“What? No! No, that’s just the thing, he doesn’t blame Fen; he wanted to apologize to him!” she blinked in surprise, “He tried for years, but you know Fen was a psychic brick. Plus, you blocked him out, so he was pretty much screwed until I came along! Unlike you two, I wasn’t blocked by memories of him.” She seemed to calm down just a little, though she still had this scared gloss on her eyes like an animal about to run. “I swear Loki, he just wants to apologize for the pain he put you two through.”
“That’ll be difficult now, won’t it?” she whispered.
“Well, I’ve got a couple ideas; but I got off track. Back to Geri. Geri resented Fen a lot and only stayed because the Pack was all he had in this town. Anyway, you know better than I do what it was like for him, do you think Geri could have been angry enough to… murder Fen?”
Loki was speechless for a moment, “Jimmy, how could you say such a thing? Your own Pack-brother!”
I held up a hand to ward her off, “He’d already stopped considering himself part of the Pack long before he left, and remember, he never told us where he was that night. Just answer me; do you think he could have hated Fen enough to kill him?”
“I—I don’t…” The fact that she couldn’t immediately say ‘no’ said it for her. She realized it as well and lifted a hand to her mouth.
“When I was leaving his house, I saw hunting rifles hanging over the fireplace in their living room, within easy reach. Also, you said yourself; no one outside the Pack knows what we are, and who else knew where the den was?”
“What about the car you told me about at the school when you fought Fen for Alpha?” Loki said.
“Geri had a car didn’t he? Also, you didn’t see what happened after you ran off that day in the hall. You didn’t see the look on Geri’s face after Fen shoved him into the wall.”
“Oh my god… Jimmy, oh my god!” she whispered and wrapped her arms around herself. “Maybe that’s why they were in such a rush to move afterwards too…”
I wanted to be merciful and leave it there, but there was one more thing I needed to ask. “Loki, do you think Geri ever had a crush on you?”
“What? Why?” she stuttered.
“Please, it’s important!” I urged her.
“I… I don’t know, it’s possible I guess… He never said anything about it—”
“Do you really think Fen would have let him?”
Loki’s jaw dropped open, “Goddamnit! As if high school drama wasn’t bad enough; we have freaking ‘Days of our Teenage Werewolf Lives’ going on here…”
“We don’t know anything for sure yet, but when we see him this weekend we’ll just have to get him alone somewhere and get our answers from him. I’m probably wrong.” I hoped I was wrong…
“And if you’re not?” I didn’t want to answer her, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to hand him over to the authorities. Intact anyway… And then there was the other problem; if Geri didn’t email me, only Loki, what if he was coming down this weekend to finish what he started with Fen…?
“We’ll deal with that when the time comes…” I said to both her question and my own thoughts, and a picture on her dresser caught my eye, “Hey, when was this taken?” I picked up the picture and frowned. A much younger version of Loki smiled out of the frame with chocolate brown hair, with a couple other girls her age under a bright blue sky.
“Oh, that was seventh grade. Those were my friends in Montana, they promised to keep in touch when I left, but they never did. Not a big loss…”
“Your hair’s not black?” I asked, feeling stupid.
She just laughed though, “No, that’s my real hair color there. I’ve been very diligent about maintaining my color since we moved here, so I’m not surprised you didn’t know. I don’t think anybody here even remembers me with brown hair…” she quirked an eyebrow thoughtfully. “Nope, doubtful…”
“That’s strange; you look so familiar from somewhere…”
That night I tossed and turned, restless, as I plunged in and out of nightmares. Some felt more like memories than dreams, and others I wasn’t even sure were mine.
The bullet tore through my leg as I ran for the tree. I tried to drag myself the last few feet to safety, until the hunter’s shadow fell over me and he kicked me onto my back and pinned me with his foot. I stared up past the barrel of his gun at the obscured silhouette of his face, and then the muzzle flashed and I watched my blood spray over the trunk of the tree as the bullet punched through my skull—
The familiar girl with the soft brown hair wrapped her arms around me. I promised to protect her, even as my own birthmark doomed me to sacrifice her. I loved her, and she would die because of it—
My breath steamed in the cold winter air, the early morning pall felt all the colder as icy light edged toward the horizon.
