by Emily Forbes
She needed him to touch her. She needed to feel his hands on her. She couldn’t think beyond where his fingers might land next. Where she might next feel his mouth on her skin. She was consumed by need. By passion.
She reached for him now, her hands reading her mind. Reaching for his shirt she pulled it free from his pants, running her fingers over his skin, feeling the heat radiating from him. She undid his belt and her fingers fumbled with the button on his waistband. He lifted his hips and, with one hand, pushed his trousers down without moving her off his lap.
Chloe knew where this night would end—there was no denying that, just as there was no denying she wanted it as badly as she’d wanted anything in her entire life. As far as she was concerned, she was his for the taking. She knew she’d wanted this since the moment he’d reappeared in her life. She didn’t care that her life had moved on. She no longer cared where he’d been for the last few years. All she cared about was feeling his hands on her again, his lips on hers, having him inside her once again. She’d worry about what happened next another time. There was no room in her head for anything else.
His hand was on her belly and then his fingers slid beneath, under the elastic of her underwear, and rested between her thighs, covering her most sensitive spot. A place that felt like the centre of the universe. He slid one finger inside her and Chloe closed her eyes, almost unable to bear the waves of desire crashing through her. Heat flooded through her and she tore open the buttons on his shirt and pushed it aside, pressing herself against him, chest to chest, skin to skin, as his fingers continued to work their magic, bringing her to a peak of pleasure. She threw her head back as she thrust her hips towards him and just when she thought she was about to explode he paused.
She opened her eyes and she saw the question in his face. She didn’t want him to stop; there was only one conclusion she could bear to have.
She wanted him unable to resist, she wanted him at her mercy and she wanted him inside her. She pulled his head down to her and kissed him hard, wondering at what point she had become the leader. She broke away, biting his lip gently between her teeth before lifting her head. She wanted to watch him, wanted to see his expression as she took control.
She pushed his boxer shorts down over his hips, freeing him, and closed her hand around his shaft. He was fully aroused, firm and warm in her hand, and as she ran her fingers up his shaft and across the sensitive tip she heard him gasp with pleasure. His lips were parted, his grey eyes dark, his breathing rapid.
‘Wait.’ His voice was deep and hoarse, as if he could barely summon the energy to speak. He gave her a half-smile. ‘I guess we need some protection.’
Her bag lay on the floor beside the couch and she reached for it, opening her purse and finding a condom.
‘You carry them with you?’
‘Perks of the job.’ She smiled as she tore open the packet and rolled the condom onto him.
She pushed him backwards slightly, adjusting her hips before she brought him back to her and guided him inside. She welcomed him in and wrapped her legs around him to keep him close. He closed his eyes and a sigh of pleasure escaped his lips. She lifted her hips, pushing him deeper inside her, and closed her eyes too as she listened to him moan in delight. She concentrated on the rhythm of movement, the sensation of their bodies joined together as he thrust into her.
But he wasn’t to be outdone. He found a gap between their hips and with one hand he stroked the source of her pleasure. His fingers moved in small, soft circles that almost brought her undone.
She heard his name on her lips as he thrust inside her, as his fingers continued their magic, bringing her to a peak of excitement.
‘Now, please,’ she begged for release. She couldn’t hold on any longer. Her head was thrown back and Xander dropped his head to her breast, sucking on a nipple. She lifted her hands to his head, holding on to his hair, keeping his head down as he brought her to a climax. Her entire body shuddered and, as she felt her orgasm peak, she felt Xander’s release too.
They collapsed in each other’s arms, spent and satisfied.
It felt as though it had been only days since their bodies had known each other. The memory of their time together imprinted on every nerve ending, every cell, coming back without hesitation. But Chloe knew time had taken its toll. No matter how she felt. No matter how intense their chemistry was, nothing about this situation was simple.
* * *
Chloe stepped out of the shower, dried herself off and reluctantly got dressed. Xander had gone back to work for a training session and she needed to get home.
Her whole body still tingled. Their chemistry was still amazing. It hadn’t diminished and the more she learned about him, the closer she felt, and that added another layer, another dimension, to their lovemaking.
But amazing chemistry wasn’t the solution to their issues. They really needed to have a discussion about what happened next. He was insistent that they could make things work but he didn’t live here. His time in London was drawing to a close and then what would happen? She didn’t know if his comment about staying in London was serious. Was that really his plan? And what would that mean for Lily going forward?
They hadn’t even told Lily who he was yet. She had argued that Lily was young and it would confuse her. She’d wanted Lily to have time with Xander, a chance to get to know him before they thrust big changes on her. But she knew it was more about her resistance. Her own hesitance. She’d wanted more time herself. She didn’t know what changes she could cope with.
She’d had three years to work out what she would do if, when, she found Xander and still she didn’t know. The reality was that three years wasn’t long enough to figure it out and six weeks definitely wasn’t long enough.
