Searching for Neverland

by Alexander, Monica

  “Taylor, wait,” Josh called after me.

  “Wait up, Tay,” Taryn said, and I heard her say something to Josh that I couldn’t make out.

  “Jo-osh,” I then hear Kimmy whine and rolled my eyes back in my head.

  Taryn caught up to me at the gate to our backyard. “Do you want me to come inside? We could hang out and watch a movie or something?” she offered, almost as if she knew what was going through my mind in that moment and what I really needed.

  I shook my head. “No, it’s okay. I’m just going to call Alex. He was supposed to meet me here anyway, but I don’t really feel much like being here when those two come back. Go meet up with Noah, and I’ll just take a cab to Alex’s place or something. It’s fine.”

  Taryn was supposed to meet Noah at Hyde Park Café, so it was sweet that she was offering to cancel on him for me.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, positive,” I said, doing my best to shake what I was suddenly feeling from my mind.

  “Okay, well, call me tomorrow,” Taryn said, hugging me tightly. “We can talk through whatever you’re feeling – no judgment, okay?”

  I nodded. “Thanks,” I said, as I pulled out my cell and called Alex.

  “Hey,” he said. “I just parked. I’ll be inside in a minute.”

  “Don’t bother,” I said, walking back toward the bar. “I’m leaving. Can we just go back to your place?”

  “Sure. Where are you?”

  I saw him then as I circumvented the outside of the bar. “Fifty feet in front of you,” I said and watched him look up.

  “Oh, hey,” he said, as he took his cell away from his ear and put it in his pocket.

  As soon as I reached him, I threw my arms around his neck. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed him. Regardless of what he wanted, I couldn’t turn my feelings off. And Kimmy thought I liked Josh. What a crazy bitch.

  “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Alex asked, his arms holding me tight.

  “Oh, just a really crappy night,” I said, and proceeded to tell him everything as we walked back to his car. He put his arm around me, and it honestly made me feel better. Just being with him made everything better.

  By the time we’d pulled onto Kennedy Boulevard, I’d pretty much forgotten about Kimmy. I’d vented, and I was over it. I couldn’t help that she was a stupid whorish bitch. That was her own issue to contend with. I was still pissed at Josh for being so stupid as to stay with her, but I could deal with him later. Something told me she would show her true colors to him very soon.

  After comforting me to the best of his ability – small penis taken into consideration – Alex lay next to me and stroked my hair. I closed my eyes and sighed peacefully – and almost forgot that he’d been on a date with another girl on Sunday night.

  “So who was the girl?” I asked, unable to hold my tongue after a few minutes of silence.

  “Huh?” he asked, either playing dumb or buying time. I knew he’d heard me.

  “Sunday night. I saw you with a girl at Bern’s.”

  “Oh. Really? Yeah. I had a date.”

  Yeah, I gathered that.

  “Who was she?”

  “Just a girl,” he said, as his hand continued to stroke my arm.

  “Is it serious?”

  “No,” he said, and for some reason, that made me feel shittier.

  “You took some girl you’re not serious about to Bern’s?”

  He sighed loudly enough for me to know he was irritated. “She’s the daughter of one of my clients. It was a favor, and I wanted to take her somewhere nice. What were you doing there?”

  Oh, I hadn’t expected him to turn the tables on me.

  “Josh and I went out to dinner.”

  Alex stopped stroking my arm. “You went to Bern’s with your roommate?” he asked, the incredulousness in his tone apparent.

  “Yeah,” I said, turning to face him.

  “And again I ask you, are you sleeping with him?”

  “No. I’m not,” I said definitively.

  Yeah, so I guess the fact that Josh and I went to a place that was really more of a fancy occasion restaurant might lead one to believe that we were sleeping together.

  “What would you say if I was?” I asked Alex, waiting for him to get defensive and claim his territory like I so badly wanted him to do.

  “I’d say that’s your prerogative.”

  “Alex!” I sat up in bed and stared at him. “We literally just had sex, and you not only think, but are okay with the fact, that I might be sleeping with someone else?”

