by Cydney Rax
“Blocked,” she muttered. Nicole was so upset that she grabbed her purse. She called Nadia.
“Hi there. I know I’m supposed to pick up Emmy, but an emergency has come up. So I will get her later on if that’s alright with you.”
“So you’re not coming to get your daughter soon? Ms. Nicole, I-I had other plans. I was going to go out tonight.”
“Nadia, please. I really need your help right now.”
“I can reschedule, no problem.”
“Thanks so much.” Nicole decided to unexpectedly stop by Nadia’s. She raced to Nadia’s place and rang the doorbell. Nadia answered, looking surprised.
“I’m sorry for this, I’m sorry for the inconvenience.” Nicole pressed a fifty in her hand. “Let me handle some business real quick and then you’ll be free to do whatever you had planned to do.”
“Okay.” Nadia smiled and tucked the cash in her bra.
Nicole ran and hopped back in her Jeep. She drove over to Shyla’s, but when she saw a lot of cars in the driveway she decided to keep moving. She continued traveling along the streets with no idea what her future held.
At one point Nicole glanced up and saw a huge billboard. It was an advertisement for a church called Solomon’s Temple. In the photo, the pastor, London P. Solomon, stood next to a woman whom Nicole assumed was his wife. His hands were outstretched. Soon she found herself driving in the direction of the church.
Once she found its location, she parked, got out of the car, and practically ran to the front entrance. The church felt majestic and appeared white and pristine. She wondered if she looked out of place. Was she dressed properly? She was afraid that she wouldn’t fit in when it came to church. But she opened the double doors and went inside anyway.
Nicole wandered around until she came across a directory mounted in the hallway. She decided to go to the administration office. Even though it was a weekday, there was plenty of activity going on. As soon as she entered the offices, a couple of women smiled and greeted her.
“May I help you?” one of them said.
“Yes.” She nodded. “I need help.”
The woman took one look at Nicole and gently grabbed her hand. She led Nicole inside a suite of offices, where Nicole saw several men and women behind desks answering telephones.
“That’s our crisis line room,” the woman explained.
She continued past the phone banks and into another area.
“Sit here. Someone will be right with you.”
Then she left. Nicole was all by herself in a place she’d never been before. She was tempted to quietly rush out of the church. She rose to her feet. And that’s when a woman quietly stepped up next to her and extended her hand.
“Hello, little sister. I’m Sister Zaire.”
Nicole reluctantly shook her hand. She sat back down on the edge of the chair. She discreetly touched the bottom of her eyelids and let her fingers absorb the wetness that had gathered there.
“You need a tissue?” Without waiting for Nicole’s answer, Sister Zaire handed her a box.
Nicole took it and mumbled thanks.
“Someone told me you said you need help. I’ll try my best. What brings you here?”
Nicole’s story unfolded in short, awkward sentences. She felt like a fool . . . a stranger pouring out her heart to a stranger. She wanted to run and hide, but the lady seemed so kind and inviting.
“I’m sorry for bothering you, but I have no one else to talk to. Not really. My-my best friend hates my guts. No one at work really likes me. Even my own husband doesn’t love me anymore. I’m not sure if he ever did.”
Sister Zaire patted Nicole’s hand.
“It’s going to be alright. Trust and believe.”
“Believe?”
She nodded. “Believe even if you can’t see. That’s what faith is. Blind faith believes when nothing is physically in front of you. I will say this, little sister, God loves you. Believe that.”
Nicole wiped her eyes again. The woman wore an Afrocentric dashiki. She looked calm and powerful. Her voice was strong, spirited, and sure. Her head was held high, like she knew who she was and was proud of it.
“Anyway, Sister Zaire, everything in my life is falling apart. And it used to be perfect.”
The woman sat back in her swivel chair. “Define ‘perfect’.”