Could they have a future? she wondered as she picked up her bag. He certainly seemed to think so but she was more pessimistic. She didn’t believe in everlasting love. But she was willing to see where this would go. For Lily’s sake.
For hers.
No one had ever made her feel like Xander had and she didn’t want to regret letting him go again.
She opened his front door, noticing again the envelope sitting on the hall table. She slipped it into her bag. She would post it. She wanted him to see the results for himself. She thought it was important.
* * *
Chloe lay curled against Xander’s side revelling in the fact that she could stay the night. Lily wouldn’t miss her. She was used to Chloe working night shifts and leaving her in Susan’s care and Chloe had no idea how many more opportunities she’d get to lie in Xander’s arms. She didn’t want to miss any of them.
She lay with her head against his chest and listened to the rhythm of his heart and let the waves of contentment wash over her. She closed her eyes and relaxed into the peace and comfort of his embrace.
‘What are you thinking about?’ His voice rumbled under her ear.
‘About one of the last times I spent the night with you. How peaceful I felt. I feel like that now.’
‘Which night was it?’
‘Your thirtieth birthday. Do you remember where we were?’
‘At Uluru.’
Chloe nodded. It had been their last weekend together before she had left Australia. ‘I think that was the most peaceful place I’ve ever been.’ They had walked around the base of the massive red rock and watched the colours change as the sun set over the ancient land. They had made love under the stars and had walked through Kata Tjuta the next morning. The weekend was everything she’d imagined it to be but a hundred times better because she was spending it with him. She had known her time was ending, that she would soon be leaving, so she made sure to savour every detail, making memories she could take home with her. ‘There was something special about that country. Something more than the space and the colours and the stars. It was spiritual. Did you feel it? Something was at work th
ere. Something bigger than us. Something powerful.’
Xander looked sideways at her. ‘Why do you say that?’
‘I think that’s when I fell pregnant.’
‘I still can’t get my head around the idea that my ex-wife and I had trouble conceiving before I had cancer but after my treatment, when I had all but given up on the idea, you fell pregnant in the blink of an eye.’
‘I think it was meant to be.’
‘Fate?’
Chloe shook her head. ‘It was more than that. I felt spirits.’ Walking through Kata Tjuta she had felt that they weren’t alone. That they were being watched. There hadn’t been a breath of wind, nor a sound. There had been not another soul in sight but she hadn’t been able to shake the feeling that they were not alone. ‘I’m not a religious person by any means but I can only describe what I felt as something spiritual and extraordinarily peaceful.’
‘Spirits?’
She nodded, waiting to see if he was going to laugh at her idea but he surprised her when he asked, ‘Why would they give us a baby?’
She’d thought a lot about this over the past four years.
‘I think I needed someone to love. I think you did too. But fate, or the spirits, forgot to factor in that I was leaving soon. Maybe it was just science. Maybe it was as simple as the pill I forgot to take and the fact that you recovered quickly, but I still feel there was more at play. I thought there was a reason it had happened.’
‘You missed a pill?’
She nodded. ‘I always take one in the morning, but when I went to get it out of my bag, I found I forgot to pack them. We were literally in the middle of the desert, so there was nothing I could do about it. I didn’t think it would matter—we were using protection as well but I guess condoms really are only ninety-nine per cent effective. I think someone, somewhere, really wanted me pregnant.’
‘You can thank the spirits,’ Xander said, ‘but I call it fate. And now fate has brought us together again. I just wish we’d had the last four years as well.’
‘Do you think we would have lasted if we’d spent every day together?’
‘I do.’ He smiled and flipped her onto her back. He lifted her into the centre of the bed and spread her legs before running his fingers up the inside of her thigh. ‘Let me show you why,’ he said as he pulled her hips towards him.
Chloe sighed and arched her back as she felt his warm breath between her thighs.
Right now, she would believe anything he told her. She didn’t even care if they didn’t have for ever. She’d got over him once before and she knew she could do it again if she had to.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
THE WEDDING HAD been beautiful and Chloe hoped that Esther and Harry would prove her wrong. She really hoped they would get their happily ever after. She realised there were no guarantees but she’d be happy to bet on Esther and Harry making the distance.
She’d enjoyed the day. The weather had been glorious, perfect for a wedding in an historic mansion, and their vows had been genuine and heartfelt and had made plenty of the guests emotional. And dinner had been divine, the speeches both entertaining and moving, and the bride looked stunning.
Chloe was already looking forward to the next wedding, to Carly and Adem’s special day, not least because it would mean Izzy was back as well. She was excited to think that the four of them—Carly, Esther, Izzy and herself—would be able to spend time together. She knew things were different now—Esther was married and Carly would soon be a wife and a mother—but even though their focus had shifted Chloe knew the four of them would always be in each other’s lives. She could count on them.
She let her gaze wander across the room, towards Xander. She had tried to concentrate on being a good bridesmaid, and she hoped she’d done her duty, but she’d been constantly on the lookout for Xander. Always aware of where he was. And whenever she looked in his direction she found he was watching her. He would wink or smile at her and she glowed in the attention.
