TAINTED LOVE

by Anna Chilvers

  ‘Meg?’

  ‘Yes. She arrived back from God knows where. She’d been away for years.’

  ‘She must have been really young.’

  ‘She was just the same, she always is.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘They don’t age. Not her sort. She’ll always be the same as she was when she turned.’

  I didn’t understand.

  ‘Anyway, I met her when I was out running one day. She’d got her car stuck in a pothole. She has a thing about sports cars – totally impractical up there.’ He smiled.

  ‘Was Richard with her?’

  ‘No, I think she’d left him in Paris.’

  I remembered Richard saying he’d been adopted. I was even more confused.

  ‘I helped her with her car, and some stuff in the house. And we played chess.’

  ‘Chess? I didn’t know you played chess.’

  He got out of his chair and poked the fire, mumbled something.

  ‘What was that?’

  ‘I was quite good,’ he said. ‘I played in tournaments when I was at school. I went to Germany.’

  ‘Wow!’

  ‘I never lost a game.’

  ‘Ok, so you’re a chess whizz. You’ve been hiding that one. What about Meg? Did you beat her?’

  ‘Not the first time.’

  ‘The first time?’ Dad’s ears had gone red. ‘So you played a lot of chess with her?’

  ‘Well, I’d not played someone like her before. She was amazing. And it got me out of the house.’

  ‘I was in the house, your new baby. Didn’t you want to be there?’

  ‘Yes I did. It was lovely being with you and Cass. I just needed a break.’

  ‘How much chess did you play?’

  ‘Quite a few games, but then Meg…’

  ‘Meg what?’

  He sighed. ‘Well, when she wants someone, she decides she must have them. She doesn’t like people to get in her way.’

  ‘So Meg wanted you – what? As her boyfriend?’

  ‘I guess.’ He shuffled in his seat, leaned forward and put his coffee cup on the floor.

  ‘And what did you think?’

  ‘I had you and your mum.’

  ‘And you didn’t want Meg?’

  He sighed. ‘I had a family.’

  ‘Well?’ I said. He picked his cup up again. ‘What happened?’

  ‘There were a few… incidents… where she tried to get close to me. She’s very good at that sort of thing. She casts a spell. She’s a beautiful woman and I…’

  ‘Not too much detail Dad.’

  ‘Well, lets say it was a close shave. We had a fight. She nearly bit me.’

  ‘Bit you?’

  ‘Yes.’ Dad looked at me and must have seen the confusion on my face. ‘You don’t know what she is, do you?’

  I slowly shook my head, but the truth was dawning, and when he told me everything started falling into place.

  ‘And Richard?’

  ‘Him too.’

  I put my hand on my neck and rubbed it gently.

  ‘So you resisted her?’ I asked Dad.

  He nodded. ‘I could only do it by thinking of you.’

  ‘What did she do?’

  ‘She went back to Paris. But she’d put a curse on your mother, an incubus.’ The fire flared and I watched him gazing into the firelight. ‘I didn’t know. Cassie was having these visitations, nightmares, and it was sending her out of her mind, but she wanted to protect me and the baby – you – so she didn’t let on. She moved into the spare room.’

  ‘Did you talk to her?

  ‘I tried, but she was very closed. Her milk stopped and she cried a lot. Said she couldn’t cope. Then she left one day when I was at work. She phoned from a phone box along the road from the school, spoke to the secretary and said I had to come urgently. When I got there she’d gone and left you alone in your baby seat with a note pinned to the blanket.

  ‘God!’

  Dad lifted his coffee cup, but it was empty.

  ‘I think I’ll have a whisky. Do you want one?’

  I remembered the vodka and shook my head. There was a lot of information I had to process and I wanted to keep my head clear.

  Sometimes I have an intense urge to eat something, like oranges or garlic, lemon balm or dandelion. It could be my body telling me what I need or it might be the plants themselves calling out to me. The messages can get mixed up, especially when there are strong emotions involved.

  My guts were aching and something was telling me it would go away if I could find Richard, but I didn’t want to be with Richard. I thought I might go and find Jimmy and talk to him, and then I remembered what Suky had said earlier.

