“How is your mother these days?” Esther asked as she sat at the table with her sandwich. “Is she feeling better?”
“Some, I think,” Grace said, wiping down the counter. “She still needs an operation, though.”
“Jah.” Esther nodded. “Luke has a meeting at the hospital in Hershey at the end of the week. He’s going to discuss her case with them again.”
“That’s very kind of him,” Grace said, even though she knew there was little hope. If her family didn’t have the money, there would be no surgery, and Maam would get worse and worse.
Just then, the door swung open and Lucas Brenneman came inside. “Grace Zook,” he said with a big smile. “What a nice surprise.”
“Are you home for lunch?” Esther asked.
“If there’s food,” he said, “I’ll eat.”
“Grace made roast beef sandwiches,” Esther said. “Here, have the rest of mine.”
“There’s enough for me to make one more,” Grace offered, rising to her feet.
Lucas smiled. “Mighty grateful, then.” He sat in the chair next to his wife, whispering something in her ear that made Esther giggle, then swat his shoulder. “I was out at your place earlier today,” he added. “Checking on your mother.”
“Oh?” Grace stopped what she was doing and looked at him. “Did my father call you? Is something wrong?”
“No, no,” Lucas said. “It was a routine visit. She’s doing fine. Maybe a bit sorer than usual, but that’s to be expected.”
Grace swallowed hard. It was killing her to know her mother was suffering and there was something she could do about it. Though truth be told, there was nothing she could do about it.
There was the possibility—she couldn’t help thinking—that her family might actually soon have enough money for Maam’s surgery and then some. But before Grace got her hopes up, her excitement sagged, remembering that Isaac had been hired for the job of training Sin—and wouldn’t that be all Travis Carlson would need to know when he saw how beautifully his horse was trained?
Her thoughts drifted further, remembering that rainy day in the barn, when Isaac had been so sweet as to confess that he’d wished he could offer his own money—little as it was—to pay for the operation. Simply recalling the kindhearted, magnanimous gesture touched Grace in a place she had assumed was dead.
“Your father tells me he’s thinking of selling some land,” Lucas said, forcing Grace back to the here and now. “Says he has a deal in the works.”
“He did?” she said, feeling blindsided but trying not to show it. She shouldn’t be surprised, though. Seemed Papa really didn’t trust her to take over the farm.
“He’s retiring soon, jah?” Lucas asked. “That’s probably what he’s planning for.”
“Probably,” Grace said slowly, though in actuality, she had no idea what was going on. Not only could Isaac be leaving as soon as next week, but now Daed was selling off their training land? Grace would be lost without her horses.
She couldn’t take it. It seemed her whole life, all the plans she’d ever made were disappearing before her eyes. She knew she couldn’t hide out in Esther’s kitchen all day, so eventually, she waved everyone goodbye and headed home.
It was the time of day between the early afternoon training session and the later afternoon session, so she was fairly confident Isaac wouldn’t be at the farm. As she walked past the empty front pasture, she noticed the jumps were arranged in the “gymnastic grid,” meaning Cincinnati was progressing even faster than she’d expected. They could be setting up the riding course as early as the day after tomorrow at this pace. And before the end of next week, good old Sin would be jumping like a champ.
But no, “they” wouldn’t be doing anything like that. At least not together as the team they once were.
Suddenly, Grace froze in place, noticing a person standing by the front porch. From the pounding in her chest, she knew it was Isaac. Even if she crept away on tiptoe, he would see her.
“Oh,” she said. “Hi.”
Isaac turned around. The happy expression that used to greet her was gone, replaced by ashen skin and bags under his eyes like he hadn’t slept in days.
“Hallo,” he replied, wiping his hands on the backs of his black pants. “How are you?”
“Fine,” Grace said, though her throat was closing up on her. “You?”
“Truthfully, Grace, I’m not doing all that well.”
“Is something the matter with Sadie?”
“Sadie’s fine, she’s good.” He looked down at the ground. “That’s not why I’m not doing well.”
Grace immediately wondered if there was a problem with Scout or Sin or any of the other horses in the back fields. “What’s wrong, then?”
It took a moment, but finally, Isaac lifted his chin and looked at her. His hazel eyes were rimmed with red, no longer bright and intense like before. “I miss you.”
The figurative kick from a wild mustang hit Grace squarely in the stomach.
“That’s as honest as I know how to be,” he added. “I miss being with you and talking to you. Every second of every day, I miss you. Everything about you.”
“Don’t,” she whispered under her breath.
“I miss working with you.” He glanced toward the front pasture. “Did you know Sin is doing cross-rail jumping like it’s nothing? He picked it up right away. I was so excited, but it meant nothing because you weren’t there to share it with me.”
“He’ll be gone at the end of next week,” she said, knowing how cold and detached she sounded. But if she couldn’t protect herself, she would run into his arms, hug him tight, tell him she’d be any kind of woman he wanted her to be.
But that would be a lie, too. Grace would never be like the other women in Honey Brook. She knew that for sure now, and it should be just as clear to Isaac.
