No Reservations

by Natalia Banks

  Lorraine gave it some thought. The notion did make some sense to her, but it raised as many questions as it answered. “I guess that’s why she was so unworried about the library closing. She did say something like Albert would take care of us; I guess she meant that he’d take care of her. And I guess it makes sense that she didn’t want me objecting, that she was sticking beside Albert Jenkins.”

  “They’re knockin’ boots, playing hide-the-salami,” he went on.

  “But wouldn’t it make her even more nervous that she’d lose her job and Albert? An end to the library could be the end of their affair, probably would be.”

  “Doesn’t matter, your bosses are bangin’.”

  “Jeremy, stop.”

  “The big nasty—”

  “I get it, Jeremy. Thanks for sharing.”

  “Sorry, Lo’. We’re not all virgins.”

  After a mischievous little pause, Lorraine heard herself say, “Neither am I…at least, not anymore.”

  “Lo’! Oh my God, tell me everything…”…”

  Griffin, Lorraine, and Ashe decided to pay her parents a visit in their home. For an instant she was shy and bashful about having Griffin to her parent’s house. She had never brought a guy home before to meet them, and she really wanted to keep things as casual and smooth as possible.

  “Welcome to our humble abode!” Larry Devonshire beamed as he opened the door. Griffin smiled and Lorraine gave her dad a big hug. “Oh, hi there!” Sally said sweetly when she saw Ashe pop out behind his dad. “Nice to meet you both,” she said warmly.

  They walked into the living room and sat down. “Are you sure a rally’s a good idea?” Sally Devonshire’s brows furrowed. “I mean, this is Denver, not Los Angeles. We don’t really do rallies, dear.”

  Griffin said, “It’s a form of pubic protest; that’s a great American tradition, like the libraries themselves. I’m trying to teach my boy to buck the system, to call others to action.”

  “Nice!” Larry brought two cold beers out from the kitchen, handing one to Griffin.

  Lorraine turned to her mother. “Griffin thinks it’s a good way to bring attention to the cause, and I think he’s right. And if we’re not ready to stand up and fight to protect these social services, who will be? And how can we claim to deserve them?”

  “Lorraine’s absolutely right,” Griffin said. “And it’s not just the libraries. They’ll be gutting social security soon enough—welfare. If the government won’t look out for its citizens, then its citizens have to look out for each other.”

  “And that’s a lovely sentiment,” Sally said, sipping a greyhound, ice cubes clinking in her glass. “If you can afford it.”

  “I’m not sure how we can afford anything else,” Griffin said. “I’m just glad Lorraine wrote that open letter. She’s got a lot of guts.”

  “That’s my girl!” Larry said proudly.

  Griffin and Ashe exchanged a knowing glance, and Sally said, “That’s all well and good, but there’s a lot to consider. You say you want to make this an annual event?”

  “That’s right,” Lorraine said, “in every big city in the country.”

  Griffin said, “I put calls in. Springsteen can’t make it out here, but he’s agreed to play at the New York rally. Ringo’s in Philly anyway, so that’s a done deal.”

  “Ringo!” Larry’s voice was loud with enthusiasm.

  Griffin offered a casual smile. “Yeah, you’ve heard of him?”

  Larry wore a smile ear to ear and they fist-bumped, Lorraine and Ashe chuckling. But Sally was as unimpressed as ever, and that wriggled in the back of Lorraine’s mind.

  Lorraine wondered, What’s her problem this time? She didn’t like that I was a shut-in, now she doesn’t like it that I’m getting out more?

  It wasn’t easy to find a good time and place to pull Sally out to the backyard, away from the others. “Mother, what’s up? Griffin’s a great guy; his rally’s a great idea.”

  “I don’t doubt that, dear, truly. He does seem like an impressive fellow, and his boy is just so dear.”

  “He really is. So what’s with all the looks?”

  Sally sighed, turning away. But she wouldn’t be rebuked, and leaned over to reconnect with her mother’s line of sight. “Mom, what?”

  “People are talking, Lorraine, that’s all.”

