Perfection Is Just an Illusion (Swimming Upstream #1)

by Rebecca Barber

  “I always want you here,” James said honestly.

  Without flinching, Anna locked her gaze with his. “Okay then.”

  “So, what did you get up to since I left?” James chuckled, sliding into the lounge chair and dragging Anna into his lap. “I mean besides missing me, obviously.”

  “Obviously.” Anna grinned, kissing him again. “I see your ego didn’t take a hit?

  “Never!”

  “Cocky?”

  “Nah, confident!”

  “Anyway, Mr. Bighead. I have been a busy little bee lately. I planned our wedding. The invitations have gone out, the church has been booked, the cake tasted, my dress ordered, and the bridesmaids’ dresses have all been fitted.”

  “My, my, my. You have been busy, haven’t you?” James was laughing hysterically. “So, do I get any details?”

  “You’re not supposed to get all the details. You’re just supposed to show up and think I look beautiful,” Anna admonished.

  “Firstly, I think you look beautiful in your flannelette pyjamas, so in your wedding dress, that’s a given. And secondly, I don’t need all the details. Just some. Like, how about you tell me when we’re getting married?” James flirted unashamedly. All the frustration and anger Anna had seen in his eyes before he left was gone. All had been completely replaced by pure unadulterated love and admiration.

  They spent much of the afternoon lounging around in his hotel room, talking and laughing. They were always touching. James traced lazy circles on her legs, while Anna’s fingers tangled in his hair. They were acting as if they were sitting at home, in their own bedrooms without a care in the world. Anna told him all about her conversation with Braiden and how he showed her his love for his country. Anna explained the shock she felt when it was telecast that he was a drug cheat. James regaled his tale of disbelief and disappointment. They both agreed they couldn’t change it, so they resolved to just go with it. Before they knew it they had also concluded that remaining prisoners in a hotel room wouldn’t help either. So with a new determination, they made plans for the following day.

  James woke at five o’clock that morning with a spring in his step. He was desperate not to let this whole drug slur make an impact on his championship campaign. By six o’clock he was in the pool, pushing harder than ever before. More than ever James was determined to not only win all seven of the races he was entered in, but to smash all the world records in the process.

  When he arrived back at the hotel at nine o’clock that morning, Anna was already dressed and waiting. James was shocked to see her up and about. Despite their attempt to sneak past the media they couldn’t dodge the barrage of questions being fired at them. James continued to smile and wave at the cameras as he tried to shield Anna. The amusing part was the questions being asked had nothing to do with the drug scandal that had brought them to his front door. Now the questions focused on the sudden appearance of a woman by his side. They were desperate to learn Anna’s identity.

  Neither James nor Anna could be bothered hiding. Unlike James, it was Anna’s first overseas adventure and she was determined to make the most of it. James had been travelling around the world since he was fifteen years old. He had been to Africa, Asia, North America and all across Europe. Now he was keen to show Anna as much of this beautiful world as he could.

  Wherever they went they had an entourage shadowing their every step. Burly security guards and a bunch of paparazzi snapping their every move, James and Anna ducked into a small, cosy café for lunch. They had spent the morning shopping, giving Anna a chance to buy all the things she had forgotten to pack. They shopped for clothes, shoes, and even furniture. James and Anna were now in the midst of preparing for their future. When they arrived home in less than a month, the house hunting would start. James already selected the perfect house where he wanted them to live and raise their family. He knew the area and even the street where their home should be. Even if he had to build the house himself, James knew they were going to live by the water, in a house with views forever.

  In James’s mind he had designed everything down to the last details and he wasn’t going to settle for anything less than his dream. As they were eating their lunch and chatting easily, James decided that he should probably tell Anna about their dream house that he’d already designed. “Hey. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about where we’re going to live out our happily ever after.”

  “Have you now? Well, do tell! Where are we going to live?” Anna encouraged, stuffing another chip in her mouth.

