Searching for Neverland

by Alexander, Monica

  “Do you want to drive to Champps together?” I asked him.

  “Sure,” he said, not taking his eyes off the TV.

  I looked around his room. There were discarded clothes in several places and shoes on the floor along with his wet towel from the shower he’d obviously just taken. Several glasses littered the table by his bed and an empty plate with crumbs was on his dresser.

  “You’re an absolute mess,” I said, shaking my head at him.

  He grinned but didn’t look away from the TV. “It’s one of my more charming qualities.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. I’m going to get ready. I’ll come back when I’m dressed.”

  “’Kay,” he said, in a zombie-like tone, as he laughed mildly at something DiNozzo said to McGee.

  I left him with his mindless TV, went into my own room and turned on my iPod. Music helped to get me in a going out mood. I checked my cell again, but Cole hadn’t responded. No big deal, I told myself. It was no big deal.

  * * *

  An hour later, I reappeared in Josh’s doorway and was surprised to see him mobile. I was even more surprised, however, to see that his room was clean. All the clothes, shoes, and dishes had disappeared. Even the towel had been hung up. Why was he all of a sudden Mr. Clean? I realized he must have been planning to have Kimmy over later.

  “Is Kimmy coming out with us?” I asked, casually, as Josh played with his hair in an effort to give it that tousled, effortless look.

  “No, she’s going to Bar Louie with friends. I’m going to meet up with her later,” he said, not taking his eyes off of his reflection. He was clean-shaven, and I noticed he was wearing dressier jeans, a black button down shirt and black dress shoes. Not exactly sports bar attire. He was probably going to ditch us after an hour or so.

  I really hated when he got wrapped up in a girl he was dating, and he was doing it with Kimmy. He complained endlessly about them wanting too much too fast, but he was guilty of leading them on in some ways. He tended to change his style and his attitude to be the same as whomever he was dating. I knew he was most comfortable in worn jeans, t-shirts, and flip flops, but for whatever reason, he felt like he had to be someone he wasn’t for these girls. I personally thought he dated the wrong girls, but that was just me. He needed someone more casual. Of course, I’d never tell him that. I was supportive – or at least I was trying to be since he’d told me off for meddling in his love life.

  “You look nice,” I said, being a good friend.

  “Thanks,” he said, turning to me. “So do you.”

  I spun a little for him as I looked down at my jeans, loose spaghetti strap top, and strappy heels.

  “Well, I am hoping to see a certain someone out tonight, so I figured I’d better look cute.”

  “Oh,” Josh said, averting his eyes.

  “What?” I asked, knowing that he was avoiding telling me something.

  “Nothing. Never mind.”

  “Liar,” I accused, irritation creeping into my voice. “You’d better tell me.”

  He sighed. “Cole actually has a date tonight,” he said, looking at me in an effort to gauge my reaction.

  I sucked in a breath. “Oh. Okay.”

  I looked down at my shoes. So he had a date. No big deal. We weren’t exclusive. He could totally date other people. I was okay with that. Okay, no, I wasn’t okay with that, but at least it explained why he hadn’t texted me back.

  I looked up when I felt Josh put his hands on my hips. His blue eyes were boring in to mine.

  “You still look hot, though,” he said, smiling slightly, as he fingered one of my long blond locks that I’d curled.

  “Thank you,” I muttered, knowing that it didn’t make a difference how I looked. Cole was out with someone else.

  “Come on,” Josh said, patting my right hip lightly. “It’s Friday night. Let’s go have fun. I know you like him, but don’t forget there are other guys out there who are better suited for you – in my opinion.”

  I shrugged and looked at the floor. I felt very rejected all of a sudden.

  “Hey,” Josh said then, taking my chin between his thumb and forefinger and easing it up so I was looking at him. “Don’t do this. You’re better than this. Don’t let him get to you.”

  I nodded, but I still didn’t believe him.

  “Tay, you’re beautiful and fun and smart. Any guy would be lucky to date you. Now, let’s go, so you can see how right I am.”

  He kissed my cheek and patted me on the hip twice.

