Searching for Neverland

by Alexander, Monica

  I opened my mouth to start flirting again, but before I could say anything, I noticed Casey walking in the front door. I got up to greet my friend and asked Cole to save my seat. No way was I letting anyone else claim my prime real estate for the evening. Maybe I’d subtly start flirting with him and see what happened.

  “You got it, cutie,” he said, and I blushed scarlet.

  I quickly turned away from him and strode into the house, hoping the color would fade from my face. I didn’t want him to see how he made me blush.

  “Hey girl,” I greeted my friend.

  A huge grin lit up Casey’s face. “What’s up, chica?” she asked, as she reached out to hug me.

  I loved Casey. She was such a bad girl, but in a really fun way – sort of like the female version of Cole. She was tall and super-skinny with a hardly any curves, and she had long light brown hair that hung down her back in beachy waves. I hated her when I first met her, because she was so intimidating, but then we bonded over martinis one night after we both got yelled at by our boss and became instant friends.

  “I have got to tell you about the ridiculously hot guy I slept with last night,” Casey said, linking her arm with mine as we started to walk outside.

  “Is it going to make me jealous that I haven’t gotten laid in several months?”

  “Oh yes,” she said in that naughty girl tone of hers.

  “Tell me later,” I grumbled, not wanting to hear about her sexual escapades when my sex life was non-existent.

  When we walked back outside, Sean instantly sat up straight when he saw Casey. “Hey Case,” he said, smirking at her and patting the seat next to him. She paused, shrugged, and then flopped down in the chair, grabbing his beer and taking a long sip.

  I noticed that Cole was engaged in a conversation with Kimmy, and it sounded like it wasn’t the first time he’d met her. She was telling him some story about work that he was laughing at. I caught the tail end of it, so the punch line didn’t make any sense to me.

  I turned to Allison who was on my right and raised my eyebrows at her.

  “Let’s go get the other food, Taylor,” she said, and I knew it was her way of telling me she wanted to dish on Kimmy.

  “Sure,” I said, getting up and following her into the house.

  As soon as we were in the kitchen, she turned around and put her hands on her hips, as I started to pull the food out of the refrigerator.

  “So,” she prompted, “what do you think?”

  “First impression – she’s a total bitch,” I said, as I pulled out the potato salad and coleslaw. “And I think she hates me.”

  “Well, you and Josh do have that weird, sexual chemistry thing going on, so I can see why.”

  “Allison!”

  “Whatever. You do.” Then Allison threw her hands up in frustration. “She’s awful!” she practically shrieked, and my eyes darted to the porch to see if anyone had heard her, but no one seemed to be paying us any attention.

  “Al, calm down,” I said, trying to pacify her. “Sure, we don’t like her, but Josh seems really into her, so we have to be nice.”

  “Why? Why does he like her? She sucks! It doesn’t make any sense.” Allison’s hands flew back to her hips, and she started tapping her foot. “And I disagree with you. He’s my brother, and he is not bringing that bitch into our family. We have to do something! You didn’t hear what she muttered about Casey when she saw her. Ugh, I can’t stand that my brother is actually dating a judgmental bitch like her.”

  I raised my eyebrows at her. “Um, Al, they’ve only been dating for a few weeks. Slow your roll. I’m not interfering in Josh’s love life.”

  She stopped tapping her foot all of a sudden, no doubt realizing how emotional she sounded.

  “Slow my roll? Whatever. You don’t like her either.”

  “No, I don’t, but give Josh a chance to see what we see first before you go all nuts.”

  “That’s a good idea,” she said, a grin spreading across her face.

  Oh shit. I did not like the sound of that.

  “See ya,” she said, as she grabbed the fruit salad out of my hands and walked away.

  * * *

  By the end of the night, I was certain about three things. First, I was not a fan of Kimmy. I had amended my casual position about her about halfway through the night when I saw her show more of her true colors, and I was seriously thinking about saying something to Josh if Allison didn’t get to him first.