  “Well, it doesn’t technically exist yet, so that is a slight problem. But I have designed us the perfect house—right on the water, a two-storey masterpiece. On the bottom floor, a two car garage, a rumpus room, and a guest room with an en suite.”

  Anna laughed. “Is that all, no wine cellar?” she teased.

  “No, smartie pants. Then on the top floor, a huge master bedroom, with walk-in wardrobe and bathroom. In the bathroom it will have a huge shower and double spa. Also on this floor will be another three bedrooms, so the kids have somewhere of their own, a living area, and a huge country style kitchen. The lounge dining room will have polished wood floors with bay windows that reach from floor to ceiling, overlooking the water. In the centre of one of the cream coloured walls will be a large open fire place, with a big, white, soft rug on the floor in front of it,” James stared at Anna wide-eyed.

  “Do I get any say at all in this house?” Anna baited him.

  “I haven’t actually decided yet,” James played along. “So tell me, do you like the sound of it so far?”

  “Honestly, I don’t know. I’d have to see it. It all sounds good except for the kids’ bedrooms,” Anna retorted. She knew by goading him she’d get a reaction. James finished explaining the details to her. He knew exactly what colours the walls would be. He knew every flower that would be planted in the garden. James could already feel the soft carpet between his toes. It was as if he had already lived a life in his dream home.

  After a long leisurely lunch James and Anna headed back to the hotel to collect their swimmers. James was due at training and now was as good a chance as any for Anna to work the jet lag out of her system. She always felt out of place lapping up and down the pool with world champions, Olympic legends, and world record holders in the next lane. Yet they all knew who she was and never made her feel out of place. While they were in heavy training no one spoke, they were just left to swim. This was just the way things worked and Anna felt a strange sense of calm by the consistency. She could do whatever she wanted, while getting some exercise and spending time with James.

  When they eventually made their way back to the hotel, James confessed that he had to go into camp the next morning. This didn’t surprise Anna. He always went into camp a few days before competition. Anna assured him this was a good thing. This would give Anna time to see all that London had to offer. Soon enough Anna knew there was no place she would rather be than standing poolside being James’s loudest cheerleader.

  ***

  Anna

  The next morning, after James had packed up and joined the rest of the squad in camp, Anna and Diana headed out to have an adventure. Their sightseeing trip took them past many of the most famous English landmarks. As the double decker red bus rounded the London streets or the Monopoly board, as Anna kept referring to it, they passed Buckingham Palace and Kensington Palace. The visited Westminster Abbey and the theatre made famous by William Shakespeare, the Globe. As they passed the Tower of London, their tour guide hinted of all the royal jewels housed there before breaking into song as they crossed Tower Bridge. Anna found herself wishing James could have been with her, but it was okay, he had seen it all before.

  That night Michael and Diana took Anna out for dinner. They wanted to thank her; not everyone would fly halfway around the world to support their son. It was an easy dinner with great food and friendly conversation. They had long ago accepted Anna as one of their daughters. To them they didn’t
hesitate to tell people that they had four children. Renee and James, and the ring-ins Ryan and Anna. All they needed now were a couple of grandkids to round out the picture.

  “So, Anna. How long do I have to wait to hear someone call me Pop?” Michael mocked.

  “Well, I guess you should probably ask Renee about that. I mean, when you consider the fact that she’s the one who’s married.” Anna was well aware of what they were playing at. They wanted Anna to bite but she was determined not to give them the satisfaction.

  “We already have. Renee tells me that she’s going to make me wait at least another five years! She’s decided that she’s too young,” Michael taunted.

  “Well, there you go then. If Renee is too young, then I must be way too young. If Renee’s waiting five years then we’ll wait ten!” Diana knew she had no chance of winning this argument, so she dropped it. When and if Anna and James were ready to have children they would. No amount of pushing, hinting or coercing would speed up their time frame.