“You’re still mad at me for keeping secrets, and I don’t blame you,” he said. “But can’t you forgive me?”
Grace had to think for a moment, because she wanted to be honest. “I forgive you for that, Isaac,” she said. “You and Papa had your reasons for not including me—he probably needed an impartial friend to talk to, and the future of our training farm doesn’t really involve you, anyway.” She paused to steady herself. “It’s more than that, though. You and I…we’re fooling ourselves to think any kind of long-term relationship would work. So yes, I forgive you, but I can’t forget the rest.”
He gaped at her, looking like blood had drained from his face. She knew this because she felt the same.
Isaac was pale, and he barely met her eye, but after a throat clear, he asked, “Is there anything else?”
“Danke for taking care of the training today.”
He continued to stare, as if hoping to read something different on her face. Grace was ready to crumble, to take it all back…if only he could tell her just the right words.
“You’re welcome,” he finally said, dropping his gaze to look at the ground. “Seems there’s nothing more to say, then. I left you a letter in the office.” He pointed at the stables. “Don’t worry, I didn’t write anything that will embarrass you, just notes about Sin. We need to be on the same page if we’re not going to be working together.”
Grace leveled her chin, stoically, numbly, even though her legs were trembling. “Okay.”
After the simple reply, Isaac started backing away, his hands in his pockets. “Want me to do today’s last training, too?”
“Please.” Grace swallowed. “Danke.”
Without another word, he left on foot. Grace didn’t have time to wonder where he was going and why he’d leave without Scout, because she had to reach out for the porch railing as she crumpled onto the steps.
“I miss you, too,” she sobbed under her breath as she cried one more time over the man she loved, the man she still wa
nted more than anything. “Please come back.”
“Gracie?”
It felt like her heart had stopped altogether. Had he actually heard? Had Isaac returned at her silent request?
She lifted her chin to see her father standing on the porch, his hand still holding the doorknob. Tears and audible sobs of sheer disappointment shook her body.
“Oh Gracie.” He came down the stairs and sat beside her. She leaned in to his shoulder and blubbered. “Now, now, daughter. It’s not as bad as all that. There’ll be other horses.”
Grace pulled back. “You think I’m crying over Cincinnati?”
Daed shrugged. “Aren’t you?”
“Well, jah,” she admitted. “That hardheaded horse changed my life.” She sucked in a breath. “I’ll never be the same because of…him.”
Daed put an arm around her. “There will be more, many, many more.”
Grace looked him in the eyes. “Not if you retire.”
Her father chuckled and gave her shoulders a squeeze. “Well, not as many, that’s true.”
Grace had no idea why her father seemed amused when everything around her was falling apart. “You talked to Lucas today.” She wiped at her eyes. “You’re selling some land?”
“Some,” Daed confirmed, scratching his long beard. “Seems like the right thing to do, and certainly the right time. Don’t need so much for just myself anymore. I thought you’d agree.”
Grace was utterly speechless. All she could do was shake her head, gently enough to not cause any additional pain. If she moved too much, she might vomit.
“Honestly, Papa,” Grace forced herself to say, gathering what strength she had left. “Why don’t you want me to take over the business? I’ve asked you before, but you’ve never truly answered.” She sniffed. “Don’t you think I can do it?”
“Gracie.” Daed took her hand. “Of course I know you can. Why, you’re the best trainer around; got a fine head for business, too. Everyone knows that.”
Grace couldn’t help exhaling, more confused than ever. “I know this sounds selfish, but why aren’t you giving it to me, then?”
Daed turned away from her, staring straight ahead. Grace watched his profile…watched as he blinked, rubbed a hand over his mouth, his chin suddenly trembling. “I’ve never been able to get the picture out of my head,” he began. “It happened in the blink of an eye. Your mother nearly died that day.” He paused to wipe at his nose. “I don’t know what I’d do if anything like that happened to you. It would kill me.”
Grace fell speechless as she stared at him, understanding finally at least part of her father’s struggles. When a single tear ran down Daed’s cheek, the thought of his intense worry over her for all this time made Grace’s heart nearly stop, an inhale freezing inside her lungs.
Daed squeezed her hand with both of his as more tears came. Grace had never seen him cry over anything besides her mother.
“Papa,” she said, trying to be strong while noting the tremor in her voice, remembering perfectly the day of Maam’s accident. “I understand—it can be dangerous if you don’t know what you’re doing. I never wanted to make you worry so much.”
He lifted a teary smile, a familiar twinkle in his eye. “That’s my job.”
She tried to swallow but felt pain at the back of her throat, not knowing how to calm his fears.
“I’m very careful,” she offered after a moment.
He sniffed again. “So was she.”
Grace didn’t know what else to say. It wasn’t as if she could promise him she’d never get injured by a horse—that was something no one but Gott knew.
“It means so much to me,” she added, wanting her father to know her whole heart. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted—I know you don’t approve because it’s not traditional, but I’ve been wearing Amos’s trousers under my dresses ever since I was six years old.”