—“Cleansed by any means necessary…”—“Bless me father for I have sinned”— I didn’t recognize the voices, but the world dissolved into images of violence, helplessness, and a seething sea of buried resentment and blood.
I shook my head to clear it and returned my gaze to the eyepiece of my rifle’s scope, a seemingly haphazard pile of bracken and fallen wood centered beyond the drifting crosshairs.
—All his fault—All his fault—
Despite the distance, I watched Fen and I crawl out of the den while the rifle scope’s reticle danced over us and my finger tightened.
—He ruined everything—“Bless me father for I have sinned”—
Fen looked up directly at me through the scope, seemed to pierce my soul with his unnatural eyes from so far away, and panic nudged my finger back that last fraction.
—What have I done?—No, it’s not my fault—Not my fault—“Bless me father…”—
I scrambled back to my car while the world spun out of control, the new ache from the recoil added to the myriad of bruises my body already bore from his retribution. Again, images of pain and helplessness consumed me, too fractured to make sense of.
—What have I done?—“Bless me father…”—“Thy will be done…”
The scenario replayed over and over again without remorse; fracturing more each time as the relentless agony of images ate away at my mind like grinding teeth and tore me open only to remake and devour me again. A broken mind of muttered voices, hateful repetitive images, and behind it all an unending scream heard at all times and places, simultaneously myself and a terrified child contorted by rage, but through the madness, my own face appeared over and over until it became the only thing I could focus on.
—Jimmy Walker—“Bless me father for I have sinned”—What have I done?—Jimmy Walker—All his fault—He ruined everything—Jimmy Walker—All his fault—“Thy will be done…”—
He must be punished…
—“Thy will be done…”—
It chased me, the dark being just behind me without any face or body; yet real nonetheless, and inescapable. Yet again the same dream tortured me, and I was powerless to resist. I ran with all my might down the forest path, past the familiar faces, past Fen’s staring eyes. His loss crashed over me again as the darkness consumed them all and I ran and ran, my chest burned and my eyes blurred with tears.
I tore open the black iron gate and the room shifted before my eyes. I looked one way and it was my English classroom, but I turned again and it was Mrs. Ashcroft’s Art room. I turned around completely and stood in the middle of a dark cavern; the girl with the brown hair and emerald eyes from my other dream stood in front of me. I screamed as I ran for her and the darkness crawled into the room behind her. She held out her hand and smiled at me as my words of warning fell on deaf ears, my legs were bound in cement and no matter how hard I fought, I just couldn’t reach her!
—“Thy will be done…”—
With victorious hunger, the ravenous darkness reached out to consume her…
Shrieking, I thrashed free of unfamiliar blankets in a sinister room, until I fell completely out of my bed onto the fl
oor, hyperventilating. That was how John found me when he came downstairs to check on me. Shaking and disoriented, I whispered over and over…
“Loki… Loki… No, not Loki…”
I opened my eyes, and then clamped them shut again when I remembered what day it was. Tonight was prom, may God have mercy on my soul…
The dreams haunted me through breakfast, and put me in a foul mood. Corwin said he was fixated on me, but my dreams told me Loki was in danger too; she was in danger because of me. I was only too aware that the clock was ticking. I still had too much to do, and I didn’t even know where to start. I only had one hope left to try and find any answers.
Mom argued with Jacob in the living room, and I tuned in when I heard my name.
“—solutely not Jacob, your brother has a big day ahead of him. He’s really nervous about the dance tonight, and he doesn’t have time.”
“But Mom,” Jake whined her name out for a full three seconds, “Jimmy never spends any time with me anymore! I just want to go out and look at clouds like we used to!”
