Healing Trace

by Kayn, Debra

  She also needed to find out if they saw Katie for a charity case, or a girl who made it impossible for them to tell her no. It wouldn't hurt Katie to volunteer her time to learn more about horses. Besides, in a year, Katie might outgrown her fascination with learning everything there is to know about the equines.

  "I can't believe they have a pool too." Katie rang the doorbell. "I came in the house the other day with Devon and he showed me around, but I didn't get a chance to check out the back yard. You'd never know they all live together the way the wings of the house separate their living quarters into a sort of apartment building. Maybe we can do the same when I'm older. Wouldn't that be cool? You could have the west wing, and I could have the east wing…"

  Joan snorted. "We'd have a better chance of renting a townhouse. You could have the upstairs, and I could have the downstairs."

  "Geez, you take the fun out of everything. You're supposed to agree with me. Haven't you ever heard you're not supposed to dash the dreams of the young?" Katie sagged against the house.

  The door opened, and Devon stood in the entryway, barefoot, shirtless, and wearing only his swimming trunks.

  "Hey, you made it." He moved back to let them enter.

  Joan stepped over the threshold. "Thanks for inviting us."

  "It wouldn't be the same without you." He peered behind Joan. "Where did Katie go?"

  Joan walked back outside, and found Katie still leaning against the house. "What's wrong?"

  Katie frowned. "Did you see him?"

  "Who? Devon?"

  Katie nodded and whispered, "How will I ever talk to him when he's almost naked?"

  Joan smiled and leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Buck up, sis, I have a feeling they'll all be in their swim shorts. It's a pool party. You haven't been that sheltered. You've gone swimming with boys who you go to school with lots of times."

  "Devon's different. He's a man." Katie glanced inside the door and quickly flattened herself against the house out of view. "He's…like perfect."

  Joan laughed, grabbed Katie's hand, and dragged her beside her. "Come on. You'll get over it and have a good time."

  Devon smiled at them again as they followed him through the house. Joan had made sure she wore her one-piece swimsuit this time, and even wore the suit under her clothes so she wouldn't chicken out about going swimming. In fact, she couldn't fault Katie for being overwhelmed; she'd acted the same way the first time.

  Devon opened the sliding glass door leading out to the backyard.

  "Make sure you put sunscreen on, Katie. You know how you burn," Joan said.

  Katie gasped behind her. "Please let me die right now."

  Joan turned around and pulled Katie up in front of her. "God, Katie, don't wish for death, it freaks me out, even when you're kidding. I'm only thinking about your skin. Why don't you go say hi to the others?"

  Katie walked a few steps, turned, and frowned at Joan. "You're gonna be okay, right?"

  She nodded. "Of course. I want to talk with Devon alone for a minute."

  "Oh God, my life sucks…" Katie whipped around and marched away from her.

  Joan spotted Trace, lounging on an air mattress in the pool. She dragged her gaze off him and turned to Devon. She didn't want to embarrass Katie, but she'd be falling down on the job of playing big sister if she didn't mention Katie's crush.

  "Thank you for offering to let Katie work with the horses." She nudged him with her elbow. "Now that I have the job at Hope Clinic, you don't need to pay Katie. She would love to learn and get the experience of working with the animals. And, I wanted to tell you thank you. She loves being out here with the horses, and you guys."

  Devon frowned. "You don't think I'm doing it as a favor, do you?"

  Joan grimaced. "Kind of. I just don't want you to think we need money. I'm at a better place in my life now. I have Katie back with me, and we'll be okay."

  "Hell, Joan. That didn't even enter my mind. I honestly would like her help. She pulls her own weight around here, and the horses respond to her. I think they enjoy having a soft voice and touch taking care of them." Devon crossed his arms. "I've been listening to her dreams for her future, and it gave me an idea."

  "Oh no…look what happened last time you did that. You built Hope Clinic." Joan laughed.

