by Cydney Rax
“Yeah,” he continued. “I’ve been wanting to say that. To even take you out and have a face-to-face for a while now.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah, Kiara. You know what? I miss being a family. Coming home to you and Myles. It was just us against the world. We created something great, Kiara, didn’t we?”
“Actually, I can’t deny that. I can’t imagine life without the babies. That’s one good thing that happened in the midst of a whole lot of bad.”
“Can you ever forget that? Would it be impossible to start over and do things the way you always wanted them to be done? Look, Kiara. I was a major fuckup. Do you know how hard it is for me to admit that? Even over the phone?”
“No,” she murmured. “I cannot imagine. It’s hard to see this side of you, Rashad. When I was busy loving you, you were busy acting a fool. Disrespecting me. Locking me out of your heart and pushing me out of your life and your bed.”
“I know. Don’t remind me.”
“I have to remind you, or else you could keep doing it over and over again.”
“But that’s it. I am not that man anymore. He’s dead. I don’t want to treat you bad ever again, Kiara. You’re my heart. You belong to me, not that lame ass.” He couldn’t finish. He knew by insulting Eddison, he wouldn’t score points with this woman.
“Mrs. Eason. You’ll always be Mrs. Eason to me. Can you please find it in your heart to let it go?”
“Rashad, have you ever heard that expression, ‘Too little, too late’?”
“I have. But for some things it’s never too late to say what’s really important. So, for what it’s worth, I love you, Kiara Eason. I hope you will always be Kiara Eason. Never marry that corny fake dude you got.”
“Leave Eddison out of this.”
“You’re right. This isn’t about him. It’s about me, Rashad, and how I feel about you. I love you. I do.”
“Rashad, please.”
“But it’s the truth. Remember how you would always demand the truth from me? So here I am right now, giving it to you, Kiara.”
“But it’s making me mad.”
“That’s what truth does, though. I got angry at myself for realizing I’d lost a good thing, the best woman I’ve ever known.”
She felt herself getting weak. His voice sounded gravelly, so sincere, like he really wanted her to believe him.
“You know how I feel about you, don’t you? How do you feel about me?”
“Rashad, I’m about to go!”
“Wait a second, please hear me out. What I’ve learned is that people push you to be open and honest and to tell them the truth, and when you do tell them the truth, sometimes they get mad at you for doing it. You should never ask for the truth if you cannot handle the truth.”
“Rashad, don’t you realize the things that you’re saying right now is what I needed three years ago? What can I do with what you’re telling me today? You always seem to forget that you’re a very married man.”
“Does that mean if I wasn’t married you’d think about reconciling with me and let me be the man that I always should have been for you and the kids?”
A gasp flew out of Kiara’s mouth. What was this man doing to her? Why was he pressuring her with his emotional outbursts and forcing her to think about things—awful, painful, complex things that she did not wish to consider?
“Do you still love me, Kiara? Tell the truth.”
She stared at her cell phone screen and glanced at the contact photo of her ex-husband, the man who’d stolen her heart over ten years ago. Kiara had an old picture of him in her phone. Yet she knew that he was still extremely handsome. He always took care of himself physically, which was why women were always attracted to Rashad Eason. And she knew his drive to work hard and make his company something to be proud of would never leave him. That was the man she’d wanted to marry. She had to admit that she’d known what she was getting from day one.
A regretful tear slipped down Kiara’s cheek when memories of their good times flashed in her head. Their laughter, the jokes, the amazing lovemaking, and their mutual enjoyment of Myles as he was growing up. Even though Rashad couldn’t see her or know what she was thinking, Kiara felt embarrassed. She quietly wiped the tear away. She found her voice and told him that she had to hang up the phone. She promised him that she’d answer his question later.
“Just go on and say it now, Kiara. Please tell me you love me.”
“No seriously, I-I have to think about it. I’ll hit you up when I can.”
He finally gave in and told her that he would hold her to it and she’d better not forget. She told him, “Rashad, I promise. I won’t forget. I gotta go.”
They hung up the phone.
Little did Kiara know, it was the last time she’d ever speak to him.
Chapter 14
“I can do this,” Nicole told herself. “If I can pull it off, it’ll be worth it.”
With its motor running, Nicole sat behind the wheel of a rental car. It was Friday, around ten in the evening. Her eyes were focused on a two-story house in Fresno, the one where Rashad used to live with Kiara. A radiant full moon hovered overhead. Gray clouds moved across the sky, and Nicole hoped the night looked dark enough to shield her from curious eyes.
Kiara’s car sat in the driveway. Nicole hoped that meant the woman was inside. She rummaged through a tote bag and removed a heavy brick and a black permanent marker. She had stolen the brick the other day when she’d passed by a new home development. Dozens of bricks were lying around. The workers were gone for the day. And before Nicole knew it, she got out her car, picked up one brick, and ended up taking it with her.
Nicole flicked on the interior light of the car and scribbled on the side of the brick: LEAVE RASHAD ALONE.