  Later that night Diana and Michael would be attending a parents’ meeting to discuss how much a pain in the arse their high maintenance and highly strung children really were. They were the ones that were required to calm down their children. Be their shoulder to cry on, their punching bag, and their greatest supporter. They were the ones who had to pick them up when their mission to succeed didn’t quite reach their sky high expectations. But when their children succeeded, they got swept along with the fun and excitement. Anna was still struggling to fight off the jetlag so retreated to bed early. By barely nine o’clock Anna was curled up in her warm, lumpy hotel bed, snoring softly.

  A knock at the window just after eleven woke her with a start. Anna lay in bed listening to the incessant knocking, too scared to move. She remembered the note she’d received, the phone calls that James had gotten, and the letters that had come. Anna debated calling hotel security but decided that it was just her imagination playing tricks on her. It took her a moment and a deep breath before she was calm enough to remember that she wasn’t in Australia anymore. Surely whoever the psycho was that was tormenting them wouldn’t have followed her this far from home. Would they? Anna’s next terrifying thought turned to the reporters surrounding the hotel, waiting for anything that they could use to turn into salacious gossip. Trembling, Anna dragged herself from the warmth and comfort of her bed.

  Anna considered the possibility of it being some nosy reporter, poised at the window, ready to snap a picture of Anna looking less than her best. She giggled at the image that filled her mind–the front page of the morning paper featuring her wearing her favourite flannelette polka-dotted pyjamas, her hair out of control, her face covered by a veil of exhaustion. If she opened the window, they would be shocked by the view.

  Anna knew she was more than likely over-reacting, but curiosity was killing her. Slowly she stalked over to the window and drew back the curtains. James. Smiling, he looked perfect. He was soaked from the rain that had been bucketing down for the past couple of hours. Anna just grinned like the cat that caught the canary before stepping back, giving him room to climb through.

  “What the hell are you doing here? It’s the middle of the night! Some girls need their beauty sleep,” Anna scolded as she tried to swallow the smile consuming her. But it didn’t last long. She quickly realised she wasn’t awake enough to pull off cranky.

  “Can’t a guy do something nice for the woman he loves?” James laughed, sweeping Anna into his arms.

  “A guy can—you, on the other hand…” she trailed off as she squirmed against his grasp. Anna was more than wide awake now. The surprise of James’s unexpected appearance and the shiver that radiated through her body caused by his damp clothes had woken her completely.

  “Here I was thinking that you’d be happy to see me, but what do I get? I get a very tired and cranky fiancée who doesn’t want me. Fine then! I’ll head back and leave you alone so you can get some sleep.” James spun on his heel dramatically and headed for the window.

  “Well…since you’re already here. I guess…you should at least stay. I mean at least until the rain eases. I mean…I don’t want you getting sick,” Anna conceded, grabbing him by the arm and dragging him deeper into the room.

  “See, I knew that you’d come around!” Anna was already pulling at his wet shirt, determined to get it off his perfectly chiselled body. “This was more than I was counting on…” James laughed huskily. “But I’m definitely not complaining.”

  “I could always stop,” Anna suggested, as she slipped his shirt from his shoulders and watched it pool at his feet.

  James suddenly remembered himself and backed away from her. It caused James physical pain to see the rejection flood Anna’s beautiful face. “When can we get married? I don’t think I can restrain myself much longer.” James smiled, looking into Anna’s face with hooded, lust-filled eyes as he adjusted himself indiscreetly.

  Anna couldn’t swallow her wicked grin. “Tomorrow, if you want.” Anna’s hands were moving with such lightning speed James could barely keep up. “Wait! I have a brilliant idea!” Anna whispered before nibbling on James’s earlobe.

  James and Anna had been together for more than two years and sharing a bed for over six months, but for the first time she felt the uncontrollable urge to push for more. Morals be damned! If they weren’t married soon it would become impossible to resist. Anna knew from the desire that burned in his eyes that James was struggling too. For the first time James and Anna were fighting their greatest desires and most powerful urges. Their passion and hunger for each other was more intense than ever. Controlling themselves was like trying to control the tides.