  "Katie's ideas make a lot of sense though. This area needs a place where people can take riding lessons and advance in their equestrian skills. Seeing how much Katie loves horses, and how she doesn't have somewhere to keep a horse or ride, has shown me that other people are in the same predicament." He gazed off at the pool. "I won't lie. Most of the time I'm researching and contemplating a business plan it's because I'm dreaming up another way to bring more profit to Lakota ranch. It all comes down to how we can make money, and give back to others."

  Joan gazed up at him in wonder. "You're amazing."

  "Oh, go on…" He winked, and then turned serious. "I'm not saying anything to Katie about what I'm looking into right now. I don't want to get her hopes up, but you don't have to worry. She's always welcome here. You too."

  Joan stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "Thank you. That means a lot. Katie's…young. Sometimes she doesn't think before she acts, and I wouldn't want her to push her way onto the ranch. All of you have busy lives, so if you need me to talk with her, just let me know."

  "She's fine, Joan. Relax." Devon smiled. "Everything is new to her, and the excitement will wear down after a while. I do have to say, she's a natural around the horses. For someone not raised around the animals, she doesn't hesitate to jump right into doing chores."

  She squeezed his arm. "That's good to hear."

  "Hey, Joan." Brody held up his hand.

  She strolled toward Brody, who operated the oversized, stainless steel, propane grill. After giving him a hug, she hung back and watched Katie peel off her clothes. Her jaw fell open.

  Katie's teenage body more than filled out the bikini Joan had worn the first time she swam in the pool when she worked for Trace. Why Katie thought it was okay to borrow her two-piece swimsuit was beyond her. She stepped forward, ready to tell Katie to wear her T-shirt while she swam but Katie jumped into the deep end of the pool.

  The spray she'd created arched toward Trace. She opened her mouth to yell a warning, but it was too late. Trace rolled off the flotation device and disappeared under the water.

  The last time Joan startled Trace, he'd reacted on instinct with no fault of his own. She hurried to the edge of the pool. Not because she was afraid of Trace getting angry, but Katie had no idea what she'd done. She'd apologize to Trace for her sister's carelessness, before dragging her out of the pool.

  Katie rose out of the water and into the air, screaming. Joan stared in surprise as Katie flailed back down in the water with a splash. Her head broke the surface sputtering. Trace's head bobbed not far away from her sister. He was obviously the reason she flew through the air.

  "That was so not – Katie coughed – cool!"

  Not one to back down from a challenge, Katie took off swimming across the pool. Trace easily ducked under the water and popped out on the opposite side. Joan observed the transformation on Trace's face. Only during the time they'd spent together, alone, had she observed such peace and easygoing spirit shine through.

  Trace pulled himself out of the pool. Joan swallowed. His bronze skin glistened in the late evening sun. Every hard plane and bulging muscle kept her gaze glued on him.

  He'd spotted her, and made his way over. She couldn't move to save her life.

  He grabbed a towel off one of the chaise lounges nearby. "Hi."

  "Hey." She caught herself staring and glanced away.

  It was hotter outside than she thought it was, or maybe it was the way she reacted toward Trace. She needed to distance herself. Even the outdoors seemed too small of an area when he was around.

  "You should jump in, cool off." Trace's left eyebrow rose, issuing his own challenge.

  She shrugged one shoulder. "
I'm fine. Maybe later."

  "Okay," he murmured.

  "What do you mean, okay?" She crossed her arms.

  Trace moved toward her, and she stepped back. Her heart raced, and her inner body temperature skyrocketed. She was sure her face had gone from white to scarlet, and that was never a good look for someone with red hair. Irritated that she'd shown him how much his closeness affected her, she grabbed Brody.

  "Wanna go swimming?" She tugged his arm and hoped he figured out the look she cast his way was one of desperation.

  "You don't have to ask me twice." Brody wrapped his arm around her waist and taking her with him, sailed through the air into the pool.

  When she kicked free and surfaced, Brody was laughing. She turned her back to Trace on the pool's edge, and hissed.

  "You could've let me remove my clothes first." She glared.

  Brody splashed her face. "You were the one who asked me to take you swimming."