  Alex looked at me like I was nuts. “Tay, we said we’d keep it casual.”

  Yeah, I had agreed to that. But I also figured I could change your mind!

  “Did you sleep with the girl from Sunday night?” I demanded.

  “No,” he said, way too quickly, and I just knew he was lying.

  I also felt dirty all of a sudden. Sure we’d used a condom, but I didn’t want to think about where his dick had been just days earlier, right after it had been in me.

  “Breakfast tomorrow?” Alex asked, completely changing the subject on me.

  I gave him a dirty look. “No, I’m going home.”

  “Tay, come on,” he pleaded, as he tried to drag me back down beside him.

  “Get off me,” I said, pulling out of his grasp and climbing off the bed. “Call me when you want me for more than your fuck buddy.”

  * * *

  I took a cab to Casey’s apartment and slept on her couch. For some reason, I didn’t want to go home, and I knew exactly why that was. Casey was great about it, though. She listened to me bitch about Alex, ordered pizza, and we stayed up late watching Grease.

  But the next day I knew I had to face reality when I got home midday.

  I paused in Josh’s doorway for a few moments, feeling like something had shifted between us yet again, and this time it had been in the wrong direction. Not great when you’re going into business with someone.

  “Hey you,” I said in an attempt to make nice, as I leaned against the door frame.

  I wasn’t sure what I’d wanted from him the night before. Had I wanted him to defend me to Kimmy? Had I wanted him to tell her to get lost? What had he actually done that was so wrong? I wasn’t sure I’d even given him the chance to figure out what was happening with his girlfriend and me before I yelled at him.

  “You can come in,” Josh said, setting down the controller to his Playstation 3.

  “Okay,” I said, as I walked in and sat cross-legged on the edge of his bed, feeling like I needed to maintain my distance.

  “You stayed at Alex’s,” he deciphered.

  I shrugged, aiming for noncommittal. I put my hands on the bed behind me and leaned back on them, appraising Josh. He looked tired, like he’d had a rough night.

  “What happened after I left last night?” I asked him.

  “I got yelled at. I have no idea what got into Kimmy. She was completely out of line. I’m really sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault,” I said, shaking my head, knowing he had no control over her. “Did she say anything else about me?”

  Josh sighed. “She said a lot of things that I don’t care to repeat, and then she threatened to break up with me if I didn’t stop hanging out with you.”

  My jaw dropped. She had some nerve, and apparently no concept of what it meant to be in a business partnership. She must be a really crappy lawyer.

  “Don’t worry,” he said, seeing my reaction. “I would never do that, obviously.”

  Well I should sincerely hope not!

  I wondered for the millionth time why he was even dating her. She was crazy! And he didn’t even want a girlfriend. I wasn’t sure exactly what he was trying to prove, but the old Josh wouldn’t have put up with psycho-bitch for as long as he had.

  “Josh, what’s going on with you?” I asked, caring more about his state of mind than Kimmy’s at that point.

  “Nothing,” he said, lo
oking away from me. It was the same thing he’d said the last time I’d asked. Why wouldn’t he open up to me?

  “I call bullshit,” I said, trying to keep things light. I wasn’t sure where we’d gone, but we were suddenly somewhere serious, and after the night I’d had, I just needed to keep things fun.

  “You can call all you want. There’s nothing going on with me.”

  “Fine.”

  Iron-clad guy was back, apparently.

  “Where did you leave things with Kimmy?”

  “I told her I needed some time to think about things and that I would call her on Monday. I don’t do well with people attacking my friends, and even though she apologized profusely when she knew how upset it made me, she still did it. I don’t know.”

  Ooh, ooh, I know! I fought the urge to raise my hand like I was in class and offer up my answer to him, but I knew he wouldn’t like it. For some reason, Josh needed to see the break with Kimmy on his own, and I would do everything I could to let him do just that.

  “Then I think you need to take the time to figure out what you want,” I said, knowing that as his friend it was the right thing to say.