With brick in hand, she quietly got out of the car. It was a black standard rental. She walked to the rear of the car and knelt beside the trunk. She reached inside her jacket pocket and took out an index card and a roll of invisible tape. She arranged the white card so that it partially hid the two right numbers of her license plate. She applied tape over each edge so that the card would remain secure.
Nicole returned the tape to her pocket and rose up. Both of her hands were hidden inside thin leather gloves. She surveyed the area and didn’t notice a single neighbor walking around. Pure quietness surrounded the area except for the sound of the swirling wind. Nicole headed up the path that led to Kiara’s front door, then she made a quick left and was soon standing on the side of the huge two-story house.
When she’d secretly scoped out the house the other night, there was ample room between this house and the one next door. Taking a deep breath, Nicole stood right next to the kitchen window. She prayed that Kiara’s kids weren’t in that room. She drew back her hand and flung the brick with all her might. The brick crashed into the window. She immediately froze when the sound of shattering glass pierced her ears. Several dogs began barking. The yelping sounded like it came from the neighbor’s backyard. Startled, Nicole turned around. Her feet quickly moved as she zoomed between the houses and headed for the rental. Wearing brand-new black gym shoes, she cut across the damp grass. She got in the car and closed the door; the engine was still running just as she’d left it. She pulled the lever into reverse and prayed no other car would be driving down the street.
The front porch lights of Kiara’s house flicked on.
“Shit.”
At the same time, headlights from an approaching vehicle illuminated the street. It was just about to pass Kiara’s driveway. Nicole felt trapped as she waited on the older car with the bad muffler.
“Hurry the fuck up,” she said, nearly yelling.
A tall figure emerged from inside Kiara’s front door. He stood on the porch, then began to approach Nicole. She ducked her head and burnt rubber backing out of the driveway, almost hitting the older car. She put the car in drive; it wildly lurched forward. She heard yelling and looked in her rearview mirror.
Eddison Osb
orne raced behind her car. “Hey, wait.” He waved his hands until he decided to stop running. Nicole watched him in the mirror and felt relieved; she hoped that the little piece of paper she’d used to cover the license plate was still holding up. That little piece of paper would save her.
Soon Eddison’s image became smaller and smaller.
Thinking of her plan, she knew it would only work if Kiara Eason got the message loud and clear: “Stop trying to play two men against each other. If you want that stupid-ass Eddison Osborne, keep him, but leave me and Rashad the hell alone.”
It was her last small attempt to abandon the idea she’d presented to Ajalon. If she could scare Kiara into leaving Rashad alone, she was sure he’d come to his senses. She could tell Ajalon never mind, there was no need to kill Rashad. But time would tell, and Nicole was running out of it.
* * *
Kiara knew something was terribly wrong. She had been enjoying a bath when the loud crash scared her. She asked Eddy to go check things out. After ten minutes, Eddy returned to the bathroom.
“I saw a woman who looked like Nicole backing out of the driveway.”
“Are you serious? Are you sure?”
“I could swear it was her. But when I tried to wave her down, she drove off like she’d just robbed a bank.”
“But why would she throw something through the window?”
“I don’t know, but maybe this will tell you why.” Eddy showed Kiara the brick. It was covered with tiny glass particles.
Kiara read the words that asked her to leave Rashad alone.
“What’s that all about?” Eddison asked in a clipped voice.
“You already know. That bitch is nuts. I’m going to report her to the police.”
“But does she have a good reason to go to these extremes, Kiara?”
“Eddy, she busted my fucking window. I’m going to have to file a claim.”
“I see.” Eddison studied her curiously. “Is Rashad worth all of this drama?”
“Surely you can’t take a brick that she wrote on seriously.”
“I don’t know how to take it, Kiara. I want to trust you.”
“You want to trust me? I can’t believe you said that. What about your own mysterious behavior?”
“I have no mysterious—”
“Bullshit. You give me half answers when I question you about parts of your life. I want to trust you, Eddy, God knows, I do, but sometimes I’m not sure.”
“But is your reason for sometimes acting like you do because you are still in love with your ex?”
“No,” she cried. “That’s crazy. You know damn well he and I aren’t together.”
“You aren’t together, but it won’t necessarily stop you from loving him.”
“Well, you’re wrong.”
Kiara wanted to tell Eddison about Rashad’s recent confession of his love to her. She wanted to tell him that her ex asked her if she still loved him. But she couldn’t tell Eddison. Because if she truthfully retold the whole conversation, her man might want to know why she didn’t just tell Rashad no. Why couldn’t she just tell Rashad that she didn’t love him anymore?
Eddy stared at Kiara as if he was trying to see inside her heart.
Kiara sputtered, “Eddy, you know that Nicole Greene is bat-shit crazy. I don’t know why she does things like that.”
“Nicole Eason, Kiara.”
“Huh?”
“Don’t forget. She’s not Miss Greene anymore.”
Kiara nodded miserably and said the words she hated to speak. “Nicole Eason.”
“If she’s as crazy as you think she is, maybe it’s because you’re driving Nicole to be that way. She’s still not sure that her husband is really her husband. And maybe it’s because you have a hard time completely letting go of Rashad.”
“What the fuck? Eddison, now you sound nuts. I don’t want him any more than the man on the moon.”