  She swam until her feet hit the bottom of the pool. Keeping her back to Trace, who she could feel staring at her, she struggled with getting her wet tank over her head. Once free of the material, she unzipped her shorts and pushed them down until they were off.

  "Here, I'll take your clothes. It's the least I can do." Brody held out his hands.

  She gave the items to Brody. He tossed them out of the pool, and she watched her clothes land with a splat. She rolled her eyes. If he weren't so charming, she would have smacked him.

  She shook her head. "What a gentleman…"

  Brody swam in front of her, grabbed her around the waist, and whispered, "Yeah, and it's driving Trace crazy. He's glaring daggers at me. If I get out of the pool, he'll probably deck me."

  "He would not." She stiffened. "You're trying to make him jealous?"

  Brody winked.

  She raised her hand out of the water and patted his cheek. "That's really nice of you, but Trace gave up on me. I'm afraid all your attempts are for nothing."

  "Oh yeah?" He motioned his head to the side. "See for yourself."

  Not wanting to but unable to deny her curiosity, she glanced over her shoulder. She bit down on her lip. Just because Trace was sitting in a chair, staring at the two of them, didn't mean anything. Where else would he be looking at a pool party?

  Twenty minutes later, Joan sat beside Katie on the chaise lounge. Balancing a plate heaped with food, she concentrated on not spilling any of the juicy hamburger down the front of her.

  "I'll be flying out of town on Tuesday." Devon took another bite of burger, chewed and swallowed. "I should be back on Thursday. We can meet in the afternoon and go over the Hanson proposal if everyone's free."

  Brody nodded. Joan picked up her glass, interested in their lives even though she no longer lived with them.

  "I can't. I'm busy," Trace said.

  Joan whipped around and frowned. She knew Trace's schedule inside and out. He went to the reservation on Monday, Wednesdays, and sometimes on Saturdays. Two days a month he did farm visits to report new sales, but those were done on Tuesdays.

  Devon sat back. "You're sticking with it, huh? What is this the third time you've seen her?"

  "Yeah. Things are going better than I expected." Trace straightened his legs. "How about we meet on Sunday?"

  They all agreed, and resumed eating. Joan stared down at her plate. She told herself it was none of her business what Trace was doing, but Devon had said her as if he was meeting a woman. Anger and jealousy reared up inside of her. She shoved her plate onto Katie's lap.

  Katie fumbled with both plates. "Hey!"

  Joan stood. "Excuse me."

  She hurried into the house, padded through the kitchen, and headed straight to the bedroom she used when she lived at Lakota ranch. Shutting the door, she paced the length of the room. She couldn't believe it. Trace was seeing someone else.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  A soft knock ended Joan's fit of disappointment. She ran her hands over her face and swiped her fingers underneath her eyes. Embarrassed to have escaped the barbecue and hidden in the house, she inhaled a steadying breath and went to open the door.

  She turned the handle and pulled. "Sorry, I had something in my eye—"

  "Joan."

  Trace.

  "I think it's time for Katie and me to go home." She stepped forward, but Trace blocked her exit. "Trace. There's nothing we need to say to each other. I-I thought I could come here and enjoy a night with everyone, the way I used to, but I think it's better if I go now."

  "Can we talk?" He slipped his hand into hers. "Please."

  He led her to the bed. She perched on the edge, remembering what it was like the last time Trace had come inside this room with her. Against her control, tears blurred her vision but she refused to let them fall.

  They'd created something special and unique in this room. Even now, holding hands, she could transport herself right back to the beginning when she couldn't get enough of him. She longed for the closeness. Most of all, she missed him terribly.

  "I wanted to explain to you what is going on with me, but Devon let the secret slip out." He let his chin drop to his chest, and brought her hand to his lap and held her fingers with both of his hands. "I've missed having your hand in mine. I've missed you."

  She remained silent. If he expected to remain friends with her, while he moved on to someone new, he had better get that stupid idea out of his head. Seeing him, knowing he was loving someone else would kill her.

  She wanted to deny how much he meant to her after the way he treated her, but she'd only be lying to herself.

