by Emily Forbes
‘That’s a lot to get my head around.’
‘I know. Can you understand why I didn’t want to talk about it four years ago? I just needed to forget.’
Chloe nodded. She could understand. But that didn’t mean she had to like it. ‘How long ago were you diagnosed?’
‘Six years.’
‘Are you okay now?’
‘I’d say I’m fine.’
‘You’d say. What do your specialists say?’
‘That I’m cancer-free.’
‘Did you have a sperm count done after you finished chemo?’
‘No.’
‘So you don’t know that you can’t have children.’
‘No. Not definitively.’
She withdrew her phone and turned it on, opening her photos. She held it out to him.
‘This is Lily. She has your eyes.’ She’d taken it yesterday, deliberately making sure she got Lily’s eyes to their best advantage. ‘I’d like you to meet her. Do you think that’s something you could do?’
He nodded but without any excitement. Without any anticipation. His eyes were dark with shadows back and she knew she’d put them there. She wanted the other Xander back, the one who looked like he wanted to love her. She wondered if he was gone for good.
CHAPTER NINE
XANDER WAS NERVOUS when he knocked on Chloe’s door. He had agreed to meet her at her house. She’d felt Lily would be more comfortable in a familiar environment and he hadn’t argued. It wasn’t every day you got to meet a potential offspring and he wanted to make a good impression. He wanted Lily to like him.
He wiped his palms over the seat of his jeans, making sure they weren’t clammy.
‘Hi.’ Chloe was smiling when she opened the door. She was wearing a pink T-shirt with cut-off denim shorts and canvas trainers. She looked good, she looked relaxed, and Xander felt some of his nervous tension dissipate.
‘Hi.’
‘I thought we’d take Lily to the park. She’s learning to ride her bike—it will be better for all of us if she has an activity to focus on. Is that okay?’
‘Of course.’
‘Great. I’ll get her. Do you want to wait here?’
She left him on the doorstep and his nerves returned.
‘Lily, this is my friend from work, Xander. Xander, this is Lily.’
They were back.
He looked down into a face that was a miniature version of Chloe’s, albeit with strawberry blond curls and grey eyes.
Chloe was right. She did have his eyes.
He tried not to stare.
Could she really be his?
‘Hello, Lily.’
‘Hello.’
‘Xander is a doctor. He works in the helicopter.’
‘Do you fly the helichopper?’ she asked, and her expression was so like one of his sister’s that it made him do a double take. She was definitely a Jameson around the eyes but the rest of her was Chloe.
He shook his head. ‘No. That’s Simon’s job.’
‘Uncle Tom drives an ambliance and Uncle Guy drives a fire engine.’
‘That sounds very exciting.’
‘Uncle Guy took me in the fire engine. Do you want to see my bike? Uncle Guy bought it for me.’
‘I’d love to see your bike.’
Xander walked behind Lily and watched her wobble along on her bike as Chloe occasionally gave her a little push to get her moving or a steadying hand to keep her balance. His heart swelled with pride at the idea that this gorgeous, bubbly little girl could be his.
His daughter.
But that in itself was a dilemma.
He was due to go home soon. But he knew he wouldn’t leave if it meant leaving his daughter behind. There was no way he was going to give her up. He needed to get to know her. He needed her to know him. He couldn’t believe he’d missed three years of her life already. He wasn’t going to miss any more.
Chloe had explained that she’d tried to find him and he had to believe her. He knew he’d been virtually untraceable for the better part of four years. That had been what he’d wanted. To disappear. He couldn’t blame Chloe. It was his fault his daughter didn’t know him. But he couldn’t help but wonder if Chloe could have tried harder.
He had a daughter.
Was she really his? Could it be true?
He didn’t care if it wasn’t, he realised. He wanted it to be true.
‘Why didn’t you try harder to find me?’ he asked as Lily rode ahead of them. ‘Why didn’t you try again?’
‘I didn’t stop completely. I searched the internet every year around Lily’s birthday. I found a couple of articles about you on a Canadian website about a year ago but when I called the ambulance service there you had already moved on and once again the service wouldn’t provide me with any details.’ She shrugged. ‘So I gave up again. I’m sorry. I don’t know what else I could have done.’
‘What have you told Lily about her father?’ he asked as Lily abandoned her bicycle in favour of the slide.
‘That he lives in Australia, which is a very long way away, but that he loves her very much. Now that we’ve found you I need to know if that is true before we tell her who you are. If you don’t want to be a part of her life, I’m not going to tell her any more about you but when she is older I won’t stop her from contacting you. What happens next is up to you.’
Lily was running towards them and Chloe stood up, wrapped up the conversation. ‘We need to go home now. Lily needs her afternoon nap.’
Chloe sent Lily inside to wash her hands when they got home. And Xander knew it was time for him to take his leave. The Larson family had their lives to lead and he wasn’t part of it yet.
Chloe handed him a large envelope as she walked with him to the front gate.
‘What is this?’
‘It’s our DNA samples. Mine and Lily’s.’
‘You’ve done a test?’ He was surprised.
Chloe nodded.