  “Okay,” I said, begrudgingly following him as he moved past me and down the hall.

  * * *

  Three hours later, I was feeling the beginnings of a buzz coming on as I sipped my Sierra Nevada Pale Ale and people-watched. We were in one of the hottest social spots in Tampa, and people in their twenties and thirties walked past us on their way to The Blue Martini, Bar Louie and The Capital Grille. It was a great place to see and be seen.

  I leaned back in my chair and took in the view of a hot guy walking past but then quickly looked away when I saw the silver circle on his left hand. Damn, all the good ones were taken.

  Allison sat across from me holding hands with Corey and telling him and Kyle about something that had happened that day at work. She was a third grade teacher, so she always had funny stories about her students.

  Josh was on my right, but he wasn’t saying much. Every few minutes, he would glance at his cell phone, and then put it down again. I knew he was waiting for Kimmy to text or call, and the wait was annoying him. Josh didn’t usually wait around for girls. They gravitated to him. But for as much as Kimmy had been hanging all over him at the movies, he seemed to be the one feeling insecure now.

  I noticed he was drinking almost triple-time compared to me, but I had to keep my tolerance in check if I wanted to last the whole night.

  “Order me another one,” Josh said, to me as he pushed his chair back rougher than he probably needed to.

  He grabbed his cell phone from the table and disappeared around to the front of the restaurant. He didn’t look happy. I had no idea what time he and Kimmy had talked about meeting up, but it was past nine-thirty, so I could see why he might be upset.

  Since our waitress was nowhere in sight, I decided to go inside to the bar and order our beers there. It would be faster than waiting.

  At the bar, I scooted my way in between two guys wearing suits who were discussing the stock market and a group of guys who were obviously over twenty-five, but were still holding onto their frat boy days with backwards baseball hats and fitted Abercrombie polos. There was definitely a diverse crowd there that night.

  The bartender was at the other end of the bar, so I settled myself between the two groups, but angled my body away from the suits – they looked too boring. The ex-frat guys were cute though, and I tried to look aloof as I waited.

  Like clockwork, one of the guys pounced in under a minute. It was like they could smell single girls or something. I saw him look up, smile, and move to approach me, so I prepared myself to flirt.

  “How’s it going?” he asked, leaning against the bar and looking at my chest for a brief moment before coming back up to my eyes.

  He wasn’t wearing a hat, but his dark hair was heavily gelled. He also had nice brown eyes that were warm and welcoming.

  “I’m good. Just waiting on the bartender,” I replied, not sure if I wanted to be engaging in conversation with him or not. I wasn’t in the right disposition to play Single Girl on the Prowl.

  “Oh yeah?” hair gel guy asked. “He’s a buddy of mine. I’ll totally get him for you.”

  That was sweet of him.

  “Thanks, that would great,” I replied, smiling at him and feeling the need to flirt for as nice as he was being.

  “Hey David,” he yelled down the bar to the bartender who was engaged in conversation with a flirty brunette with huge boobs spilling out of her tank top. The bartender turned his head and nodded once when he heard hair ge
l guy say his name. “This beautiful lady needs a drink. Can you do something about that, or do I have to come back there and get it myself?” He smiled widely at me, feeling triumphant in his ability to score me a beer.

  Okay, so the beautiful lady comment was a little over the top, but I’d always been a sucker for flattery, so it worked.

  David the bartender walked down to us at that moment. “What can I get you?” he asked me.

  “Two Sierra Nevada’s please,” I said, and pointed to the tap to let him know that we wanted them on draft.

  “Two?” hair gel guy asked, so I turned back to him. “Are you really thirsty, or you are buying for you and your boyfriend.”

  Yeah, real smooth way to work in whether I have a boyfriend or not.

  “They’re for me and a friend. He’s on the phone with his girlfriend, so I told him I’d get him a beer,” I explained.

  “Is your boyfriend here?” he asked.

  “No boyfriend,” I said, trying to make it sound like I didn’t hate saying that.