  "A lot has happened to me since you left the ranch." He gazed down at their linked hands. "I pushed you away, because I was resentful and greedy. I wanted you to myself, and I couldn't handle the thought of you going to the reservation and helping my people when I'd chosen my whole life to stand back and ignore my heritage."

  She frowned. "That's not true—"

  "It is." He stroked her thumb. "I associated everything I believed in on how my father treated me. I let jealousy, anger, and my ego control my actions, and because of that, I was turning into my father. I scared you away, not only to protect you, but also to protect myself. I didn't recognize the person I'd become. I scared myself."

  "Oh Trace. You're human. You've done so much with your life. There's no part of your father inside you." Joan leaned her head on his shoulder.

  "I hope you're right. Most days I know I'm nothing like him." He kissed the top of her head. "Most of all, I'm learning how to have empathy for others and see how my refusal to compromise hurts those I love."

  She straightened. No matter how much she tried to muster up the energy to hate the person who was able to make him see how worthy he was of love, she couldn't. Jealousy tore through her, but she was happy for Trace. He could go on and be happy.

  "I'm glad you're learning how to communicate and share your feelings, Trace." She pulled away, got off the bed, and stepped to the window. She wouldn't spoil the last time they saw each other by breaking down in front of him.

  "You're a wonderful man, and you deserve everything you desire," she whispered.

  Trace joined her and swiveled her around until she faced him. He cupped her face with his hands. "I want you. It's always been you for me."

  The tears rolled down her cheeks, and she tried to shake her head, to deny what he was saying. "Don't do this to me, Trace. You've found someone else…let her make you happy. I can't go on like this. Y-you mean too much to me."

  He recoiled as if she'd slapped him. "There's no one else in my life, Joan."

  "I heard Devon." She furiously wiped her cheeks and sniffed. "If you're telling the truth about making changes in your life, then don't lie to me."

  "I'm not." He flung his hair behind his shoulders. "There's never been another person in my life since you walked in the front door and stole my heart."

  She groaned and squeezed her eyes shut. "God, Trace. You said you were meeting her Thursday, and that it'll be
the third time you've gone out."

  Trace wrapped her in his arms. She pushed against him, crying in earnest now. Why did love have to hurt so much?

  "Listen to me." Traced stroked the back of her head, holding her to his chest. "For the last three weeks, I've gone into Durham to see a counselor who deals with childhood abuse. That's who the new woman in my life is, Joan. A doctor. Her name is Dr. Ramona Sanchez. I'm serious when I tell you I want to change. I never ever want to have another moment when you, Katie, or someone I love, walks up behind me and I freak out like I did at the pool a few months ago. I need to let go, and learn how to deal with my inferior thoughts."

  She clung to him. "A doctor?"

  "Yes." Trace leaned her back. "I can't give all the credit to her for helping me. Thunderbolt was the first one who showed me how stupid I've been."

  She sniffled. "That mean horse?"

  "Yeah." He smiled softly. "I rode him, Joan. It was the most exhilarating experience I've ever had on the back of a horse. For twenty-four hours, I stood inside his pen. I swear, by the end of the night, we were having long conversations together in our heads, telling each other our dreams and I found understanding. By the time the next night rolled around, I pulled myself up on his back and he accepted me."

  She shuddered. "Oh my God. You could've been killed."

  He shook his head. "No. Thunderbolt respected me, and found me worthy of riding him."

  She sucked in her breath. "Trace…"

  "Thunderbolt gave me a gift I could only repay by letting him go home," he said.

  "He's gone?" Her mouth opened. "Why? I thought this was your dream horse. The one that would be the stud to all future horses on Lakota ranch."

  "We rode over the land together. I gave him the lead and he led me back to where he wanted to go. I've never been on such a fast, powerful horse. When we came to the little rise where Lakota ranch merges with the land of my people, Thunderbolt hesitated and came to a stop." Trace's voice softened and his eyes grew damp. "Down below us was the herd of horses he was running with when I captured him. Thunderbolt stood stiff, responding to his new way of life as a man's horse, but I wanted to give him his freedom."