  ‘Oh my god!’ I said, and Dad looked at me. ‘It’s happening again. This time Meg’s after Jimmy.’

  38. Lauren

  We went straight round to Jimmy’s house and hammered on the door, but there was no reply. Suky was probably fast asleep after all that vodka, and Jimmy wasn’t in. I suggested we go up to Hough Dean to see if he was there. We had to find him and warn him. When it comes to resisting feminine wiles, Jimmy’s not in the same league as my dad and if Meg had decided to get her teeth into him he wouldn’t stand a chance. I mean, he really loves Suky, really and truly. But he’s never had to deal with someone like Meg before.

  My legs ached as we walked up the lane and I realised I’d walked a lot that day. With Richard in the morning up to Rose Clough, to Old Barn in the afternoon, and now to Hough Dean. It was strange walking with my dad. I hadn’t been walking with him for ages. We used to walk all the time when I was younger, but not any more. I wondered if he missed it.

  When we got there the lights were all on and there was music. It took a long time for anyone to come to the door – so long that we were about to knock again, when it opened and Richard was there.

  ‘Lauren, Andy,’ he said, smiling broadly.

  ‘We were looking for Jimmy,’ Dad said. ‘Is he here?’

  ‘I believe he is. Come in.’

  I stepped into the hall but Dad didn’t.

  ‘I’ll wait here if you don’t mind. Please could you tell him he’s needed?’

  ‘Alright.’

  Richard grabbed my hand and pulled me with him as he walked across the hall. I looked back at Dad and he frowned.

  Meg and Jimmy were sitting on separate sofas on either side of the room. They both had drinks in their hands and they were laughing at something when we walked in. The music was Sarah Vaughan – I recognised it because Mr Lion has a CD he plays sometimes. Jimmy was wearing a shiny rust-coloured smoking jacket.

  ‘Andy’s here,’ Richard said.

  They both stopped laughing.

  ‘Andy?’ said Meg. She half got to her feet, then she sat down again. ‘It’s not me he wants, is it?’ she said.

  ‘He’s here for Jimmy. Says he’s needed.’

  Jimmy was up immediately. ‘Has something happened to Suky?’

  He rushed out of the room without waiting for an answer, then came back in, pulling off the smoking jacket.

  ‘You can keep it, Jimmy,’ said Meg.

  But he slung it on the sofa and left. We all followed him. Dad was still on the step with the door wide open and the hall was getting freezing.

  ‘I’ve got the van,’ Jimmy shouted as he ran past, ‘but I’ve been drinking.’

  Meg was staring at my dad. ‘Hello Andy,’ she said quietly.

  He held her gaze for a moment, then turned to Richard. ‘It seems you’ve become quite familiar with my daughter.’

  Richard put his arm round my shoulder and pulled me to him.

  ‘We’re good friends’ he said. ‘Aren’t we Lauren?’

  Dad glared at him. ‘Just stay away.
You’ve caused enough trouble already, both of you.’ He turned to include Meg, who looked like she might cry. ‘Come on, Lauren.’

  He followed Jimmy into the yard.

  ‘Sorry…’ I said.

  Richard shrugged and kissed me on the cheek, and for a moment I thought about staying, but I didn’t. The others were waiting for me in the van with the engine running. It was dark and cold, and our breath steamed up the windows.

  ‘It’s my fault,’ Dad said as he drove down the lane, ‘I should have warned you.’

  ‘What’s happened? Is Suky all right?’ Jimmy asked.

  ‘Suky’s worried,’ Dad said. ‘Lauren, how far has it gone? Has he…?’

  ‘We’re just friends,’ I said.

  ‘Worried?’ said Jimmy.

  I put my fingers on my cheek where Richard had kissed it. It was red hot.

  As a child I was hardly ever ill. When I was, I refused to take medicine from the doctors. As soon as I could get up from my bed I went out to the garden. The grass was cool against fevered skin. The scent of the flowers was soothing and I listened to what they had to say.