  Hair gel guy smiled. “Then, I’m Nathan,” he said, and I had to laugh. That was sort of cute. He stuck his hand out.

  “I’m Taylor,” I said, putting my hand out to shake his.

  “Well Taylor,” he said, shifting his eyes toward the bar where David was setting my beers down. “It looks like you are all set.” He picked up the beers and handed them both to me.

  “Hang on a sec,” I said, reaching for my debit card. “I have to pay.”

  “Not this time,” Nathan said, flashing me a bright smile. “I’ve got it.”

  “Are you sure?” I asked, giving him a questioning look. I thought it was kind of odd that he wanted to absorb the costs of my and Josh’s beers.

  “Yeah, my treat,” he said.

  “Okay,” I said, taking the beers. “Thanks.”

  “Anytime. So, where are you sitting?”

  “We’re outside,” I said, gesturing with the beer in my right hand.

  “Well, maybe I’ll stop by and see you before we go.”

  “Sounds good,” I said, smiling politely at him. “It was nice meeting you, and thanks again for the beers.”

  “My pleasure, Taylor,” he said, and it seemed like he was being genuine.

  I walked away smiling just a little bit. When I got back to the table, Josh was walking up from the other direction. He looked agitated but grateful that his new beer was waiting for him. He sat down, took it from my hands and downed half of it in a few seconds.

  “Whoa. Easy killer,” I said, taking a small sip of my own beer in an effort to show him how to do it properly.

  My comment earned me a glare.

  “What did I do?” I asked. “Do not even think about getting all pissy at me just because your girlfriend didn’t call you. I just got you a refill.”

  “Fuck off, Taylor,” he said, but I knew he only half meant it. I probably shouldn’t have said anything.

  “Sorry, won’t mention it again,” I said curtly, turning to face Allison.

  She looked much happier than her brother did at that moment. He could sulk on his own if he wanted to.

  Allison was listening to something Kyle was saying, so I tried to get her attention by throwing a cold French fry at her. It hit her in the chest.

  “Hey! What the hell was that for?” she asked, as she picked the fry up from her lap where it had fallen and dropped it onto the table.

  “I needed to get your attention,” I explained.

  “Well, try using my name next time instead of pelting me with food.”

  “Whatever,” I said, ignoring her annoyance with me. “I met a guy.”

  “Really!” she said, sounding excited, as she sat up straighter in her seat. “When?”

  “Damn, now I won’t get my chance,” Kyle said, but we both ignored him.

  “Just now. At the bar.”

  “Aww, that’s so cute. What happened?”

  I told her about Nathan and his chivalrous act. Josh apparently was listening, since he interjected his own comment.

  “So some dude bought me this beer because he wanted to hit on you?”

  “Yeah, so,” Allison said, ignoring the fact that her brother had directed his question to me. He turned to her.

  “Seems desperate,” he said, and I could tell he was still pissed about Kimmy. Josh was usually much more lighthearted.

  “Stop being so cynical, Josh. Seriously, it is not our fault that your girlfriend sucks. Quit trying to make everyone else miserable,” Allison snapped at him.

  “Fuck you,” was all he said, before he grabbed his beer and stalked away from us.

  I ran up to him. “Are you okay?”

  He ran his hand back through his hair. “Not really.”

  “I’m sorry she didn’t call you.”

  He shook his head. “It’s fine. Whatever.”

  Then he downed the rest of his beer.

  “Come back to the table,” I said, putting my hand on his arm. He glanced down at it and then back up at me, his demeanor softening just a bit.

  He let out the deep breath he’d been holding. “I will. I just have to check in with Brad. I told him I might stop by the bar later, but I’m not sure that’s going to happen. I want to be sure he can handle closing by himself.”

  Brad was the new night manager at O’Donnell’s. Josh was finally letting him work the busiest nights alone, but he still called regularly just to be sure nothing was blowing up. Even though my Uncle Stu owned the bar, he let Josh pretty much run the show. Stu had owned O’Donnell’s for ten years, but he’d gotten burned out in the past few years, so I think he was glad Josh was so invested.