Daed exhaled a little chuckle and gave Grace’s hand another squeeze. “Aye, and I’ve loved you all the more for it, dochder. But can I help it if your old papa is set in his ways?”
“Nay, I guess you can’t,” she said.
He didn’t want her to get hurt, and apparently he also didn’t trust her to run the farm. Seemed there was nothing more to say.
Her father was starting to sell off the farm piece by piece, and there was nothing Grace could do to stop it. She loved her father with all her heart, and though she might never understand his decision, she had to respect it.
“Isaac’s taking care of Sin this afternoon,” she said, knowing the only person she had left to lean on was Gott. “I’ll see you later.”
Chapter Forty-One
Isaac had never been so attached to a place, a person, and an animal as he was to Honey Brook, Grace, and good old Cincinnati. He hadn’t realized just how strong the bond was until the day before Travis Carlson was due to return in his big truck.
The last week had become a blur with getting Sin ready to go back home and begin his jumping career, preparing Sadie for yet another big change, and from trying to steal glimpses of Grace whenever he could.
He always felt her presence, especially when it was his turn with the gaul after Grace had been training him. Sin was always just a little more focused then, a little calmer, a little more ready for the next part of his life.
Isaac had had a plan for the next part of his life, too. But now, if it didn’t include at least Grace and Honey Brook, he didn’t know what was left.
“Guder mariye,” he said to Grace as he entered the stables. It was the first time they’d been alone since that moment on the porch…when he’d poured out his heart to her one last time, and she still said no.
Would he ever forgive himself?
“Hi,” Grace replied. She was standing inside the stall, her forehead pressed to Cincinnati’s. He saw she had tears in her eyes as she whispered something he couldn’t hear to the magnificent horse. If Isaac knew her at all, it would be scriptures or a sweet prayer of parting or she might’ve been singing one of her favorite hymns.
He stood silent, giving her all the time she needed, for she’d become just as attached to Sin as he had. He wished he could comfort her, but those days were gone.
Their solitude was disturbed when John began chatting with Travis Carlson on the phone in his office. Isaac wasn’t trying to eavesdrop on the conversation, but John’s voice was loud and clear when he said, “So your decision is already made, then?”
Grace pulled away from the horse and looked toward the office. Isaac watched her, holding his breath.
“I see,” John continued. “Well, I suppose that seems fair. All right, then, I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.”
Even though Isaac had spent well over a month in John’s presence, he couldn’t even begin to interpret his tone. To which of them had Travis decided to give his endorsement?
Before his thoughts could start down one road or the other, Isaac heard Grace take a sharp but quiet inhale. “I guess it’s done, then,” she said, rubbing absently at her arms. She opened her mouth as if about to say more, but closed it again and turned back to Sin. “I’m going to miss you so much—miss him, I mean.”
“Are you okay?” Isaac asked her in a soft voice.
“No,” Grace said, looking over at him. “I’m not okay with any of this.”
“Yes.” Isaac exhaled. “It’s hard to say goodbye to something—or someone—you’ve grown to love.”
Grace stared at him for a long moment, her beautiful blue eyes filling with tears. “He…he was such a mess when he came to us,” she said, stroking Sin’s neck with both hands. “That first day.”
“That dented trailer,” Isaac added. “And when I thought he was going to run you over in the pasture…” Something came alive in his heart when he heard Grace’s light giggle.
But then, as if she’d been caught talking i
n church, Grace sealed her lips shut and looked away.
“It all started with kindness,” Isaac couldn’t help adding, wanting so much to simply walk over and stand beside her.
“Communication, too,” Grace said.
“And trust.” Isaac let the words hang in the air for a few seconds. “Trust and honest communication are the most important things in any relationship,” he finally continued, hoping she’d catch the double meaning in his words…hoping against hope she’d talk to him about what was really going on between them.
But she didn’t—not even to agree or disagree.
“You know what we should do when Travis comes tomorrow?” Isaac said, not wanting to waste any of their remaining time together in awkward silence.
“What?” Grace asked as she wrapped her arms around her torso.
He took one step toward her. “We need to show Travis what an amazing horse he’s got. I think you should ride Sin out.”
Grace gawked at him, blinking. “You mean, me ride him out of here, just like that? Isn’t that a little boastful?”
Isaac shrugged and offered a smile. “Well, it’s Sin who’s done all the work, jah? Horses can’t have pride.”
Grace’s eyes went wide as she glanced at Cincinnati then back at Isaac.
“What do you say?” Isaac asked. “Trust me one more time?”
She stared at him in silence, and Isaac so wished he could read what was going on inside her mind. He wished he could go back in time and fix everything, all the mistakes he’d made that caused Grace to lose faith in him. To stop loving him.
“I’ll have to think about it,” she finally said. Isaac knew he couldn’t convince her to do anything—and Lord, he loved that about her. So he simply let the subject drop.
“What are you going to do after tomorrow?” she asked, the question surprising Isaac. Or was he more surprised that she was choosing to further converse with him at all? “After Travis makes the decision, I mean.”
“Head to Silver Springs.”
“What?” Grace’s hands dropped to her sides. “Back there?”
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