  Allison tried to subtly turn her brother off to Kimmy by asking her about marriage and kids, but Kimmy had played her hand very nicely, stating that she was so focused on her career that she hadn’t even thought about taking those steps. That had frustrated Allison, and I knew she spent the rest of the night trying to figure out how sabotage their relationship.

  Second, I was pretty sure Cole and I were on the same page in the flirting department, and I could tell that once both of us had some alcohol in us, there would be some very interesting interactions. Third, and this was the thing that was the most puzzling, Josh did not seem happy about the road that Cole and I were headed down. I’d actually thought that Cole might have tried to kiss me if Josh hadn’t been hovering around so much, but he wouldn’t leave us alone.

  We’d all hung out at our place until ten when we walked over to O’Donnell’s. Kimmy stayed with us for exactly fifteen minutes before she announced that she was going to meet some friends at Hyde Park Café – thank God. She’d invited (actually begged) Josh to go with her, but he’d decided to stay with us, most likely because he was offended that his girlfriend didn’t want to hang out at O’Donnell’s.

  Josh, the wine selection here is so sub-par.

  Josh, the people here are so average.

  Josh, why can’t you come hang out with me and my friends tonight? I’m not exactly dressed for this place.

  She whined the whole time she was with us, and I knew her subtle digs had to hit Josh’s pride button right on the head. He loved the understated, unpretentious vibe of the pub he managed, but instead of telling her this, he just let her go, told her he’d call her the next day, kissed her goodbye, and then camped out with Cole and me.

  And he spent the whole time trying to talk to Cole about sports – something I know nothing about. Cole, being the good friend that he was, humored Josh, but I could tell he wasn’t really into the sports talk that night. And because of Josh, Cole and I did not get to spend as much time hanging out as I’d hoped and had ended the night with a hug, instead of a kiss.

  Yes, I could have been slutty and brought him up to my room, but I knew that wasn’t smart to do with a guy who ran in the same circles as me. So I kept quiet, and it was on to Plan B, which was to see how I could arrange to run into Cole in the next few weeks to make my summer less sucky. Dating him would be better than a one-night stand anyway.

  After we closed the bar down, Josh and I walked home together. He didn’t say anything and didn’t even look in my direction as he unlocked the gate that led to our backyard.

  “So Kimmy seems nice,” I said, in an effort to start a conversation with him as he re-secured the gate on our side.

  “Why would you say that?” he asked, still not making eye contact with me.

  “Because she is,” I said, somewhat surprised as to why he would question my impression of her.

  “You don’t think that,” he deadpanned.

  He finally looked over at me, obviously expecting me to respond to his accusation. And I realized then that it would do me no good to lie to Josh. He could read me like a book. But I could be subtle.

  “Why do you think I don’t think she’s nice?” I asked, trying to sound innocent.

  He shot me a look that said he could see right through my act.

  “Because, she’s not your type. She can’t ‘hang with the guys’ as you would say.”

  I bit my lip in an effort to not tell him everything I thought about the horrible fembot he was sleeping with.

  �
��I guess, but quite honestly, all I really care about if whether you like her, so what does it matter what I think?”

  Josh looked pointedly at me. “I care. You’re one of my best friends. I trust your judgment.”

  “Well, thanks, I guess.”

  “Tell me what you really think of her,” he asked point blank. He held the back door open for me to walk through, and the icy air conditioning smacked me in the face when I entered the house. Or maybe it just felt colder than normal since Josh seemed more frigid than usual.

  I took a deep breath. “Do you really want to know?”

  He hesitated before saying, “Yes.”

  He turned to face me, as he waited for me to answer him.