‘Why?’
‘I’ve thought about what you said and I decided your concerns were valid. I shouldn’t have dismissed them. There was no reason for you to believe me, even without your history. The tests were non-invasive. Lily was quite happy to copy me when I did my cheek swab. It wasn’t difficult and I thought it was only fair to you. I’m claiming that you are Lily’s father and I’m happy to prove it to you. I know what the tests results will show. It’s only fair that you have the confirmation you wanted.’
Xander took the envelope.
‘And if you are free tomorrow,’ Chloe said, ‘I thought we could spend the day together again? Just the three of us?’
‘I’d like that,’ he said as he bent and kissed her on the cheek. He’d take whatever she offered him at the moment. She’d turned his world upside down but he had to hope it would be in a positive way.
* * *
‘Where would you like to go first?’ Chloe asked as she reversed her car into a parking space near the Brighton pier. The forecast was for a beautiful day and she had decided to take Xander out of the city and Brighton had numerous attractions that would keep Lily entertained and give them all a chance to spend some time together away from her family.
‘What are the options?’
‘The Pier, the aquarium, the beach, the Tower.’
‘What would Lily like?’
‘Probably the Pier.’
Xander had charmed everyone today when he’d met her family. He had the advantage—her family knew this situation was a shock for him and they were taking it easy on him. They hadn’t bombarded him with questions; instead they were giving him time to slowly acclimatise to the idea of being a father and gaining an instant family in the Larsons. He’d handled it well, meeting everyone, but Chloe still didn’t know how he was feeling about the instant fatherhood. Was he ac
cepting the situation or was he still wary, unsure, uncertain?
She hoped he would do his DNA test soon. She knew the results would corroborate her claims and, in her opinion, the sooner that happened, the better. They couldn’t really move forward until Lily’s parentage was confirmed and they needed to work out where they went from here. There were a lot of unknowns in this new situation she found herself in.
They walked past the Royal Pavilion as they made their way to the pier.
‘A palace!’ Lily cried. ‘Is there a princess in there? Can we visit her? I’d like to be a princess,’ she continued without pausing for breath. ‘I’d like to live in a palace and wear pretty dresses every day.’
‘Do all three-year-olds talk this much?’ Xander wanted to know.
‘She does have good language skills. I think it’s because she spends so much time around adults. Me, my mum, my brothers. There’s always someone to talk to or a conversation to listen in on. Her ears are almost as big as her vocabulary.’
‘Who is your favourite princess, Lily?’
‘Anna.’
Xander looked at Chloe and she knew he had no idea who Lily was talking about. She figured he would know the traditional fairy-tale princesses but Anna and her sister, Elsa, were far from traditional.
‘Anna looks a bit like Lily,’ she said, explaining the attraction.
Lily nodded and said, ‘She has hair like mine.’
‘Can you show me a picture on my phone?’ Xander asked as he squatted down beside Lily and opened a browser on his phone.
He admired several photos of Anna, Elsa and even Olaf as they waited for their turn on the carousel and kept up a conversation with Lily, which was not an easy thing to do. She chattered non-stop and changed topics rapidly, making it difficult to keep up with her train of thought, but Xander seemed to take it all in his stride. Was he warming to the idea of being a father?
Chloe listened as Lily giggled in response to Xander’s questions about the characters. He had an affinity with Lily. Did he feel a connection with her or was Chloe making more out of this than it really was? Was she hoping for more?
She knew she was.
‘Can I go on the trampoline, Mummy?’ Lily asked as Xander lifted her off the carousel horse at the end of the ride.
‘Not yet, baby girl. You have to be a bit taller.’
Lily started to pout and Chloe expected an argument but Xander jumped in. ‘I’ll bring you back when you’re taller, Lily, but why don’t you choose something else for now.’
‘You shouldn’t make those promises,’ Chloe said quietly. ‘You might not be able to keep them.’
‘I always keep my promises,’ he insisted. ‘I am a man of my word. Honesty and loyalty are really important to me.’
Chloe let it slide. She wasn’t going to get into a debate about that in the middle of an amusement park.
‘Which ride would you like, Lily?’
‘I’ll sit this one out,’ Chloe said when Lily insisted on a turn on the spinning cups and saucers.
‘Really? What happened to your adventurous spirit?’
Four years ago she had wanted to try everything in the outback. She’d been young, full of adventure and full of joy. Sometimes it seemed like a lifetime ago. ‘I can’t handle the spinning motion,’ she said honestly as she handed over two tickets for the ride.
‘Time for one last ride,’ Chloe said as her daughter and Xander climbed out of the cups. ‘Which one would you like?’
‘That one.’ Lily pointed at a brightly lit ride that had miniature vehicles ‘driving’ around a track. Chloe could see an ambulance, a fire engine, a racing car and a rocket. ‘I want to sit in the fire engine like Uncle Guy.’