I was hit with a pang of nostalgia, we hadn’t laid on the ground and cloud-watched since we were in Chicago. To be honest, I also welcomed the distraction from prom and homicidal werewolf hunters. I grabbed our jackets and walked down to Jacob’s school with him. We sprawled out on the grass; head to shoulder with each other.
“Why don’t you want to go to your dance?” he asked while we watched the clouds move and morph above us.
“Because I don’t know how to dance. Turtle.” I said, pointing up at one of the shapes.
“You’re going with Loki right? Maybe she’ll teach you?”
“Maybe… Ooh, good one!” I said as he pointed out a man’s face.
“You like her don’t you?” he teased me.
“Maybe, a little bit. But don’t tell her, okay?” I whispered conspiratorially and he giggled.
“How’s your wolf doing?” he asked with the same easy tone someone would comment on the weather.
I almost laughed, “Rabbit’s head. We had a rough time, but we’re better now.”
“I’m glad, I don’t like it when you’re sad…”
“Thanks buddy.”
“I know you miss Fen too, I miss him too…”
I sighed, “Yeah…”
We were quiet for a moment, watching.
“Daddy knows you like boys.”
“WHAT!” I snapped and looked at him.
“It’s okay Jimmy, I heard him talking to Mommy about it. He’s not mad, he’s just sad. He said he’s waiting for you to say it.”
“Well…okay.” I muttered, completely knocked off balance. I winced as one of the last hooks my dragon had in me tore free, and it went silent inside me. My heart pounded, it terrified me just thinking that John knew. I rubbed my face and tried to change the subject, “So, do you have a gir—”
“Flower!” Jake shouted, cutting me off as he pointed up at a particular puff of cloud. My blood chilled when I saw Jacob’s cloud; I didn’t see a flower…
I saw a skull, hanging there in the sky leering at us. A cool gust of wind blew across the field, throwing leaves and dirt around. “Come on Jake, let’s go home…” I said as I stood up, and pulled him onto his feet.
“But Jimmy, we just got here!” Jacobs’s bright blue eyes grew wide, his feet already prepared to dig in.
“Jacob, enough!” I snapped, “I’m sorry buddy, I’m not feeling good, can we please go home? Please buddy?” I pleaded with him.
He hung his head and sniffed, “Jacob, stop, you know that doesn’t work on me. I’m not mad, I just don’t feel well; I’ll take you out again in a couple days, ok bud?”
“Ok,” he muttered, sullen, and then hugged me, “I just miss you Jimmy…”
“I’m not going anywhere Jake. You know I love you.”
“I love you too Jimmy…” his mood improved somewhat. Excellent… “I wonder what we’ll see when we go out next time?”
“Who knows? Next time’s gonna be awesome!” Jacob took my hand and I felt his disappointment evaporate with his distraction. A low blow, but effective nonetheless. “C’mon, let’s go home; I have a lot of things I need to get done.”
And somebody I needed to talk to…
I drove down to the flower shop and picked up Loki’s corsage, and then drove around to every place I associated with Fen. The library, the cemetery, the wooded copse by the school; I even tried scoping out his old house, which just pissed me off worse when I saw what a mess the stoners had made out of it.
My stress grew as I visited each place. What if he wasn’t just hanging around as a ghost somewhere waiting for me?
When I ran out of ideas, I just drove on impulse while wondering Fen, where are you?
I worried about Loki’s safety and Geri’s visit. It felt surreal to even consider the thought, but Corwin said that whoever it was had been distant for a while, and Geri had moved months ago. Plus, all the church-speak in my dream reminded me of Geri’s weirdness after Fen’s death. He’d never pushed his faith on us before then. Hell, he owned a Ouija board. I trusted Loki not to meet him alone, but I felt sick to my stomach thinking about it.
I realized where I was headed as I drove out of town, and felt stupid for not thinking of it sooner. I put my car in low gear and climbed the side of the now snow-free mountain and then parked and looked out over the town. I got out and hiked along the ridge of sandstone while the wind buffeted me. I sat down and closed my eyes and listened to the wind whistle through the shrubs until I felt a tingle on the back of my neck that had nothing to do with the wind.