  I decided that if he wanted the truth, then I wasn’t going to sugar-coat it. “She’s sort of a bitch, Josh. Yeah, she’s gorgeous and adorable, but she’s a little elitist, she hates O’Donnell’s, and she’s going to try to change you. She acted like she was better than all of us the whole night, that is when she even deemed any of us worthy of conversation. The only person she seemed to actually like was Cole. Oh, and she’s definitely not a fan of me, so I can’t exactly warm up to her. I think you need to reconsider if she’s the right girl for you. Oh, and she calls you Josh baby. What is that all about?! Can she not just call you by your name?”

  I took a deep breath after I realized I’d run out of air, and then paused to look at him, hoping I hadn’t crossed a line. He was quiet for a minute, and I couldn’t tell if he was processing what I was saying or if he was mad that I’d been so honest. I really hoped it was the former, because I hadn’t meant to hurt his feelings.

  “Yeah, I sort of hate that she calls me that.” He sighed. “You think I should break up with her, don’t you?”

  He’d asked it like a question, but I knew there was little question in his tone. He’d already decided to break up with her. I could tell.

  “If that’s what you want,” I said, not trying to sway him any more than I already had.

  “I know it’s probably what’s best,” he said, sounding down about the idea. “I mean, if she can’t get along with my friends, then she’s not for me, but I don’t know, there’s something there that I like. She’s not normally like how she was tonight.”

  “So don’t break up with her,” I said in an effort to be the supportive friend, even though I couldn’t imagine what he saw in her.

  “I think I want to give it some more time,” he said, seeming like he was talking more to himself than to me.

  “Okay, so do that. No one says you have to marry her,” I said, knowing it would hit a sore spot with him.

  “She’s different when it’s just the two of us,” he defended. “She doesn’t have her guard up as much, and she’s more laid back. You just have to get to know her.”

  “J, you don’t have to convince me. I don’t have to like her.”

  I couldn’t understand why he was obsessing about this.

  “I know you don’t,” he snapped.

  “Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get you so riled up.

  Alright, so Josh really liked Kimmy. Good to know.

  “Whatever Taylor. Maybe you should just try to give people a chance before you judge them.”

  Hey, it’s your girlfriend who’s the judgmental one, I wanted to fire back, but I bit my tongue.

  I sucked in a breath in an effort not to say something I would regret, especially after he’d basically turned on me. He’d asked for my honest opinion. He wasn’t allowed to get upset that I’d told him how I really felt. But on the flipside, maybe I had been judgmental about Kimmy. I hadn’t wanted to like her, and I’d relished in the little things she did that proved I was right about her not being good for Josh. Maybe I hadn’t given her a fair chance.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, swallowing my pride and saying what I knew I should, versus what I really wanted to say.

  “Whatever,” he said, as a way of telling me to just drop it. He walked to the fridge, took out a beer and tossed it to me before taking another one out, cracking it and taking a long pull. “So you and Cole, huh?”

  He didn’t seemed excited about the idea, and I couldn’t hold back my smile. “Maybe,” was all I said, not wanting to jinx anything.

  “Be careful there.”

  “Why?” I asked, suddenly fearful that there was something dreadfully wrong with Cole. What could it be? Did he blow his nose loudly? I hadn’t ever found that out.

  “Keep in mind that he just got out of a relationship. He’s not exactly looking for anything serious, if you catch my drift.”

  “Are you saying he’s just looking for a hook-up?”

  Josh cringed slightly. “His words not mine, but he’d definitely like to fuck you, and he ‘thinks it might be pretty easy’.”

  My mouth opened slightly. “He seriously said that?”

  I was slightly in shock. I knew I’d been flirting, but had I really given off the vibe that it would be easy for him to get in my pants. I didn’t think so. Although, it probably would be pretty easy for him to do that.

  “For the record, I’m a little pissed at him for saying it, but yeah, he did. He said it while you were in the bathroom.”

  Realization hit me at that moment. “Is that why you were so hell-bent on talking sports with him all night?”

  He nodded. “Yup, I didn’t want to risk you getting into a situation you’d regret, so I ran interference.”

