Skin Deep

by Trista Jaszczak

  “I had a long talk with Kade and I feel that he needs to apologize to you as well as tell you the truth about some things,” he tells me softly. “I would never do anything that would put you in any sort of danger, and you know that I will be right here through it all.”

  “But, he could have called me,” I pout, “I didn’t exactly want to see him.”

  “Kade was your friend for years. He knows that. Kade has a big secret that he kept from all of us, and he harbored a lot of anger towards me. Had I known that he was dealing with this, I would have done things differently when I left that house.”

  I look up at him with sad eyes. “What really happened to Kade?”

  “I’m not making up excuses or him. He hit you and, believe me, when you see him, you’ll see some damage that I'm responsible for,” River tells me. “But, I believe Kade needs help.”

  “Is it really that bad?”

  River nods. “And, I know that you may not be able to forgive him, but my reasoning behind dragging him here was that I feel that you deserve an apology and the truth.”

  “Wait,” I say, looking at him confused, “he’s already inside?”

  He pushes the hair from my eyes. “He is. I wanted him to apologize now.”

  “Oh, River,” I whine, “I really don’t know that I can do this.”

  “You said you trust me,” he says softly, “if I felt that he had any ill intent I would never bring him here for this.”

  “But, River…” My voice trails as I let out an aggravated sigh. Seeing Kade was the last thing I wanted on my agenda today. I'd be perfectly content if I never had to see him again, to be completely honest. So many times I trusted him and gave him the benefit of the doubt. I maintained that he was my friend and that he would never hurt me. That was a lie.

  River adjusts my face to look at him. “Don’t whine, princess. You know that everything I do is because I feel that it’s in your best interest. I feel that this is in your best interest. You are more than deserving of an apology as well as the full truth.”

  I let out a sigh of defeat. I do want my apology, at the very least. I guess I do deserve that much. “Fine, where is he?”

  River smiles and kisses my forehead. “That’s my good girl.” He looks over his shoulder, “Kade.”

  I should have known he was right outside the door. I let out another sigh as he walks in. He looks a little healthier now. I see that he's showered, changed his clothes and even shaved. He has a bruise marring one of his eyes, from the hit he took at River's hands. There are still dark circles there as well, but all in all he looks a lot like the old Kade. I don’t even know what to say right now. I let out another breath as I open my mouth to speak. “Hi.” Is all I can muster.

  “Lo,” he lets out a breath and shoves his hands into his pockets. “You have been my friend for years. You gave me a job, you believed in my talent when no one else did…and I turn around and treat you like shit.”

  “Well, that’s just putting it nicely.” I snap, shaking my head. River tisks me and shakes his head. I close my mouth and look at Kade again.

  “I regret every single time I've hurt you, Lola. It’s just an excuse for me to say that I didn’t know what I was doing until after I had done it. I don’t expect that you’ll forgive me, but I hope that over time maybe you will.” He lets out another breath nervously. “I have serious anger issues, Lo. A lot more serious than I ever thought and for years I’ve held a serious grudge against River for things he never even meant to do.”

  I raise my eyebrows and look from Kade to River.

  “See, I was abused when I was a kid. That part is true, but I wasn't physically abused like River. I just told you that because I was embarrassed to tell you the whole truth.”

  “Kade, what happened to you?”

  “Well, River was physically abused. Every single day. But while he was physically abused, I was sexually abused,” Kade says softly. “I was just embarrassed to tell you the truth. Because of it, I have some serious anger issues. When River left and didn’t take me, I held a grudge against him even though he didn’t have a clue what was happening to me. You’re the first woman I’ve ever felt close enough with to…you know have a relationship. But River stepped into the picture and took that from me so my grudge just got worse,” he admits. “Jesus, Lo, I’m so sorry for what I did to you. I know that I had to have scared the hell out of you and I both physically and mentally hurt you.”

  I can’t even believe what I’ve just heard. Kade had been sexually abused as a child. It’s no wonder he was so angry with River when he left. River didn’t get him out of that hell hole. Kade was just sixteen and River probably couldn’t see taking a kid with him because he worried about the implications from Kade’s father and his mom. “Kade, why didn’t you just tell me?” I ask. “I trusted you with everything about my mom, you could have told me and I would have helped you get a counselor, support group, anything.”