  “Yeah, I know,” was all he said, but he sounded so despondent as he said it. “Listen, I have to go to Atlanta for a few days, but I’ll be back on Sunday. Do you think we can postpone your training until I get back?”

  “Sure,” I said, trying to read the expression on his face. “But I thought we were going up there at the end of the summer?”

  He let out a long sigh. “Carlie’s going through something, and I need to be there for her now. We can still go in August if you want.”

  Well that was cryptic as hell.

  “Okay. Is she alright?”

  Carlie was Jeremy’s widow. Josh didn’t talk to her as much as he talked to Caleb, but I knew they were close. I’d heard him on the phone with her from time to time.

  He sighed again. “I don’t want to get into it. I think she’s fine, but I just want to be sure. I think it’ll be good to get away anyhow. I need to do some thinking.”

  I nodded, knowing what he’d be thinking about.

  “Can I do anything to help?”

  He shook his head. “No, I’ve got it.”

  Then he forced a smile, and I knew he didn’t feel as confident as he came across.

  Chapter 10

  “I’m done with finals! I’m done with finals!” I said when I burst into the house on Tuesday night.

  I’d finished my last test of the summer semester and had two months off until the fall semester started up. I was free! And I’d been out for drinks with some people from my class, so I was feeling nice and buzzed.

  “How’d you do?” Josh asked from where he sat on the couch, lining up bottles and mixers and glasses on the coffee table.

  He’d been in a much better mood over the past two days. When he’d returned from Atlanta, he’d seemed worse off than when he’d left, and he didn’t seem to be in the mood to talk about what had been going on with Carlie. Knowing it probably wouldn’t be good for him to be home alone, I’d brought him to my parents’ house for dinner on Sunday night, and he’d finally started to cheer up.

  Then after dinner, he spent two hours battling Tanner in Call of Duty while I’d watched. It was really fun to watch him with my brother. He reverted back to being a kid and ribbed Tanner as much as Tanner ribbed him. And when we’d left to head back home he’d been smiling.

  The great thing was his disposition hadn’t really changed since then. I figured I probably owed my family one for helping to bring him out of his funk. I liked having my Josh back.

  “Aced it!” I said, shaking my butt and dancing toward him. I reached my hand out for a high-five, and he met my hand in mid-air. “What’s all this?”

  “Lesson time,” he said, as I settled onto the arm of the couch. “And a celebration of sorts. I figured we could kill two birds with one stone.”

  We’d spent the past two days at O’Donnell’s working on our idea for the bar right up until I had to go to class. Our to-do list seemed to have grown, but we also felt like we were making progress on some of the first things we needed to accomplish, so we were actually right on track. We still had a lot to do, but the initial stages were definitely in the works, and so far everything was going as smooth as we’d hoped. And I was getting the hang of bartending, but I still had a ton to learn about actually owning and operating a bar.

  “Sweet. I like it. Let’s mix some drinks,” I said, as I slid off the arm of the couch and next to him. Then I jumped up again. “We need music. It’ll be like we’re really in a bar.”

  I reached for my iPod that was in the front pocket of my tote bag and stuck it in the player in the kitchen. I hit play and danced back over to where Josh was leaning back watching me with a slight smirk on his face.

  “What?” I asked, as I danced in front of the coffee table.

  He shook his head. “You are in rare form tonight.”

  “I am drunk,” I said, and he laughed at me. “Fantastically drunk, I might add.”

  Josh grinned. “I enjoy fantastically drunk, Taylor. She’s fun.”

  “She’s trouble,” I said, winking at him. I picked up a bottle of vodka and poured some into two shot glasses. Then I dunked a lemon slice into the container of sugar sitting in the middle of the table and handed it to Josh. “Mr. Nolan, here is the lemon drop shot you ordered,” I said in my best sexy bartender voice.

  “Why thank you Hot Bartender Lady.”

  I winked at him and repeated the action with another lemon slice. “On my count.”

  “Are you supposed to get drunk with the customers?” he asked.