  “Well, I know that, Mom. My letter was a big hit, Griffin and I were on the news and everything. That’s kind of the whole point of the campaign—”

  “The campaign…to ruin your reputation.”

  That send a cold wave through Lorraine’s body and her mind. “How’s that now?”

  “I didn’t want to say anything but…somebody mentioned it at the grocery store. Everybody knows about you and Griffin, that you’re…involved.”

  Lorraine thought about it, but found only greater confusion. “Okay, first of all, that’s private and personal; it’s not anybody’s business.”

  “And I agree, dear, of course. But you said it yourself, your campaign is a public affair…and so are you and Griffin.”

  “And secondly, just because we’re working together to save the library doesn’t mean I’m…we’re automatically involved like that.”

  Sally shrugged. “But you are.”

  “Mom!”

  “You can lie to them, but a mother always knows.”

  “I’m not lying to anyone, Mom. It’s none of their business!”

  “It is if you make this whole thing some big public spectacle! Of course people are going to talk. And given your…unique personal history, it turns heads. What can I say?”

  “My unique history? Getting sexually assaulted isn’t that uncommon, Mom, and it wasn’t my fault.”

  “Of course not. But people talk, dear. They know your story.”

  “So if people want to gossip, there’s nothing I can do about it.”

  Sally sighed, near exhaustion failing to push a smile onto her face. “But you’re creating it, you’re encouraging it. I just…I dunno, dear, I’m just not sure it’s a good idea.”

  Lorraine gave that a little reflection, sad assumptions creeping into the back of her mind. “Mom, this doesn’t have anything to do with your real estate office? These rumors aren’t casting any shade on you…professionally?”

  Sally’s half-smile was a bit more truthful. “I just don’t want you to be disappointed, dear.”

  Her blood felt a bit colder, a sneer on her own face as she looked her mother over. “Well I am, Mother; I’m very, very disappointed.”

  Lorraine sat in the driver’s seat of Griffin’s rented black Mercedes Benz sedan. “Where are we going?” But Griffin didn’t answer, and her stomach turned. She knew the neighborhood they were in. And though Griffin was a stranger to Denver, he could easily have researched the address.

  Sables.

  He pulled up behind the dance club, virtually empty at that time of the evening.

  “Griffin, what’s going on? I don’t understand.”

  “You will, Lorraine. At long last, you will.”

  He pulled to a stop and got out of the car. “Griffin? Grif?” But he closed the door without a word, crossed around the car, and opened Lorraine’s door. She hesitated, but he put out his hand.

  Lorraine didn’t reach for it.

  But Griffin wordlessly gestured, drawing his fingers toward himself, drawing Lorraine toward her. She reached out, gently putting her hand in his and letting him pull her out of the car, closing the door behind her.

  “What are we doing here, Griffin?”

  “We’re facing your past, Lorraine. We’re conquering your fears once and for all.” He put his strong hand around her forearm and guided her gently forward. “Where did it happen?”

  “What? Where did what happen?” she knew why she was playing dumb, blotting out the whole matter. She’d been doing it for years, as she’d recently admitted.

  But that time had to come to an end; she knew it as well as Griffin did.

&nb
sp; “Over here,” Lorraine said, no longer needing to be led. She walked toward the rear exit of the club, only a few cars parked near to where he’d made his move. “He was pretending to be drunk, and he needed air. But once we were outside, he…he changed. He’d… Do we have to do this?”

  “We do,” Griffin said, “you do.”

  She nodded, knowing she couldn’t defy him even if she should, and she knew she shouldn’t. “Well, he just…he grabbed me and kissed me hard. Then he forced his hands down my pants and started grabbing me down there. I tried to push him away, but he wouldn’t stop. So I reached out, just to knock him away, wound up scratching him across the cheek. His eyes went wide, his whole face seemed to light up, and…he kind of went crazy.”

  Lorraine’s voice fluttered with nervousness—residual fear.

  “Okay,” Griffin said, a gentle hand on her back to soothe her, “that’s all right. He’s not here now. He’s long gone—miles away.”