  “You know…” he lets out a sigh and removes one of his hands from his pockets and run it through his hair. “I was ashamed. I’d been repeatedly raped as a kid by men and women. My father basically pimped me out for cash and my mother sat around and let it happen, because she had to have him in her life.”

  “Kade I'm so sorry that happened to you.” I look at River and feel my shoulders drop. He and Kade had been put through hell as kids. He more like than likely suffers from some form of PTSD and has suffered from it for years. While I can’t just up and forgive him, I can try to be a friend right now and support him. I do understand being so angry that you just act out and then immediately question why you did it to begin with. I’ve been there myself with everything I dealt with from my own mother. “Kade, do you need a job?”

  He lets out a little chuckle. “Yeah, well, I mean if I want to keep a roof over my head anyway.”

  “What if you came back to work here? Under one condition, though.”

  “You know that I love Skin Deep and would do anything to keep my job here,” he tells me.

  “You have to sign a form that states you'll get counseling. I will also expect proof from your counselor each week that shows me that you are actively trying to get your life back in order.”

  “I suppose I need it, huh?”

  I give him a nod. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’ve had counseling. A few years of it to be honest with you.”

  “I’ve had it, too.” River says. “Matter a fact, I bet Lola and I can help you find the best one here in town. One that is familiar with your situation and can help you the best.”

  “After everything that I’ve put you two through,” Kade starts, “even after I hit you and treated you like shit Lola, you’re still willing to help me?”

  “Kade, you were my friend. And if there is one thing I understand, it’s having a shitty past. You clearly need help. River and I can lead you to the help that you need. But, only you can act out and take that help.” I tell him. “What’s that old saying? You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.”

  “Sometimes I worry that it’s too late for me,” Kade sighs.

  “It’s never too late,” I tell him, “You just have to go for it.”

  “Alright,” he agrees. “Thank you, Lo. Once again you’ve saved my ass. Even when I don’t deserve it.”

  I give him a little shrug. “That’s what friends are for.”

  He gives me a smile and nods.

  “But, if you hit me again I’ll kick your ass and then turn River loose on you.”

  He lets out a little laugh. “Fair enough.”

  “Alright, I’ll get your employment papers and contract for counseling ready.”

  River kisses my forehead again. While I didn’t expect to forgive Kade, I have. I certainly never expected to give him his job back, but I did that too. Turns out River, Kade, and I are just three people with shitty pasts. While River and I've managed to grow from ours, Kade still suffers from the severity of his. Maybe I’m too nice. Mayb
e I’m too trusting. But I feel like Kade deserves another chance.

  I drop my head on my desk. I’m so exhausted, I can’t see straight. I’d give anything for a fucking nap. I’ve been here since we opened and while it’s only four o’clock in the afternoon it feels like it’s midnight.

  “Lo.”

  Kade’s voice makes me jump as I look up at him.

  “Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.”

  I laugh. “I wasn’t sleeping, I swear.”

  “Mhm, lie a little more,” he winks. “I finished my session for today and he sent me with my note for the week.”

  I smile and take the paper from him. Kade has been in counseling for six months now and while he doesn’t have to really give me proof anymore, he does. He says it helps him stay on track and not back out of any of the sessions. It’s become his routine and because of that routine he's finally healing and beginning to really live his life.

  Archer pops his head in the doorway, “Jesus Lo, what the fuck are you doing in here napping. We’re busy as shit.” He teases, laughing.

  “Five minutes, Arch. That’s all I ever ask for. Is that too much?”

  In the past six months, Skin Deep has taken off and now is now tied with NYC Ink’d for ranking of tattoo parlors. We’ve never been busier, I’ve never been more exhausted…or more grateful. I look at the clock. It’s well after four. Shit. I can’t remember the last time I ate. I make a face.

  “What’s wrong?” Kade asks.

  “I haven’t eaten since breakfast,” I sigh.

  Kade laughs, “River's gonna spank you…..” he sings, tisking me.

  I make a face at him and grumble, “You stay out of this.”

  “I heard that,” River says popping into my office.