  James looked at Anna with wanting eyes. “I should go,” he mumbled, running his hands roughly through his hair.

  Anna knew he was trying to do the right thing, trying to be a gentleman. But she didn’t want him to leave. When they were together she felt an odd sense of calm consume her. But as much as she wanted him, Anna knew that if he didn’t leave in the next few minutes all her values and morals would evaporate instantly. When it came to James, she was powerless. But guilt beat out desire as she placed her hand in the centre of James’s perfectly exposed chest and pushed him towards the window. Stepping onto the balcony with rain trickling down his face, Anna kissed him with everything that she was. “I love you. And I will see you at the pool tomorrow.”

  “Promise?” James’s eyes lit up with hope.

  “Promise. And if you’re a really good boy, I might even have a surprise for you once you finish competition. But only if you behave.” With chaste kiss and a playful smack on his butt, he was gone. He left just as quickly as he had arrived.

  Anna stumbled back into bed, but couldn’t sleep. She spent over an hour tossing and turning. It was as if that visit from James had awoken part of her she never knew existed. Anna gave up trying to sleep and dived straight into a cold shower. Standing under the frigid water, Anna filled her hair with the apple-scented shampoo. She was trying anything to calm her hormones and get her mind off James. Anna was singing and dancing, as if she was a child. Anna didn’t feel the chill until she emerged from the shower and her toes hit the cold tiles. Perched on the side of the bathtub, wrapped in only a towel, she looked at her body, wondering what exactly it was that captured James’s attention. She looked down, examining her nakedness, and was consumed with embarrassment. She’d never considered herself to be ugly but she never thought of herself as worthy either. But sitting there exposed, she realised the complete ugliness that was her body. It wasn’t just ugly though, repulsive and vile were a more accurate description. Anna just couldn’t understand how James could possibly be interested, never mind aroused. Anna found some dry pyjamas and rushed to dress, desperate to hide.

  After pouring herself a cup of herbal tea, Anna climbed into the old, rustic coloured armchair in the middle of the room. It was nearly three-thirty in the morning but there was no point bothering to go back to bed; she knew she wouldn’
t sleep. Not with that many thoughts buzzing around inside of her head. She snuggled down into the comfort of the armchair with her book. Flicking through the pages absentmindedly, Anna soon realised it was no use. Nothing could distract her thoughts of James. There was no denying it. She was obsessed.

  ***

  James

  James was just as awake as Anna. He spent the night tossing and turning, trying to justify going to Anna’s hotel and why he had let things go as far as they did. The rules Anna and James had enforced onto their relationship had been crystal clear right from the start. The problem was now the lines were blurry. James knew and understood Anna’s moral code and it was one of the things that he most admired about her. The way she stuck to her guns and refused to yield, no matter how much she wanted to. James admired her strength and determination and had followed suit without hesitation, although admittedly in the last few weeks it was becoming harder and harder to stay committed.

  ***

  Anna

  The next morning Anna awoke with a kink in her neck. She’d fallen asleep in the armchair, book in her lap. Everything ached. Her body was stiff and sore from the way she had somehow managed to wrap herself around the arm of the chair. Stumbling to her feet, Anna headed back to the bathroom. Although it was only a few hours since her last shower, Anna knew the only way to work the aches and pains out of her tired body was to immerse herself in a scalding bath. Dipping a toe in, the relief was instant. Her heart was racing, her mind whirling, and her knees trembling as she recalled the way she had felt in James’s arms.

  An hour later Anna was on the train heading to the pool. It gave her time to think. Anna thought about everything she’d wanted to say, about all she wished she’d done. If last night was any indication, Anna knew that the wedding couldn’t come soon enough. She just hoped that James was experiencing all the same symptoms she was. She prayed he had the strength to ignore all those thoughts and ideas, at least for the next few days.