  ‘Well just keep away from him. He’s dangerous.’

  Dad parked the van at Jimmy’s and we all got out. I realised I was completely knackered.

  ‘I’m going home to bed,’ I told them.

  They both kissed me and went into Jimmy’s house. I felt relieved. Dad would sort Jimmy out, tell him what’s what. Maybe he could even sort out the Steph situation as well. I walked home and put my aching limbs to bed and slept.

  The next day was Monday, a school day. My first lesson was biology, the only subject that I had in common with Peter. We weren’t in the same group, but Monday morning was practical, and his group and mine joined up. It was the only lesson all week we did together, and right from the start we’d shared a bench. This morning he wasn’t there.

  I tried to concentrate. I looked down the microscope at a group of cells and drew them in my book. I started to label features, and then I put my pen down.

  ‘Can I be excused, sir?’ I asked. The teacher looked a bit embarrassed and said ok without asking why. Probably thought it was a girl thing.

  I walked out of the room and down the corridor, and then I started to run. I ran out the back way from college, across the playing fields and into the woods. I ran along the back of the sewage works and up the hill where I’d met Richard that day, and I didn’t stop running until I ran out of breath and had to stop and bend over with my hands on my legs. After a few minutes I started again. I ran more slowly, but I didn’t stop until I reached our woods and the rock where I waited for Peter. I collapsed onto it in a heap and buried my face in my arms.

  I realised that I was crying, and that annoyed me, so I tried to stop. I was being quite noisy, gasping and choking, and I suppose being out of breath from the running didn’t help. I relaxed my shoulders and tried to steady my breathing. In and out slowly until I was calm.

  I put my fingers in my mouth and took a sharp breath in to whistle, but I choked on it. I tried twice more, and eventually succeeded in blowing the three sharp blasts that were our signal. If Peter was within hearing distance he would come. I hoped. It used to be something I could rely on, but I wasn’t sure if I could rely on anything any more, even myself, even Peter.

  I curled up as tightly as I could against the cold, hugging my knees and cramming my face into them. I might have to wait for a while. I felt like going to sleep again, but I was too cold. I ate some seeds. I tried not to think, to let my mind be a blank.

  After what seemed an age, I looked at my phone and it had been half an hour. My hands and feet were numb. I thought about Peter sleeping out in the open. He had his goat hair of course, which made a difference, but even he must protect himself against the cold. The trees were keening in the wind and there was a whisper of discontent in the undergrowth. On one side a bramble patch was baring its spikes, but on the other was a lot of dead bracken. I gathered an enormous armful and curled up again on the stone with the bracken heaped on top of me. I was surprised at the difference it made. I wasn’t cold any more.

  It wasn’t long before I was asleep. Something strange must have been going on in my body because I slept all day. Peter was too far away to hear my signal and he didn’t come, at least not straight away. Something made him come this way eventually, but by then it was dark and had been dark for many hours. I was still snuggled like an animal beneath the vegetation.

  I woke to hear him saying my name.

  ‘Lauren, wake up.’

  I could smell the woods and his animal hair, familiar smells which I loved, and I thought I might be sick.

  ‘What are you doing?’ he said. ‘You have seeds on your face.’ He brushed at my lips with his fingers.

  I was freezing. I sat up and hugged myself.

  ‘Waiting for you.’

  ‘I’ve been running with Dad. We went up to the fells near Clitheroe. How long have you been here?’

  I shrugged. ‘Since the morning.’

  ‘It’s the morning now, nearly.’

  I wanted him to hold me, warm me, but when I leaned towards him the world tipped and I was washed through with nausea. He glowed with blue and yellow light.

  I closed my eyes and opened them and he looked normal again.

  ‘I wanted to see you but you weren’t here.’

  ‘I’m here now.’

  He put his arm round me and I shrank into myself.

  ‘Look Lauren, you haven’t exactly been seeking out my company recently.’

  ‘I’ve been here for nearly a day.’

  ‘Is something wrong?’ he asked. ‘I mean, it’s not normal to sleep like that, especially when it’s cold.’