“I had my man, my house, a good job, a perfect baby who is cute, healthy, funny, and feisty. The man that I loved was my husband, and I was always scared that he might not want me back a while ago. I did some things that could have made him walk away. But he stayed. We got married. I wanted him so bad.”
“I see.” She studied Nicole with a kindly expression.
“Allow me to say this, little sister. Our definition of perfection is when everything is going exactly the way that we want it to go.”
“Yes, I guess you’re right.”
“But now things in your life aren’t going your way. And that doesn’t feel good. It feels painful.”
“Yes. You described my life perfectly. I wake up in pain, and I go to bed in pain.”
“Let me say this about perfection. God’s perfect plan can involve pain. Take, for example, when he allowed his only Son to suffer and die on a cross for the sins of the world. A plan that involved pain, so that the world could have joy through the death of his loving Son, Jesus.”
Nicole tried not to flinch every time Sister Zaire said “God” or “Jesus.” She felt like they were right in the room staring at her, and it made her feel spooked.
“In other words, little sister, perfection may not always feel good, but there can be purpose in the pain.”
“I’m not trying to be funny, but I’m not exactly God’s best child. So why do I have to feel the pain I’m going through now?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s a wake-up call. Like our bodies can hurt to let us know we need to get something checked out at the doctor due to physical pain we experience. Perhaps the emotional pain is trying to tell you the same thing. It’s something you have to figure out. Maybe you need to walk in another direction, make a different decision, and do it until the pain that you feel goes away.”
But why did going in another direction have to mean losing her husband? She didn’t want that.
“I hear what you’re telling me, but this is what I think is happening. I think I made a few bad choices. And the bad choices overwhelmed any of my good choices. Now I’m paying for them big-time.”
“Key word. Choices. We have free choice. Sometimes that’s good, other times it hurts us, as you can probably testify to.” Sister Zaire looked as if she wanted to say more, but she grew quiet and simply stared at Nicole.
“Well, certain choices have definitely hurt me, Sister Zaire.”
“The good news is that the pain won’t last forever, even though it feels that way right now.”
“How do you know? Can you guarantee this is going to go away? When will it leave? When will I feel normal again?”
Sister Zaire laughed, her eyes sparkling with kindness, not judgment.
“One day, little sister, all the pain will disappear. That’s all I can tell you.”
“Oh, like one day when I’m dead and gone?”
“If you’re fortunate, you will live to see Him take the pain away.”
And she took Nicole’s hand and they sat there together in quiet reflection.
It hurt Nicole to keep her mouth shut, but for some reason she felt she needed to sit and remain silent. She thought about all the choices she’d made in her life and hoped that she could do better in the future. Do a million times better.
Chapter 13
It was Friday. Kiara and her man took a day off from work. Myles was out of school too. And Jazzy was being cared for by Mama Flora.
They were all in Eddison’s car on their way to some much-needed recreation. Eddison drove into the parking lot of the iFLY building, one of several facilities in the Houston area that offered indoor skydiving.
<
br /> “What is this?” Kiara asked.
“A surprise. I’ve always wanted to skydive.”
“Eddy, you must be out of your mind. There’s no way I’m doing that.”
“C’mon, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.”
“I can knock it all day long and I still won’t be trying it.”
“Mommy, you’re a scaredy cat. I’m going to do it. I’m not scared.”
“Eddy, please don’t let my baby skydive.”
“We’re all doing it. Including you,” he stubbornly told her.
Kiara continued to protest while Eddy tried to convince her that she needed to do something daring for a change. He pulled on her arm and tried to coax her inside the building, but she remained steadfast in her seat.
“Why are you doing this, Eddy?”
“It’s different. It’s fun. And it helps you to confront your fears.”
“You are a crazy-ass man, and I’ll be waiting in the car while you two fools go and try to get yourselves killed.”
“No one has ever gotten killed from this.”
“That’s because they were smart enough to stay outside and wait in the damn car.”
Eddison laughed and rolled his eyes. “I thought I had a strong Superwoman who could face anything.”