  O’Donnell’s had been a venture Stu had entered into after he’d left the police force, and in the first few years it had been open, he’d spent as much time there as he could, and even lived in an apartment above the bar, but now he was rarely there. He was actually in Ireland at the moment, having met a girl while on vacation, and we weren’t sure when he was coming back, so Josh was pretty much running the bar as if it was his own. And Stu was just fine with that.

  “Okay, well come back when you’re done,” I said as encouragingly as possible. “We can do some shots or something.”

  “Sure. Whatever you want,” Josh said, not the least bit enthusiastic.

  * * *

  Around eleven, I realized that Josh was hammered, and he had no plans to stop drinking. And given the chance, he might be a complete dumbass and drive himself home. So, being the good friend that I was, I stopped drinking so I could drive.

  He’d also mellowed quite a bit, so he was much more pleasant to be around, but then around one in the morning, he started to get really belligerent and was borderline obnoxious, so I figured calling it a night might be a good idea.

  Just as I was about to suggest we head out, I noticed someone approach our table out of the corner of my eye. I looked up to see Nathan standing there. He smiled down at me, and I could see his friends standing about ten feet away.

  “Hi,” I said, smiling up at him.

  “Hey Taylor. We were just leaving.” He gestured back to his friends. “So, I wanted to see if I could get your number.”

  Sure,” I said, sort of surprised that he’d consciously decided to come over after all this time. I reached for my purse and the pen I always kept in there – ironically for this exact reason.

  “Hey!” Josh chimed in then. “You’re the dude who bought me a beer earlier!”

  My head shot up, as I realized that drunk Josh was talking to Nathan. Allison’s eyes darted to Josh, as well.

  “Excuse me?” Nathan questioned, and I could tell he was trying to be polite.

  “Yeah, you’re the guy Swift met at the bar,” he said, putting his arm around me. “Thanks for the beer, man.”

  I looked at him like he was crazy, as I shrugged his arm off. “Quit it,” I said glaring at him.

  “Stop it, Josh,” Allison said, giving him a warning look. He just laughed.<
br />
  I smiled back at Nathan and said, “Sorry.”

  Then, I went back to retrieving the pen from my bag.

  “Uh, no problem,” he said, warily eyeing Josh.

  “Yeah, it was nice of you to take care of my girl,” Josh said then, and my head whipped up from where I was writing my number on a napkin.

  “Your girl?” Nathan was asking. “I thought you said you didn’t have boyfriend?”

  He was looking between me and Josh in question.

  Dammit. Josh was choosing the wrong time, again, to pretend he was my boyfriend. I never should have asked him to do that. It was completely backfiring on me.

  “I don’t have a boyfriend,” I said definitively, looking over at Josh and then back at Nathan. I handed him the napkin. “I’m sorry. Josh is not my boyfriend. He’s just drunk and pissed off that his girlfriend stood him up tonight.”

  “I don’t care about her,” Josh slurred, dismissing Kimmy with his hand.

  “Anyway,” I said, ignoring Josh and focusing on Nathan. “Here’s my number. I’d really like it if you called me.” I flashed him my best smile.

  “Okay, then I’ll definitely call,” he said smiling widely.

  Thankfully, it seemed Josh’s behavior had not turned him off to me completely, as Nathan returned my smile before he started to walk back to his friends.

  “See ya, man. Can’t wait for you to call,” Josh called after him, but Nathan didn’t turn around.

  I slammed the back of my hand into Josh’s chest as hard as I could.

  “Ow, what the fuck, Taylor?” he growled, rubbing the place I’d hit him.

  “You are getting on my last nerve,” I said, leaning in and pointing directly at his face. “Calm the fuck down, or I’m taking your jeep and leaving your ass here.”

  “Fine,” he said, still rubbing his chest. “Sorry. I was just having fun.”

  “Yeah, well it wasn’t fun to me. You might have cost me the chance to go out with a really great guy.”

  I knew it was presumptuous of me to assume that Nathan was a great guy, but I was exaggerating in an effort to actually get through to Josh.