  ‘You’re a fine one to talk about normal.’

  He looked at me and, although it was dark and I couldn’t see his face properly, his eyes reflected the moonlight and I realised that he’d changed. What I’d just said was petty and spiteful, and once it would have hurt him. But what I could see was bafflement and concern.

  ‘Shall I take you home?’ he asked.

  ‘Why? Don’t you want me here?’

  He put both his arms around me and drew me close. I relaxed against his warmth and lay my head on his shoulder, feeling safe for the first time in ages.

  ‘Of course I want you, Lauren. I was just worrying about you being cold.’

  ‘I’m warm like this,’ I said.

  And we sat there for a long time, watching the sky change as morning got closer.

  The steep valleys mean that it gets light here long before there is any sighting of the sun. I don’t know what counts as sunrise, but it was probably around the time that the sky became pearlescent grey and I bent over with stomach cramps that left me breathless.

  ‘Lauren, what’s the matter?’ Peter asked.

  I was gasping with pain. He leaned over me and his smell filled my nostrils.

  ‘Don’t touch me,’ I said.

  ‘What? What’s happening, Lauren?’

  ‘I have to go.’

  ‘Are you ill?’

  ‘I need Richard. I need to find Richard.’

  I could feel the removal of his warmth. He only leaned an inch back from me, but it was like a barrier had come between us and it hurt even more than the pain in my guts. He was surrounded by a halo of blue light.

  ‘Don’t let me get in your way,’ he said, and his voice was cold.

  ‘Peter, it’s not like that. Richard’s not what you think.’

  ‘I’m sure. You’d know, after all.’

  I was caught by another wave of pain and I groaned out loud.

  ‘I have to find him,’ I gasped. ‘Will you be here?’

  ‘I shouldn’t think so.’

  ‘Peter, I love you.’

  ‘You’ve a
strange way of showing it.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I have to go.’

  And then I ran. I needed Richard and the pain wasn’t going to go away until I found him. I hoped he was at home. I didn’t seem to be getting out of breath and my legs felt strong. As I got nearer to Hough Dean the pain became less, and I could straighten up.

  On the lane I met the postman and he gave me a lift the rest of the way in his van. It was lighter still now, and the trees were displaying their branches in the new day.

  There was a light on at Hough Dean. For the second time in thirty six hours I hammered on the door and it was Richard who opened it. He looked surprised to see me.

  ‘Lauren!’ he said.

  The pain had gone.

  ‘Hi Richard.’

  He peered closer, staring at my eyes.

  ‘You’d better come in,’ he said.

  The hall smelled of toast.

  He took me into the kitchen, and Ali was there, sitting at the table and munching.

  ‘We’re going to Leeds,’ he told me.

  ‘I’m coming too,’ I said.

  Ali frowned, and looked as though she might say something, but Richard nodded.

  ‘It might be best,’ he said.

  Ali glared at him. ‘Do you know what you’re doing?’ she said.

  ‘I can’t leave her. Look at her.’

  ‘Exactly.’

  ‘You think I shouldn’t continue?’

  ‘Yes, that’s what I think.’

  ‘Well, I haven’t made that decision. Yet. I might not.’

  They stared at each other. She had toast crumbs by her mouth.

  ‘Look, I don’t know what you two are on about,’ I said, ‘but you’re not going anywhere without me. I’m part of this too, you know. I was there when Smith and Jeannie told us about the code.’

  They didn’t look at me, but Ali dropped her gaze first. She put more butter on her toast.

  ‘Whatever,’ she said. ‘Just don’t blame me when everything goes wrong.’

  I sat down at the table.

  ‘Can I have some toast too, please? I’m ravenous.’

  39. Peter

  He rarely travelled by train, didn’t often go to places he couldn’t run to. This could be a day that changed his life. He’d thought long and hard about what to wear, whether to try and blend in or just to be who he was. He’d have liked to talk to Lauren about it, but she’d made it clear who she wanted and where she wanted to be. She hadn’t time for him any more. He hadn’t even had a chance to tell her about the interview.