  Lorraine nodded, looking around the parking lot. Her imagination flashed with those crisp images—being in that place, recalling that moment, Lorraine’s legs began to tremble.

  “You’re right, he’s gone.”

  “That’s right,” Griffin said. “And this is just a shitty patch of concrete, behind some shitty dance club on some shitty corner in some shitty part of town. There’s no reason any of this should have a hold on you, right? Right?”

  Lorraine wanted to agree; she hoped to agree.

  So she did. “Right.”

  “That’s all behind you now,” he said, setting his hands on her arms and pulling her close. “He was rough; he was a liar and a thief of your virtue, Lorraine.”

  “Yes,” she agreed, very softly.

  “But I’m not. I treasure your virtue, which you were saving just for me, all this time.”

  “Yes.”

  “So this place, this event has lost its hold on you; that man has no more control over you. And he never will again.” Lorraine quivered in his gentle grip, voice rolling in the deepest recesses of her inner ears. “This place, it’s not a bad place anymore.”

  “No.”

  “It’s a good place, Lorraine. Because this is the place where I kissed you just so…” And he did, his lips gently touching hers, their noses brushing against each other. “This is where a sweet thing happened, Lorraine, this beautiful moment between you and me, a moment of love and tenderness.”

  “Yes…”

  “Yes, Lorraine, yes. This is the time and the place, the very second, the very moment, that you release the past and embrace the present. Here is where fear runs from us. Here is where everything changes forever.”

  Lorraine trembled in his grip, her eyes slowly closed before they locked onto his. “How?”

  “You know how, Lorraine.”

  They kissed again, a gentle touch exploding into an explosive contest of courage and fear, new and old, past and future. There could be no question of what, or who, would win Lorraine’s soul.

  Chapter 9

  Albert paced around Carmen’s little library office, wheezing with his increasing frustration.

  Lorraine said, “I don’t understand. Griffin single-handedly saved this branch, and this campaign will probably save every public library in the country. I thought you’d be thrilled.”

  Albert nodded, eyes shifting to Carmen and then back to Lorraine. “Your efforts have been…considerable, Lorraine, that’s true.”

  “It’s not you,” Carmen said to Lorraine, “you’re such a sweetie, Lorraine.”

  “Yeah,” Albert said, “that’s kind of the problem.”

  Lorraine asked, “How do you mean that…Albert?” He recognized her use of his first name, the only time she’d ever done it. Their dynamic was changing fast, and none of the three were very ready for it. None of them could stop it, however.

  “Lorraine…” He stopped and corrected himself with, “Miss Devonshire, the rumors of your…your relationship with Mr. Phoenix, they’ve become…unmanageable.”

  “Rumors?”

  “This campaign of yours,” Albert said, “it’s put you into the spotlight, you and this…this fellow, this friend of yours…your patron.”

  “My sugar daddy, you mean.” Lorraine rolled her eyes.

  Carmen said, “Lo’, take it easy.”

  “No, Carmen, I’m sorry, but this isn’t anybody’s business.”

  “You’ve made it the whole country’s business! I’ve got Playboy magazine wanting to put you on their cover! Maxim is calling, TMZ is prowling around the library. I can’t have that.”

  “No?”

  “No. I’m trying to save the public library system, you’ve turned us…and yourself…into a laughing stock. This is a library, not The Dating Game.”

  “I see.” Lorraine let a silent moment pass. She could feel the shift in their relationship, and she could sense her own inner strength rising, inspired by Griffin and filling her with a new confidence, a new sense of purpose. “You feel at liberty to judge Griffin and I, because for some reason the idea of any relationship between us is…it’s untoward.”

  “Exactly, yes,” Albert said.

  “Unprofessional,” Lorraine added.

  “Entirely,” Albert said while Carmen looked nervously around the little office.

  “Unlike the secret relationship you two have been having.” Both Carmen and Albert looked at Lorraine with round eyes, open with shock and fear. “You’d take me to task for going out with Griffin. But you’re just afraid I was going to wind up revealing your own secret affair. Does Mrs. Jenkins know about all this, I wonder?”