“Oh, that outfit you saw me wearing on Halloween one time is just a costume that looked cute on me. But Superwoman? That’s not really me, Eddy.”
“You are Superwoman even if you don’t think you are.”
She smiled. He smiled back. Then she looked angry. “Nice try, babe. Nope, still not going.”
After a couple more minutes, Eddison gave up begging. He got out of the car along with Myles, and they headed to the front entrance of the building.
“Have it your way, Kiara,” he yelled. “It’s hot as hell outside and you’ll be waiting, oops, I mean melting, for at least an hour.”
“You got AC. I ain’t worried. Hand over your keys.”
He shook his head and tossed her his keys.
While Eddy and Myles went to do their indoor skydiving, Kiara got on the driver’s side of the car, turned on the ignition, and flipped on the air. Then she dialed up her girlfriend Adina Davis.
“What up, my Nubian queen?” Adina said when she saw that Kiara was calling.
“So much has been happening. Sorry I haven’t been calling you back.”
“No problem. I knew you would when you found the time.”
“Yes. Time. It seems I have much less of it. And managing my life has gotten so complex.” She got Adina caught up on the latest happenings of her complicated life.
“Eddy and I are still good. He’s going through some family stuff right now, and all I can do is be there for him.”
“That’s my girl.”
“But, on the other hand, my crazy ex is proving to me that the best decision I ever made was getting away from him.”
Adina laughed. “I could have told you that, girl.”
“He’s a hot mess. He’s married to another woman and still hounding me. Not just hounding me, either. He’s stooped so low that he has outright lied on my man. Ain’t that crazy?”
“That’s Rashad.”
“Yeah, so I gotta be real careful, because, you know, that’s my kids’ father. I have to pretend like he’s a great man even though I want to wring his neck. I’m tempted to not even let the kids see him sometimes.”
“Okay, I can’t stand Rashad, but keeping him from his kids would be dead wrong.”
“I know. You’re right. I’m just so scared, though, that he may plant some weird ideas about Eddy inside Myles’s head. He’s so good with my kids, and I’m afraid that Rashad may scare the man away.”
“I hope Rashad is not that crazy, and I hope you aren’t allowing fear to rule your decisions, Kiara.”
“No, not at all,” Kiara told her and decided not to tell her exactly where she was right then. “I’m going to continue to live my life regardless. And I will do it unafraid,” she said as she stared at the skydiving building. “I’m trying not to be scared of anything.”
“But remember that time you and Rashad had that boat accident?”
Kiara clearly remembered that day. It was a year after she and Rashad had first been married. She hated taking risks, but early that Saturday morning, he begged her to go with him to ride on one of his friend’s boats. They were going to drive down to Kemah Boardwalk and take a sailboat out on the water.
“Rashad, you can’t swim.”
“It’s cool. We’ll be wearing our life jackets. It’ll be fun.”
“I’m shocked you’ve agreed to do this, but if you insist, I’ll tag along.”
“Great. I’ll let Corey know.”
Rashad called up his buddy Corey, and Kiara scrambled to find her bathing suit and packed a light lunch for the two of them. Once she was buckled in their car, she sat back and relaxed. “I’m starting to think this will be fun. It’s kind of romantic. I will do anything as long as we’re together, baby.” Her husband winked at her and sang at the top of his lungs all the way down I-45 toward Galveston. They took the Kemah Boardwalk exit and drove to the parking lot, where they met Corey and his girlfriend at the Seabrook Marina.
Corey allowed the women to step onto the boat and untied the rope that anchored his day sailor.
“Let’s go,” Corey yelled. “You’ll never forget this as long as you live.”
At first Kiara’s shoulders were clenched and tight. But twenty minutes into the ride, she began to laugh and joke and have a good time with the others. The sky boasted a brilliant-looking blue and there wasn’t a cloud in sight.