The wedding had been fabulous but she was ready to leave now. She was ready to go home with Xander. Her mum was looking after Lily and Chloe wasn’t expected home until tomorrow.
He looked handsome in a dark, charcoal grey suit, with a fine white stripe. The colour highlighted both his tan and his grey eyes. She still got goosebumps when she looked at him and his touch continued to make her heart beat faster and her breath catch.
Could she count on him?
Could Lily?
They really needed to have a discussion about what happened next. He had mentioned leaving and he had mentioned staying but he’d said nothing about either option lately and she didn’t know what he was planning on doing next. She had no idea but she couldn’t continue to ignore the fact that he didn’t live here and his six weeks were almost at an end.
He was walking towards her. His eyes did not leave hers as he crossed the room. She waited for him. Knowing he was coming for her. His gaze pinning her to the spot.
‘Can I drag you away from your bridesmaid’s duties for a moment?’
He took her hand and she couldn’t think. She couldn’t speak. All she could do was follow him outside onto the terrace.
‘There’s something I need to ask you,’ he said.
Fairy lights glowed in the garden around them as he sat her down and then sat beside her.
‘Chloe?’
It was a magical, romantic setting and Chloe’s breath caught in her throat. ‘Yes.’
‘I want to tell Lily that I am her father,’ he said. ‘It’s time.’
‘Have you got the DNA results back?’
He nodded and withdrew an envelope from his jacket pocket.
Chloe swallowed, suddenly nervous, even though she knew what the results would show.
‘And? What do they say?’
‘I don’t know. I haven’t opened them.’
Chloe stared at the envelope that Xander held between his fingers as if she could see through it and read the writing inside. ‘Why not?’
‘Because I don’t need to. Because in my heart I know she’s mine,’ he said as he tore the envelope in two and put it back in his pocket.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Lily is our daughter, Chloe. I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me that. I trust you and I believe you. I know she’s mine and now I want to tell her who I am.’
She nodded. He was right. It was time. She couldn’t deny him this any longer. Lily deserved to know the truth too and then they’d have to work out what happened next. ‘When do you want to tell her?’
‘I want to come home with you tomorrow. I’m going back to Australia next week. My parents are celebrating their fortieth wedding anniversary and my sisters want me there. They’ve insisted. I want to take Lily with me.’
‘You want to do what?’ Chloe felt her surroundings sway. She had spots in her peripheral vision and Xander faded in and out of focus. She wasn’t sure if she was going to faint or vomit. He couldn’t take her. ‘You want to take her away?’
This was not part of the plan.
‘I’m not taking her away but I want her to meet my side of the family—’
‘Chloe! There you are.’ Carly stepped onto the deck and spotted Chloe and Xander. ‘I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Esther and Harry are leaving and I thought you’d want to say goodbye.’ She was greeted with silence and stony expressions. She looked from Chloe to Xander and back again. ‘Am I interrupting?’
‘No,’ Chloe said. She’d heard enough. ‘We’re finished.’ She stood up and followed Carly back inside, ready to farewell the bride and groom.
Chloe stood with Carly as they waved Esther and Harry off. The minute the newlyweds had departed Adem came and claimed Carly for one last dance, leaving Chloe on the sidelines. She had never felt more alone than she did right now.
‘Chloe.�
�� Xander materialised beside her. ‘Please, you need to listen to me. There’s more to explain.’ His grey eyes were dark, anxious. What more could he have to say? Was that why he’d gone quiet about his plans recently? Because he’d been intending to take Lily away? She never should have trusted him.
‘I’m tired. It’s been a long day and I want to go home.’ She was close to tears and she really didn’t think she had the energy to deal with anything unpleasant.
‘Please. Just give me ten minutes. It’s important.’
She sighed. She could tell from the set of his shoulders, from the shadows in his eyes, that he wasn’t going to let this go. ‘Ten minutes,’ she replied, and let him guide her back out to the terrace, away from the other guests.
‘I don’t want to take Lily to Australia by herself,’ he said when they were outside again. ‘She is still getting to know me. I want you to come too.’
‘Me?’
‘Of course. I couldn’t take Lily to the other side of the world without her mum. I thought we could make it a family trip.’
‘But we’re not a family,’ she argued.
‘Not yet,’ he said as he got her to sit down, ‘but I’d like us to be. People have told me you don’t miss what you’ve never had but I never believed that. I missed being a father but missing fatherhood was nothing compared to finding out I have a daughter and knowing that I could miss out on her life, on watching her grow up. There is no way I’m walking away from Lily. Or from you. I want us to be a family.’
He knelt down beside her and said, ‘I want you to marry me.’
‘What?’
‘Marry me. Make us a family.’
She was shaking as she said, ‘I can’t marry you.’
‘Why not?’
‘It’s too soon.’ Her heart was racing. It was too fast, one beat merging with the next. She couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t see.
