  I blush and let out a sigh.

  “Are you hungry?”

  I give him a little nod as I dump my purse on the closest chair.

  “How was work?”

  I give him a little shrug.

  “Princess, what’s wrong?”

  Oh, Jesus. There it is. My opening to tell him what’s happened. I feel awful. I feel a knot in the pit of my stomach and suddenly I feel sick. I can't think. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid of what he'll do. My body starts to shake, my eyes fill up with tears and my throat become as dry as a desert. I feel like I can't breathe and I start to panic. I try to inhale and release it slowly, but it comes out shaky and jerky. River tenderly squeezes my hand. “Princess?” He says with concern evident in his voice.

  How do I address him? Is this a River thing or a Daddy thing? Do I sit or should I be on my knees and submit to him? Christ, he never said it would be nerve wrecking at times. I shuffle through my cloudy brain and try to remember things he’s told me, about how to address him, telling him certain things, how if I need him he’s right here for me. Right now I need him. I don’t feel right. Working with Kade all day has shattered me for some reason. The kiss seems to have crushed me. I’ll end up hurting him more, I know it. Then I’ll have lost a good friend and great employee.

  I need his affection, I need him to be tender and care for me so that would be a Daddy thing. I take a breath and release it. “Daddy.” Well, I managed to get one word out. That counts. I struggle to swallow again as River leads me to his recliner. He already understands what I need and I feel some part of me swell with pride that I got it right. He has a seat and I crumple to my knees, letting my head rest in his lap as he pets my hair tenderly. Right away I feel some sense of relief wash over me, I feel comforted and relaxed.

  “What’s wrong princess?” He asks me softly.

  “Daddy, something happened at work today.” I whimper, wrapping one of my arms around his legs. I feel like crying, but honestly I’m too scared at this point.

  I feel his fingers touch my chin as they raise my head softly to look at him. “Did someone hurt you?”

  I shake my head and sigh, “No, Daddy.”

  “What happened then, princess?”

  Come on Lola. Tell him. You can do this. He's not going to punish you. It’s three words. Three little words. Just blurt them out.

  I look up at him and I sigh. I feel my bottom lip quiver slightly and my body tremble. It shouldn’t be this hard. I should be able to tell him. “Kade…kissed me.”

  River makes an odd face and sits back in his recliner, his fingers lightly stroke my hair again, softly he asks, “What did you do?”

  “I pushed him away and told him to leave,” I tell him.

  “Did he?”

  I give my head a little shake. “He said he wouldn’t let me close the shop alone. He waited until I finished closing and left at the same time. He didn't say two words to me after that.”

  “Good girl,” he tells me, nudging my head gently back on his thigh. “You did the right thing. I'm very proud of you.”

  “I’m so sorry that it ever happened,” I say, “I should've listened to you about Kade.”

  “Princess, that is not your fault, Kade did that on his own. You didn’t ask him or tell him to,” he tells me. “And from now on, don’t ever be afraid to l et me know something bad that happens to you, I need to know these things. I'll never punish you for the stupidity of others.”

  “He asked me to go to No Doze with him just before that,” I admit. “But I told him I couldn’t, that I was too tired.”

  “Kade wasn’t mean to you at all today, was he?”

  I look up at him for a moment. His bright eyes are mixed with emotion. He’s happy to see me but enraged by Kade’s actions. As if he wasn’t already fed up with Kade in the first place. “He was back and forth today. Pissy with me one minute and fine the next. He has some serious issues with you and he made that clear.”

  “Well, I have some serious issues with him,” River says sternly, “I hope he realizes that.”

  “Are you going to talk to him?” I ask.

  He lets his hand run tenderly to my cheek, “Princess you let me worry about that. You just trust me.”

  I give him a nod and place my head back in his lap, letting him play with my hair again. Telling River couldn’t have gone better at least. And hopefully, he doesn’t run off and just kill Kade. “Sometimes I feel like I’m getting this submissive stuff right.”

  I hear River let out a little chuckle. “You remember well. You’re doing everything that I've told you or written down for you.”

  “Sometimes it’s a little overwhelming and I don’t know how to navigate these things, especially Kade. He’s my friend.”


  “Well, he’s a friend who is crossing lines with you.” River tells me. “You're Mine. And I will not let him treat you like that.”

  I give a little nod, but I still feel very sad. Kade is my friend. I feel like it’s all changed. He’s changed. Something went sour when he left for New York. I know that River has set ground rules for Kade, but it'll be hard to follow them. I understand that if I don’t listen I'll be punished, but losing the friend who knows about my abusive past is difficult. I think what's making it worse, is the fact that Kade has showed a side of himself to me that I've never seen, and I don't like it. I shared so much of my past with him, all those nights staying up talking about my deepest darkest secrets, about my mom and the life I just needed to escape. On the other hand, Kade told me things about his past. His dad who had his mom under some spell, the older brother who left him at the abusive hands of his parents. Maybe that’s why I’m so torn. I don’t like him acting the way he is, but if I push him away, I'm losing a great friend. One that I trusted with my past. I always hate when my brain feels like it’s a fucking mess. Right now, that’s exactly what it feels like.