  I stared at him, processing what he’d just told me. He was so protective sometimes, and it was sweet, but I’d never asked him to do that. I was a little annoyed that he’d felt the need to step in. Then again, I had asked him just the night before to step in if he felt a guy I was talking to wasn’t right for me, but I definitely hadn’t been talking about Cole when I’d asked him that. I’d wanted Josh to reserve that for ugly, boring, or annoying guys. Cole was none of those things.

  “Okay, for the record, I wasn’t going to sleep with Cole tonight,” I said, feeling the need to defend my morals.

  “I know you weren’t, but I wanted a chance to talk to you before things got even the least bit physical. You didn’t kiss him did you?”

  I shook my head. “No Josh, you were with us the entire night. I didn’t have a chance,” I said sarcastically.

  “Good,” was all he said.

  “Josh, come on,” I said, feeling like he was being just a little too overprotective at that point.

  “Taylor, listen to me. Just play it cool with him and see what happens. He acts like he’s over Shannon, but he’s pretty untrusting of women right now.”

  I was suddenly very angry at Josh for getting involved. What the hell did he know? Okay, he knew a lot more about Cole than I did. I’d give him that. But I was also a big girl.

  “Okay, so what if he’s interested in me, even if I play it cool?” I asked, hoping that would be the case.

  “If that’s the case, then maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think it will be. Ever since he broke up with Shannon, he’s been sleeping around a lot.”

  I pressed my lips together, not knowing what to say.

  “Tay, I love you, so I’m telling you this to protect you. He’s not looking for a girlfriend. Don’t get caught up with him right now.”

  His words hit me with the concern of a protective older brother, so I listened. My crush bubble of happiness had been burst, but I figured it was better than doing something I’d regret down the road. A fun summer fling with Cole might not be the best idea after all. I was looking for a relationship, and Josh and I both knew it.

  “Okay,” I said, looking him in the eye.

  His return stare was more intense than I was expecting, and I wasn’t sure how to read it.

  “Thank you,” was all he said, which was odd.

  Shouldn’t I be thanking him?

  Chapter 4

  “Hey,” I said glumly when I walked into O’Donnell’s at two o’clock on Tuesday afternoon.

  Josh was sitting at the bar
filling out paperwork and eating a cheeseburger. He looked up in surprise when I entered since I was supposed to be at work.

  “Everything okay?”

  I shook my head as I sank down onto the barstool next to his. “The inevitable has happened, and I am now gainfully unemployed.”

  “You got laid off?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, they combined a couple of positions, and I was put out on my ass – very unceremoniously, I might add – along with nineteen other people, including Casey.”

  My company had been going through some financial trouble, and we’d already had two rounds of layoffs in other departments in the last six months. My department, and me, finally got the ax, and it shouldn’t have been a surprise, but I don’t think losing your job is something you’re ever prepared for, so I was feeling pretty numb and shaken at the same time.

  Financially, I was fine. I’d been saving since I graduated college, and I had an inheritance from my grandfather, but I was still in shock that I didn’t have to get up the next day and go to work. What was I going to do? Start searching for a new job, I figured.

  “Vanessa?” Josh asked, motioning to the pretty brunette bartender behind the counter. “Can you get Taylor an Anchor Steam? Thanks.” He turned to me, and his eyes were sympathetic. “Tell me what happened.”

  As Vanessa set my beer in front of me, and I took a liberal sip, I told Josh the very short story about how we’d all been called into a meeting that morning and told that our company had decided to outsource human resources. They were keeping a skeleton crew of higher-level leaders, but everyone else in the department was being let go. I’d gotten a decent severance package, and then I’d packed up my desk. There wasn’t much to tell, but by the time I’d finished talking, my beer was gone, so Josh signaled for Vanessa to pour me another one.

  “You didn’t like that job anyway,” he said, and I just shrugged.

  “I liked the stability of having a job and having somewhere to go everyday where I felt like I could do something I was good at. HR jobs aren’t the easiest to come by, but I guess I’ll start looking tomorrow.”