  I shrugged, leaned forward, and squeezed my boobs together to create some cleavage in my tank top. “We aim to please, and if a customer buys me a shot, it would be rude to deny him,” I said, sounding very much like what I’d imagine Marilyn Monroe to sound like – all breathy and sexy.

  He took his shot back before I could join him, so I quickly slammed mine back and felt the vodka burn my throat and stomach, but then the burning feeling eased up as it spread warmly all over my body, making me feel all tingly inside.

  “Again,” I said, reaching for the bottle. “You did purchase four shots, didn’t you sir?”

  “Yes, ma’am. I believe I did,” Josh said, setting his empty shot glass in front of me.

  I refilled his glass, then mine, and we repeated the process.

  “Alright,” I said, letting my energy level settle back down, but then the song changed over. “Ooh, I love this song! Dance with me.”

  I reached my hands out to Josh and attempted to pull him to his feet, but he resisted, laughing as he said, “I’m nowhere near as toasted as you, Ms. Ellison, so I think I’ll abstain.”

  “But it’s Fall Out Boy,” I whined. “They were my favorite band like six years ago.”

  Josh’s mouth dropped open in mocking surprise. “Well in that case, hell no. I didn’t dance to Fall Out Boy six years ago, and I don’t plan on starting now.”

  I pouted. “You suck.”

  “I’ll just watch you dance,” he said, as he mixed himself some sort of drink – I wasn’t skilled enough to know what it was – and settled back against the couch. “Please proceed.”

  I sank down to my knees in front of the coffee table in defeat. “It’s not as fun by myself,” I pouted, as I mixed one of the few drinks I was capable of making and settled back onto my butt.

  “Well if you’re not going to dance, you can make me a Long Island Iced Tea,” Josh suggested.

  I raised my eyebrow at him. “Doesn’t that have a lot of stuff in it?”

  “Yeah, but you need to learn how to make it. Go get the bartending book I bought for you.”

  I sighed and rose to my feet. “I’ll be right back,” I said, downing my drink in a few gulps before I ran upstairs.

  “Um, are we having a clothing optional evening?” Josh asked when I came back downstairs wearing a fitt
ed t-shirt and panties.

  I grinned. “It’s No Pants Tuesday. Didn’t you get the memo?”

  Josh laughed. “No, I didn’t. Does that mean I have to take my pants off too?”

  I shook my head. “No, it’s just for girls who are drunk and hot.”

  Josh raised an eyebrow at me. “That’s generous of you to say about yourself.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I mean heat hot, dumbass,” I said, as I settled on the other side of the coffee table with my book.

  Josh rattled the ice in his empty glass and looked at me expectantly. “Miss, I was waiting for a Long Island Iced Tea,” he said in mock impatience.

  “It’s coming right up, sir,” I said, studying the ingredients listed on the page.

  “Tick tock,” Josh said, and I shot him a dirty look. “Hey, customers get impatient.”

  I ignored him and took my time measuring out the ingredients for his drink. Ten minutes later, I triumphantly set it in front of him, and when he didn’t move, I looked up to see he was pretending to sleep. So I threw a maraschino cherry at his head.

  “Hey,” he said, as soon as the cherry smacked his forehead and dropped into his lap. “What the hell was that for?” He wiped his forehead and then plucked the cherry off of his jeans and popped it into his mouth.

  “Do not make fun of me,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him.

  He gave me a taunting look, so I got up and moved in front of the couch, but I stopped short when I watched Josh’s distracted gaze drift from my bare thighs, over my hips and my stomach, to my chest and finally to my face.

  I reached out and slapped him across the face, and his head snapped up in shock. “What the fuck was that for?” he asked, rubbing the side of his face.

  “You were totally checking me out,” I admonished.

  “You’re half-naked, and I’m half-drunk. What do you expect me to do?” he asked in typical clueless guy fashion.

  “What do you want to do?” I asked, as I took a step forward and sunk down on his lap so I was straddling his legs.

  “What are you doing, Swift?” he asked slowly, cautiously.

  “Nothing,” I said, as I sat back on his thighs and watched him swallow hard. “Take off your shirt.”