Chloe stood at the barrier, watching Lily on the ride. She felt Xander stand behind her but when he put his hands on her hips she jumped at his touch. She hadn’t been expecting that. He’d kissed her on the cheek yesterday, chaste, distracted, leaving her worried about what damage she’d done to their relationship. She wondered if the news about Lily had overshadowed their chemistry. Had it changed Xander’s view of her, and of their relationship? Was it more serious? Different? Would Lily become his priority and would Chloe be pushed aside?
She didn’t know where they were at. She had no idea how he was feeling.
‘Is that okay?’ he asked.
She hesitated.
It felt nice. She leant back into him, very slightly, and nodded. She actually wouldn’t mind if he wrapped his arms around her but Lily would be sure to notice and would be bound to ask why. Most of her questions at the moment started with that word.
* * *
Xander stood behind Chloe and watched Lily. He had his hands on Chloe’s hips but he’d felt her stiffen at his touch.
‘Is that okay?’ he asked, and then she relaxed into him. He was close enough to smell her hair. She smelt like shampoo and sunshine. He felt her apprehension, her worry, and he tried to reassure her. ‘It will be all right,’ he said. ‘We’ll figure it all out.’
He was feeling positive about the future. It had taken him a long time but he was certain things would work out. He didn’t believe in coincidences but he believed in fate. In things that were meant to be.
‘I’m hungry.’ The ride had finished and Lily was standing in front of them again.
‘How about we get some hot chips for lunch?’ he suggested.
Lily clapped her hands. ‘I love hot chippies.’
‘So does your mum. Especially when they’re somebody else’s,’ he said with a wink in Chloe’s direction.
She laughed, as he’d intended her to, and said, ‘They taste better off someone else’s plate.’
‘So I’ve noticed.’
They sat in the sunshine outside the fish and chip shop and watched as Lily threw almost as many chips to the seagulls as she ate. She climbed off the bench to chase the birds as Chloe cautioned her. ‘Be careful, Lily.’
Xander was watching Lily and saw her trip and, almost in slow motion, fall and land awkwardly, her arms outstretched.
Chloe was up out of her seat but Xander was faster. Three strides and he was beside her.
He and Chloe knelt on the ground but the moment Chloe touched Lily, her daughter screamed.
‘Hang on, Chloe, let me have a look at her.’
Lily was as white as a ghost and her left wrist was swelling already. She cradled it protectively against her body.
‘Chloe. Look at me.’ She was agitated and he waited for her to focus. ‘I think she may have a greenstick fracture. She needs to go to hospital. Do you know where the closest one is?’
Chloe didn’t answer and Xander realised she was in shock.
‘Do you need some help?’ A lady pushing a pram stopped beside them.
‘Do you know if there’s a hospital near here?’ Xander asked.
‘The children’s hospital is about a mile from here,’ she said as she pointed to their right.
‘Chloe, give me your scarf. I’ll immobilise her arm as best as I can.’
He wanted to be able to help. He wanted to be useful. He wound the scarf over one shoulder and behind Lily’s back holding her arm against her chest to stop it from bouncing around as he explained what he was doing. ‘We need to take you to the hospital. We’re going to take a picture of your arm and see what you’ve done.’
He scooped her up in his arms and headed for the car.
Xander parked the car in a doctor’s bay in front of the hospital. He didn’t care for procedure. His priority was getting Lily into the A&E. He carried her inside as Chloe walked beside them. He spied a wheelchair just inside the door and gently lowered Lily into it as he heard someone exclaim.
‘Chloe? What are you doing here?’
‘Joanna!’
Xander looked up to see Chloe being greeted by a woman in a
nurse’s uniform. He listened while Chloe explained what had happened. She seemed to have recovered her wits. She was still pale but the shock seemed to have eased.
‘I didn’t know you worked here,’ she was saying before she glanced his way. ‘Xander is a doctor. He thinks she has a greenstick fracture of her wrist.’
Lily was still pale and teary but she sat silently in the chair.
Joanna glanced at her quickly and nodded. ‘Give me a second and I’ll organise an X-ray,’ she said as she gathered some forms. ‘Can you fill these out?’
Xander took the forms. ‘I’ll do it,’ he said to Chloe. ‘You go with Lily.’
Chloe didn’t argue. She followed behind Joanna as she pushed Lily’s wheelchair through the next set of doors, whisking her away and leaving Xander alone. He sat in the waiting room and read through the forms. He filled in Lily’s birthday and her address but that was as much as he knew. There was no way he could complete the form without Chloe’s help. He knew so little about the girl who was supposedly his daughter. He didn’t know her middle name or even her surname. If she had allergies. He knew almost nothing about her and only a bit more about her mother. But he could feel himself being drawn in. He didn’t want to let Chloe go. Not this time. Not again. She came as a package deal now but that was okay.
Joanna reappeared and Xander stood up, waiting for news.
‘You were right. It looks like a greenstick fracture. I’ve left them in a treatment bay—they’re just waiting for a doctor’s consult. Have you finished with the forms?’
Xander shook his head. ‘No. I need Chloe to fill out some of the detail.’
Joanna looked sideways at him, obviously assuming he was Lily’s father and then assuming he was an idiot. He didn’t correct her, on either assumption. ‘Come with me, you can wait with them.’