  Albert stammered, “Well, I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Good,” Lorraine said, “then I won’t have anything to talk about, will I?”

  “No,” Carmen was too quick to say, “you won’t, Lorraine, you totally won’t!”

  “And there’s no reason not to go ahead with the rally,” Lorraine said, her smile completely natural and comfortable, even enjoyable. “Isn’t that right, Albert? Carmen?”

  Both nodded. “Yes, Miss Devonshire,” Albert said, “that’s right, quite right.”

  “Good, Albert,” Lorraine said, turning to leave her stunned superiors behind her. But she could sense the tension she left behind, and she knew she’d be revisiting it eventually, and by then it would be worse.

  A video of Lorraine, Griffin, and Ashe walking through Larimer Square dominated Ashe’s computer screen, the TMZ logo splashing across the computer screen. The video clip was replaced by the show’s host and crew of writers, sitting around a writer’s room, the black-haired man in charge jotting down notes on a white wipe board.

  One of the writers said, “Problem is, apparently single men are wandering into libraries all over the country. But not all librarians look like this one, I’m tellin’ ya. I don’t know how much good that’s gonna do for the libraries.”

  “Won’t hurt ’em any,” a woman writer said. “But I really don’t get why this is news.”

  “Hot librarian, billionaire philanthropist,” the man at the white board said, “charity events with world-class rock stars? That’s news. We gotta have crews at those rallies. I want one in L.A., one in New York, and our guy out in Denver.”

  Lorraine clicked the space bar, pausing the video. She turned to Ashe, sitting next to her at the couch in the suite’s living room. “Must be kind of weird, huh? All this stuff happening, being on TV.” Ashe nodded, but of course said nothing. “I’ll bet sometimes you wish you could just be a regular kid, huh? Going to school, maybe playing baseball or something afterward.” Ashe nodded, his posture slumping as he fell into Lorraine’s arms. He buried his face in her shoulder and she rocked him gently. “I know, I know,” she said very softly, “I wish I could make the hurt go away, Ashe, I really do. I’d do anything, you know that, right? Anything I could.”

  Ashe looked up at Lorraine, their eyes locking, both tearful. Ashe nodded and Lorraine gently brushed a lock of his blo
nd hair from in front of his face. Griffin stepped into the suite, the phone to his ear.

  Lorraine asked Ashe, “Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” Griffin looked on with a smile, but Ashe just shook his head and then fell back into her shoulder. “I’ll go tell Mrs. B. we’re leaving.”

  Lorraine stepped into one of the three hotel bedrooms, where Mrs. B. was sorting Ashe’s laundry. She seemed to feel Lorraine step into the room, and offered only a casual side-glance. “The boy won’t sort his laundry,” she said with her chipper little smile. “But even the Phoenix men have to separate out their whites from their brights.”

  Lorraine wasn’t sure how to take the aging woman’s remarks, so she decided to ignore them. “Right, well, we’re off for a bit, Griffin and I. Can we bring you back anything?”

  Mrs. B. stopped folding and turned to Lorraine, looking directly at her for the first time. “Oh my dear child, Mr. Phoenix is the man of the household, and he takes perfect care of me as it is.”

  Lorraine tried to smile her way through the increasing tension. “I’m not surprised to hear that.”

  “And I suppose your Griffin is treating you well too…as his guest, I mean, and, in a way, as his host.” Lorraine could sense the antagonism in her little voice. So she chose to let her go on. She clearly had a point to make and Lorraine was keen to hear it, thought she didn’t have to guess. “But I hope that, as much as you enjoy your little holiday with us, that you’ll remember that there is a boy involved, a very sensitive little boy.”

  “I’m well aware of it,” Lorraine said. “How can you think I wouldn’t be? I’m very fond of Ashe.”

  “Then you should consider his feelings and Mr. Phoenix’s, and prepare yourself for the inevitable.”

  “And what’s that?”

  But Mrs. B. just smiled. “Oh, you poor deluded thing. Do you really think this tryst is going to go anywhere? In a week, you’ll have had your little fling and we’ll go back to New York.”