He’s here…
I pulled Wolf up and slipped through the veil between the planes. When I opened my eyes, the town looked different, and someone sat beside me.
“Hello Fen.” I carefully turned my head to look at him while my pulse jumped.
“Hey Jimmy…” He laughed and shook his head, “You never cease to amaze me.”
“Oh?” I braced for his scorn over how I let his Pack fall apart.
“Only you would be stubborn enough to even think of this, much less pull it off. Not to mention, those were some amazing gymnastics you pulled on the ice a few weeks ago.”
“Would you rather I leave?”
“No, no, I’m just teasing you. I haven’t been able to do that for a while, forgive me.”
“It’s good to see you again.”
“Same to you Jimmy…” He made that familiar guarded smile again, and my heart burned.
“Fen, I need you to tell me everything. About how you died, do you remember anything; do you know who did it?”
“That’s sort of an uncomfortable topic, ya know…” He winced and absently rubbed his chest.
“Please, Fen, I think Loki’s in danger.” That got his attention.
“Aren’t you forgetting yourself?” he narrowed his eyes.
“I don’t care about that; I just want to keep her safe.”
He sighed, “I don’t know who did it. I just remember dreaming that night… Lupa warned me that despite what words I’d said; in the morning I would choose honor or greed once and for all. When we climbed out of the den I looked up and something flashed up here in these rocks,” he gestured around us. “I don’t know how, but I knew it was a gun.”
“Did you see who was behind it?”
“Of course not! I only knew I could either dive out of the way and let you die… Or I could die protecting my Pack—my family—I’ve been enough of a bastard, I just wanted do one chivalrous thing after stealing someone’s life and making misery of so many others.”
“You didn’t steal Corwin’s life.” I said, and he looked at me surprised. I was happy to see that Fen retained his golden amber eyes.
“How do you know about Corwin?” I briefly explained how we’d been talking since Halloween. He moaned as he dropped his face into his hands.
“Look, you need to let Corwin apologize.”
“Let him apologize?” Fen lo
oked at me like I’d lost my mind.
I nodded. “He regrets what he did, what he put you through; he was watching you the whole time. You’re what’s keeping him here, and he’s bound to earth until you forgive yourself.
“Easier said than done.” He muttered.
“Actually, I think it’s a cruel irony that the two of you can actually talk face to face now. He could never reach you before.”
“Yeah, I know, I’m dense as a brick when it comes to that psychic stuff.”
I laughed at his metaphor, and earned a small smile from him. “I miss you Fen.” I whispered through a bittersweet smile.
“You too Jimmy, I’m so sorry… for everything…”
“It’s okay, I’m healing.” I smiled, and knew it was the truth. I sighed and my smile faded, “I’m sorry I can’t stay longer, I have a ton of shit to get done.”
“Then get going. Keep your eyes open, and take care of the one we love…”
“I will… And, I think you should go visit an old friend in the auditorium.” I winked at him and stood. His image evaporated before my eyes and the wind almost knocked me off my feet. The clouds began to clear out and I made my way back to my car and paused before I got in.
I pulled Wolf into my eyes and looked down over the town, and found the large pasture behind Loki’s house, with a clear shot of the brown pile of bracken in the back where the Den lay hidden and unused.
—I gazed through the eyepiece of the rifle’s scope at the seemingly haphazard pile of fallen wood centered beyond the drifting crosshairs, and watched as Fen and I crawled out of the Den. Fen’s gaze pierced my soul and panic nudged my finger back on the trigger.—
My eyes narrowed in a glare. “When I find you, may God have mercy on your soul…” …because I sure as hell won’t…
Chapter 20 – Nemesis
“I’m sorry Mom, what?”
“I said,” she repeated irritably as she fixed my tie, “that you look very handsome and that you’d better remember to get those pictures we asked for. Why are you so distant? I know you’re nervous, but this is… it’s like you’re not even on the same planet right now.”
Walking Wolf Road (Wolf Road Chronicles Book 1) Page 29