But thirty minutes later, the fun that they were having had come to a stop.
“Oh shit, water’s coming into the boat,” Corey yelled.
“What does that mean?” asked Kiara.
“Stand up, and hold on.”
She stood up and clutched her life vest against her body. She grabbed her purse. Soon water came over her feet. She was wearing her favorite sandals. It didn’t take long for them to get covered and eventually slide off as the water rose higher and higher. Soon she was up to her thighs in water and it was steadily rising.
Kiara was frightened. She could swim, but it was one thing to be in a six-foot-deep pool. Things felt more harrowing out here in the ocean—an ocean that had sharks.
“Rashad,” she screamed. During the initial panic, she hadn’t noticed that he did not have on his life jacket. Earlier he had complained it was getting in the way of his fun, so he casually took it off and threw it somewhere in the boat.
“Rashad, baby, you can’t swim.”
The color drained from her husband’s face. Corey swam over to Rashad and tried to hold him up. By that time the boat floated on its side. They had all been dumped out of the boat and were treading water in the Gulf of Mexico.
“Sharks,” Kiara shouted as the color drained from her face. “What about sharks?”
“Don’t say that,” screamed Corey’s girlfriend.
Although she wore a life vest, the currents made Kiara go under. She closed her eyes and sucked in her breath. The water rushed over her head. The sound of bubbles filled her ears. She rose back up to the top, breaking the surface. She screamed, “Help,” and hoped someone could hear her.
Corey struggled to hold Rashad up. Corey was only five-feet-six and his skinny arms were getting tired. “Don’t you dare drop him,” Kiara pleaded. She fought hard to stay positive, but it seemed they were doomed.
Thankfully the Coast Guard was nearby and spotted the four people in the water. They were all rescued, Rashad did not come close to drowning, and Kiara felt grateful they made it out alive.
“Now, do you see why I hate taking risks?” she told Rashad once they were safely home. “That whole ordeal scared the shit out of me . . . literally.”
“Aw, babe, I didn’t mean to scare you like that. I just wanted to show you a good time.”
“The best way t
o show me a good time is to always be safe. I mean it, Rashad. I don’t want to lose you to any foolishness.”
Ever since then, Kiara hated doing anything that involved tremendously scary risks.
“No more little boats,” she’d declared back then. And today during her chat with Adina she wanted to show strength even if it was just in her romantic relationships.
“I’m sure you know how to handle both Eddy and Rashad,” Adina told her.
“Yes, I do. I will try to maintain peace between all of us even if it kills me.”
“Alrighty then. We will talk later. ’Bye, Kiara.”
They hung up.
Waiting in that parking lot of the iFLY building, Kiara continually looked at her watch; she was tempted to run inside the building to make sure Eddison and Myles were alright. But in some ways letting Myles go in there with Eddison was a test. Did she trust her man enough to believe he’d take great care of her son?
“I have to trust this man. I can’t be with him if I don’t trust him.”
* * *
As Kiara continued to wait in her car, her cell phone screen lit up. She picked up. “Hello, Rashad.”
“Hey, beautiful.”
“Wow, are you even authorized to say something like that to me, ex-husband?”
“I can say whatever I want to you. You know you will always be my heart.”
“You know what’s funny, Rashad? When we were married, I was dying for you to say nice romantic things to me. But you rarely had time. And now that you’ve gotten a second wife, it seems you have plenty of time to tell me what you should have told me a long time ago. Why is that?”
“It took losing you to realize how good I had it.”
“Is that right?”
“It’s true, Kiara. You were a damn good wife. I was so proud of you. You were doing your part. I didn’t do mine. And . . . I apologize for failing you.”
Kiara was speechless. He’d never been this honest and vulnerable with her. For a moment she wondered what would have happened if she hadn’t been so hell-bent on countersuing Rashad for divorce. Maybe she shouldn’t have been so stubborn and eager to pay back all the pain he’d given her through his numerous affairs.