  I smile wide. River and I have been together for almost nine months. He’s still my Dom, I’m still his sub, and we're perfect. I’ve made the transition to being his sub completely, even though sometimes I forget minor things, like eating. He still takes great care of me and always treats me like a princess. Times in the dark room are still earth shattering and some of the best orgasms I’ve ever had in my life. I still blame the times in the dark room for bringing us so close together. To submit to him, to give myself to him, to trust him. What else could it be?

  “I swear I’m going to eat,” I tell him. “I’ve been so busy that this is the first time I've sat down all day.”

  River looks at Kade and smacks his shoulder playfully. “How did today go?”

  Kade sort of shrugs. “Great like always. Told him about that girl I met.”

  I practically jump from my seat and let out a little squeal. Kade met a girl about a month ago and they’re super adorable together. She’s sweet and cares about him. He even opened up and told her about his abuse and she was completely accepting telling him that she wouldn't let him go through his journey of healing alone. I even had the pleasure of popping her tattoo cherry and gave her, her first ink. A band of roses and thorns around her ankle. She said it was a symbol because she had been in an abusive relationship before. “What did the counselor say?”

  “That she and I seem to be on the right path. Moving slow, getting to know one another,” he looks at River, “unlike two people I know.” He teases.

  “I blame Lola for that.”

  I make a face, “that was all your fault!”

  River laughs. “I’d better keep my mouth shut on this one.”

  “Mhm,” I make a face at him. “You all do realize that I came in here for a break, right?”

  “Rest is for when you’re dead,” Cas says, walking past my office.

  “Yeah,” I holler, “dead tired!” I look at Kade, Archer, and River. “Seriously, don’t you three have work to do?”

  They look at one another confused and finally shrug.

  “I’m between appointments,” River tells me. “And I had to check on you.”

  “I’m just here dropping shit off,” Kade adds.

  Archer shrugs as he lets out a deep breath. “I finished an appointment but came back here just to bug the shit out of you.”

  “Thanks, Arch,” I shake my head, “I appreciate that.”

  “It’s always my pleasure,” he smiles.

  “Lo, if you’re hungry I can run and grab you a bite to eat.” Kade tells me.

  Archer makes a pouty face. “If you’re getting her food then you have to get me food.”

  River begins digging his wallet from his back pocket. “That’s not a bad idea. Food is on me for everyone if you do the hard work, Kade.”

  Kade nods and takes the wad of money from River. “Burgers, fries, and pop for everyone?”

  We all silently nod and I feel my stomach growl again. I seriously have got to get this eating thing together because I suck at it. I'm starving. Kade tells us that he’ll be quick as he heads out of my office and Archer excuses himself to go into the main lobby where Cas is. I teasingly tell him not to burn the shop down and he shoots me a dirty look. “One time…one fucking time…” his voice trails as he traipses down the hallway. “One fucking candle and they won’t let you forget it…and it wasn’t even my fault…” I hear him still complaining to himself. I let out a loud laugh and shake my head.

  “You won’t let him forget about that will you?” River chuckles.

  I shake my head. “And you wouldn’t either.”

  He pretends to think a minute and finally shakes his head. “No, you’re right, I wouldn’t.”

  I smile and slowly stretch. I can’t believe how sore and tired I am. River steps behind me and begins massaging my shoulders. I let out a little groan of relief.

  “How are you feeling today?” He squeezes my shoulders again before rubbing my tender neck. “I know it’s been busy and we haven’t had much time to really talk.”

  “Busy is good. I can’t believe this place now. People are coming from miles to get work done here.”

  “I told you things would be amazing for you,” he whispers softly in my ear. “I really am proud of you, Lola.”

  I feel my cheeks become warm. “Thank you, Daddy.”

  I look down at the inside of my wrist right wrist. Turns out I had just enough room for River to give me another tattoo. A very important one that tells just another one of my stories.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Trista Jaszczak (jazz-ick) is the bestselling author of Red and Loverboy. She is an Air Force spouse and mother to two mischievous and rambunctious little girls. She is originally from Hamilton, Ohio but calls home whereever the Air Force sends her. She currently resides in Anchorage, Alaska where she finds endless inspiration in the pure Alaskan wilderness. When she isn't writing, she spends her time with her family in the vast Alaskan outdoors, plucking away at her old guitar or working on self improvement in the gym. She loves the outdoors, the moon, old movies and music.

  Where to find Trista:

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  Email: authortrista@gmail.com