“I hope not, Kiara.” He stared at her with tired eyes. “Look, maybe I should cut out early. Go back to my house and think about things.”
Kiara rose up in the water and stood up in the tub. “No, baby, no. Don’t let Nicole’s insane ways make you think untrue things about my love for you.”
Eddison turned around and headed out the door.
“We’re still good, aren’t we, babe?” she yelled.
The next thing Kiara heard was the loud banging of the door. He’d left her. Kiara couldn’t believe it. In that moment she felt so incredibly angry. Things had been going considerably well for her. Lately she had been in a happier space. She had her kids, her health and strength, a great job, but did she still have Eddison? She sat back down in the tub and sank under the warm, soothing bubbles. Her cell phone was sitting near the table close enough to reach. She grabbed it carefully so that it wouldn’t fall into the water. She speed-dialed Eddy. Straight to voice mail.
She then texted Rashad with trembling hands.
You need to handle your bitch or else I’ll be forced to. Why did she come over here and throw a brick in my fucking window talking about leave you the hell alone?
Kiara thought twice about whether to press SEND or not. Two seconds later she sent it.
She threw her phone to the floor and leaned back against the tub, trembling uncontrollably.
She kept hoping Eddy would call her or come back to the house so they could talk. But he didn’t.
Kiara decided that no way was she about to lose the best man that had ever happened to her, due to the worst woman that had ever happened to her.
* * *
Distraught, Nicole drove on and on until she saw a Super Walmart. It was twenty minutes till midnight; she still had time to take care of some important business. She unscrewed the cap from the bottled water that she purposely placed in the rental car earlier that day. She took a piece of tissue paper from her purse and poured a tablespoon of water on it. She removed the new gym shoes from her feet and wiped off any mud, grass, and other residue. She placed the shoes inside an empty shopping bag. Then she reached in the backseat, picked up a pair of flip-flops, and put them on her feet. She grabbed her purse and the shopping bag and went into the store.
The customer service department was about to close for the day. Nicole approached the counter, aware that all kinds of cameras were stashed in the ceiling watching her every move. She tried to look calm and act normal. Soon it was her turn.
“Hi, I want to return these shoes. Here’s the receipt.”
The cashier asked if anything was wrong with the shoes.
“No. I just don’t want them. I—” She hushed her mouth, not wanting to say too much.
“Do you want your money back in cash or on a gift card?”
“Huh? I thought I automatically get the cash, right?” She felt annoyed at that point. The lady needed to hurry. Nicole wanted to make another purchase before midnight.
The cashier completed the transaction and finally handed Nicole her refund. She hurried off to the back of the store and picked up a case of beer.
When she returned to the front of the store and stood in line, she felt fine until the cashier carded her.
“I’m over twenty-one,” she snapped.
“I know, but by law if you look like you’re under forty, I have to ask you for a valid ID.”
“That’s messed up.”
“Don’t blame me. I just work here.”
“May I see a manager?”
“Sure, but what good will that do?” The cashier glanced at her watch. “You better make up your mind about whether or not you’re going to show me ID, because I can’t sell any liquor after twelve, whether you’re forty years old or a hundred.”
“What a joke,” Nicole said under her breath. She didn’t want this woman to look at her name, see her address, or notice any info that might cause her to remember Nicole.
Reluctantly, Nicole flashed her ID. The salesclerk took a long time to review it. It was as if she was giving Nicole a hard time on purpose.
But once she left the store and got back in the rental car, she felt happier. At least she was able to return those gym shoes with no problem. She drove on to her apartment. As soon as she got inside, she opened the case of beer. She raised one can to her mouth and took a generous swallow. She finished off one can and quickly popped open another, and alternately drank from a bottle of whiskey that she’d already had but never finished.
Nicole felt out of control and nothing could soothe her right then except the alcohol. Her life was a mess, and regardless of all the advice given by her mother, her former best friend, and even a church woman, she had no idea how to fix things. Just that fast, she felt regretful about the vandalism, but she knew it was too late to take back her reckless actions.
She opened up the music app in her phone and began to play a K. Michelle song titled “Cry,” paying special attention to the lyrics.
With the song on repeat, Nicole heard the words in the darkness of her living room. “You understand my feelings,” she said, addressing the singer even though she knew the woman could not hear her. “You’ve been through all kinds of shit with men, just like I have. Hell, I could have written this song.”
Nicole felt woozy, like the room was spinning around. She talked to herself. “You gonna suffer for everything you did, Rashad. If you hadn’t dogged me out, I wouldn’t be here right now.” She felt love and hate for him at the same time.
“Don’t call me, either, begging for forgiveness.” Her words were slurred, but her meaning was clear. “But if you call me in the next ten, fifteen minutes, and apologize to me, we will forget any of this ever happened.”
At twelve thirty in the morning, her phone rang. Unlisted number. She thought it might be Rashad or even Ajalon.
She picked up. “Hello.”
“You sick-ass bitch.”
“Who is this?”
“Nicole, why did you come to my house, causing trouble?”
“Oh, it’s you.”
“You damn right it’s me. You must be out your motherfucking mind.”
